Claw

by Skye MacKinnon

  "Can I?" he repeats Ryker's question.

  Grudgingly, I let him. It's different with him; he does it as a medical professional rather than out of pure curiosity like Ryker.

  He pulls up my shirt and gently moves the stethoscope until he finds the perfect position.

  "Your hearing really is amazing," he whispers. "I can barely hear it. If I didn't know it was there, I may have not even picked up on it. It's only one, right?"

  I nod. "Thank goodness. Imagine if-"

  A second heartbeat echoes the first, a little faster.

  Fuck.

  "A second heartbeat has just appeared," Ryker tells Gryphon.

  The siren repositions the stethoscope, but he seems unable to find the second sound. It is a little fainter than the first, but I'm sure it'll catch up soon. If it continues like this, I should hear four different heartbeats within the next few minutes. I think my mind is about to burst. I don't know what to think. It's like my body no longer belongs to me. I feel detached from it, like I'm looking at it from a distance. It's almost calming to have that separation. I can think more clearly, analysing what's going on.

  "Third," Lennox says at the same time as I pick up on the sound.

  I want to faint. Can I make myself faint somehow? I remember the time I made Ryker sit on my throat until I passed out. He still makes fun of that. How a house cat suffocated a panther several times his size. I doubt he'll do me the same favour right now, though. The guys want me to face reality, even though I'm not ready to do so.

  Two minutes of waiting later, the fourth heartbeat pops into existence. This one is slower than the other three, but a little louder, even compared to the first.

  Four fricking babies. Bloody hell. A whole litter of kittens. Except that they may or may not be kittens.

  Sophie said the fifth foetus didn't make it, but all of us wait a bit more nonetheless. To my relief, no further heartbeat is added. It's already four too many. They echo through the room, louder than drums. I can barely think with them filling my ears.

  "Now I can hear them too," Gryphon whispers, an expression of awe on his face. "Four heartbeats. This is adorable."

  Not what I'd call it. Horrifying, more like. It's freaking me out. I want to scream and rip off my clothes and throw myself on the floor in a childlike tantrum. Yet none of that even comes close to expressing how I feel.

  "You look like you're about to pass out." Gryphon looks at me with concern. "Are you in pain?"

  I laugh. Understatement of the century. I'm in agony, mentally. I'm being torn apart.

  He takes my wrist to take my pulse and again, I laugh. Suddenly, it all seems comical.

  I'm having babies growing inside of me. Real babies. The universe is having a laugh. I must be the least maternal person out there, yet I'm the one about to be a mother. I'm going to have to press four babies out of my vagina. It'll never be the same again. Flabby and loose. The guys will have lots of room inside of me. I snicker.

  "What?" Lennox asks.

  "Just thinking of my vagina."

  I didn't quite intend to actually say that out loud. Oops.

  "You've got a lovely vagina," Gryphon says with a grin. "She's beautiful."

  Heat draws over my cheeks. Not the conversation I was planning to have.

  "Yes, lovely vagina," Ryker adds. "Why are we talking about your vagina though?"

  "Because these parasites are going to destroy it. Tear me apart. Imagine what I'll look like after popping out four abominations at once."

  "They'll come out one after the other," Gryphon explains as if that wasn't clear. "And the female body is made to do that. Women have been giving birth for hundreds of thousands of years. You're not the first and you won't be the last."

  I glare at him. "Not the point."

  "We can take some pictures of it," Lennox suggests. "Put them on the wall as a reminder of how your vagina used to look like."

  I elbow him in the ribs and he yelps. "Again, not the point."

  A knock on the door signals Sophie returning. "Can I come in now?"

  I sigh. At least this random talk about my inner sanctum has dispelled some of the gravity. I still don't want these babies, but at least I'm no longer frozen by fear and panic.

  Gryphon exchanges a look with me and I give him a nod. I know it's not my sister's fault. She's only the messenger, but now I know why kings often kill those.

  "Come in," Gryphon shouts and Sophie immediately strolls into the room. "How are the horses?"

