The Memphis Knights

by Phillip Drayer Duncan

  Praise for the Blade Mage…

  "The Blade Mage delivers big-muscled magic and high-octane thrills."

  — Gary Phillips, Matthew Henson and the Ice temple of Harlem

  "Phillip Drayer Duncan has done it again. First with the Assassins, Inc. series and now with The Blade Mage. His characters and the situations they get themselves into and out of have me laughing out loud—and I don’t often, even on the inside. I read two comic writers, Duncan and Robert Asprin’s Myth series."

  — JC Crumpton, Silence in the Garden

  "Witty, action-packed, and never one to shy away from the unexpected. Phillip Drayer Duncan is not to be missed."

  — J.H. Fleming, The Queen of

  Moon and Shadow

  …And for Phillip Drayer Duncan's other novels

  "Not since the feud between the Hatfields and Mccoys, has anyone made a bunch of hillbillies interesting, and that’s just what Phillip Duncan did with Moonshine Wizard."

  — Jason Fedora, The Truth of Betrayal

  "ASSASSINS INCORPORATED boasts the sort of writing that avid readers crave to come across between the covers of a book."

  — Kristofer Upjohn, Horror is Art

  Sign up for the Phillip Drayer Duncan Newsletter to receive a FREE digital copy of Catalysts, a collection of 3 stories from the Blade Mage & Moonshine Wizard series. Nearly as much content as a full novel, this collection includes:

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  Also by Phillip Drayer Duncan

  The Blade Mage:

  The Blade Mage

  Of Song and Shadow

  The Memphis Knights

  Rebels and Outlaws

  Swords and Dust

  The Moonshine Wizard:

  Moonshine Wizard

  The Distilled Shorts Collection:

  First Job

  The Ogre & The Primates

  A Sword Named Sharp

  Hunting one Like Us

  The Monster Beneath the Bed

  The Hunt for the Dark Wizard

  Assassins Incorporated:

  Assassins Incorporated

  Assassins Incorporated: Rehired

  Copyright © 2019 Phillip Drayer Duncan

  All Rights Reserved.

  No portion of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without prior written consent of the copyright holder, except for the use of brief quotes in a book review.

  This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to people, living, dead, or otherwise, or resemblance to the names of people, places, or organizations, are the either product of the author's messed up imagination, or coincidental. While the copyright for this work of fiction remains with the author, Happy Omega Publishing, LLC assumes all legal responsibility for this publication and the literary work of fiction it contains.

  Publisher: Happy Omega Publishing LLC

  Cover Art By: German Creative

  Interior Art By: Phillip Drayer Duncan

  Edited By: J.H. Fleming

  A Note from the Author:

  If you wish to support your favorite authors, the best way is to buy their books brand-spanking-new when you can afford to. If you can’t afford to, then this author supports you buying used books. In which case, you can still help your favorite authors by raving about their books to your friends and family. If you can't afford to purchase at all, feel free to stop by PhillipDrayerDuncan.com, where I usually have some FREE content available. And if there's a title of mine you really want to read, but just can't afford it, feel free to reach out through my Contact page and we'll see if there's something we can do.

  PhillipDrayerDuncan.com

  Happy Omega Publishing

  Chapter 1

  “We may be in trouble,” Axel said in a whisper.

  I glared at him. “You said this would be easy.”

  Axel peered around the rock for a moment then dropped back into cover.

  Thump.

  A hollow sound like someone banging on a drum.

  Thump.

  The creature’s footsteps made the whole cavern tremble. Bits of dust and debris rained down on us. I feared the whole thing might collapse right on our stupid heads.

  I risked a glance over the top of the rock myself.

  The creature had to stoop to avoid bashing its head against the top of the cave. I don’t know how tall he actually was, but I doubted the top of my head reached his nipples. And he was as wide as a truck. He looked like the Incredible Hulk but was covered in fur. Like Hulk had a lovechild with Chewbacca.

  In one hand he held a railroad tie. He’d whittled down one end so he could grip it like a club. The other end, the business end, had railroad spikes driven halfway into the wood. So, basically, the big bastard had a spiked club that was damned near as long as I was tall.

  In his other hand, he’d fashioned himself a shield out of an old pallet and decorated the front with a stop sign. The County probably would’ve liked to have that sign back, but hey, I couldn’t discount his creativity. In fact, I whispered as much to Axel, who replied, “He probably found the design on Pinterest.”

  The monster’s clothes, what little there were, seemed to be a mix-match of furs and a stolen beach towel that had seen better days.

  His face was somewhat humanoid in appearance, like a hybrid human-bear face with some tusks thrown in just to make the design pop. Leaning into Axel, I whispered, “This is what I imagine the man-bear-pig on South Park would look like.”

  Axel nodded his agreement.

  Behind the big fella, two more hulking shadows moved closer to the dim light.

  I dropped back into cover and scowled at Axel. “You said there was only one.”

  “No, I said there had only been one reported.”

  “You also said that bugbears were cute and adorable.”

  “No, I said they sound cute and adorable.”

