Descendants of Hagar

by Nik Nicholson

  The man jump out, running round to get ‘a door. Coley smile and preen like she always do, thanking him for every little assistance. He take ‘a hand, and help ‘a out like she some kinda queen. He bow and dance and strut. I wish another man could see this nigga putting on.

  “Linny, don’t just stand there staring at ’em,” Ella fuss.

  I cain’t look away or move. The way he touching Coley and fussing over ‘a making me mad. It’s stirring something in me Iain never felt. Fore I know anything, I done started walking, wide striding like I’m leading a army out to the car. I’m standing so close to ’im when he turn around from getting ‘a things out the car, he bump into me. Then I push him back into his car. Shocked, he don’t move. I start snatching a’ things from ’im. I take ‘a jacket and the little school bag he done pulled from the back seat.

  “Good afternoon, Ms. Linny,” he say, leaning away from me, probly, trying to figure out what’s gotten into me, I’m sure. I cain’t say, and he bet not ask. He start to snatch ’em back, but think again, when he see how I’m looking or maybe cause I’m a woman.

  “Why he bring you home?” I look at Coley and this between me and her.

  She start to smile, and giggle that laugh when ain’t nothing funny, but she uncomfortable. She shrinking from my stare, but I don’t look away or offer ‘a no ease.

  Ion know how long she standing there fore she start looking round, pass me.

  I turn around and see all them eyes on me, on us. I see how Ella staring at me. I feel what I’m doing for the first time, and I realize I cain’t be going on about Coley in public.

  I shove the bag back at ’im, it feel like my face frown, then I look at Coley. Taking a few steps back, away from the stranger, I remember, she ain’t my woman and I cain’t fight ’im for ‘a. Cain’t even tell ’im she spoken for. That’s her job. She know what it is between me and her.

  We all stand still, silent. Then he smile nervously, looking at my sisters on the porch and then at me. He give me the bag back slow.

  I give Coley ‘a own bag. “Since when you cain’t hold yah own things?” Remembering where I’m at, and what we doing, and how it might be seen, I say, “A woman cain’t be riding around with no man she ain’t married to, it don’t look right. People will talk.”

  “I know that’s right,” Jenny start cosigning. “And don’t be having men bringin ya to my sister’s house all times of the night neither. Don’t be having ’em come calling for yah. This ain’t that kind of house, and she ain’t that kind of woman. If a man wont to entertain you, he need to make a date, and come when it’s others around to chaperone.”

  “Shut up,” Ella say taking it all in, never moving from the porch swing, still swinging. The swinging done changed, the stride of the swing shorter, faster. Ella swinging til she can figure what else to do, with all the tension going round.

  “Why I got to shut up? Everybody already saying it all over town. Look how she dress.” Looking at Coley, Jenny say, “Coming down here with them northern ways, doing whatever you wont. That’s yo business, but this here Zion, Georgia, where Jesus Christ rule.”

  “If you don’t shut your mouth!” Ella stop the swing, lean forward on ‘a toes and get ready to attack. Jenny don’t push ‘a. Ella always been a fighter, and she and Jenny done had they bouts. Jenny ain’t never won.

  Soon as Jenny stop talking I know I’m wrong. Anything Jenny agree with got to be stupid wrong.

  Just above a whisper, Coley say, “You know how I feel about being inappropriate. You know how important it is what people think of me. You know what I’ve been through with a married man. Why would you treat me like a whore in front of everybody?”

  Looking at my sisters pass me, she start to blink back tears, holding ‘a bag close to a chest like it’s a small child she hugging, like she sinking, and it’s keeping ‘a afloat. She push against me hard, and I hear ‘a sniff harder. She wipe ‘a face, and refuse to cry.

  I realize I done hurt ‘a, and that break my heart. I want to say I’m sorry, but she done wrapped ‘a arm in his. That make me wanna snatch ’em apart! I don’t even hang on my brothers like that. I clench my dress to keep from grabbing ‘a.

  Iain never been in love with nobody the way I am with Coley. Iain never been afraid of losing somebody so much. Every time Coley speak to somebody I think might be better for ‘a I get sick, nervous, angry. Make me want to fight them for being what I cain’t be, her husband, her man, her protector. Another man wouldn’t never give a woman a ride home knowing she seeing somebody. But Iain no man, and don’t nobody know.

