A Broken Past

by Cara L. Silver

  I drag my ass out of bed so I can pick up Cam’s car with the cash that I borrowed from Gary. When Gary gave me the money, I made a deal with him that I would pay him back slowly until Cam gets his money back from the court or jail or wherever the hell it actually comes from. I’m obviously taking a chance on him. But I never doubted him before when I bailed him out and I certainly don’t doubt him now. I know he would be heartbroken if he lost his car. That car means more to him than he lets on. So, I know that I have to do this for him.

  Overall, everything goes as smoothly as can be expected. The pawn shop takes the money and gives me the keys. It almost feels weird to have something go according to plan for a change. I use the plates off my car so I can drive his Vette home.

  When I arrive at Trojan Hall, I park in the furthest corner of the parking lot, where there are no cars around anywhere. I get out of the car and make sure everything is locked. I’m worried about leaving this car here overnight, but I have nowhere else to bring it. The damn thing costs more and means more than my life is worth.

  I get in my own car and go to work for a few hours because tomorrow is the trial and I’m not sure how long I will be stuck in court. I pull into the parking lot and walk inside and Gary waves to me, so I wave back with a smile. He looks busy so I don’t disturb him, and I head to the office and try to get some work done. After a couple of hours, I take a break and head out to the dining area to grab some food when I see Toby sitting there with a pretty red head. I haven’t seen him since I gave him the wrong number. He seems to be doing okay in the ladies’ department, so maybe it wasn’t a big deal to him. I secretly hope that he doesn’t approach me, but luck and I have never been on very good terms.

  “Hey, Sheisty!” He gives me a side hip bump.

  “I guess I deserve that. That isn’t going to be my permanent nickname, is it?” I shoot him a grin.

  “Well… That depends.”

  “On?” I’m scared of what will come out of his mouth next.

  “On how well you work your magic on Cam.” His smile slowly fades.

  “I have no idea what you are talking about.” I really have absolutely no clue what he is trying to tell me. I try to rack my brain but still can’t figure it out.

  “Listen, he told me about you and him. I may have been a little butt hurt at first, but it’s fine. I was more insulted that you gave me the wrong number. I mean, have you seen me? You can’t tell me I’m not hot.” He’s definitely not subtle.

  “Honestly, I knew I probably didn’t have a shot, especially after I saw how he was interested in you. Whatever you guys have or had; you need to bring it back. I’ve never seen him as happy as he was when you two were hanging out even with all that other shit going on. And now, he’s miserable. We have been friends since elementary school and seeing him like this is not cool.” The change in his face is evident. He appears somber.

  “Wow. You are a good friend. I’m glad he has you.” He has me missing my own friend. I wish someone would do this for me. “But don’t you think that maybe he’s just upset because he probably lost his car. I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, but I know that car meant the world to him.” I know I would be destroyed if I lost a car like that, especially since it has been in his family for multiple generations.

  “You don’t give yourself enough credit. Yes, he loves that car, but it definitely doesn’t mean as much as you think it means. He knew going into this that he probably wouldn’t get it back. He pawned it because he doesn’t like to owe people money. He hates being dependent on anyone. He has always been that way ever since we were little, and he will probably kick my ass for telling you all this. Not to mention that he already told his parents the whole story.” His words are a stampede on my heart but give me hope all at the same time, if that’s even possible.

  “I don’t know what to say to that. And I usually have a response for everything.” My comment couldn’t be closer to the truth since I have never been at a loss for words.

  Toby doesn’t think my joke is funny because there is nothing but seriousness all over his face. “Tell me how you feel about him. And don’t give me some bullshit story because you think you will hurt my feelings. I’m a big boy and I’ve already come to terms with the rejection…. I also promise that what you say to me will go with me to my grave. In case you are worried that I will tell Cam, I won’t. Whether or not you tell him is your business, not mine.”

  There is no stopping the word vomit. “I’m crazy about him. I’ve never had feelings for anyone like how I feel about him. I’m very much in love with him. Is that what you want to hear?”

  “Yes. Thank you. Now please tell me that you will try to make this work with him. He really cares about you.” It’s exactly what I want to hear but is it too late?

  “I don’t know. I really fucked up. I wouldn’t forgive me if I were him. I have a plan but I’m not even sure if it will work. I’m honestly just hoping for friendship.” The truth is sour as it comes out of my mouth.

  “Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t take shit from anyone, but he has a soft spot for you. I have a funny feeling he will surprise you.” He winks at me like he may be omitting some information. Why does it feel like everyone isn’t telling me the whole story? “I gotta go. I’ll catch you later.” He waves and walks out the door to the red head who is patiently waiting outside for him. She may be patiently waiting for him, but her eyes are shooting daggers at me. I feel sorry for her. She has no idea that I am no threat to her relationship with Toby. I’m sure he will explain the situation to her, and all will be fine.

  After hearing what Toby said about the car, I’m a little concerned that Cam won’t be happy that I got it back. I didn’t realize that he is such a proud guy. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

  I grab a muffin from the display case and get back to work. After another few hours of work, it’s time to call it a night. It’s already dark outside when I walk back to my car and drive home.

