Cam is just looking at me. I’m not sure what reaction he is having. Panic. Pity. Disgust. I wouldn’t blame him for any of it. “My God, Dani. I’m so sorry.”
“I’ve never told anyone this before, other than the cops. I went to them and they told me that there wasn’t sufficient proof, that it was my word against his. I felt so ashamed and figured that it really was my fault. I convinced myself that I had led him on.” The anger rushes through me. “I moved out here to get away from all of it. To finally forget. The memories break me a little more every day. And even thousands of miles away, it still haunts me. After Professor Mullins, I’m beginning to think that everyone thinks they can take advantage of me. That maybe something is truly wrong with me and everyone else can see it.” The truth has me on an emotional roller-coaster.
There is no emotion on his face. “I understand why you didn’t want to tell the cops about the other night. I wish you had told me sooner, but I understand why you were hesitant. It all makes sense now.” I expected some pity, but there is nothing. “Thank you for telling me. I know that it must be extremely painful for you to relive your past like that.”
I need to say something else. If my story didn’t scare him off, this probably will. “I know I just scared the crap out of you and you probably will never look at me the same way again. But I just need to tell you this.” I take another deep breath to build up some more courage. “You barreled into my life out of nowhere. But there is something about you that keeps pulling me in. It makes me crazy, because I know I’m not good for you, but you make me want more. I know we haven’t known each other that long, but in the last few days, I haven’t had any nightmares. I’m not saying that you stopped them but I think since I started letting a fraction of my wall down with you, and my heart slowly started to let you in, my mind started a little, too.” What the hell did I just say? Did that even make sense? It makes sense to me, at least in my head, it does.
His eyes are on mine. Why can’t I read him? I need some kind of reaction. Anything. Good or bad. I don’t care; I just need something so I can know how to move on from here. Midway through my mental freak-out, his lips hit mine. It isn’t a kiss that is full of passion or heat, but one of care and tenderness.
“Let’s not talk about this anymore.” His words hurt. He wants to change the subject, so I think I freaked him out. Maybe my weird way of telling him how I feel about him didn’t make sense. Maybe it is just too much too soon. He hasn’t left yet so I guess that’s something.
He takes the laptop and puts on Liar, Liar. “I think we need some comedy.”
We watch the movie and are bodies both shake with hysterics through the entire thing at Jim Carrey’s silly character. I fall into oblivion with the comfort of having Cam beside me.
Chapter 10
Iwake up to the sound of my alarm clock. And Cam is gone. I thought we had a decent night after my awful revelation but maybe it was too much for him and he just stayed with me because he pities me. I can’t even think about that right now because I have so much to do before I start my new position today. I go through my typical routine of getting ready in the morning. The usual shower, dress, and makeup; trying to look presentable for my new position and the talk to the Dean.
I walk out of my dorm, make my way to the Administration building, and ask to speak with the Dean. The receptionist tells me that it will be a few minutes, so I sit and wait. I bite at my fingers while my anxiousness builds. After about fifteen minutes, I’m given permission to enter the Dean’s office. Dean White is a daunting woman. She is older with some graying hair but appears to take decent care of herself. She is short in stature but has the look of someone you really don’t want to mess with.
“What can I do for you, Ms. McKinley?” Dean White’s voice is serious. No bullshit, serious.
“I need to drop my economics class.” My voice is shaky.
“You can do that with your academic counselor. Please tell me you didn’t waste my time for this.” There is annoyance present now while she taps her pen on her desk.
“I am very sorry to have bothered you. I’m not sure if you are the person I need to tell or if there someone else I need to speak with, but I would also like to report an…uh…attempted rape.”
“Go on.” I recognize something different in her voice, not sure what though.
I continue and tell her about the incident in perfect detail and how Cam defended my honor. I also explain how he got arrested and was wrongfully accused. I’ll be damned if he pays for this in any way.
Her response is not what I expected at all. I’m not sure what I expected, but it definitely wasn’t this. “Ok. Well, first of all, I will not allow you to drop the class.” She looks at her computer as she speaks. “I see that you have class tomorrow. You will miss the next few classes with excused absences, but we will have a replacement for Mr. Mullins by next week. Judging by your current transcript, we wouldn’t want you to drop the class halfway through the semester, which would result in an incomplete for that class and could potentially ruin your GPA. Professor Mullins’ actions are not tolerated here at USC. We will take this accusation very seriously. Have you filed a report with the police?”
Crap! Now that I think about it, I didn’t actually file a report. I told the officer everything, but I never said I wanted to press charges against him. “I told the officer what happened when I found out Cam got arrested but I never told them I want to press charges.” I will have to call the officer after this and see if I can do it over the phone or if I will have to the police station.
Dean White is full of surprises and she is extremely difficult to read. “Let’s take care of this right now. Do you have the officer’s name that you spoke with?”
I give her the officer’s name and she picks up the phone and dials. She speaks with Officer O’Keefe and explains the situation and how she would like to press charges against the professor on behalf of a student and the University. I can sense her displeasure in her voice and as she fidgets in her chair while she continues to speak with him. She is probably getting the same shit I got when I spoke with him. She continues to speak with him for a few minutes and finally hangs up the phone. “Well, he is an interesting character. He will be contacting you to get an official statement from you, but it should be all legitimate now.”
