I want everything of you

by Deborah Fasola

  "Are you ready? One, two, three, four..." he starts to turn around himself, he performs rapid, neurotic piroette, as if suddenly he has a damned hurry, and then he touches us poorly, so i try, but in doing this i almost fall on him.

  I'm untidy and I'm done for pirouettes. My ankles, then, are incredibly weak.

  "I can not," I say despondently and panting. Plus I'm nervous because I'm doing the idiot of the stupid incapacitated.

  "Yes, you can. Again. One, two, three, four" while he says this he claps his hand and i try again, only that i turn around even the head does it and i unbalance so much that i really end up on him.

  Hunting a silly scream, I end up almost overwhelming him, but not to fall completely on him, I put my hands on his chest and Jaxon locks me from his shoulders.

  We remain so, firm, one against the other, with my breath breathless, my shame and within his silence he would like to shout, I'm sure, my idiocy.

  I expect he to push me away, tell me how stupid I am, while my nostrils are literally inundated by its masculine and intense smell, he lifts my head resting two fingers under my chin, so I find his face too close, with the result that I reel with the breath even more.

  As a departure it is a real tragedy.

  Especially for this moment, for him and me so close.

  I viber inside the bones and until he speaks, until I fall into the liquid ravine of his eyes bright and bright, I almost can not remember where I am and what I'm doing.

  "It's happened because you look at your feet and you stared at the ground. Look at you in the mirror while you are dancing, or look at me from there" hot breath blows on my mouth to speak and does not move me away as I expected it to do.

  We are still suspended but I know I have to concentrate, I know I owe to what he has just told me.

  If I looked at him I would fall like Caroline, but breaking all the bones, I know that for sure.

  I do not have time to bear the warmth of his body that he moves and puts me back on my feet, letting me reel at the nothing in which he has abandoned me.

  This did not mean anything to him, while I am as though stunned and so I remain even while Jax makes me see again the step I have to learn and the music obeys my thoughts.

  I wake up in time to execute his new orders: I have to try again to turn and then do another couple of figures that makes me see.

  Jaxon is nice to watch, it's nice while dancing and even while explaining what I have to do, trying to make me the dancer that would like and that I'll never be.

  However I nod firmly when he invites me to do it.

  This time I commit myself.

  I put myself in position and try to copy his movements to the best and we do it for many minutes to come.

  He shows me the steps and then repeats them with me.

  Again and again.

  Squealing that number that should give me a rhythm almost in my ears and inciting me to go more and more, to dare more.

  "Stop, Jax" i say in a moment, when he wants to try again, but i can't do this.

  I reel with my breath, i have my hair dry and my face is red, i bend down to rest my hands on my knees, and i try to breath.

  "The secret to success in things, it is bringing oneselfs to the limits."

  "I understand, but i will die. I don't breath..."

  "Drink something. Come on, take this."

  From near the stereo- and far from me- Jaxon gives me the bottle from which he drunk yet.

  I take it, i don't know thanks to what reflex still active and then i don't only drink, but i wet all my face like i'm alone and disperated in the desert and i will be to die.

  The water that bathes my face, my hair and my shoulders restores me only for a second and my breath is burning my chest as if I had pneumonia or was about to get a myocardial infarction or who knows what other curse.

  However, I notice that Jaxon is still staring at me.

  "That's enough for today, you can not do it and I would not want you to feel too much for tomorrow... It did not go as badly as I would have thought, but the road is long, Miss... You really are a coconut," he says, giggling but more relaxed a little while ago and I sigh humiliated.

  He turns and wears the inevitable black sweatshirt, immediately raising the hood on his head.

  Oh, thank you so much, mister.

  Perhaps I preferred to be just a Koala.

  Fortunately I know that this agony will end very soon and that he will leave me alone and realize that this is not for me.

  Because it will happen sooner or later.

  I will make it happen, probably not to risk dying again.

  .13.

  Jaxon

  "That's enough for today, but the road is long, Miss. You really are a coconut" i say this to her laughting but this is not true.

  She is good to be an amateur. At least she was good after the first unsuccessful attempts.

  I still can not let her know or it would simulate the head, but it is.

  She is loose, articulated and light.

  She turns quickly and knows how to move her hips.

  When I saw her face sweating and unmade with the water that I gave her, I even felt a sort of sexual excitement, but I'm sure it's just because now I'm hoping for it. I'm hoping she will give me back the dream that took me away.

  That is, she is a landslide with steps, but Care maybe was right, maybe I can succeed.

  "There are showers in the front room, first you" I say tightly because I would like to see. I would like to see everything that hides so sparingly and not because I am generous and I want her to start.

  Of course, I would never get to spy on her but if I do not take her off from the front I could do or say things that I could regret and send everything to hell. And I can not afford it.

  Then she is strange and maybe that's why she attracts me. I would like to understand and see.

  Feel.

  Feel her.

  Well it's summer, we are in Australia and she is here at three hours training dressed like a sub.

  So she is strange or she is only too much nun. In both case she teases me as she should not, because i will be so fool to give a chance to a person like her.

