Whole Girl

by Sadie Radinsky

  Mind reeling, wondering how to become a neurosurgeon (Too many years in medical school?), I finally manage to sputter out, “I don’t know.”

  Because I don’t know any of those things … at least not now. Maybe I’ll know some of them next year, or maybe ten years from now. Maybe I’ll never know for sure what I want to do when I grow up—even when I’m grown up. But right at this moment, I have no idea what my future will look like.

  Some people know from a young age what they’re going to be when they grow up. At three years old, Alyssa Carson knew she was going to be an astronaut. Now she’s a young woman and training to be the first person to go to Mars. If you’re like Alyssa and already know what you want to do, shout it from the rooftops!

  But for most of us, we don’t know what we want to do. And our plans change over time. So if you’re feeling unsure about your future, don’t let that scare you. Embrace the fact that you’re exploring your options. It’s actually super exciting.

  By staying open, you have the chance to learn more about yourself and what energizes you. Maybe it’s art or teaching or chemistry. Or maybe it’s something that doesn’t even exist yet. Right now, you can just try new things—join a new club, take a class that sounds interesting—and see if they light you up.

  Also, when you’re okay with being unsure, magical things can happen because you’re not tied to one narrow version of yourself. Maybe a volunteer opportunity, internship, or job that you never dreamed of will suddenly appear.

  Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle has a great explanation for this: “When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change.”

  When we stop worrying about what the future will bring, we let go of fear.

  So the next time someone asks you any question you don’t know the answer to, respond with full confidence, “I don’t know.”

  Now Is the New Know

  Another benefit of uncertainty is that it helps us accept this moment—right now—and release our vision of what we think the future should look like. We don’t need to know what our futures will look like. And we couldn’t know anyway, even if we tried, because it’s never the future yet; it’s always now.

  This is interesting to think about. Letting go of what we can’t control allows us to live our lives in the present moment—which in turn allows us to take action. According to Tolle, that’s because accepting this moment’s uncertainty gives us “increased aliveness, alertness, and creativity.”

  Being comfortable with the unknown is a hard concept to put into practice. From an early age we’re encouraged to always be thinking five steps ahead. What will this lead to? How can this benefit me in the long run? Will this be on the final?

  To practice uncertainty, the next time you’re doing any small activity—finishing an assignment, driving, doing the dishes—try focusing solely on that task without worrying about how it’ll pan out in the end. Then, eventually, you will be able to take this concept of uncertainty out into bigger things in life, like applying for a job and then waiting for an offer.

  Q&A

  Q: I think my friends wonder who I like or what sexual orientation I am. Sometimes I wonder, too. What can I do to figure things out?

  A: You’re not alone in this uncertainty. I spoke with Stephanie Beatriz, an actress and bisexual activist. When she was a teenager, Stephanie was also confused about her sexuality. She thought, I don’t understand. I’m attracted to all genders … I’m not sure who that makes me. To make matters worse, she saw nobody like her—a bisexual person—in the media or in her life. So she had nobody to look to for guidance. “I felt kind of lost,” Stephanie says.

  When we feel unsure, Stephanie encourages us to be aware of our feelings and to not rush to put ourselves in a category. “A label is only necessary if it means something to you,” she says, “because you’re the most important person in your own life.” She also thinks labels can be dangerous because we label things so we can put them in a box, put them on a shelf, and not think about them anymore. As Stephanie says:

  “Each of us is way more complex than just a label someone else has given us. If you’re a young woman and you’re listening to how other people label you, and believing that label, it doesn’t give you room to grow outside of that box. You remain contained. But you’re so much bigger than you could ever imagine.”

  So if you’re feeling outside pressure to label yourself, consider why that is. Who is putting that pressure on you? Is it your family, your friends, your social group at school? Or is it a greater feeling from society?

  Even if all of your friends have labeled themselves, you don’t have to do the same. You can say “I don’t know.” Responding in this way may make some friends or family members uncomfortable. That’s okay.

  If we do choose to label our sexuality or gender identity, Stephanie points out that we are ever-changing, so the label may not serve us forever. Your label “will change and fluctuate as you continue to create yourself in the world,” she says. So don’t get too attached to where you are right now, because things will ebb and flow with time. That’s the beauty of being unsure!

  MINDFUL MOVEMENT

  CAT-COW POSE

  In this rhythmic yoga sequence, we gently arch and round our back with the flow of our breath. It helps us get in touch with our body, so that we feel sure of ourselves no matter what lies ahead.

  1. Find a flat, comfortable surface, such as a yoga mat, towel, or carpet.

  2. Come onto your hands and knees. Make sure your hips are directly over your knees and your shoulders are over your wrists. Let your back be flat and neutral.

  3. On an inhale, shine your heart forward. Slowly let your whole spine arch as your bottom ribs drop toward the floor. Release your shoulders away from your ears. You can slightly lift your gaze upward or keep your neck flat to relieve tension. Make sure the back of your neck stays long. This is “cow.”

  4. On the exhale, push your palms into the earth and curl your back in the opposite direction. Start by tucking your tailbone, then curling up your whole spine. Broaden your shoulder blades and breathe into the space there. Let your neck hang, relaxed. This is “cat.”