  As I walk inside, I hear my phone alert me, but I don’t look at it until I’m safely inside my room. I sit down on my bed and look at the messages and when I see who it is, I can’t help but smile.

  Cam is worried about me when he should be concerned of the outcome of tomorrow’s trial for himself. He really is too good for me. I don’t think I deserve him at all, but I can’t help that I’m selfish and I want him in my life regardless.

  How are you doing

  today, are you

  getting nervous about

  testifying tomorrow?

  Not too bad. I’m more worried that it won’t be enough.

  Don’t worry about that.

  Whatever happens, I’m

  still glad I did it. And I

  definitely wouldn’t take

  it back.

  After everything we went through, he still wouldn’t take it back. He never says what I expect him to say.

  The fact that you feel that way means so much to me.

  Well, I do. I’m glad that

  Toby asked for your

  number that day. And

  I’m even happier that

  you gave him a fake one.

  ::Winking Emoji::

  I don’t want to read too much into this, but I feel like this could me more than friendship. I can’t get my hopes up, though. Not yet. Not before I lay my feelings on the table.

  I should probably get some sleep. Big day tomorrow.

  Yeah, you are right.

  Sleep tight, beautiful.

  Good Night!

  Yep. That did me in. Beautiful? He thinks I’m beautiful. My smile is now from ear to ear. My tiredness overcomes me and as soon as I close my eyes, sleep finds me.

  Chapter 16

  Today, is the day of the trial. I’m nervous about being on the stand but I’m excited to see Cam. And I want to just put all of this bullshit behind me. I have so much to tell him but I’m terrified that my love for him will be unrequited. But Toby’s words are still in the back o
f my mind and after last night’s texts, I’m even more hopeful. I pray to anyone who will listen that Toby was right.

  I walk to my closet and pick out a pair of black fitted dress pants and a light purple button-down shirt. I go back and forth between two pairs of shoes but decide on comfort and go with a pair of black flats. I want to look professional for court but not as much as I want to look irresistible for Cam. Maybe it will give him a little more incentive to possibly give me another chance.

  I grab Cam’s car keys and walk over across the lot to his car. Thank goodness nothing happened to it. Once this day is over, it will be in the hands of its rightful owner and I won’t have to worry about it anymore.

  I start the ignition and drive to the courthouse. When I arrive, there aren’t many cars in the lot. With the same unease, I still park in the far corner, away from any other cars. This damn car is going to give me an ulcer with the amount of stress it gives me.

  The glass doors are huge, and I feel like it takes all my strength to pull one open. Their magnitude leaves me feeling slightly queasy. I can do this. I have to do this.

  As soon as the doors close behind me, and I am standing in the massive entryway of the courthouse, I’m hit with a hug from tiny arms. I look down to see Casey squeezing the life out of me.

  “I’m so happy you are here.” She continues to squeeze me, and I struggle to get out of her hold. She is considerably strong despite her size. She is barely over five feet tall but she’s a feisty little thing.

  “It’s nice to see you. How have you been?”

  “I’m doing good. I miss you. And Cam misses you. He doesn’t say it, but I know he does. You know, sister and brother bond, or whatever.” Apparently, everyone else knows this except for me. I should be used to being in the dark, but it bothers me when it comes to Cam.

  “Come see my Mom and you can meet my Dad. Don’t let him scare you, though. He’s a big teddy bear.” She practically drags me by the arm over to where her parents are sitting.

  Cam’s dad stands up and greets me with a smile. “It’s nice to meet you. Dani, correct? I’ve heard wonderful things about you.”

  “It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Carter.” His eyes may be from his mother, but Cam definitely gets his rugged good looks from his father. He is basically a replica of Cam with hazel eyes and some salt and pepper in his hair. Wow. This is one handsome man.

  “It’s nice to see you again, Dani. Although, I wish it were under better circumstances.” Mrs. Carter pulls me in for a hug.

  We sit together and chat while we wait to be called in for Cam’s case, which doesn’t take more than a few minutes. It’s a relief, because as sweet as Cam’s family is, I have never been good at coming up with things to talk about in this kind of situation. Or any kind of situation, for that matter.

  We all walk into the courtroom together and sit behind the defense lawyer. Attorney Connors takes me aside to tell me what to expect on the stand. He assures me that it should be routine questioning.

  The judge calls the court to order and once I get called up, I am a ball of nerves. It’s intimidating having to sit in the tiny little box. I’ve seen it on TV but it’s more daunting in person.

  Thankfully, Attorney Connors was right about the questioning, it is very much routine. The lawyer just asks me to state exactly what happened. I tell my story but the entire time, I can’t keep my eyes off Cam. He looks so hunky in his suit and just being able to see him calms my nerves and also makes my hands a little clammy.

  The trial goes by rather quickly, and before we know it, the judge is making his judgment.

  The judge dismisses Cam of all charges. I have never been so happy. Well, I never really thought I would be sitting in a courtroom waiting to hear whether the man I love will be going to jail, either.