A sense of relief brushes over me. “Thank you for helping me today. You have no idea how much it means to me to have someone believe me.”
There is a new kindness in her eyes that wasn’t there before. “You can come to talk with me anytime, Ms. McKinley. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will be in touch if we need any other information from you. In the meantime, try to enjoy your day. I will also ensure that you receive your missed assignments, so you aren’t behind in class upon your return.”
I stand and extend my hand for a handshake and she reciprocates the gesture. I walk out the door and proceed to my first day of my new position. Maybe things will start looking up for me. I enjoy the nice walk to the Bistro.
Gary greets me as soon as I arrive. “Hi, Dani. How are you today? Did you enjoy your day off yesterday?”
“It was great. Thank you.” I had a wonderful day getting to know Cam, meeting his mother, and seeing where he grew up. It was a day I will never forget. I wish I could go back and relive it over and over again. I would gladly stay there forever. The uncertainty of everything between us is killing me. I told him how I felt now the ball is in his court.
“Ready to get started?” Gary leads the way into the back office. “We will share this office. It will be all yours when you are here. I understand that you are unable to work the full-time schedule because of school so we will figure out a schedule that will give you time for your classes, schoolwork and of course, a social life.”
“Don’t be silly, Gary. You know, I don’t have much of a social life.”
“I think that’s all going to change soon.” He winks at me as if he is in on some private intel.
“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about the money I borrowed. I will make payments or if you want to keep a portion of my paycheck until I pay it off. I will even pay interest if you want.” I just need to make good on this. I can’t have this guilt lingering over me for taking advantage of this sweet man.
Gary gives me a look of confusion “What do you mean? You don’t owe anything.”
“If you are saying that I don’t have to pay you back, I’m sorry but that is not acceptable. People don’t even make that in two years of full-time work.”
“I don’t think you understand. Camden came in first thing this morning with a check to pay me. You really don’t owe anything. He paid every penny and couldn’t have been more grateful.” He appears shocked that I had no idea about this. “We had a nice chat. He’s a good guy.”
“What?!? I don’t understand. I spent all day with him yesterday and he didn’t say that he planned on paying you back today.” Is this his way of being completely done with me? He pays Gary back and now I’ll never see him again. “I’m sorry. I just had no idea.” I take a moment to shake off my sorrow and I change the subject. “So, what do I need to know first about being the restaurant manager?”
Gary spends the rest of the day running through exactly what I need to do and know. He’s very thorough with his instructions so I understand everything. I think I’m really going to like this job. I don’t have to deal with any of the customers unless someone calls in sick. As my day comes to an end at work, I have the urge to call Cam and tell him about it, but he hasn’t made any attempt to contact me. Not a phone call or a text after the amazing day we shared. As great as yesterday was, I refuse to be the type of girl that chases a guy.
Before I leave, Gary and I discuss what my schedule will look like going forward. And he okays my school schedule and includes extra time for me to be able to study and socialize. I couldn’t ask for a better boss. I really don’t deserve him.
After the walk back to my room, I decide to look up some cars. I think I should have enough money saved to buy a decent used car and to pay for the taxes and registration to get it on the road. But as soon as I get somewhat comfortable, there is a knock on my door. I walk towards the door and when I look through the peephole, I see Cam standing there. I open the door and let him in. “What are you doing here?” I’m fuming mad but I’m trying to stay calm and not explode. I should let him explain, but my mouth has another idea.
“I brought food. I figured you’d be hungry after working all day.” He hands me a bag full of Chinese food.
“You can’t just keep doing this. You act like you want to be here one minute and you just disappear, and then I don’t hear from you all day. I don’t do well with games.” I’m sure my impatience is obvious. I’m not even going to attempt to hide it.
“I’m sorry. I had some stuff to take care of today.” It doesn’t seem like it’s a big deal to him, but it is to me.
“Yeah, I know. I heard you paid Gary this morning. Was that another way to get rid of me? Because you are starting to give me whiplash.” I don’t want to sound like a needy girlfriend, but I think that ship has sailed.
“I did not pay Gary to get rid of you. I’m here, aren’t I? If I wanted to get rid of you, I wouldn’t have come here tonight. It was not your burden to take on. I paid him because I didn’t want you to feel like you were responsible for that. This is my problem, not yours.” I hate that he is making so much sense. Damn it.
“How can you say this is your problem? If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even be in this mess. And where did you even get the money for that? That’s a lot of money to just have hanging around.” Please tell me that he didn’t steal it from someone. I hold my breath waiting for his response.
“I…uh…I pawned my Vette.” His head is down as if he is ashamed that he had to do it.
“What? Why would you do that? That belongs in your family. I had it under control. I was willing to make payments if I had to. Gary would have worked something out with me. He’s great like that.” I can’t even imagine what would make him pawn the only thing that matters to him.