  5. Continue this pattern, moving slowly and deliberately: inhale, cow; exhale, cat. Repeat until you feel grounded in your body.

  Salted Caramel Apples

  Crisp apple slices dunked in creamy (but dairy-free) salted caramel sauce is the perfect fall dessert. Caramel sauce can be a little tricky to make because it’s hard to know whether the caramel is overcooked or undercooked. So this recipe is great practice for letting go of control and jumping headfirst into uncertainty.

  My favorite apples for this recipe are Honeycrisp and Granny Smith, because their tartness complements the sweet caramel. But any apples you have on hand will be just right!

  YIELD: SERVES 10

  Ingredients

  ½ cup coconut sugar

  ¾ cup full-fat coconut milk

  2 tsp vanilla extract

  1 tsp coconut oil

  ¼ tsp sea salt

  5 apples, sliced

  Instructions

  1. Whisk together the coconut sugar and coconut milk in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil over medium-high heat.

  2. Once the mixture has started boiling, turn down the heat to medium-low and let the caramel simmer for 20 to 25 minutes, whisking every couple minutes. If it starts to smell very strong, remove from heat; it could be burning. When the caramel appears to have thickened considerably and darkened in color, remove from heat.

  3. Slowly whisk in the vanilla extract, coconut oil, and sea salt. Let the caramel cool for at least 10 minutes, to thicken up more. Pour the caramel into a small jar and serve with sliced apples. Store any leftover caramel in a sealed jar in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Perfect Paleo Pancake
s

  These fluffy pancakes are a great breakfast when you have a nerve-racking day coming up. Whatever uncertainty may lie ahead, you can be sure that breakfast will be special. If you’re serving a hungry group, double the recipe!

  YIELD: 15 MEDIUM PANCAKES

  Ingredients

  4 large eggs

  1 cup full-fat coconut milk

  ¼ cup coconut oil, melted and at room temperature, plus more for greasing the pan

  1 Tbsp pure maple syrup*

  1 tsp vanilla extract

  1 tsp apple cider vinegar

  1½ cups blanched almond flour

  ½ cup arrowroot flour

  3 Tbsp coconut flour

  ½ tsp baking soda

  ¼ tsp sea salt

  Optional toppings: berries, Coconut Whipped Cream, maple syrup*

  Instructions

  1. Heat a large griddle or pan over medium-low heat on the stove, to preheat. I like to use a large cast-iron griddle for best results. Lightly grease the pan with about 1 tablespoon coconut oil.

  2. In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, coconut milk, melted coconut oil, maple syrup, vanilla extract, and apple cider vinegar.

  3. In a medium bowl, mix together the almond flour, arrowroot flour, coconut flour, baking soda, and sea salt. Mix the dry ingredients into the wet and stir using a rubber spatula until there are no lumps.

  4. Let the batter sit for 5 minutes, to thicken, then give it a brief stir. For each pancake, spoon a scant ¼ cup of batter onto the greased and preheated pan. Position the pancakes at least 2 inches apart from each other, because they will spread.

  5. Cook each pancake for approximately 2 minutes on each side, or until it is golden brown and cooked through. Flip them onto a plate and cook the rest of your batter. Note that the second and third batches of pancakes will cook much quicker than the first because the pan is hotter, so monitor them to make sure they’re not overcooking on the outside. Serve the pancakes with toppings, if desired.

  *To make this recipe sugar-free, replace the pure maple syrup with monk fruit maple-flavored syrup, or just omit it.

  Tahini Chocolate Chunk Blondies

  Originating in the Middle East, tahini is a spread made from ground sesame seeds. It gives these treats an inviting, complex flavor. If you’ve never tasted tahini before and you’re unsure if you’ll like it, relish the unknown and give these blondies a try!

  YIELD: 9 LARGE OR 16 SMALL BLONDIES

  Ingredients

  1 large egg

  1 cup tahini

  ¼ cup coconut sugar*

  3 Tbsp pure maple syrup*

  1 tsp vanilla extract

  ¾ tsp baking soda

  ¼ tsp sea salt

  ½ cup chopped dark chocolate*

  ½ tsp flaky sea salt (optional)

  Instructions

  1. Preheat your oven to 350°F and line the bottom and sides of an 8 × 8-inch baking dish with parchment paper.

  2. In a large bowl, whisk together the egg and tahini just until combined. Whisk in the coconut sugar, maple syrup, vanilla extract, baking soda, and sea salt. Do not overmix. Gently fold in the chopped dark chocolate.

  3. Scoop the batter evenly into the prepared baking dish. Bake the blondies for 16 to 20 minutes, or until they’re golden brown and the center is just cooked through. Sprinkle the top with flaky sea salt, if using.

  4. Let the blondies cool for 10 minutes. Slice them into 9 large squares or 16 smaller squares and serve. Store leftovers in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days, or in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks.

