Whole Girl

by Sadie Radinsky

  Blueness is normal. We’re done trying to hide it.

  Blue Bayou

  A little while ago, my dog Molly died. We’d had her basically my whole life. It was devastating. I missed her so much, and couldn’t believe that I’d never see her again. I didn’t want to delve into the sadness I was feeling because it was too scary to face. I felt that if I went into my blueness, it would overcome me and I would lose control.

  I automatically reached for my phone. I opened Instagram and started scrolling and scrolling, but it only made me feel stale and empty. So I turned on the TV and started watching a show. It took my mind off Molly for a few minutes. But once the credits rolled, I felt worse than before.

  So I got up and went for a walk outside. After a few blocks, my emotions started bubbling up. I cried, hard. I let go of control and just let all the tears and sadness out. By the time I got home, I was drained and exhausted—and also a little refreshed. I felt better.

  When we’re blue, our instinct is to try to avoid the feeling by distracting or numbing ourselves. But that rarely helps. We need to fully feel our blueness. Whether we’re dealing with a breakup, a failed exam, the state of the world, or a friend being unkind, it usually feels better if we let sadness wash over us.

  Q&A

  Q: Sometimes I get these big waves of negativity for no apparent reason. It feels like everything is wrong with the world. I don’t understand it. Is there something wrong with me?

  A: I talked about this with psychologist and author Dr. Lisa Damour. She said that when things feel overwhelming—more than we can handle—we should ask for help from a trustworthy adult or counselor. The negativity you feel could be something serious, which you should talk to somebody else about. There’s no shame in asking for help—we all need it.

  Other times when we feel blue, it could simply be mood swings, which are totally normal. Dr. Damour explains that there’s a biological reason for teenage mood swings. As adolescents, our brains have a fully developed emotion center—but our logical center lags behind, and is not fully developed. So when we have strong feelings, our emotions overwhelm our logic and cause powerful mood swings.

  (It’s always annoyed me when people say “You’re just hormonal.” This phrase is used to belittle young women when we’re experiencing strong emotions. But it’s our brain development—for girls and for boys—that makes teens moodier!)

  MINDFUL MOVEMENT

  BRIDGE POSE

  Bridge is a gentle backbend that’s perfect for blue moods. Once you have let your emotions wash over you, Bridge will help you feel uplifted and energetic. If you feel any tension in this pose, make sure to listen to your body and adjust your position so it feels good.

  1. Find a flat, comfortable surface, such as a yoga mat, towel, or carpet. Lie down on your back with your arms at your sides.

  2. Bend your knees and firmly plant your feet on the ground, about a foot away from your tailbone. Walk your feet apart so they’re as wide as your hips. Point your toes forward, not outward.

  3. Lift your hips off the ground. Picture drawing up your outer hips and letting your inner thighs drop down.

  4. Lift your chest toward your chin but keep gentle pressure between your head and the floor to protect your neck. Take some deep breaths.

  5. Once you’ve been in the pose for a few breaths, gently lower your hips to the ground.

  6. It’s really good for the body to twist after backbends. While still on your back, let both knees fall to the right at the same time, pause, and then let them fall to the left, like windshield wipers. Repeat for a few cycles. Roll to your side and gently push your body back up.

  Blueberry Lavender Ice Cream

  Some people say, “Don’t eat your feelings.” I say, “Do it!” When you’re feeling blue, eat something blue. This ice cream will do the trick. It’s creamy, with bright blueberry flavor and mild notes of honey and lavender.

  YIELD: SERVES 8–9

  Ingredients

  Two 13½-ounce cans of full-fat coconut milk

  1½ cups frozen blueberries

  ¼ cup maple syrup or honey

  4 drops food-grade pure lavender oil

  Instructions

  1. In a high-speed blender, blend together all the ingredients just until smooth. Pour into your ice cream maker and process per manufacturer’s instructions.

  2. Scoop the ice cream into a freezer-safe container. Eat right away for a softer consistency or freeze for 45 minutes for a firmer consistency. Store the ice cream in an airtight container in the freezer for up to 2 months. Defrost for 45 minutes prior to serving, or until it reaches a scoopable consistency.

