I want everything of you

by Deborah Fasola

  I WANT EVERYTHING

  OF YOU

  Deborah Fasola

  Private literary and artistic property.

  All rights reserved, publication prohibited.

  Year of creation: 2017

  Publication: 2019

  Esclusive Copyright of DeborahFasola

  Work protected by copyright law

  All rights reserved

  (Copyright 2019)

  Deborah Fasola

  I want everything of you

  This book is a work of fantasy. Characters and places cited are the author's invention and have the sole purpose of conferring truthfulness to the narration.

  Any analogy with fact, places and people, living or disappeared, is absolutely random.

  This book contains copyrighted material and may not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, rented, fired or broadcast in public or used in any way except as specifically authorized by the author, to the terms and conditions under which it is been purchased or as expressly provided for by the applicable law (Law 633/1941)

  1a English Editon January 2019

  ***

  Grapich progect by SP Graphic Design:

  https://www.facebook.com/spgrapichdesign/

  Translation: Flora D’ambrosio

  Synopsis

  Melbourne, Australia

  My name is Talia and a serious tragedy has changed me forever. Now i keep everyone away, at last until Jaxon crosses my path.

  He is impetuous, warlike, sacrastic and charming.

  It is clear that he does not want me on his feet, but seeing all that I can do with him, he is forced to have something to do with me because i serve him.

  I am his last chance and I would not want to be, because someone like me should no longer approach anyone.

  Yet when he touches me I feel the shock and when he looks at me, for the first time in my life, I feel that someone really sees me...

  My name is Jaxon and I'm an amazing Street Dance dancer, an asshole, a street boy.

  This city is holding me tight, my family too. My object is to go far away, it's a shame that everything is shattered when I know Talia.

  She is a clumsy Koala, a sort of naural disaster, a curse and I expect her to be her devil, at least until I am forced to deal with her because she serves me.

  From that moment everything changes because I look at her and I really see her.

  I want her, but I can not.

  How will I touch her and do not want her yet?

  The Author

  Deborah Fasola, born in 1978, is an author and editor freelance. Her literary debut takes place in 2011 with her first fantasy work; later she published other novels of the same genre and some manuals and stories, only to dedicate herself to romance and make the big jump.

  In 2015 she published two novels with You Feel, Rizzoli, and on June 30, 2016 she made her debut with the romantic comedy Tradiscimi se hai il coraggio, published by Newton Compon editors.

  She will continue to publish romance and dreaming with her readers.

  By the same Author - Italian Books:

  Sussurri nel silenzio (Amazon)

  Non dirgli che ti amo (Amazon)

  Inevitabile follia (Amazon)

  Toccami l'anima (Amazon)

  Le cose di Hold Hill (Amazon)

  Quasi quasi ti amo (Amazon)

  Se mi tradisci, ti rovino (Amazon)

  Tradiscimi se hai il coraggio (Newton Compton Editori)

  Un adorabile bugiardo (You Fell, Rizzoli)

  Quel mostro di mia cugina (You Frll, Rizzoli)

  Tutto quello che volevo da te? (You Feel, Rizzoli)

  Other on Amazon

  Il potere del sangue

  Crimson Moon

  La foglia di Ambra

  Mitochondrial

  Ambrosia

  Mamma: istruzioni per l'uso

  Scelte d'amore

  Nevaeh, il paradiso non ha l'abito bianco

  I want everything of you

  "Resisting means simply pulling out the balls, and the less sweet the chances are the victory."

  Charles Bukowski

  PROLOGO

  Three years ago

  Once I had a normal life.

  There was no smoke, no flames, this sense of death that gripped my heart.

  Somedays your life quitely flows - sometimes you feel even happy - and often for a long time, week, month, years.. but suddenly something change, crack, broke, and for a stupid mistake caused by an immense stupidity, you do something so terrible that will end, like in a chain reaction, to ruin you life forever.

  When you are going to live a decisive minute, you don't know that it is going to.

  When you are going to destroy everything, you are not aware that moving that pawn you will be crushed. That you are going to lose the match, and later there will be nothing left.

  Every bad step that we made in life, insted, it will backfire sooner or later.

  There is no way to run away the showdown.

  There is no way to sidestep punishment.

  The moment before the end, you heart is alive, temples burst, eyes are heavy and the desire to live is overmooon.

  But then the domino effect hits you and then comes the instant that will destroy everything forever.

  The instant in which you lose everything, even yourself.

  The cursed moment in which you kill for the first time someone.

  That moment that will be your secret.

  Your evel secret.

  .1.

  Talia

  The room is dark and the smell of male aftershave fills the whole space.

  He just shifts the fabric of shirt from my shoulder and immediately kisses my skin, while i'm there, close to his body and shoked by chills, shattered by his care, excited by the sin we are consuming.

  We can't do this. If someone knows something like that, we will both get in trouble.

  But he makes me feel better.

  Better.

