by Emma Easter
He said in a cold voice, “Then that means you don’t love me and we can’t be together.”
“But I do love you,” she said, trying not to break down.
“No, you don’t,” he said in a tortured voice. “Listen, Leila. I would rather not see you right now. And if you insist on holding on to this view of yours — that I need to convert in order for us to be together, then it means that we can’t go on seeing each other.”
Leila wanted to scream, to fall on the floor and weep, but she held herself together. She said, “Please, Malik. Please consider…”
“There is nothing to consider,” he said once more in a cold voice. “Maybe it’s better you leave now.”
Her mouth fell open and for a few minutes, she gazed at him. Finally, she knew he was right and she nodded. She took her suitcase from the corner of the living room and, with her heart breaking into tiny pieces, left the house without looking back.
She reached Malik’s father’s house and knocked on the gate.
Khadija came out and stared at her. She looked down at Leila’s suitcase and then up at her face again. “What happened, Leila?” she asked, her voice ringing with alarm.
“It’s a long story, Khadija. For now, I would rather not talk about it. Can I stay here, just for tonight? I’ll leave tomorrow.”
Khadija nodded. “But promise you will tell me what happened.”
Leila did not say anything. She entered the compound when Khadija opened the gate wide. She followed Khadija into the house and to a room decorated in white and red furnishings. “This is my room,” Khadija said. “You can stay with me as long as you like.”
“Thank you.” Leila sighed. She would leave Nira very early tomorrow morning and go back to the women’s camp. Leila said to Khadija, “Can I have some time alone?”
Khadija gave her a concerned smile. “Of course.” She backed away and quickly left the room.
Suddenly, Leila’s feet couldn’t hold her anymore and she sank to the floor and finally broke down. As she wept, she knew without a doubt that the pain in her heart now would always be there. She had lost Malik and nothing would ever heal the wound in her heart caused by her loss. Nothing would ever be the same again.
Chapter Twenty
Audrey looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was nine p.m. already. The time had flown by so fast today. She had to head home. But first, she had one last thing to do at the orphanage.
She stood up from her chair behind the desk. Today was her last day as the interim director of the orphanage. Tomorrow, she would go back to America with Ken.
She sighed wearily as she walked to the door and then looked back at the office she had occupied for about a month one more time. This vacation had not gone as she had expected. It was one of the most difficult times of her life and also one of the best. She had enjoyed running the orphanage temporarily, mostly because of the children. She’d also enjoyed spending time with Sienna and baby Ethan. But best of all, she had enjoyed spending time with Esther, the girl that had captured her heart.
And yet, spending time with Esther when she knew she would not get to adopt the little girl had also been extremely difficult for her. In addition to that, she and Ken had fought more on this vacation than they ever had before. She knew they still loved each other, but she carried a lot of hurt in her heart against him. He’d totally refused to talk to Esther. Now, they were leaving tomorrow and she would not get to adopt the little girl. She sighed sadly. That thought left an ache in her heart.
She left the office and slowly strode out of the administrative building. The grounds of the orphanage were brightly lit, but there were no staff or children around. She had to go and say her final goodbye to Esther. She was not looking forward to that at all.
She felt like weeping. If only Ken weren’t so stubborn. She had tried to see things from his point of view, but it was impossible. First, he didn’t want them to have a baby. Now, he was totally against adopting a seven-year-old child. It just didn’t make any sense to her, all his explanations notwithstanding.
She walked into the children’s hospital and went straight to Esther’s bunk. It was already bedtime for the children and most of them were in bed. Esther would probably be in bed as well. Audrey wished she had taken note of the time earlier. She had been wrapping up her work at the orphanage since she was leaving tomorrow. Time had gotten away from her. Now, Esther would be asleep. As much as she didn’t want to wake Esther up, she had to tell her she was leaving tomorrow. She had not been able to yet because she could not bring herself to tell Esther she was not going to be her mommy. They had become so close during this past month; she knew Esther would be devastated when she told her she was leaving tomorrow.