  Blueberry Coffee Cake

  This cake is bursting with juicy blueberries and covered in a buttery, sweet cinnamon crumble. Try baking it when you’re taking a break from social media.

  YIELD: SERVES 16

  Ingredients

  CAKE

  ½ cup blueberries

  ¼ cup + 1 Tbsp arrowroot flour, divided

  1 cup blanched almond flour

  ⅓ cup coconut flour

  ¼ cup golden or classic monk fruit sweetener*

  ½ tsp baking soda

  4 large eggs

  ⅓ cup full-fat coconut milk

  ¼ cup sustainable palm shortening or coconut oil, melted

  1 Tbsp fresh lemon juice

  1 tsp vanilla extract

  CRUMBLE TOPPING

  ⅓ cup blanched almond flour

  ¼ cup golden monk fruit sweetener*

  3 Tbsp arrowroot flour

  1 Tbsp ground cinnamon

  ¼ cup sustainable palm shortening, chilled

  1 cup finely chopped walnuts

  ¼ cup blueberries

  Instructions

  1. Preheat your oven to 350°F and line an 8 × 8-inch baking dish with parchment paper.

  2. In a small bowl, toss together the blueberries and 1 Tbsp arrowroot flour. Set aside.

  3. In a large bowl, whisk together the remaining ¼ cup arrowroot flour, almond flour, coconut flour, monk fruit sweetener, and baking soda. In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs, coconut milk, palm shortening, lemon juice, and vanilla extract. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry and stir until combined.

  4. Let the batter sit for 10 minutes, then gently fold in the arrowroot flour–covered blueberries. Pour the batter into the prepared baking dish.

  5. For the crumble topping, whisk together the almond flour, monk fruit sweetener, arrowroot flour, and cinnamon in a small bowl. Incorporate the cold palm shortening into the mixture using your fingers, then mix in the walnuts. Sprinkle the topping evenly on top of the batter, then sprinkle on the last ¼ cup blueberries.

  6. Bake the coffee cake for 42 to 45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let the cake cool for about 10 minutes, then slice it into 16 squares and serve. Store leftover cake in an airtight container at room temperature for 3 days, or in the refrigerator for up to 1 week.

  *If you’re not worried about the recipe being low sugar, you can replace the golden monk fruit sweetener with coconut sugar.

  Cinnamon Baked Apples

  When I’m feeling down, nothing is more comforting than a bowl of warm baked apples. This treat tastes like apple pie filling, but it’s so much easier to make. It only requires a few ingredients and five minutes of prep, so you’ll be able to dive into the goodness in no time!

  YIELD: SERVES 6

  Ingredients

  6 cups cored and sliced apples (about 5 or 6 large apples)

  2 Tbsp pure maple syrup

  2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice

  1½ Tbsp arrowroot flour

  2 tsp ground cinnamon

  ½ tsp ground ginger

  ¼ tsp ground nutmeg

  Vanilla Ice Cream (optional)

  Instructions

  1. Preheat your oven to 350°F.

  2. In a large bowl, toss together all the ingredients (except for the ice cream) and mix until combined. P
our the mixture evenly into an 8 × 8-inch baking dish. Cover the dish lightly with tin foil.

  3. Bake the apples for 40 minutes, then remove the tin foil and bake, uncovered, for 10 more minutes.

  4. Let the apples cool for 5 minutes, then top with ice cream, if desired, and serve. Store leftovers in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 5 days. Reheat in the microwave for 1 minute before serving.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Be Mad

  Fuel for Change

  As I’m finalizing this book, massive new protests are erupting around the country in response to America’s centuries of racism and oppression of Black people. Many state and local governments are already changing their policies in response. These protests are the ultimate example of people using anger to take action and initiate major change.