  His expert hands excite me, his lips taste me.

  "We can't do this", i groan on his neck, handle by his head while he lowers to help my panties to slide down.

  I fell him running through my smooth legs and i can't wait for him to touch me.

  I'm not naked behind his eyes, i'm naked inside my soul for him, but not enough to feel bad.

  "We say it every time. But what happenes in the black room, remains in the black room", Isaac whispers while with the delicate hand of one who has more intellect than manuality touches my femminility, but despite this, in the middle of my legs he can do as a true masters.

  I groan on his mouth, i still kiss him and i touch his naked skin, asking me how it would be to have mine as exposed.

  So, skin to skin, like two lovers that don't care about the world and that they are not lovers only behind a dark room, everything must be more special.

  Like a woman who must not hide and can show herself to the one she is enjoying.

  But he knows.

  Isaac is one of the few who knows everything.

  About me, about my past, and about my evil and bad secrets.

  Be nineteen and have experienced so many thet you can't understand anymore if your heart still beats in your chest it's not simple, epecially if you live in a society that you don't care about and it's only appearance; but with Isaac i somehow unloked myself.

  He told me in every sitting, but i had not believed him, at last until he closed the door and he hacked to want me.

  I don't love him; come on, i'm just a kid and he is a men, we have a lot of differences between us; he has a strict work, inflexible and powerful, and i'm only a student of Melbourne University.

  I still attend first year, dela
y due to the same damn reason that led me to be here right now.

  Like someone had to write for me that terrible moment, to allow me to fulfill also this mistake later.

  Yesterday, today, maybe tomorrow and maybe forever.

  Isaac frees his masculinity and, holding me againt the wall, after having raised me from my butt, he tries to get inside me.

  But i try to fix his eyes, even if with this obscurity is impossible to do, but i know how they are: liquid, expressive, eyes that understand me.

  I know that i can't do this, yet, i know that i had not to permitt to happen, but i'm here another time, behind the only person who understand me, who understand me since the beginning, the one that perhaps if it had not put my horizons up would have marked life forever. Because some absence also do that, they are missing and although you don't know they had to arrive, they have already ruined you.

  Like some presence.

  When we end, I don't know how, we are hunging out the green carpet in his rooom. It's obscene think about the black room such as this, but for me it has always been this, so it's not difficult for me to believe that everything happened here.

  Isaac is lieying on me, I feel his weight compress my slim body and his breath demand redemption.

  I know that anytime, after a moment, he regrets it, but in somehow he likes me to much to continue doing it anyway as it happens to me.

  This is almost a certainty that always manages to relieve me from possible fears because the close relationships with people now make me afraid.

  Love makes me afraid, because who loves, hurts you sooner or later, goes away or dies and you feel alone.

  So relationship like this is better for me, such a relationship without complication, relationship on a carpet, a dark room and a shirt that save me.

  With Isaac i can take my shirt on becouse he knows, and this is what makes he perfect to me now, instead of a lot of man with my same age, brothers, friends, students, nerds and someone else in the world.

  Eventough daddy and mummy would be horrified if they ever knew what I am doing during the hours they pay dearly, I do it anyway; on the contrary, I think I do it more precisely because I'm sure of a similar thing.

  "Do you have to come back to the campus?", he asks me as soon as he has the strenght to get up again.

  And when i see him stand on me, naked and perfect, but still shadowed by the black of the room that has the shutters closed - the fireplace off, the sofa that we never use, the desk and the carpet on which we find ourselves - I fall into my usual confusion.

  Don't panic, i say to me, as usual I have to be strong and clear my mind, avoiding thinking about the next because it always happens so, at this point: I think the therapy will end, that something will break and I will be back to being alone with too many pains to split, too many thoughts to manage and too many bonds to break.

  Wiley, my roommate who knows me only about a few month, is disgusting about to know that i'm engaged with a thirty man - above all he is married, i had to tell her to get a little conscience - I immage what happened if she knows who he is and who i really am.

  The beauty of my new life, and of the university campus, is that no one knows me, what i have done, and i'm too far from my parents, it's true.

  And this is, with no doubt, the most pleasant thing of this huge mess.

  I stand up from the floor and i pick just one second to trace back my panties and trousers that i wore to put them back in our place, on the only portions of my body that i can show and that i would always keep free in the wind; it's like a madness, but i know that i'm ill, i know that thing already for a while now.

  It is beautiful that at this point I want to start over, because either I start again or I give up, I collapse and end everything forever, and at the age the benefit of the doubt I have to give it to not let me go.

  I owe it to myself, above all.

  "Yes, i do."

  "Okay, but no hurry. She is out tonight and it's saturday tomorrow", he tells me.

  " And we saw each other again...", i tell him with a melodious sound, specially designed to urge the nerves.

  Isaac fastens the cuffs of his shirt looking at me from the bottom of that enigmatic expression of his and now I can see clearly because before doing so he hastened the abat jour that he keeps on the desk.

