Fight for Me: The Complete Collection

by Jackson, A. L.

  It was like finding peace in the darkest night.

  Then, like a piece of shit, I’d slipped from her bed before dawn, fucking wrecked, leaving her lying there naked where I’d been tangled with her.

  The whole time wanting to climb right back into her arms.

  To wrap her up and never let her go.

  But I’d left her there because I’d had to.

  What other choice did I have?

  Didn’t think I’d ever been so torn about anything.

  I had been wrong.

  Tonight, I felt like I was being shredded in two. Never so caught up in right and wrong. The girl once again a secret.

  My best secret.

  One I wanted to keep.

  Just didn’t know what kind of person that made me if I did.

  Rex handed Kale a shot glass and then gave one to me. The three of us met in the middle of the small office. We lifted the shots above our heads. “To Sydney. We’ll never forget.”

  Glasses clinked, and we tossed back the shots. I swallowed it down. Heat blistered my stomach and crawled through my senses. This date would haunt me forever—but I could feel something . . . something changing.

  Kale clapped me on the back. “You okay, man?”

  A huff left my nose, and I scrubbed a palm over my face. “Not sure that’s the right description. Okay would mean forgetting.”

  He looked at me seriously. “Not sure there’s any chance of that. Don’t think you’re ever going to forget. And I don’t think you’d want to.”

  He started to move around me to head for the door. All the girls and Broderick would be waiting, probably wondering where the hell we’d slipped off to.

  He paused when he was right at my side, both of us facing opposite directions. He reached out and squeezed my shoulder, his attention cast to the ground. “But it’s been fourteen years, Ollie. If I knew Sydney at all? She’s looking down on you, wishing you’d finally let her go. Wishing that you’d finally let yourself live.”

  I didn’t say anything, and he opened the door and stepped out into the bar, the muted thrum of the band playing tonight growing loud as he did. Without looking back, he snapped it shut, closing Rex and me in, the beat once again distorted, faint and vibrating through the walls.

  Warily, I looked up to meet Rex’s piercing gaze. Something about it was unsettling. Remorseful but strong. “He’s right, man.” The words caught in his throat. “It’s time.”

  I looked to the floor, hand running down my beard. “Not sure that’s possible. Not until I find her.”

  He winced, eyes slamming closed and hands curling into fists. “You’re hung up on an impossibility, Ollie. It’s time you admitted that.”

  Part of me wanted to lash out at him. Tell him to fuck off because he couldn’t understand. This was my sister we were talking about. They’d barely even been friends, only knowing each other because he and I hung out.

  The other part knew he was right.

  Fourteen years, I’d been searching. Cutting out every fucking news article about her that had ever been written, comparing it against other cases, sure that, if I was patient enough, I would notice something. Piece together a clue that had been missed.

  Hell, that’d been part of the reason I’d opened this bar in the first place. Figuring one day, someone would slip, say something they shouldn’t. Or maybe someone would say something they didn’t know was important in the first place.

  I felt that hope slipping away.

  What scared me most was I didn’t know where that left me.

  Rex hesitated, the words almost a groan when he released them. “I miss her, too, man. You think if I could go back, I wouldn’t do things differently?”

  I looked up, trying to gauge where he was coming from, what he was trying to get at.

  He sighed, shook whatever thoughts he was having off. “Everyone’s out there. Together. The people who care about you most. Don’t neglect that. You’re gonna regret it if you do. Time goes by so fast, Ollie. So damned fast. You’ve got to treasure the days you’re given.”

  An echo of my mother’s screams filled my ear, the impact of them thrashing in my spirit, her fists a phantom pain on my chest.

  It’s your fault.

  I trusted you.

  You were supposed to take care of her.

  You promised, you’d take care of her.

  “Not sure I even deserve to be out there with them.”

  Rex strode for the door, pausing with it open as he turned, his words pointed. “Don’t you?”

  For twenty minutes, I sat alone with only my thoughts and the sounds of the bar seeping through the walls to keep me company.