  "Knickerbocker almost ate my hand," she tells us with a wide grin. "He had three apples and still wanted more. Lucy licked my face and I brushed Kidril. He let me touch him this time." She seems proud of that. "I think he might become my friend if I brush him every day."

  "You can do that," Gryphon says with a smile that reminds me of a proud father looking at his daughter. "You can even ride him if you want. With one of us; we don't have a horse for everyone. We're leaving soon, so better pack your bags."

  She nods and climbs up to one of the balconies. She no longer seems to have any hesitation about leaving her home and venturing into an unknown city with people she only met days ago.

  I don't have any belongings to pack, but Ryker and Gryphon get up to sort out their stuff. Lennox keeps me on his lap, nuzzling my neck. I both want to lean into his embrace and jump up and run. My mind is a little calmer after all that pussy talk, but I'm still on edge. One tiny push and I'll be back in turmoil.

  "I can't wait to be back home." Lennox runs a hand through my hair. "It'll all be back to normal."

  "It'll never be normal again. Everything has changed. Now that we know what Delaney did to me, he won't ever let me run around free. He'll come for me and his offspring. I doubt he cares if I'm dead or alive as long as I serve as an incubator and egg donor for him. He might leave me alone until I've given birth, but then he'll come, I guarantee you."

  "Then we'll be ready to fight."

  "I don't just want to defend," I snap more harshly than I intended. "I want to bring the battle to him. Wipe him and his sirens out once and forever. Until he's gone, I won't be able to go back to how it used to be."

  He licks my shoulder. Yes, he didn't kiss me, he licked me. Silly dog.

  "Then so be it. We'll gather our allies and fight. But first, let us get back home. Lily was incredibly jealous that she wasn't the first one to meet you. It took quite a bit of persuading on Gryphon's part to make her stay in Attenburgh and coordinate everything from there. Same with Caitlin. We almost had to chain her up. She wanted to search for you too, but we managed to get her to understand that it wasn't safe for her. Not just because we don't know if she could go back to her mind-controlled state, but also because she'll be valuable to anyone finding out who and what she is. Just like all of you."

  I nod, glad he and the guys talked sense into Lily and Caitlin. I would have said the same. "Have you heard from Little Kat and the twins? Are they okay?"

  "Yes, they're fine. We didn't tell them that you were missing. Auntie Rose knows, but she agreed to keep it quiet for now. We didn't want to scare the girls. I bet the twins would have immediately come to Attenburgh to help and of course that would have caused even more chaos."

  I can imagine them running around town, asking every single person they pass about me. With their knives at their throats. Yeah, that would have not gone down well. Besides, I don't want them to get messed up in my life. They're children and they deserve to have a decent childhood and education.

  "We should get ready," Lennox sighs.

  "I don't have anything to pack."

  He chuckles. "Oh, you do. Gryphon got you some clothes from the market and we all have one of your knives for you. When we started our search, we each took one with the aim of being the first to give you back your weapons. Now, all three of us can do it at the same time."

  My heart clenches with love and pain. It's such a sweet gesture. They brought me my favourite daggers. Other women might be happy with flowers. I g
et emotional over blades.

  "Thank you. I better get changed then."

  "If Sophie wasn't in the room, I'd ask you to change in front of me," he whispers and licks my neck again. "But I'll be sure to watch you undress tonight. I promise."

  I roll my eyes. Men.

  Gryphon bought me two outfits, both of them simple and comfortable. They're not the black leather I prefer, but that would stand out too much. I change into a moss green tunic and thick brown trousers perfect for sitting on a saddle all day. He even thought of a sheath for my knives. The way to a girl's heart is through a pretty sheath.

  By the time we're all ready to leave, the sun has risen and shines into the cosy cottage. I'm almost sorry to leave this place. Maybe we should come here again, one day in the far future, and have a holiday. Just me and the guys. We've earned ourselves a break.

  Not yet, though. First, we've got a long journey ahead of us, and then, a battle for survival. Talk about high stakes.

  Since there are only three horses, Sophie rides with Gryphon and I end up sitting in front of Ryker. I wish I had my own horse, but it makes sense for the two smallest to share with the guys. Lennox smirks happily at having a horse for himself.