  “Like Care Bears, you said.”

  “No, I said they were probably like Care Bears.”

  “Do those look like fucking Care Bears to you?”

  “Well...”

  “No, Axel, they don’t.”

  We stared at each other for a moment, then it occurred to me that my voice had picked up a bit. I also realized the approaching rhythm of heavy footfalls had paused.

  Together, we both peeked over the top of the rock.

  The three bugbears were staring right at us.

  “Shit,” I whispered. “What do we do?”

  “Friendly wave,” Axel said. “Do it now.”

  There wasn’t time to point out how stupid the idea was. Nor was there time to debate it. There also wasn’t time for me to come up with a better, alternate plan. So, I raised my hand and waved at the big ass bloodthirsty goblins along with my jackass friend.

  As much as I hated to admit it, all three of the bugbears paused. Their eyes went wide, and I could only imagine what must’ve been going through their heads as they watched two puny humans wave at them like children. Axel’s plan had stalled them for a moment, at least.

  Then it really pissed them off.

  Bugbears, as I was learning, were prone to violent outbursts.

  Which, in hindsight, was what had brought us to them in the first place.

  A few weeks earlier, reports of missing cattle had increased in the farming lands of southwest Missouri. Sadly, cattle thievery was common enough that no one batted an eyebrow.

  Then a farmer discovered a few of his cows had been murdered in a gruesome fashion. He’d found them dead, entrails spread across the field,
appendages missing, and partially eaten. He suspected bears. Some locals agreed, while others argued that no black bear would do such a thing.

  A week later another dead cow was found. This poor bovine’s skull was completely smashed in. What kind of Missouri woodland creature was capable of inflicting that kind of damage on a cow? None. Which was the same answer the locals landed on.

  And then a headless cow was found. No question, then. Something was amiss.

  Next, an old woman claimed to have seen a Sasquatch in the forest. When rumors like that started it was time for the Cabal to step in. Based on the description the woman provided, a local constable had surmised that it was likely a bugbear. With limited resources to spare, the local constabulary decided to contract the investigation out.

  Valerie Vittoria got the word and reached out to us. Axel took the call. Naturally, he happily volunteered our services without bothering to even ask me. As he had explained it to me, he just knew I’d want to take the job.

  I didn’t, actually.

  But we had bills to pay so I couldn’t really back out. Besides, Axel had assured me it would be easy.

  To be fair, tracking the bugbears down had been simple enough. We visited the most recent cow murder and found one single strand of hair, which Axel had used to craft a tracking spell. Once the working was done, we had a path that led us directly to an abandoned mine in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t even know Southwest Missouri had mines, but it turns out there’s abandoned mines pretty much everywhere. At any rate, we entered the mine and traversed the dark tunnels until we came out into a large open cavern lit with old lanterns. Bingo. We were just about to choose which of the numerous tunnels to try when the bugbears found us.

  In hindsight, I suspected the local constables may have contracted the work out because bugbears are fucking terrifying.

  The one in the front snarled and started forward.

  “Wait!” Axel said, holding up a finger. “Just wait. I think we might’ve gotten off on the wrong foot.”

  The bugbear roared.

  “Yeah, I agree,” Axel said, nodding. “It was rude of us to come in unannounced. That’s on us, okay. That’s our bad.”

  “Axel, what the hell are you doing?” I asked, keeping my voice low.

  “It’s called diplomacy, Wyatt. Watch and learn.”

  I didn’t bother with a reply. I looked forward to watching his plan blow up in his face.

  “You attack us,” the bugbear said in something akin to English. His voice was raspy and baritone. Pretty much what I imagined it would sound like. “You threaten us. We crush you.”

  “No, not all,” Axel said. “We’re here to help you.”

  The bugbear threw back his head and laughed.

  Axel laughed with him, which seemed to only confuse the goblin further.

  “You’ve scared some of the locals,” Axel said, keeping his tone reasonable and friendly. “You know how Normans are. They get all worked up over nothing.”

  “We crush the humans,” the bugbear said and tapped the base of his club against his stop sign shield. “We no fear them.”

  “And why would you?” Axel said, smiling like an idiot. “But we would sort of prefer you didn’t crush them.”

  “Why?”

  Axel paused, seeming to think about it.

  I, on the other hand, was about to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming. The goblin was actually engaged in conversation with my moronic friend. I wasn’t prepared to go so far as to say that his plan was working, but they weren’t trying to kill us yet.

  “Well,” Axel finally said, “because you can’t just go around smashing people.”

  “We do what we want.”

  “But you didn’t before,” Axel said. “You didn’t go around mutilating bovines until recently.”

  The bugbear glared at him, seemingly ready to attack once more.

  Axel decided to try a different tactic. “What do you want? Is there something we can get for you in trade for you not killing cows and scaring the shit out of people?”

  The bugbear seemed to consider this. “We want battle.”

  “Battle?” Axel repeated back.

  “Glorious battle. And food. And not cave. We want sky above heads. We want forest.”