  “This is the surprise I was telling you about.” She straighten ‘a back and stand real tall. Feel like she doing this to push my buttons, cause she stare right in my eyes. “This is my friend and colleague Henry Meriwether.” She hanging on ’im, hurting me back.

  “Hank,” he say grinning and offering his hand.

  I just look at it, and then at him.

  He take it back and wipe it on his pants like it’s sweaty, waiting for Coley word on what he stepped into. Then he let ‘a arm go, and go on up on the porch. “Good evening ladies, my name is Henry but they call me Hank.” He shakes they hands too hard.

  I just look at Coley smiling and watching him. “I don’t like surprises,” I say, low enough only Coley hear me.

  “Something sure smells good.” He stops in front of my screen door, then stand looking in my house like he see somebody he know in there.

  “I told Hank all about you, and how good your cooking is.”

  “I’m sure you ain’t told Hank ALL about nothing.” I stare at ‘a seriously, wondering what she trying to do.

  Ignoring me, she say, “I convinced him not to eat at the hotel when he was hungry.” Putting ‘a arm in mine like she did his, and shaking me to relax, she add, “Please, Linny, I’ll be real grateful.”

  Turning my back to the porch, I say just so she can hear me, “I’m sorry, baby.”

  Taking a deep breath she inhale my apology, and nod a head yes. There are new tears, she wills not to fall.

  I feel like crying, too. I hate the way she moves me sometimes. I hate the way Ella looking at me when I turn around. I pull away from Coley then start in to make ’im a plate.

  “That’s crazy,” Grit say, kissing lil Maddy’s head beneath a nursing blanking. Ella don’t never stop staring at me. So I look ‘a dead in the eyes, and I know she know. Grit go on, “It ain’t even that late. And Linny, Iain never seen you act like this about nothing. You really upset.”

  “She ain prettier than you, or better, not even with alla huh schooling,” Jenny whisper, walking towards me. “If you like that man, she ain’t got nothing on you, honey. You could have him. Just stop wearing pants all the time, and start acting like a lady.”

  I look at Grit, and feel how she trying to make sense of my behavior. Then I look at Jenny, “I don’t want him.”

  “You must think I’m a fool or something,” Jenny challenge loud. “I know when a woman is jealous. And you jealous. I mean, if you don’t want him, you’d have to want-,” then the mouth that says anything anywhere won’t finish saying that. She just stare in my eyes, and I don’t flinch.

  I don’t know what’s gotten into me but I’m tired of hiding, and watching what I say. I wont somebody to know, to understand. So I show Jenny my soul. She start stepping back, and I step with ‘a. Then she stumble and fall back on the bench.

  Never taking my eyes off of ‘a, I say, “Excuse me while I go fix this man a plate.”

  “I told you to shut cho mouth, and mind yo own business,” Ella scold Jenny as I pass ‘a to go in the house.

  I feel the silence full of questions I’ve left behind. I know I’m gone have to answer one day, or leave Zion soon.

  ***

  We already done ate fore Coley came. So when my sisters come in to sit around the table, it ain’t to find out if the food good, or to watch Henry Meriwether eat. He is a hundred questions, and before he swallow th
e last bite, they gone be done asked him ninety-nine.

  “Where you from?” Jenny ain’t wasting no time.

  “Washington DC.”

  “How you know Coley?”

  “She was in one of my classes, at Howard,” he manages, between shoveling food down.

  “I tutored him,” Coley say proud, smiling at ’im, then she smile at everybody else til she get to me.

  “Why you got to tell everybody that?” Hank ask, teasing.

  “Cause you were a freshman and I- was a senior,” she teases him, and it burns me up to watch them play.

  “Why you want everybody to know you old?” He laugh, but Coley don’t think that’s funny. I’m surprised she don’t tell ’im, “Age isn’t a proper topic for a lady.”

  “What you come to Zion for?” I hear myself ask before I realize I’m digging into him, too. This ain my way. Me and Ella usually let people be.