“You have been through enough. You don’t need the added stress or paying a gigantic debt that isn’t even yours. Besides, I’m hoping that once this is all cleared up, I can get my car back. The pawn shop gave me thirty days to pay them back.” There it is. Exactly what I was waiting for. Pity.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Is that why you came here because you feel sorry for me? I’m not some charity case that needs someone to take care of me. I may be broken but I can handle my own shit. You can’t break what’s already broken so stop trying to protect me.” I push the bag of food into his hands. “I don’t need your sympathy or your pity food. You should probably go. I didn’t ask for any of this. You pushed yourself into my life and I was stupid enough to let you in. Now you are just playing mind games with me, and I just can’t deal with it.” The words leave a terrible taste in my mouth.
“Listen… Fuck… I’m not used to this shit. To be honest, I’ve never had these types of feelings before. You make me nervous and it’s annoying as all hell. When I first saw you at the Bistro, I thought you were gorgeous. But then I saw you reading Edgar Allen Poe and I was so fascinated by the sight of you. And after you scammed Toby, that was the icing on the cake. I wanted to get to know you even more. Really, it was more of a need than a want. I figured we would be friends, but then shit got real.” He’s pacing the floor of my dorm. “I wanted to be around you and I wanted to talk to you, because everything about you is hypnotizing. Then, you pushed me away…”
I interrupt him. “I…”
“NO. Let me finish. I need to say this.” He pauses for a moment and continues. “In my mind, I understood that I barely knew you and that I should just move on but for some reason I still wanted more. I was devastated because you kept shutting me out. When you had that nightmare, it scared the crap out of me, and I thought I was in over my head. I wanted to take all of your pain away but I knew that I couldn’t and that bothered me more than I can explain, so I tried to just walk away but I didn’t have the strength to be away from you. I wanted to protect you. I have never wanted anything so badly in my life. I want you, all of you. I know you said you were broken, but I don’t think that’s entirely true. I see you more like a puzzle that just needs to be put together. I want to be that for you. But I’m scared. I know what you went through, and I don’t want to hurt you. I’m afraid to touch you because I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything, but God, you have no idea how difficult it is. I want you in every way possible.” His gaze penetrates my soul. “I had to leave to restrain myself from doing something that made you feel uncomfortable. I refuse to be the type of guy that plays off someone’s vulnerability.” He lets out a huge sigh like he’s been holding on to these feelings for a long time.
I have never heard anything so beautiful. There are no words that I can say to respond. After his revelation, I know that I need to make the first move, as scary as the thought is. I haven’t been with anyone since that awful day. I never wanted it. I never thought that I would ever want to be with someone else. I didn’t want to chance getting hurt again. So, I closed myself off from everyone and built a wall around me. Slowly, Cam has torn that wall down and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I want to share this with him. I want this more than anything. I need this more than anything.
Instead of words, I walk over to where he stands, take the bag of food out of his hand, and place it on the floor. I need to be closer. I look back up at him. We are now inches apart and I push my mouth to his. There is no denying the electricity. Our mouths open slightly, and I glide my tongue over his and we dive into each other. At first, the kiss is gentle and tender but then the intensity takes over and it becomes more demanding. The desire sends tingles throughout my body and straight down to my toes. I instantly want more. Need more. More of his body. More of his soul. I want to give myself to him in every w
ay. I pull off his t-shirt and caress his chiseled abs and lightly run my fingers between his boxers and his skin, teasing him and making it clear that I want this without using actual words. A small groan comes from him and I can feel the vibration on my mouth. Just that sound alone has me reeling. I slowly unbutton his pants and I start trailing kisses from his stomach down to the sculpted V on his perfect body. I tug down his pants and boxers to his ankles and get on my knees. I take his hardness into my mouth because I have a strong craving to taste him. I take my tongue up and down his shaft and then slowly bring my attention to the tip that is already glistening.
“Oh My God, Dani!” He grabs me up by the arms and lifts me up. He pulls off his pants from where they sit at his ankles and carries me to the bed. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I have never wanted anything more in my life.”
His soft touch makes me want to scream. He pulls off my shirt and removes my bra. My nipples are hard from the arousal. His left-hand cups my left breast while he teases my right one with his tongue. He moves his mouth over to my left breast giving them equal attention and slowly moves his tongue down my stomach. The torture is unbearable. “I need to feel you, please.” I take his cock into my hand and pump up and down, returning the favor of agony. That’s all it takes to get my point across. He urgently pulls down my pants and panties. We are both completely naked and there is nothing but hunger emanating from both of us. He reaches over and grabs a foil packet out of his jeans and places the condom over his length. He carefully readjusts on top of me, not allowing his full weight to discomfort me and he places himself between my legs. He pushes in and out slowly but soon the carnality takes over and he grabs both of my legs and places them over his shoulders, thrusting into me deeper. I whimper, not due to pain but intense pleasure. The vigor of his force sends me over the edge and into ecstasy. He reaches his climax seconds after mine and we welcome the high together. He rolls off of me and we lay next to each other completely breathless and panting.
A Broken Past Page 9