  Processing.

  Sifting through my thoughts and my worries.

  The deep-seated need to cling to this day—to the memory of Sydney—to give her the devotion that she’d deserved.

  The other part was all fucked up over Nikki.

  Nikki. Fucking. Walters.

  Invading my life when I didn’t know how to keep her there.

  How to make her fit.

  The girl so fucking wrong. So fucking right.

  Like I said, I’d never been so torn.

  Finally, I forced myself to get it together, got behind my bar, and went to work.

  Seemed impossible, but the smile tacked to my face wasn’t all that hard to find, considering I was surrounded by the group of people who had gathered directly across from me.

  Laughing and treasuring and cherishing.

  Most of all . . . Nikki was right there.

  Safe.

  I poured Lillith a glass of chilled white wine, whipped up a pitcher of margaritas for Rynna, Hope, and Jenna. After that, I handed a beer to Rex, filled a tumbler of whiskey for Kale, and passed a glass of red wine to Broderick.

  I went to work on Nikki’s drink, listening to my friends carrying on, having a great time.

  Their laughter rang free, blending with the beat of the band where they’d taken up residence at the bar like they owned the place.

  Their voices were loud and their mood a little bit rowdy.

  From across the bar, Nikki met my eyes.

  Tentatively.

  Tenderly.

  The girl sending me her soft encouragement. Aware and sweet and filled with all that light I’d taken for granted for all these years.

  I sent her a covert smile back as I slid her pink cosmo across the gleaming wood in her direction.

  Telling her I saw her. That I felt her. That I knew this day wasn’t easy on her either.

  That she had just as much on her mind as me.

  Maybe more.

  I was grateful there was a smile on her face, too.

  That she was acting like her normal self.

  Her old self.

  Laughing and teasing and playing with her friends.

  Jenna, who was Hope’s best friend, squealed, jerking my attention away from Nikki’s hypnotizing stare. “I knew there was a reason I loved you.”

  She wrapped both hands around the margarita glass rimmed with salt, bringing it to her nose and inhaling like it was some kind of rose or some shit.

  My brows pitched high. “That’s the reason you love me? My bar?” I razzed, shaking my head like I was completely outraged.

  Jenna’s brown hair swished around her face. “You’ve got to admit that having a friend who owns a bar is filled with all kinds of perks. I wish I would have known you earlier. A girl could use a guy like you right about the time she turns twenty-one. I have major catching up to do.”

  “I take offense to that.”

  Rex waved his beer in the air. “Why do you think I still put up with your sorry ass?”

  I lifted my arms out to the sides. “Uh . . . because I’m awesome. That’s why.”

  This was always just our way, going from heavy to light in a second flat, giving each other shit as if they hadn’t just been right there, coming beside me when they always knew I needed them most.

  Kale
laughed. “Sure, sure, man, you just go on thinking that.”

  Hope swatted at his chest. “Leave Ollie alone.” She turned her attention to me, her eyes wide with playful sympathy. “I know you’re awesome. Ignore these monsters.”

  Incredulous, Kale snorted. “Monsters?”

  “Monsters,” I agreed, giving Hope a smile.

  Kale pointed at me with his index finger, the rest of his hand still wrapped around the glass. “If anyone looks like a monster around here, it’s you. Seriously, I’ve seen grown men shudder in their damned boots at the sight of you. Little do they know, you’re nothing but a pansy under all that muscle. What a damned waste.”

  A smile threatened at the edge of my mouth.

  Assholes.

  All of them.

  “Keep dreaming. Nothing wasted here.” I flexed like one of those fuckers showing off on Venice Beach. “Guys piss their pants when they see me because they know I’m not to be fucked with. Unlike you.” Was doing my best to keep a straight face and not bust out laughing as I played along.

  Kale puffed out his chest. “Oh, come on, Ollie. You know I could take you.”

  I laughed under my breath.

  “You think so, huh?”