  "Can I hold the reins?" Sophie asks excitedly and Gryphon hands them to her with an indulgent smile. The two of them are rather cute together. My little sister's eyes are hidden beneath a large-rimmed straw hat and I know she has some sunglasses in her pocket should it get too windy for the hat. Gryphon hasn't had the chance yet to talk to me about her eye. Not that we can do anything about it while we're on the road.

  Yet another reason to get home as quickly as possible.

  I look around our small group and nod to myself. Time to ride.

  Chapter Twenty

  The first three days pass quickly. We ride all day with only a short break for lunch and to let the horses drink. We spend the nights in abandoned buildings that we come across; a small shed, a cottage not dissimilar to the one we started out from, and a stable with a leaky roof. Even three hours away from that one, I can still smell the rotten hay.

  Sophie is sleeping in Gryphon's arms, exhausted from the hard pace we're setting. She hasn't complained though. She's refused to ride with anyone but Gryphon. I think he's flattered by her clinginess. Her attitude towards me has grown a little colder though. I assume she's not forgiven me yet for shouting at her to get out of the room. I've not tried explaining why I did that. She wouldn't understand. She's mentioned being an auntie several more times, but I just tune her out whenever that happens. It's hard enough to constantly hear four quiet heartbeats within me. I no longer get freaked out by them; they've become part of me in a creepy, uncomfortable way.

  Parasites. I can't think of them as babies, kittens, pups, whatever. They're unwanted parasites. Gross and slimy. Feeding off me. I've already noticed that I'm hungrier than usual. I never stay sated for long. The guys have started carrying snacks around so that they can feed me whenever I get cranky. At least I don't have any morning sickness. Yet. If that happened, I'd go back to my plan of cutting them out of me.

  "We're about to get close to Tahaven," Gryphon announces from the front of our little caravan. He's the one with the best geographical knowledge, courtesy of the private scholars his father paid for. Yet another reminder that he had a very different upbringing than the rest of us.

  "It's a town that should give us any supplies we need, but if I remember correctly, quite a few siren families live here. It might be better to skirt the town and resupply in whatever village we pass next."

  "What do we actually need?" Lennox asks from behind me. Today I'm riding with him on Knickerbocker, a large mare with a strong interest in brambles. She likes to stop at every bramble bush we come across. It's driving me crazy.

  "We're going to run out of food tomorrow, with the way Kat's devouring our supplies." Gryphon grins at me. "And I'd like to stop by a pharmacy to get something for Sophie's eye. It's become itchy."

  "I'm fine," Sophie protests, but even I have noticed that she keeps scratching her eye. We still call it the eye, even though technically it's gone. It's easier for all of us that way. We don't like reminding Sophie of it. On the outside, she seems to be coping well, but there are signs that she's upset and scared. She's my sister; I know the way I look when I'm hiding something and she's exactly the same.

  "How about only one of us goes into Tahaven?" I suggest. "The rest of us can skirt the town and we'll meet on the other side."

  Gryphon sighs. "I guess it should be me. Kat and Sophie definitely can't, Ryker's eyes make him stand out, and Lennox...yes, I'll do it."

  "What's with me?" Lennox challenges.

  The siren rolls his eyes. "You're rubbish at shopping. You can't tell one vegetable from another."

  "If you're referring to the spinach versus kale incident, that wasn't my fault. Both are green leaves. They should have signs on them to tell which one's which."

  I snicker. "What's that?"

  "We had a leaf incident while you were gone," Gryphon explains. "Bethany needed kale for one of her weird potions and Lennox brought home an armful of spinach. She wasn't impressed."

  "They looked the same," Lennox huffs. "How different can they be?"

  I exchange a look with Gryphon and can't help but laugh. Even I know the difference and it's not like I'm a cook or botanist. "Yes, I think it's best if you go, Gryphon. Bring me some catnip?"

  "No way. I need you sharp. I doubt Knickerbocker would appreciate you rolling all over her."

  "I don't roll."