  She is anything for me.

  While i'm talking with her i wear the sweatshirt and i cover myself too, like i'm imitating her.

  "You must accompany me to the campus. If you can. Wiley could come here to take me but only about two hours. I didn't know how many times it would last and now she is at lesson."

  "Okay. Do this damned shower and then i'll bring you back home. I only need to do a stop to my house."

  "Do you live here?"

  "The next neighborhood. I'll stop at thecampus this night, so i need to take something."

  "Okay, fine, i start to go in the locker room, so. And... Jax?"

  "Yes?"

  "Did you attend the college, really?"

  I nod.

  "Why did you stop it?"

  "I don't think this is your matters, Koala" I see that my respons hurt her, but stoic nods with a fake sarcastic expression, she puts her backpacks on a shoulder and goes away.

  Standing where i'm, i look at me in the mirror and i try other two steps of the coreography that i have created some month ago for that damned competition, but the water's rumor of the shower that Talia is using distracts me.

  Who knows how her body must be under the water's jet.

  I touched her pale and smooth skin just a while ago and now i immagine it touched by the water.

  When she was fall on me, when i felt to stand up her i felt her soda, compact and pleasured. She has a very beautiful curves despite she is skinny.

  Although I do not want to, I find myself excited and when it is finally my turn to take a shower, I decide that perhaps it is better to use cold water.

  The thoughts that girl in my mind are confused but all converge to the idea of her open-legged under me.

  Or above, as she prefer. Only at the same time I am horrified
at the absurd thought.

  I shoot more and more cold water on my face so I regret and once I get out of the gym i feel completely distant from her, who instead looks at me with those light and giant eyes, wondering how I will take it to the point.

  Fuck, she has two headlights on her face, a delightful fine smile and tall zigomes that make everything pleasant when she smiles.

  Fortunately, she does not do so often.

  "Are you scared from bike?" i say to her, bring from my bag that i bring always with me the helmet. "Keep it, put this, i'll do without it for now" i give it to her and she looks very disconcerted.

  "A... A bike?"

  No, i'll take you on the horses' ring!

  I'll would laugh but i nod and sto. "Do you fear me?"

  "Never" she says follow me behind my Yamaha XY6OZ, my bolide.

  When i get it free from the chain and the tripod, and then i mount up, i wink to Talia to do the same and climb behind me.

  I don't wanto to fell her again near me but if i'll take her to the campus, this is the only way to do this, this is the way how the dishelveled boys roam the streets.

  Talia hesitates for a few moments but then does it, although she is still uncertain and should first make sure the backpack is on both shoulders.

  Whenever she is finally behind me, I stretch my arms towards her and give her arms, bringing them to my stomach, and with my chest she clings to my back.

  I invite her to abstruse herself and I feel strange.

  It's like when my head is spinning, like when I feel hot and I want to remove the source of such heat from me but I can not do it. I do not want to do it.

  "Hold on tight and never lift your ass, do you understand? Stay so attached to my movements on the saddle, do not resist, let go and, especially when curved, Tal, come down with me" I hear her sigh, perhaps all this is too much for her. Too... erotic.

  It's so also for me, i believe, but she is more reticent than me she stiffens and i laugh.

  "Come on, Tal, this is nothing sexsual, it's a fuck road in bike, but you must do what i say to you or we risk to fall down and i don't want other broken leg or it'll be all lost, okay? Despite you wiegh like a feather, my baby is sensible."

  "I don't think anything sexsual, poor deluded! And then do you really call your bike baby?"

  I laugh. "I call only its like this" i force her to intertwine her fingers, which are still in mine, between them and then start my baby, feeling that Talia increases the grip around my body.

  It will not be sexual, but I still get tough and kill myself for it.

  The girl has everything I'd ever like in a girl, yet she's exciting me.

  Maybe someone secretly drugged me, or I ended up in a parallel universe where everything is the opposite of everything and in which Talia, who is limited, nerd, shameful and unlucky, excites me so much that now I think she would be very well naked underneath me and not behind it, to hold me.

  However, damn it, I also like it to do just that.

  It's a kind of curse.

  Yet when I leave and she puts her head back, placing her between my shoulder blades, I am forced to go around the city with my hard cock all the time.

  The minutes pass quickly and despite seeming hours, in a moment we are at your destination.

  I'm too much ridicoulus and, whem i arrive under my house, i turn of the bike; she detaches from me and i thanks someone that this happened.

  I'm out of breath and i'm feeling like an idiot.

  "I need to enter just for a minute, okay?"

  I let Talia go down, I do it in my turn and, when I assure the bike and I turn to her, she is taking off her helmet and that movement unties the hairs she had tied on her head in an absurd ballerina's chignon. Then a cascade of pale bristles descend toward the shoulders and face, and I command not to look at them. I order to my heart not to be a long asshole, until,stunned, I turn around and go away from her.

  What the fuck means all this?

  Why do you do me this effect?

  I absolutely have to get a wank, too bad I do not have the time.