  “Yup. Remember that time in fourth grade behind the swing sets? Totally whooped your ass, my friend.”

  My brow lifted. “That’s because I let you win.”

  Nikki widened playful eyes, her attention bouncing around the group, that mesmerizing color so pretty where they glinted under the lights.

  “I can now attest to the fact that Ollie is, in fact, a monster. A bear. Or maybe an ogre. I’m concerned for my safety. The man actually growls in his sleep.”

  The last week had been nothing but cruel.

  Being with her and not being able to touch her.

  Trying to keep that promise that I needed to figure my shit out before I hurt her again.

  She draped an arm around Jenna’s shoulders. Swore, two of them might have been twins separated at birth.

  Lillith’s hawk eyes darted between us. Swore she could spot a rat from a hundred miles away. “So, how is the whole roommate thing going? Should I thank you for not killing my best friend yet?”

  I glanced at Nikki for a flash before I set my palms on the bar and leaned toward Lillith. “Yet being the operative word.”

  Rynna giggled. “Tell me she’s not as messy at your place as she is at Pepper’s Pies. I swear to goodness, that whirlwind leaves a trail of crumbs everywhere she goes like she’s leaving behind a distress call.”

  Nikki’s mouth dropped open. “What in the world are you talkin’ about, Rynna? I bus those tables faster than all those kids you hired combined. I run circles around them.”

  “Oh, so that explains the crop circles of bread crumbs scattered around the floor.”

  “That’s it, I quit.”

  Nikki was fighting a grin behind her overexaggerated pout. But there was no missing the way her sexy mouth twisted with affection.

  “I’m just playing!” Rynna cried, rushing her friend and taking up her other side. “Don’t leave me yet. I might up and die. Don’t know what I’m going to do without you. Crumbs and all.”

  “We’ll find someone awesome to take my place, don’t worry. I mean, hello, not as awesome, because we all know that would be totally impossible, but someone who will make do.”

  Rynna pouted. “But I love you best.”

  “I’m feeling totally left out here.” Hope pursed her lips where she was tucked against Kale.

  Nikki reached out and waved her in. “Well, get in here then . . . we aren’t complete without you and Lillith.”

  Hope didn’t even hesitate. She rushed into the circle.

  Lillith rolled her eyes. “Are we seriously group-hugging in the middle of the bar?”

  Nikki’s brows shot to the ceiling. “You know what they say, how are your friends going to know you love them if you’re not drunk at two a.m. on a Saturday night?”

  Lillith glanced at the glittering diamond watch wrapped around her wrist, a gift from Broderick for her birthday. “Its nine, Nikki. Nine.”

  “Semantics. Get your ass over here.”

  From behind, Broderick gave her a tiny shove, his grin wolfish when she looked back at him. “Go on, baby. Get a little of that group love. That’s enough fantasies for an entire week.”

  Nikki pointed at him. “Eww, Brody. Just no. Don’t you dare go there.”

  Yeah. Don’t go there. And here I’d thought I liked the guy.

  But Rex was shaking his head, Kale was chuckling, and the girls were standing and hugging and jumping and laughing as they swayed in this big huddle, and there was nothing I could do but grin right the hell along.

  My chest tightened.

  Sweet agony.

  Because a piece was missing, and I’d give fucking anything for Sydney to be there. My mind flashed with what she might look like now.

  Fourteen years gone.

  Where she’d be in her life. If she’d be married. Have kids.

  Or if she’d be living in some faraway city, chasing down a dream.

  “Hey, boss,” Cece called from the other end of the bar, breaking into the thoughts that cut me down at the knees.

  I jerked my attention that way.

  So maybe Nikki had a few things right about Cece.

  My head bartender was nothing short of a tattooed sex goddess.

  Long, jet-black hair, the scraps she wore screaming seduction, almost as loud as the red painted on her lips.

  Maybe it wasn’t so strange for Nikki to make assumptions about us. People would probably take one look at Cece and think her my perfect match.

  Two of us cut from the same cloth.

