by N. Alleman
“You don’t think it fucking killed me, being so near to you, but unable to even see you? It was horrendous. I almost took my life down a really negative path again, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to make things better for you, for us.”
“You couldn’t even leave a note? I was broken without you. You tore my heart to pieces.” I know that going over the past might not be helpful at this particular moment, but I also know that it’ll all fester if we don’t get it out in the open.
Some things need to be said.
“Why the hell are we fighting about this, Daisy?” He moves closer to me, placing his palms on my waist.
“Because we have to! Because if we don’t get it out now, it’ll just come back to haunt us.” I pout, feeling moody and a little silly, but still carrying on. “I can’t tell you how hard the last few years have been, Jake. There were so many times that I needed you, that I would have given anything to see you, or even know that you were alive.”
He dips his head and rests his forehead on mine.
I refuse to make eye contact because I need to say these next humiliating words out loud, and if he’s looking right at me, I might not be able to do it.
“I thought I wasn’t good enough for you, that I wasn’t sexy enough. I thought you left me because you preferred the company of other women. My self-confidence crashed when you left, and it’s taken a very long time for me to rebuild it.
I can’t take the possibility that you might leave again. Because it isn’t just my heart that you’ll break now. If you’re going to leave, I’d rather you do it now before I fall too deep again.”
He puts a finger under my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his.
I’m on the verge of tears.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I never wanted that. I never wanted any of it, I just wanted to keep you out of all of my shit. I thought I was doing the right thing. I believed that if I told you anything, you’d come looking for me…”
“I would have!” I interject.
“You were on my mind the entire time.You shook up my entire world and switched everything around. I no longer wanted to be anything other than the right man for you. You are more than good enough for me. You’re my angel, and I would never do anything to mess things up with you again. You’re so gorgeous, that when I’m with you, the entire world shrinks to just me and you. And I would never do anything to hurt Tabitha. Nothing could make me leave her.”
Suddenly he looks away.
“That’s why it hurt so much when Ryder told me about you. I thought I’d spent all of this time pining after you, like a fool, and you’d moved on.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “It would have crushed me to see you with someone else too.”
“The fucking understatement of the year,” he mumbles.
Ryder was a snake.
He was sweet to me, because he wanted me. He played his cards, always. After Jake told me more about his dealings, about his brother, I finally understood the hate, the anger, and the humiliation he’d gone through at Ryder’s hands.
I place a gentle kiss on his lips, ending the argument in the sweetest way possible.
“There’s no point in saying ‘let’s just focus on the future now’, because chances are the past will rear its ugly head from time to time. How about we just promise each other that we won’t let it tear us apart, and that we’ll always be honest and work through our problems together?”
“I like that idea, baby girl.” Jake grins and kisses me once more.
An odd stirring forms in my belly, and I instantly recognize it, even if I haven’t felt it for a while.
Desire.
Suddenly, I want Jake right here and now.
I trail my fingers down his muscular chest, tracing his insanely sculpted abs on the way down, and make my way toward the cock that I’ve spent years missing.
“Wait!” Jake cries, grabbing my hand and pulling it away. “Not yet.”
I balk, feeling ashamed. Has he not missed me as much as I’ve missed him?
He spots my expression and quickly tries to reassure me.
“It’s not that I don’t want to. I’ve missed the hell out of my dirty girl, but I want to do things right this time. I don’t want a quickie in the front room, with the risk of Tabitha waking up at any moment. I want to wine you and dine you, take you out for a date. I want to make you feel like the most special woman on the planet, because that’s what you deserve. But before all of that, I want to talk things over with your family. I want the path to be clear before we start our journey toward the future.”
As disappointed as I am, his words touch me. He really has changed, and he wants to prove it to all of us. I’d love to get down to it right now, to make up for all the lost time, but going out on a date and behaving like a normal couple sounds nice too.
“Okay,” I agree. “Let’s do it your way. Let’s go and see Karen and Lucas now.”
“Now?” He pretends to panic. “I don’t think I’m ready for her to kill me yet!”
“Tough!” I announce, grabbing his wrist and pull him up off the couch. “If I have to wait much longer, I might explode from sexual frustration.”
“Such a dirty girl.” He grins once more, rubbing his nose against mine. “Trust me, I’ll make it worth the wait.”
“Don’t be mad,” I tell my sister the second we walk through the door.
My emotions are all over the place because I have no idea how this is going to go. If it took me a while to forgive Jake, then it’s going to take my sister years.
Oh God, why am I doing this?
“Mad? I’m furious!” Karen yells at the top of her lungs, briefly looking at Jake before pulling us all inside her house.
“I know that you want to smack me, punch me, yell at me, and I want you to. Believe me, I deserve it. But please, all I ask is that you hear me out first,” Jake manages to get out.
Please. I beg her with my eyes.
“Okay,” Karen finally announces after a few agonizing moments. “I will hear you out but only for Daisy, then I’m gonna kick your ass.”