  The sense of relief fills the room and I feel like I can finally breathe again. I gather my things and exit the courtroom. Casey runs over to me and gives me another bear hug. Mr. and Mrs. Carter just give an engaging wave. “We hope to see you again soon.” Mrs. Carter seems to be the talker in the family.

  I wait by the door for Cam because I want to give him his keys and car.

  After he says his goodbyes to his family, he walks toward me and gives me an embrace that sends shockwaves throughout my entire body. “Thank you for coming today. You have no idea how much it means to me that you are here. And I know how hard it was for you to talk about.” He brushes a piece of my hair behind my ear. And here it comes again. “Before you leave, can I ask for one more favor? Can you give me a ride? My parents picked me up this morning and brought me, so I don’t have any way of getting home.”

  I don’t answer him right away, but just start walking out the door. A smile takes over my face as we walk out to the parking lot together. “I think you should give me a ride.” I hand him the keys to his car.

  His smile disappears when he sees his car parked in the lot. “What did you do?”

  “I couldn’t let you lose your car.”

  “But how? How did you get the money?” His pace quickens and he looks back at me in disbelief as we walk toward his car.

  “I asked Gary. I put my plates on it to drive it here, so you may want to go to the DMV to get it registered.” It’s still difficult to make out if he is happy or pissed.

  He grabs my hand and pulls me to his chest. “I can’t believe you did this. You are amazing. Truly amazing.”

  It was all worth it for this moment and this look on his face.

  “I know how much this car means to you and your family. It was nothing, really.” My breath is staggered due to our closeness.

  “It’s everything. How can you say it’s nothing? No one has ever done anything like this for me before.”

  I just shrug my shoulders in response. I know I should say something, but I can’t think of anything that would be fitting for this instant.

  “I want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?” His lips are inches from mine.

  “Don’t ever ask me for a kiss again!” I slam my lips against his and we immediately open for each other.

  Damn. I really missed this. We stand against his car and just kiss and kiss. I don’t ever want to let him go.

  He breaks our kiss. “We should probably not do this in the Court’s parking lot.” He kisses my cheek. “I will pay Gary back as soon as I get the money back.”

  “I know you will. I’m not worried about it. Gary and I came to an agreement.”

  He opens the car door for me and does his usual Bond maneuver to the driver’s seat. He turns on the ignition and takes me home. “I’m going to the DMV, but is it okay if I come by to pick you up for dinner?”

  “Of course. I actually have something I want to talk to you about.” I don’t want to sound to urgent, but I have to tell him how I feel. I can’t let this go any longer. That kiss meant something to me, but I still don’t know how he really feels. It could have been a “Thank you” kiss for all I know. I can’t play this “what if?” game in my head. I just need to know where I stand.

  “Should I be worried?” His mouth breaks into a half smile.

  “It can’t get any worse than it has been, can it?” It can, if I tell him I love him, and he doesn’t feel the same way. He once said I was a puzzle that needed to be put back together. And if he doesn’t love me in return, my heart will be a puzzle that will have lost a piece. The Cam piece. And we all know a puzzle with a missing piece is worthless.

  “Touché.” He drives away leaving me at the entrance to Trojan Hall.

  I get to my room and just try to relax for a little bit. Trying to amp myself up for revealing all my feelings to him.

  What feels like minutes, is actually a couple of hours and he shows up knocking my door. Here goes nothing. I let him in, and he hands me license plates. “I believe these belong to you.”

  “I’m so glad you are here. I need to get this off my chest before I go crazy.”

  “Is everything okay? You are freaking me out.” I
must make him nervous because all I see on his face is distress and panic.

  “I hope so.” I need to clear my mind to get this out. “I’m not sure where we stand right now. I know I screwed up and I pushed you away. I have never been good with relationships and as you know, I have a lot of trust issues when it comes to men and even just people in general. I want to change, but it’s so hard for me.”

  “Dani, I understand. You don’t have to explain this to me.” He grabs my hand and kisses it.

  “I do. I have to tell you this. Before you, I never wanted anyone in my life, let alone a guy. So, I pushed and pushed until you didn’t try anymore. And that seriously broke my heart, even though I swore that I didn’t care. It turns out I did care, and I was just lying to myself. More than care, actually. You mean so much more to me than I would ever care to admit. These past weeks have been dreadful. I want you to know that I have fallen in love with you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but if you don’t I need to walk away from this right now. Because I know that it will be too hard for me to be around you.” I pause for a moment just to catch my breath and then I continue.

  “I came into this today thinking that I would be okay with a friendship, but I’m not. It’s just not enough for me. It will never be enough for me. I need more. So, I just need you to tell me how you feel. Or you can just leave. There will be no judgment from me. I will let you off the hook, no questions asked.” I know my voice is shaky because I’m on the verge of crying. But I’m trying like hell not to show it.

  Cam moves his hands to my cheeks. “You are, by far, the most infuriating woman I have ever met. Yes, you pushed me away. But you have no idea the strength it took me not to reach out. I wanted to call and text you so many times, but I figured you weren’t interested in me like that. So, I resorted to seeing how you were doing through Gary. I fell in love with you over our first pizza date and I’ve been in love with you ever since.”