  Or maybe chipped from the same stone.

  Truth was, I had never even had the urge.

  Didn’t mean it didn’t bug the hell out of me that Nikki had brought it up. I hated the idea that she had ever felt an ounce of what I’d felt when I’d had to stomach looking at her with another man.

  Wanted to dig my nails into my mind and claw all those images from my consciousness.

  “What’s up?” I hollered, grateful for the distraction.

  She cocked a wry grin, and the poor asshole sitting at the bar across from her was nothing but a puddle at her feet.

  “Could use backup. Pack of f-boys, eleven o’clock.”

  I laughed under my breath.

  Only Cece.

  Fuckboy.

  Fratboy.

  As far as she was concerned, that title was as interchangeable as the guy’s that held it were abhorrent. She slapped them with a “douche” label across their pretty-boy foreheads before they even had a chance to make it through rush week.

  I rapped my fist on the counter, pointed at my friends. “Be right back.”

  I moved to the opposite end of the bar, sliding in beside Cece to help her fill the beers for the rowdy table that was up close to the band.

  Did my best not to cringe when I saw the guy who walked through the door.

  Talk about a douche.

  Matt Walker.

  Asshole we’d all known since high school. Something about him festered right below my skin.

  Oh, that was right.

  Fucker had wanted to get his grimy hands on Nikki for just as long as I had known him.

  Didn’t matter that he was all fitted, posh business suits and shiny fucking shoes to match his shiny fucking smile.

  Asshole was slimy as fuck.

  A weasel.

  “You good?” I asked Cece when I’d finished helping her fill the huge order. Could feel the tether pulling me back that way. Toward Nikki who I knew would be the prick’s target.

  Time and again.

  She’d left with him once, a few years ago, and I’d about damned lost my mind.

  Thought of it happening again had panic laying siege to my veins.

  “Yep. Think we have it under control now. Let’s just hope they don’t eff up t
he rest of my night.”

  The girl smirked, hip tossed out to the side.

  My laugh was wry.

  Wouldn’t want to tangle with that one.

  I booked it back to my post.

  Lillith had already spotted Matt, and she bumped her hip into Nikki’s to get her attention. “Oh, look who just walked in. It’s Make-Out Matt,” she sang like she didn’t know she was basically crushing me beneath her red-soled shoe.

  Nikki’s gaze flashed to me.

  Remorse and awareness and a lifetime of unanswered questions.

  Where do we go from here?

  Who are we?

  Do I belong to you?

  Most importantly, do you belong to me?

  I gulped under the force of them, wanting nothing more than to reach out, touch her face. Maybe climb right the hell over this bar, take her in my arms, and kiss her in front of all our friends.

  Claim her as mine.

  She’d been a secret for so damned long. Problem was, I still didn’t know if I deserved to stand in her light.

  Possession tearing through my senses, I watched as the prick made his way through the crowd like he had no real destination, no care in the world.

  Still, it was obvious as hell he knew exactly what direction he was heading.

  Lillith nudged Nikki with her elbow. “You should totally give him a chance, Nikki. That poor man has been salivating over you since the day he joined the track team your senior year just so he could watch your tits bounce when you ran.”

  Nikki visibly pushed back the discomfort that surged between us and pinned one of those faked smiles on her mouth.

  “Pssh . . .” Nikki stepped back and gestured at her chest.

  I wiped my brow.

  Why the fuck wasn’t the air conditioner on? I was dying in there.

  “What tits? I’m as flat as Kansas,” she said, laughing and joking the way she’d done for all these years.

  Images rushed. The girl on my couch. Her tit in my mouth. My hands on her body.

  Need spun and licked and teased.

  She had no fucking clue just how perfect they were, peaking below that satiny material. Nikki’s own personal form of harassment.

  “Matt seems to be just fine with that.” Rynna nodded emphatically.

  Great. That was all I needed.

  Nikki had yet another meddler urging her along, not that Rynna could have a clue.

  I glared between Rex and Kale.