“I don’t doubt it.” Jake smiles.
I play in the front room with Lucas and the kids, while Karen and Jake discuss things in the kitchen. I’m nervous, I know that it can’t be going too well, after all, she’s mad as hell at him, but I also know that they need this. If they can hash it out, then we can all move forward and have a future.
Like a real family.
“Are you okay, Daisy?” Lucas asks me, picking up on my mood. He’s holding up surprisingly well, given what happened.
“Yeah. I mean, I know it probably seems crazy to you, but I’m so glad that Jake is back.”
Lucas smiles. “I don’t think it’s crazy. I knew you two would end up finding your way back to each other.”
“Like destiny?” I tease.
“Yeah, sure. Why not.”
Lucas might be a serious, calm man, but he’s also a great person to talk to. He’s always been open and honest with me. I really respect him and his opinion, and I’m so glad that he’s with Karen. They are perfect together. He fits really well into our little family unit.
“This is just the start of the future now.”
“Yeah.” I smile. “Yes, it is.”
37
Jake
I can’t stop pacing up and down in my apartment. I’m taking Daisy out on a date tonight—our first, real date.
My first real date ever, to be honest.
I have no idea how it’s going to go, but I’m hoping for the best. I’ve booked a reservation at a nice restaurant.
Nothing too fancy, I know affluence won’t impress Daisy, but nice enough.
On top of that, I’m clean shaven and looking smart. It’s a little weird for me, but it’s all part of my transformation. I need her to see that I’m a changed man.
The second I found out Tabitha was my daughter, it put everything in perspective.
This is my one shot to make ever
ything right again, to make my family whole. I may have a lot to make up for, but I’m confident I can do it.
I could spend my time focusing on all I’ve missed, or I could work toward a bright and positive future for us all.
The old me would have dwelled on the negative, but that’s not me anymore. I’m not that self-destructive man these days.
I’m someone with something to offer the world.
“Hold it together, Jake,” I whisper to myself.
I’ve already discussed our future with Karen. I knew that she’d be the hardest to convince, but I’ve managed it, and that bodes well for all that’s to come.
I opened up, I expressed my deep regret and love for her sister and eventually, the ice queen thawed.
She will always have her eye on me, but I don’t mind.
Anyone looking out for Daisy is all right in my book.
A while back I traded my old bike and upgraded to a new Harley Street Glide with some of the money from my side gigs working for Ryder. I didn’t expect to have a family only months later, and the cash was there at my disposal. I can’t take that shit with me, so I might as well fuckin’ enjoy it. But now I guess I gotta buy a damn cage for the family. Fuck. I ain’t givin’ up my damn bike.
For a moment, I consider the man I was when I first met Daisy compared to the man I’ve become. I didn’t have two nickels to rub together then, and now I can finally give her and Tabitha the life they deserve. If she’ll have me.
As I’m climbing my bike to go get Daisy, I hope she’s not going to be too fancy to smoosh her hair with a helmet. I mean, we are going to a nice restaurant.
Well, I’m a biker. It’s who I am.
She was fine with it before, and Daisy was never a high-maintenance woman, which is one more thing I love about her.
I just hope she hasn’t changed.
On the ride over to Daisy’s apartment, I try to remain cool and confident, at least on the outside. I don’t want her to discover that I’m freaking out on the inside.
I knock on the door, and I can hear the kids laughing inside.
That sound fills me with happiness. I’m glad my daughter had this family while I’ve been absent. Lots of people to love and care for her.
I just hope that I can add to that, make things even better for her.
“Come in!” Daisy calls from inside.
She sounds a little stressed, like she’s rushing around, not quite ready yet. I imagine what she might be wearing, already feeling desire for her.
I tentatively push the door open a crack.
“Mama!” Tabitha comes crawling over to me, throwing her arms around my legs.
“Not really Mama,” I laugh as I pick her up and touch her nose. “But we’ll teach you what I am soon enough. Can you say dada?”
I’m so glad that we’re already in a good place. She could have been shy or unsure of me, but she isn’t. I’m sure there will come a time in the future when she’ll have all sorts of questions for me, but we’ll deal with that when it comes up.
“All good, Jake?” Karen asks. She knows this night is huge for me, and she knows I want to get everything right. She can probably sense my nerves.
“Yeah, I’m good. Excited.”
“One minute!” Daisy shouts from the other room.
“The kids haven’t given her a second to get dressed. Do you want a drink while you wait, a beer?”
“Do you have any soft drinks?”
She eyes me suspiciously, but hands over a fizzy pop.
“No liquid courage?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.” I don’t want to drink before going on this date. I want to remember every detail of this night. No impairment.
I talk with Lucas for a few minutes, waiting for Daisy with my daughter in my arms. She’s playing with a toy cell phone, and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
Everything feels right. This is exactly where I need to be, where I should have been all along. Not that I’m bitter about it, at least this is where I am now.