  "You do," both Lennox and Gryphon retort. Ryker wisely stays quiet. I've caught him high on catnip and know that he behaves just as crazed as I do. We can't help it. We're cats. He told me once that some of the cats in his family don't react to catnip. I don't think that can be right. The thought makes me want to cuddle those cats in sympathy. To never know the joys of a large dose of catnip...poor babies.

  "Two hours," I tell him to stop the Kat bashing. "If you're not back then, I'll send Lennox after you."

  He nods and steers his horse closer to Ryker. "Sophie, jump over."

  She grumbles complaints under her breath but does as he says. He's the only one who can order her around. Me, sometimes, and she mostly ignores the other guys. No idea what's so special about Gryphon in her eyes. Lennox and Ryker are just as kind to her as him and they're trying hard to make her trust them.

  Ryker gently holds her and lets her take the reins. She's proven to be a great rider; better than me by miles. She'll definitely get a pony once we're back in Attenburgh. Or even a proper horse. I've watched her jump onto Kidril without any help. I think she uses her shifter strength to do so, even though she's not expressed any desire to shift since she's been with us.

  I'm aching to shift, but I'm scared of what might happen. I can't afford to go feral again. I'll just have to suppress the urge and stay human. I managed for months in Lord Delaney's dungeon.

  Gryphon gallops away to the town in the distance. The rest of us leave the road and continue cross-country, circling Tahaven over barren fields until we return to the road an hour later. A small stream passes nearby and we let the horses drink their fill. I'm hungry again. Ryker hands me a sandwich without me even needing to say something. That's true love. Knowing your mate is starving.

  I devour the sandwich as well as the chocolate Lennox gives me with a wide grin. Both men watch me eat with fascination. Sophie couldn't care less. She's brushing the horses while they drink, ignoring us adults.

  Lennox stretches and rolls his shoulders. "It smells like rain. Let's hope we find a nicer shelter than last night."

  I don't sniff the air as I usually would. Using my senses automatically makes the four heartbeats louder, too loud for me to ignore. I'm shutting down my senses as much as possible, relying on the guys to warn me of any approaching threat. I hate doing it, but I'd go crazy if I constantly had to hear the parasites.

  I copy Lennox, stretching and arching my back. I'
m stiff from all the riding. I might go for a run tonight, as a human, not shifted. I need the exercise. The muscles I use while riding are very different from the ones I should be training to get back to my normal fitness.

  "Kat?" Ryker stares at me. Not at my face. At my belly.

  I look down. And look again. And run my hands over my stomach.

  "What is it?" Lennox asks with concern and walks to Ryker's side so he can see me from the front.

  Shivers run down my back. My legs start shaking. And the world suddenly seems a lot darker than before.

  I have a bump. Small, but visible. And it wasn't there this morning. I washed myself in a pond by the stables and my stomach was just as flat as always then. Well, flatter than normal; I still need to regain both fat and muscles.

  "This can't be happening," I whisper in shock. "It's too soon."

  Ryker goes on his knees in front of me, ignoring the muddy ground. He stares at my belly as if he's seeing it for the first time. He's not the only one who feels that way.

  A fucking bump. After three weeks of pregnancy. At most. This isn't happening.

  I want to scream. And then shift and run and forget about everything. Would the parasites stay within me if I shifted? Maybe they wouldn't survive. I take a deep breath and ready myself to shift. I'll control my cat, somehow. And even if not... would it be so bad to let her take over again?

  "Kat, no," Ryker warns. "Don't do it."

  He grasps me by the hips and pulls me closer. I stagger forward until his face is pressed against my belly. My bump.

  I want to stop him, but I suddenly don't have the energy.

  He closes his eyes and listens intently. I don't know what he's doing. He can hear the heartbeats from where he was before, he doesn't need to crush his ears against my belly. Silly cat.

  "They're different," he whispers without moving away.

  "Huh?"

  "Their heartbeats have slightly different rhythms. One of them has something almost like an echo. Two are identical. I think you may have kittens after all. Or at least two kittens. I can tell them apart from human heartbeats."