Audrey sighed again as she walked up to Esther’s bunk. Esther was on the top bunk and as Audrey had already guessed, fast asleep. For a long moment, Audrey gazed at her, her heart aching. Finally, she touched Esther’s hair and kissed her forehead. Esther opened her eyes and Audrey smiled at her.
Esther smiled back and sat up on her bed. She reached out and gave Audrey a hug.
Audrey pushed down the sob that was rising up in her. How would she muster the courage and strength to tell Esther that after today, Esther would not see her again? She pressed her lips tightly together and forced herself to smile. She took Esther’s hand, and said, “Esther, honey, I came to say goodbye.”
Esther beamed at her. “Goodbye. I’ll see you tomorrow,” the little girl said. She started to lie back down on her bed, but Audrey held her hands and whispered, “We won’t see each other tomorrow, Esther.” She paused for second as Esther’s eyes widened in surprise. In a voice choked with emotion, Audrey said, “I am leaving for America tomorrow.”
Tears swam in Esther’s eyes and she said, “When will you be back?”
Audrey blinked back the tears in her eyes and said, “I am not coming back, honey. I am so sorry.”
Esther shook her head slowly and then she let out a yelp that startled Audrey. “No, no! You can’t go!”
Audrey glanced around the room to make sure Esther had not woken up any of the other children. She looked at Esther again and said, “Esther. I know. I feel really sad as well. But I’ll call you regularly. And we can video chat as well.”
Esther shook her head and said cried, “You can’t go! I thought you would be my mommy. Why would you leave me here?”
Audrey felt her heart breaking. Tears flowed down her cheeks. She reached out and hugged Esther fiercely and said, “I am truly sorry, Esther. I wanted to be your mommy as well. Things didn’t work out, that’s all. But I’ll never forget you and, just as I said, I will call you regularly. I promise.”
Esther said, “But I don’t want to talk to you on the phone. I want to come with you. Please take me with you.” She began to cry.
Audrey tried as best as she could to soothe the girl. She said, “At this time, Esther, it won’t be possible to take you with me.” She hugged the little girl again and rubbed her back, trying to comfort her. She let Esther cry on her shoulder until she was cried out. Finally, Audrey laid Esther back on the bed and brushed back her hair. She kissed Esther’s cheeks and smiled down at her.
Esther said, “I love you.”
Fresh tears fell down Audrey’s cheeks and she whispered, “I love you too, Esther. Never forget that. Remember, we will talk regularly on the phone and do video chats. It will be just as though I’m still here with you.”
Audrey knew it was not going to be the same, but she didn’t know what else to say. She kept gazing at Esther, watching her sniffling. And then her eyes gradually closed and she soon fell asleep again. She began to snore lightly and Audrey slowly backed away.
She walked out of the children’s hostel, sad and angry. Sad because she had to leave Esther, and angry at Ken. However, she knew her anger at him had to go. They were husband and wife and she had to find a way to live peacefully with him or their marriage would not last. And, in spite of everything, she still l
oved him dearly.
As she’d done for the last few weeks since she’d started running the orphanage, she walked out of the orphanage gate and went to the next building where Bryan’s office was located. It was a three-story building and Bryan had an office on the second floor. He worked there when he was not holding a church outreach or revival. Usually, she came to his office around seven o’clock and then they left for the house together.
He looked up as she walked in and smiled. “I have been waiting for you for about an hour now. I was wondering where you were.”
She said, “I had to put my affairs in order.”
He nodded.
She said, “I also had to say goodbye to Esther.”
Bryan thinned his lips. He had a grim expression on his face as he asked, “How did she take it?”
“She was sad, as I expected she would be. She cried and asked me to take her along. I told her it was not possible to do that, but that we would talk on the phone regularly.” Audrey sighed loudly and sat on the chair across from Bryan. “My heart feels really sore.” The tears came again and she angrily dashed at them. “I wish Ken had agreed for us to adopt her, Bryan. I wish he weren’t so stubborn.”