“I’m here.” Daisy races into the front room, looking wound up, a little disheveled, and stunning at the same time.
“Wow.” I drink her in.
Her long blonde hair dangles down her back in its natural style, and her face is free of makeup. She’s completely natural, which is how I want her. She doesn’t need anything to intensify her beauty.
I’m glad that she’s remained herself. I want my dirty girl tonight.
She’s wearing a light blue summer dress that hugs her curves then hangs loosely from her hips. I can see a glimpse of her cleavage, but it’s not a bit cheap-looking. The dress sets off her stunning blue eyes, making it impossible for me to look away from them.
She wears high heels that cause her to stand tall. She’s the most graceful and elegant woman I’ve seen in a long time, and I’m already turned on just looking at her.
But tonight isn’t about sex, it’s about love.
I kiss Tabitha on her cheek as I pass her to Karen.
The little girl grins at me, and my heart soars.
I’m a father. And I plan on being the best dad Tabitha could wish for.
“You look nice, Jake.” Daisy smiles.
I can’t believe that I haven’t even complimented her yet. I’ve stood here, staring at her like a fool.
“You’re breathtaking, Daisy,” I manage.
“Weren’t you about to leave?” Karen nudges me.
Daisy and I burst into laughter.
“I guess that’s our hint to go!” I announce as we’re ushered out the door.
“Have fun!” Lucas and Karen call after us.
When we get outside, I point to my bike. “Your chariot, my dear.”
She takes the helmet I hand her without a word.
Definitely the girl for me.
She climbs on the bike behind me, and I love the feel of her arms around my waist. I’ve spent ages dreaming of being this close to her.
The restaurant isn’t far, and I pull the bike into the parking lot.
She climbs off and when she pulls off her helmet and shakes her blonde mane, my heart skips a beat.
We walk in and take our seats, both starting to relax around each other. I forget my nervousness and simply concentrate on Daisy.
It’s so nice to be with her again—to hear her melodic voice, to see her expression when she gets excited, to touch her soft skin, and I’m really looking forward to tasting her later.
The conversation is amazing. I’ve been so obsessed reminiscing about Daisy’s body, but spending time with her reminds me what an amazing woman she is. Not just stunningly beautiful, but funny and sweet too.
“Do you want dessert?” I ask after we’ve finished our main meal.
“Hell yeah!” She laughs. “I’ve been eyeing that chocolate fudge cake all night. There’s no way we’re leaving until I’ve had some.”
“Okay, great.” I breathe out a sigh of relief. I have more time to compose myself for the perfect end to this wonderful evening.
Once the cake is set in front of us, I get a burst of courage and run with it before she even has a chance to take a bite.
“Daisy?”
“Hmmm.” She glances up at me.
“I love you.” It’s the first time I’ve said these words out loud. I can’t believe that it’s taken me so long. I should have said them a million times already.
She’s taken aback, but she answers, “I love you too.”
My heart soars.
“I’ve always loved you. From the very first time that I saw you in that seedy bar. I always fucking will, baby. Sorry, I’ll stop cursing.”
She laughs, and it makes me smile as well.
“I haven’t spent these years apart protecting you. I’ve been planning for our future too. I’ve been saving up, making money, and setting aside a nest egg for us … and Tabitha too.”
She looks confused, like she has no idea where I’m going with this.
“Wha
t I’m trying to say is…”
I pull a small box out of my pocket. Shortly after leaving Daisy, I decided this was what I wanted, so I started working toward my plan. I bought this gorgeous, princess-cut diamond ring , and now the moment for its unveiling is here.
It’s all been building up to this.
I could wait for this until we are more settled, but what would be the point?
I know what I want, and I’m pretty sure that Daisy wants the same thing. We can figure out our life from this point forward, as long as we’re together.
“Daisy, I will love you forever, fiercely, and with all my heart. I will protect you and ensure that our family is provided for. I will be the man you deserve. Ever since you walked into my life, I’ve been a changed man. You’ve made me a far better person, and you’re just the perfect woman for me.”
I’m getting choked up, and tears stream down her cheeks.
I finally get up from the chair and drop down on one knee in front of her.
We’re attracting the attention of fellow diners, but I don’t care. This moment is all about me and Daisy.
“So will you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?”
She claps a hand over her mouth, before saying, “Yes. Oh my God, yes! Jake, I can’t believe it, of course!”
I pick her up and swing her around in my arms. People cheer and clap around us.
She said yes!
At that moment, everything I’ve been through becomes worth it.
My past no longer matters, because it all led to this. Me, Daisy, and Tabitha, starting our family for real this time.
And we’re going to do it the right way.
“Come on.” Daisy beams. “Let’s take this cake home back to your place. Karen has the kids all night, so we’re free.”
“Sounds great to me, dirty girl.” I grin, kissing her passionately. “I can’t wait to show you how much I’ve missed you.”
38
Daisy
During the ride to Jake’s apartment, I remember those first few days with him. That was my first time on a bike, and it was so exciting.