  “Coley invited me,” he say, gulping down lemonade and shoving more food into his mouth.

  “Oh, she did, did she?” Jenny take the lead. “You sweet on Coley?”

  Hank spit the lemonade out, start choking and cough it up. “Oh no, ma’am.” He shaking his head ‘no,’ too, til he finally manage to say, still clearing out his throat. “They must not know about Anson.” He look at Coley.

  “Anson?” We all say, cept Ella, who don’t too much get into folk business less it got something to do with ‘a money or youngins.

  “Hank, please.” Coley sit up like a stick in mud, shaking ‘a head ‘no,’ and looking at ’im. “Don’t discuss my personal affairs.” Coley shifts ‘a weight in the chair.

  There is no stupid laugh, she just looks at me. It’s the first time I’ve seen ‘a stand ‘a ground. It’s the first time she ain’t been all open, and wanting to talk about the odds and ends of a thing. Then she look back at Hank, before taking a mouthful of food from ‘a fork. She ain never been one to eat no mouthful of food, it’s unladylike. Seem like she swallowing more than cornbread and greens.

  “Oooh!” Jenny shout so loud it make Grit jump. “I knew something wasn’t right with you, Ms. Graham.”

  “Ms. Graham?” Hank repeats, looking confused.

  “Hank.” Coley raises ‘a eyebrows. “Eat your food,” she orders him, and he listens.

  Shoveling it in, he looks at all of us like we scarecrows, just up and appeared.

  “Anson is,” Coley says, searching for words, lifting ‘a chin, and acting all uppity like she do sometimes. “Anson is just a man my family liked for me.”

  “Seem like it’s more to the story than that.” Jenny ain taking that answer.

  “He’s a man of proper breeding, education, and color. I wanted to choose someone I loved.” She looks over at me and then at everyone else, maybe to make it like she ain talking to me, but Ella don’t seem to miss nothing. Ella look at both of us, and then she take a good look at me.

  “So you running?” Ella say more than ask.

  Coley turning like a cork being screwed out. “I took a job to help my race.”

  “Does yah family know where you- ‘helpin yo race?’” Ella sound like Mama.

  “No, ma’am.” Coley lowers ‘a eyes as if she waiting to be scolded.

  Ella stare at ‘a, and then me, fore she say, “Henry or Hank, you need to hurry up and finish that food fore it git too late. You a stranger here, and regular folks don’t even travel the roads at night.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He eat the hungry way our brothers do.

  “Umph,” Jenny say, leaning on ‘a hand, but Ella hit ‘a fore she could lean good.

  “Don’t none of this leave this room, yah hear?” Ella pointing in Jenny face. “This family bidness, and if I hear a word of it anywhere, I’m coming for you, Jenny. So you better hope ain’t nobody else here talk about it neither, cause I’m gone thank it’s you.”

  Jenny snatch away and frown.

  “What chu here for if you ain’t sweet on Coley?” I press ’im, and Ella give me this look like she tired of this.

  “I’m a recruiter for companies up north, and further east. Coley said with all the boll weevil attacks and crop failures, lots of folks might be looking for work. She said some men travel for work here already, and might be willing to move away for good with the right incentives.”

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  SOME OF HER WORDS

  “I don’t know how it’s possible, when I feel like I’m eating more than I ever have, but I’m losing weight. I like that,” Coley say coming out the house dancing a lil with ‘a school bag, and touching ‘a stomach.

  “You look beautiful.” I’m watching ‘a dance.

  She pull a orange begonia from the side of the steps and put it in ‘a hair, then look over at me. “You know what?” She smile, dancing a little while she talk. “I think I love Zion.”

  “Really now?” I laugh at ‘a revelation.

  “Yes, ma’am. This is the first time I’ve ever felt this much peace. I don’t have to do anything special to be loved, or liked. Iain trying to reach anyone else’s expectations, you know?”

  “You starting to sound real country, using that word ‘Iain,’” I tease.

  “Same way you’re starting to lose your accent by annunciating, ‘her,’ properly,” she tease back.

  “I can read,” I warn ‘a, “and I told you people round here ain’t talking like they reading all the time. So it ain’t no reason for me to be talking like I’m a book worm or something. They’ll think I’m showing off.”