  Already it bothers me that I've seen where I live, let alone if I waste more time here.

  I enter my hut almost in a hurry.

  "Daddy, it's me, I've come to get some clothes," I cry aloud old man, who is not so much aware of my presence.

  I sling into the room and I misfit the bag of the gym, filling it with other clothes that I need for the evening and also for the new training tomorrow.

  While I do it I realize that now the three weeks are fading and eighteen days remain to teach Talia to become a little gym and the challenge becomes almost exciting.

  I would have to stop excusing myself for her.

  I go out with the booty and go into the living room, watching Dad still motionless in front of the television and intercepting the money on the table that my brother leaves every time he comes to visit him.

  This is how we pay the cleaning lady and the carer for Dad who is not too well, thanks to him but above all thanks to me and the odd jobs that I have to do, some also related to the dance.

  "Dad, I'm leaving, I have a job to do, I'll be back tomorrow night, okay... You're good here ..." I tell him but he does not answer me, he's not there.

  He stares at the bright TV on the most unlikely of culinary channels and I wonder if he would wake up from that emotional and often even physical catatony, if I put him up in porno.

  "Well, I'm going, by dad" I load the bag on my shoulder and I start, just in time to hear the voice of Talia exploding inside my house.

  "Permission... can I enter?" she says her feeble little mouth and if there is one thing I do not want her to do, it is that she enters my house.

  Then I sneak up to her and as I reach her, I grab her by the arm forcefully and drag her out.

  I squeeze on the thin flesh of her forearm and I'm sure I can feel the bones, while she is holding on and she certainly gets scared a little bit. But I'm furious at the moment because I did not invite her to come here.

  "Come on, you do not have to stay in here."

  "Hey, what are you doing! You hurt me, leave me! I don't want to enter in your house, idiot! But this is ringing..." she gives me my phone and i'm feeling very stupid. " It must have fallen you over the ike" she offense says, and she is right on both the things.

  I pick it from her hand and i look her into eyes, guilty.

  "I'm sorry. And thanks." she is amazed about my word and i'm mazed too.

  I do not usually apologize or be submissive, but I feel that when it comes to dad I go out of my mind and certainly nobody deserves then my outburst due to frustration.

  It's been like this for years. Since my mother left us, my brother went his way and he made his life and I became who I am, to be precise.

  Too many disappointments, he began to say one day.

  Too much pain.

  So slowly the active man and the attentive head of the family turned into a ghost. The questioned psychologist spoke earlier about post-traumatic stress disorder - because of the death of mum- then of depression and now he has added to us the nice term of catatonia. That I can not even understand what the fuck means.

  From that moment everything went to pieces.

  I began to stay less and less at home and even that slowly deteriorated.

  The house looks like a hovel and nobody cares too much about her or my father and I know that we are the children who are wrong with us.

  But I can not do it, I swear, I... I can not do it.

  Not alone, then.

  Since I lost my mother everything is so dark and difficult.

  That's why I do not want anyone to see where and how I live.

  Let no one see him.

  Even less Talia, I do not know why.

  "Are we going back to the campus?" she tells to me, amazingly, unusually not on the war footing.

  As if she understood.

  As if she knew.

  As if she read me inside.
<
br />   Yet it does not hurt me.

  I nod and together we leave my home.

  When I close the door behind me I immediately feel better and worse together but then, for some strange and or reason, as soon as Talia gets on the bike and it's still me, I feel that the world is a better place.

  As soon as I feel she clinging like a koala, I put in way and give birth, trying to leave behind everything that I find inside that house.

  Or what I can not find.

  .14.

  Jaxon

  "Hey, mate, you are here..." Matt moves his head in music rithym and he is in the center of the most obscure street of the city, in the most infamous neighborhood that we love.

  Here the police don't arrive.

  Here we can dance until night. We can bet, have match, broke the stomac and the head with alchool or the faces of fists.

  We are asshole but we dance with soul, and dance is everything we like to do, that make us fell alive, that we are able to do.

  I don't do anything more, i don't want to do other things, and this night i have really need to vent.

  I beat the palm of my hand against the one's of my friend while i put myself in the first position in the row behind the match of hip-hop that is in place.

  "Oh, oh, look, El Gringo and Freya" i say look at the center of thering, made by a public of screaming dancer that take part to the match of Street Dance that is in place.

  "Yes, would you ever have said?" Matt says.

  "Never. And they will destroy you!"

  My attention is on two great dancer that challenge each other with dance strokes, holding each other's heads and dancing one at a time, and i exalt.

  The desire to dance rises suddenly, as every time, from the middle of the stomach grows like a peak and I get to the throat, burns and then I climb up to the head, ready to explode and make me fall.

  I begin to move my legs, I have to vent myself, I must also bow the god of dance to my eye.

  The chaos reigns sovereign maquesta is not crowded, it is our music.

  Street music.

  To the side of our circle someone bets real dollars on the challengers and the possible winner, other groups turn around in their hoops a couple of reeds and others still talk or have a sex on the sides of the street.