  He is damned sexy. His wrinkles on the forehead, his smile and the way he looks at me, the way in which he speaks to me and makes me fell.

  Maybe i'm with him, now - or perhaps i'm with him in a wacky way in which we can stay togheter - probably because i need the security that i haven't anymore or that i can't find anyway.

  I could not have it with anyone who doesn't know.

  How could another boy, or man, accept to lie down on me that, insted of give him all my naked body, i scarely cover up it?

  How could anyone understand my dark hole and accept the moment in which i'm lost?

  How could anyone know all my secrest and stand by me yet? Forgive me?

  "Hey, Tally. Are you already here or did you fly away?"

  I flew to the hell.

  I nod.

  "Don't lost in that tought, okay? We are not perfect, you aren't, i'm not and maybe your parents will never be. You deal with things as you can. A little at time. Step by step. You can make a mistake, okay, we are human… but for every mistake there is the redemption."

  He understands me.

  But he doesn't know that there isn't redemption, maybe just for me.

  But he can understand me and faces up- like me- the thing as he can, in his case abusing of his power - in someway, i always tought that he had to maneuvered to arrive here -, while i'm abusing of his body not to think.

  Orgasm gives me the way not to think. Sex succeeds.

  Any seconds of pure perdiction that bust my sense - like when i drink or sleep -, in which i'm okay and I do not have to be anything but a body that goes up and thinks of being like that. There is nothing because my mind is turning out and it is only pleasure.

  I nod again, maybe only at my tought and he notices yet. He finishes to fix his shirt inside trousers and then reachs me.

  "You are so beautiful, with wild hair, red cheeks and swallen mouth becouse of my kisses", while he talks with me he grubs my face and keeps it strinct in his hands.

  Nearest and with a little light he is more beautiful, i think this from our first meeting but sometimes more, like this moment.

  The first time that we ended up in bed, he explained me that we had fallen into what doctors letterally call Transfert and Controtrasfert, a sort of twisted psicolagically crap, that uses a lot of bullshit and sought words to simply say that sometimes when a patient is cute and her doctor is very dumpling , if they are well, she wants to die and he saves her, his wife doesn't make sex with him and he wants to empty himself, so it's possible that the nice patient ends with his penis in her mouth and he wanks her in his study.

  In short, as a rule I have not turned out, but I suppose you understand and want to say just this and in this way: disgusted and scurrilous because there is nothing beyond that sex finease itself between us.

  But who said that this kind of sex is bad or a sin? This kind of sex is saving me, anyway.

  "I need to come back to the campus", i say again when his gestures become more discerning outside the bed (after sex), like now that he is rubbing his inch on my cheeks and then kisses my lips before i can say something.

  I escape from such an intimate situation, and is for this reason that stay with him is such a cure, all for me. If we exclude the previous speech and the fact that he is my psychiatrist, of course.

  "Oh, Tally, you are with Miss. Johnson this week, sorry but i don't say you this before, but..", as i listen that name, instinctively, because i'm a difficult girl, i point my finger on his chest and i push him away.

  The heat of his hand on my face and his large chest against mine come less and i destabilize myself.

  I stagger and lose my balance like happe
n always to me when i'm alone.

  God, it's too difficult to be me.

  Isaac becomes serious and returns the doctor behind his ill patient.

  "Don't do this, i'm sorry, but there are personal matters that i need to hurry up and it's only for one sitting. Not to mention that for you at the moment it would be more deontological to stay below her.."

  I laugh with hysterical for a brief moment and then I really change.

  "It's a pity that just a moment ago, Isaac, i stayed below you. What a bullshit. It's about you wife, right?". In formulating the last question, return calm, at least in appearance, and not because it disturbs me that he is releasing me but because I hate Johnson.

  Anyway i try to give me a behaviour, i do it only to not appear a lovers kid that done absurd scenes.

  Isaac back away and puts on his finger also inside his pockets what he leaved on his desk when he was busy with me: wedding ring, wallet, hanky and car keys. Then he wears his jacket and toe of a adult and real men, and comes back to staring at me with that serious gaze that i hate, because he tried to get naked me againg, but inside my soul not about dress.

  He looks at me and shakes his head.

  "Family grain, It's not about her", i know that he thinks that i'm gelous, but the truth is that until there is his wife i'm only his lovers, and i'm save and sound.

  He takes care about me better than another one, signs every good behaviour document without noise- maybe only because i can denounce him for this thing- and above all he never comes too close, but enought to feel understood, to feel good and not feel soffocated.

  Even if sometimes i know that he want to let it go: be sweeter, show more involved.. i understand from how he kisses me, or from how he shakes when we are having sex and he wants to rip off what i'm wearing, but it is limited to imagine.

  I apprecciate him, but he is a fucking shink and i know that he is aware that he can't, he can't desire something more sentimental between us.