  “When we first met, I use to think you were so free, Linny. Now I see, sometimes you’re weighed down by other people’s expectations, too. Being who you are isn’t showing off.

  “If someone feels like you’re better than them, that has nothing to do with you. That kind of thinking comes from them not being comfortable with who they are. If someone isn’t comfortable with themself, it isn’t our responsibility to make them comfortable by hiding pieces of ourselves.

  “In fact, nothing we ever do to ourselves can truly give someone else peace. That’s what I’m learning since I left New York. I’m so relieved to be away from the “Talented Tenth.” Here, I’m learning to make fewer choices in fear. I’m focused on my spirit.”

  Skipping round me, Coley dance, touching me like she inviting me to join her. Smiling in my spirit, I just watch ‘a.

  “When I look in the mirror without considering what I’ve been told is beautiful, I love my brown skin. I love my smile. I love my full lips. When I feel how you look at me, how you touch me, I’m freer.”

  “Are you, now?” I say smiling completely happy, watching ‘a settling with ‘aself.

  “I love my hair.”

  “You have beautiful hair.”

  “You were right, it is too hot and the air is too thick to be wearing my hair pressed. I am so glad I don’t have to keep touching it up every other day. Now I just wash it, braid it and go. I like it easy.”

  “I’m glad you like it easy.” I stare at ‘a seriously, like I could do something to ‘a right here. I forget that we outside in front of the house.

  “Can it be like this forever?” she look at me, asking seriously.

  “If this what you want,” I tell her, and I’m hoping it will be like this forever. Me, her, and her smiling and singing with flowers in ‘a hair, feeling as beautiful as she is.

  “Can I ride with you?” she asks, all syrupy sweet, looking up at me on Anastasia, holding ‘a hat against the sun, with ‘a thick hair in plats tucked under. I notice ‘a dress ain got all them slips underneath. She dressing lighter, less uppity. I pull Coley up on Anastasia behind me, and start off down the main road to the school.

  “Ms. Remington?” Orville, one of the hands I done hired call me from the pasture and start running towards us.

  “Linny,” I remind ’im soon as he get close. Feel strange having a man three times my age call me ‘miss.’ Then again, he probly ain never been on first-name basis with nobody he worked for.<
br />
  “I cain’t git old Betsy up.” He talks to me like he a child, and not like the man I know ’im to be. He doing his ‘good-nigga’ pose on me, and that rub me the wrong way. Then I feel bad, looking down on ’im from my horse.

  “Where she at?” I ask, then he point in ‘a direction. When I take off riding, he run behind the horse, holding his hat.

  This cow, Betsy, been round forever. I see she still looking sick. Animals get sick all the time. Sometimes they be pregnant, other times they be done ate the wrong thing. You always got to look at the cows you pumping milk from. Sometimes if they sick their milk will make you sick, too. Betsy been on ‘a last leg for a few weeks now. I been hoping she’d start looking better, Iain been pumpin no milk from ‘a.

  “Come on, girl.” I rub ‘a face, run my hand along ‘a ears. The bell round ‘a neck ring dull. I look ‘a in the eyes, and see she suffering. She moan, then shake trying to get up but it’s like her body too heavy for ‘a. I rub along ‘a belly, and examine ‘a to see if I can see what’s wrong. I know she ain’t pregnant.

  “Oh my God, she smells horrible. It smells horrible out here,” Coley complain, covering ‘a face with a handkerchief.

  The men laugh at Coley.

  I’m listening to Betsy’s heart beat, checking ‘a temperature. She burning up. The bell clapper seem to be struggling, too, while Betsy trying to move around and find ‘a footing. Every time she cain’t get up, she moan louder and more disappointed. Then I know what I have to do.

  All while I’m looking down at ‘a, the men I done hired watching from the fields. I look up at the sky like maybe God know the answer to this, or can keep me from having to do it.

  Iain had to shoot nothing been round a long while before. Killing pigs, chickens, and fish you bout to eat different from shooting a big cow you done been raised with. I be talking to Betsy every morning. I done figured out how to milk ‘a easy.