  *To make this recipe sugar-free, replace the coconut sugar with golden monk fruit sweetener, replace the pure maple syrup with monk fruit maple-flavored syrup, and use stevia-sweetened dark chocolate.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Be Cozy

  Take It Easy

  Can you recall the last time you actually felt peaceful and relaxed? How about well rested? For most of us, that means thinking back a really long time. That’s alarming!

  I tend to overschedule myself. In my freshman year of high school, I signed up for way too many clubs and activities, on top of all the demanding classes. By the end of each day (usually around midnight), I was exhausted. When I woke up early the next morning to do it all over again, I had no energy whatsoever. I was burned out.

  I knew that I couldn’t keep going like that. I desperately needed to slow down and take care of myself. To allow myself to feel cozy—relaxing for its own sake.

  Here are some practices I’ve developed over the past few years that help me be cozy and take care of my body and mind.

  Habitual Ritual

  No matter how busy we are, it’s always possible to take some time to care for ourselves. And contrary to the social media posts of people getting massages and pedicures captioned “self-care,” it doesn’t have to cost anything.

  One of my favorite ways to get cozy is with morning and evening rituals. They take anywhere from five minutes to an hour in total—whatever amount of time I can commit to each day.

  MORNING

  Morning rituals help us connect with body and mind before going out into the world. Spending some cozy time each morning gets us calm, centered, and ready for whatever comes our way.

  Personalize your rituals so they feel right for you and your body. They don’t have to be long or difficult. Even five minutes will have a remarkable effect on your day. Here are some morning rituals you can try:

  Stretch it out. Before you get out of bed, do a little stretch to wake up your body.

  Make airplane mode your best friend. Leave your phone off for the first hour (or more!) of each day. This lets you adjust to the morning without being bombarded by information, and it also leaves more time for taking care of yourself.

  Have a cup of tea. I love the calming practice of heating up some water, letting the tea steep, then slowly sipping it.

  Cook yourself breakfast. My go-to breakfast is three eggs fried in avocado oil, with avocado slices and greens. I love this combo because it has protein, fat, and veggies to keep me going until lunch. Whatever your favorite is, make it a few times each week. I know it sounds stressful to cook on a hectic morning, but it can be quick, and it’s well worth it for how good it makes you feel.

  Meditate. Choose from any of the meditations in this book (Walking Meditation, 10-Minute Body-Scan Meditation, and Seated Meditation) or do one of your own. Meditating in the morning is both calming and invigorating. You can meditate for three minutes or thirty—whatever you have time for.

  EVENING

  Do you know that feeling when you take a hot bath or shower and then plop down on your bed after a busy day? It’s the pure relief that comes from taking care of yourself. Try setting aside at least a half hour before bed for some therapeutic evening rituals. For example, if you’re aiming to go to bed at 11:00 p.m., finish everything you need to do by 10:30 p.m. at the latest and set aside the last half hour just to relax. Better yet, give yourself a full hour. Here are some evening ritual ideas:

  Take a hot bath. You can spruce up your water with lavender essential oil or Epsom salt for maximum calming vibes. Bathing not only feels relaxing but the heating-then-cooling of our body temperature also helps induce sleep.

  Flow through some yoga poses. I love getting a good stretch before bed. Bonus: Do the yoga after your bath, when your muscles are warmed up. It feels fantastic.

  Write down your worries. Sometimes I can’t fall asleep for hours because I’m stressing about, well, everything. I have begun a practice of writing down all the things I’m worried about in a notebook. Once they’re on the page, I realize these things are much more insignificant than they seemed in my head.

  Cuddle up with a good book. Usually by the end of the day, after reading so many textbooks, I have no desire to read one more page of any book. But I’ve found that carving out at least fifteen minutes to read a good book, just for pleasure, is the most enjoyable and relaxing way to en
d my day. (There’s nothing better than getting immersed in a good story!)

  Sweet Dreams

  The worst part of our fast-paced lives is that we never get enough sleep. We go around in a permanent state of semi-exhaustion, every day. I didn’t used to worry about this sleep deprivation. I mean, successful people supposedly say they get by just fine on four or five hours, right? Our society views lack of sleep as a badge of honor!

  Society is making a huge mistake, as I recently learned from reading Dr. Matthew Walker’s book Why We Sleep. The book is life-changing. Dr. Walker shows that getting enough sleep is way more important than we ever knew. Sleep-deprived people get injured more, perform worse in sports, and score lower on tests. (I can attest to this! My SAT scores plummeted when I took the test after a bad night’s sleep.) On less than five hours of sleep, we are 4.3 times more likely to get in a car accident than with a full night’s sleep. We have higher risks of getting cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, obesity, and diabetes. Not getting enough sleep also makes us more prone to depression and suicidal thoughts. Sleep deprivation is actually a life-and-death matter.

  The flip side, though, is good news: If we do start getting enough sleep, our lives can transform. We’ll fend off illness better, do better academically, improve athletically, and have better memories. When we finally get enough sleep, we become superheroes.

  So how much sleep is “enough”? Dr. Walker says average adults need about eight hours. But teenagers need a lot more: a whopping nine to ten hours every night! That probably sounds ridiculous to you—it seems as though there just aren’t enough hours in the day.