Bryan shrugged. “I tried to talk to him about it, but he told me neither of you are ready to have a child right now.”
Audrey shook her head. “That is one thing that annoys me about it all. Ken speaks for me as though I don’t have a mind of my own. I’ve told him time and time again that I am ready to be a mother, but he insists that I am not.”
Bryan said, “I am sorry, Audrey. The only thing I can do is to pray for both of you. I hope you work things out. I know you love each other very much and I pray that this doesn’t cause a rift in your marriage.”
Audrey said nothing. It had already caused some rift in their relationship. She was all talked out about this issue. It was so tiring, heartbreaking, and annoying. There was nothing left to say.
Bryan began to gather his things and five minutes later, they left his office and walked to his car. The ride home took about half an hour and immediately after Audrey walked into the house, she went straight to the bedroom.
Ken was standing in front of the closet. Behind him on the floor was his suitcase. She looked at him and without a word, began to shed her clothes. She had already finished packing and all she wanted to do now was go to bed. They had an early flight tomorrow.
Ken said to her, “You are back, Audrey. I’m just packing now. You’ve finished packing, haven’t you?”
She refused to speak to him. Only God knew what she would say if she did. She was angry at him and utterly upset. Nothing good would come out of her mouth right now.
Changing into her nightgown, she went into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth in preparation for bed. When Ken followed her into the bathroom, she groaned. She stared at his face through the mirror and said harshly, “What is it?”
“We can’t go on like this, Audrey.”
“Go on like how?”
“Like this, Audrey. Not talking to each other.”
“And why do you think we are not speaking to each other?” she asked bitingly.
He sighed loudly and answered, “It’s because of that adoption thing, isn’t it?”
Audrey laughed harshly and said, “That adoption thing? Is the thing you’re referring to the child that I asked you to consider adopting? And also, what about the fact that you’ve flatly refused for us to have a baby?”
Suddenly, she remembered the voice that had spoken to her some time ago, telling her not to fight with him about this, and pursed her lips. Knowing it was God’s voice, she would be in disobedience if she kept talking with Ken.
Ken said, “I’ve tried to explain why we can’t have kids now.”
She wanted to bark at him and give him a piece of her mind, but she said nothing. Instead, she ignored him and began to brush her teeth. After that, she washed her face and left the bathroom again, leaving him standing there. She applied moisturizer on her face and climbed into bed.
Ken climbed in beside her and reached out for her.
She smacked his hand away and moved away from him. “Please, just leave me alone!” she said.
He touched her shoulder lightly and then shifted away.
Turning her face to the wall, she sighed sadly, and then forced herself to go to sleep.
*****
Audrey woke up the next morning with a heavy heart. She got out of bed and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already seven o’clock. The flight was at nine. They had to get to the airport as soon as possible.
She quickly went into the bathroom. And then she blinked and came into the room again. Ken was not in bed. She usually woke up before him and had to wake him up. Maybe he’s in the living room with Bryan, she thought. She got into the bathroom again and showered quickly.
After that, she put on a light green shift dress and ballet flats. She brushed her short hair, glanced at the mirror, and frowned. Where on Earth is Ken?
She looked at the clock on the wall again. It was now seven thirty-five. They would be late if they didn’t get going. She walked out of the room to look for Ken and bumped into Sienna holding baby Ethan. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Sienna,” Audrey said.
Sienna smiled. “Ethan and I came to say goodbye to Auntie Audrey.”
Audrey reached out and took Ethan from Sienna. She kissed his cheeks and said, “I’m going to miss you, little boy.”
Ethan looked up at her and smiled.
She kissed his nose and beamed at him, and then she hugged Sienna fiercely.
Sienna wiped away the tears from her eyes. “I wish you could stay here forever.”