  “Okay,” Axel said, nodding. “We can accommodate that. Our Cabal has great spans of forest conserved for creatures just like you. We could take you there. We can definitely get you food.”

  “And glorious battle?”

  “We can definitely get you glorious battle.”

  “How the hell are you going to deliver that?” I asked, whispering.

  His reply was my least favorite thing to ever hear come out of his mouth. He said, “I have a plan.”

  “You tell truth?” the bugbear asked.

  “Yes,” Axel said. “We can probably get you better weapons and clothes too.”

  “Mine weapon good,” he said, glancing at his club. Then he turned and glanced at one of the others behind him. This bugbear wielded a steel pipe that had once been buried in the earth. I knew this because it still had the big ball of concrete which had secured it in the ground. He was using that end like it was a hammer. The first bugbear said, “Mine brother weapon no good. Pieces fall off.”

  “Yeah,” Axel agreed. “We can definitely help you get better weapons.”

  This seemed to please the bugbears. This did not, however, please the Wyatt. I wanted to slap him. There was no way I was going to get behind giving these big bastards better weapons. Knowing Axel, he’d probably bring them a tank.

  Still, they weren’t attacking us and seemed quite pleased at the prospect of getting all the things they wanted.

  “And...” the first bugbear said, glancing over his shoulder at the other two for reassurance. “We want beds.”

  “Beds?” Axel asked.

  “Soft beds. Feather beds. Like human use.”

  “Oh,” Axel said, shrugging. “Done.”

  “And TV,” one in the back said. “We want TV.”

  “Done,” Axel said without hesitation. “Hell, we can probably do you one even better. I bet we could get you on TV. You’d make way better Sasquatches than the one they use for the beef jerky commercials.”

  And that was when the bugbears attacked us. As I said, they were prone to violent outbursts.

  “Not Sasquatch!” the leader screamed. His rage was front and center once more, and this time I didn’t think we’d be able to talk him down. He charged.

  Axel raised his drumstick and summoned a lightning bolt. It hit the stop sign shield and traveled on through the bugbear’s body. The creature didn’t even blink.

  It raised its club over its head and prepared to murder us via railroad spike and tie.

  I fired a blast of raw energy directly at the goblins raised elbow. The spell struck and forced the arm further back, staggering the bugbear.

  From out of the darkness, something the size of a baby flew by my head and hit the wall behind me. I glanced back, trying to see what had nearly killed me. I turned back just in time to get pelted in the chest by the next projectile. The impact knocked the air from my lungs and planted me on my ass, but I managed to hold onto the mystery missile.

  The stench hit me a moment before I realized I was looking into the glossy dead eyes of a heifer. They’d thrown a severed cow head at me, the bastards. And for some reason, I couldn’t shake the feeling those eyes were judging me.

  I tossed the head aside and tried to get up, but the first bugbear was already on me. It raised its massive club, about to smash me into mush.

  Before he could, Axel fired another lightning bolt. This time he aimed directly for the goblin’s groin.

  The bugbear snarled in mix of rage and agony, but otherwise, seemed unaffected. Still on task, the creature swung its makeshift cudgel toward my face.

  Axel hit him with another spell, but this time, instead of trying to hurt the bugbear, he went for a different tactic. I recognized the mu
lti-colored lights he’d successfully used against some shadow creatures we’d faced previously. Axel aimed for the creature’s eyes, blinding him in an array of bright lights.

  I rolled to the side and his spiked club sunk into the earth where my head had just been. He jerked it clear and managed to spot me again, despite the roman candles obscuring his vision.

  The club came down again.

  I rolled again, but this time I lashed out with my sword as I did. The top half of his club was split in half and fell to the ground with a thud.

  It might’ve been his surprise at discovering the top half of his club was gone, or that Axel was peppering his face with a roman candle spell, but I managed to roll clear before the bugbear tried to smash me again. I jumped back to my feet and moved alongside Axel.

  The other two bugbears were in the process of flanking us from either side.

  Based on Axel’s luck so far, I knew I didn’t have a spell in my repertoire that would be worth a shit against these guys. My sword, on the other hand, well, that was a different story.

  As if reading my mind, Axel glanced over and said, “Try not to hurt them. No killing.”

  “Tell them that,” I said, scoffing.

  He had a point, though. These bugbears hadn’t actually hurt anyone. Sure, they were trying to kill us, but we’d strolled into their lair uninvited. No doubt they perceived us as a threat. Furthermore, Axel had compared them to Sasquatch, which clearly had been a grave insult.

  So, instead of arguing with my dear friend, I asked, “What do you have in mind?”

  “I’m working on a plan.”

  “Are you?” I asked, unconvinced.

  “Oh, yeah,” he said in his most reassuring voice. “It’s going to be a really good plan. Maybe my best to date.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “No, I am working on a plan.”

  “Work faster,” I said as all three of the bugbears charged us at once.

  We both darted clear as the three giant goblins closed in. I can’t say what was going through Axel’s head, but I secretly hoped the three big bastards would slam into each other in comical fashion.