Audrey laughed in spite of the tears falling down her cheeks. “Unfortunately, I have to go, but I will miss you terribly. And I’ll also miss this precious little boy.” She hugged Sienna again and then drew back. She said, “By the way, have you seen Ken anywhere?”
Sienna shook her head. “I haven’t seen him.”
Audrey frowned. “I thought he might be with Bryan in the living room.”
“Bryan is still in our bedroom,” Sienna said.
“That’s strange.” Audrey put one hand around Sienna’s shoulders while holding Ethan in the other and they went to the living room together. She looked around. Ken wasn’t here, either. They went around the whole house searching for him, but they did not find him. Sienna went into her bedroom to tell Bryan they were searching for Ken, while Audrey stood at the door.
Bryan came out of the room almost immediately and said to Audrey, “Have you searched the whole house?”
“Yes,” Audrey answered. “Everywhere. I guess I’ll have to call him,” she said. She sighed loudly. “Where can he be? We will be late for our flight for sure.” She went back to the bedroom and took out her phone from her purse. Dialing Ken’s number, she listened as his phone rang. He didn’t pick up and she groaned. Ken, where on Earth are you?
Once more, anger rose in her heart against him. And then it turned to worry. It was unlike him. He was a very disciplined person. Since they had a flight early this morning, he usually would be the first person to hurry up so they could leave for the airport. “Lord, where is he?” she muttered.
Bryan and Sienna walked into the room and Sienna asked, “Have you called him?”
Audrey answered, “I have, but he didn’t answer his phone.”
Her phone suddenly rang and she blinked. She picked it up, stared at it, and saw it was Ken. Letting out a huge sigh of relief, she answered. “Ken, where on Earth are you?”
He said, “I’m at the orphanage, Audrey..”
Audrey’s jaw dropped and she said, “What in the world are you doing at the orphanage?”
“It’s a long story, Audrey and I’ll tell you about it later. But the short version is that after we spoke last night, for the first time I realized how hurt you were. How much I hurt you, especially because I did not speak to that little girl at the orphanage
that you wanted me to meet. I decided to at least meet her before we left Peru. And I have, Audrey. And now I see why you want us to adopt her. I love her, Audrey. She is a lovely little girl. But more than that, I feel like it’s the Lord’s will for us to become her parents. There is more to tell you about why I changed my mind, but that will have to be in person.”
Audrey’s mouth fell open and joy flooded her. For a long moment she could not speak, and then she screamed with excitement, and said, “Really Ken, you’re serious? We can adopt Esther?”
He said, “I’ll put my phone on speaker now. Say hello to Esther.”
“Hi, Mom,” Esther said.
Audrey’s heart soared. It was the first time Esther had actually called her mom. That meant Ken had told her they would become her parents soon. “Hi, Esther!” Audrey said with exhilaration.
“Is it true you will come and take me to America soon and be my mommy?”
Audrey could not contain her joy. Tears fell down her cheeks; tears of joy.
“Yes, Esther. It is true.”
“Yay!” Esther said happily.
She spoke with Esther for a short while and then she said to Ken, “All right, honey, you have to come back now or we will miss our flight.”
“I am so glad you are speaking to me again,” Ken said. “I just want to make you happy.”
Audrey smiled. “You have made me very happy.”
“I’m on my way back now, sweetie.” He added in a naughty voice, “And maybe when we get back to America and have the house to ourselves, we can start making babies. What do you say about that?”
Her eyebrows lifted in surprise and for a few seconds, she was speechless. And then she screeched. “Ken, please tell me you are not pulling my leg!”
“Why would I pass up on that kind of opportunity?”
She screamed again and said, “Oh, Ken! That would be great! I can’t wait!”
“I need to apologize for being so selfish, Audrey. Anyway, I’ll see you soon.”
The call ended. Audrey turned around and then fell into Sienna’s arms, overwhelmed with happiness. She wept for joy and then hugged Bryan. “Ken finally agreed for us to adopt Esther and he wants us to start trying to get pregnant.”