  Anger can fuel change on a smaller scale as well. In 2019, three girls at a North Carolina school (ages 5, 10, and 14) were fed up with their school’s dress code, which forced all girls to wear skirts. The skirts were uncomfortable and restricting. They prohibited girls from sitting cross-legged in class and playing certain games at recess. And their legs got really cold in the winter.

  One of the three started a petition for the school to allow girls to wear pants. Despite over a hundred signatures, the petition was taken away by a teacher, never to be seen again. But that didn’t stop the girls. They decided to work with the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) and sue their school for the right to wear pants. And they won. The unfair rule was struck down, and the case got national coverage.

  These examples show us that we can use our anger for positive change. When we join together and take action, it’s amazing what we can do.

  At the personal level, there are also so many things in everyday life that make us angry and can be changed.

  In high school, the teacher in my dance class required all girls to wear makeup for the final performance (which was to be held in our gym, with no audience). The grading system went like this: if we didn’t wear makeup, we’d fail the final. This rule didn’t sit well with me. I don’t normally wear makeup—and I really didn’t think it should be part of our grade. I knew that if there were boys in the dance class, she wouldn’t expect them to wear makeup. I explained this to the teacher, but she brushed me aside. So I got a group of girls together who agreed that the rule was unfair. We did some research and found out that being graded on our makeup was actually illegal gender discrimination.

  The next day after class, we spoke to the dance teacher as a group and told her that the rule was not only sexist, but also illegal. She didn’t seem to care. She was annoyed that we were questioning her grading system. After a couple minutes of back-and-forth conversation, she finally said that that if we didn’t want to get graded on makeup, one of us would have to stand up in front of the class on the day of the final performance to explain why. I agreed to do it.

  On the day of the final, my group showed up bare-faced. I stood in the center of the gym and explained to my thirty classmates all the reasons why my group wasn’t wearing makeup. Then I sat down. It was anticlimactic and a little awkward, but it felt so good to know that my friends and I had stood up to authority to take a stance and change the rules, if only for our little group, for one final assignment.

  It’s good to remember that any rule of a school or business that treats a group differently might be illegal. You can try to resolve the problem by having a dialogue about it or complaining in writing. If they don’t respond, you may be able to threaten them with a legal claim, like the girls in North Carolina did. This can get results!

  Here are some steps I have used to confront unfair practices:

  1. Identify the problem. Anything that makes your blood boil and seems unfair is a good candidate for change. Friends can also help clue us in to problems we aren’t aware of.

  2. Brainstorm solutions. How can the problem be solved? How can you use your unique talents and abilities to help fix the issue? Write down your ideas. Ask yourself if this is something you can tackle on your own or if it would be better to work with a group of friends. There’s huge power in joining together!

  3. Identify the person who can help fix the problem. Once you see a solution, seek out a person who’s in a position to make it happen. Is it a government official, teacher, product manufacturer, or television station?

  4. Reach out. Talking directly is usually the most effective tactic. This can include speaking at a city council or school board meeting or calling up a company to talk to its CEO. One-on-one communication is usually best, since it provides optimal clarity.

  5. Clearly describe the problem. This part is key. You must explain the issue from your point of view and share how it makes you feel. Often, people are not aware of how things impact others.

  6. Offer solutions. What do you think is the best way to fix the problem? Maybe there is a new approach that can make both sides happy? After saying your piece, let the other person offer solutions as well.

  7. Try, try again. See if you get any response. Depending on the size of the issue, it may take a while to get the process started. If needed, find a new person who may be able to help. Keep trying. If this tactic doesn’t work, you could organize a group meeting or a protest to address it. And even if your efforts don’t lead to fixing the problem quite yet, there’s huge power in questioning authority and using your anger for good.

  Q&A

  Q: How do I decide which problems I should try to change?

  A: There are so many things that can make us mad—from societal injustices to rude comments. But we can’t fix them all at once; there are only so many hours in the day! We need to be able to sustain our energy for the long haul. This means we have to choose which problems we put our effort into right now. When you encounter a problem, check in: Would it feel better to just let this go right now? Or is there an action you can take to help try and fix it—and would that be worth it? This is always a personal question. Listen to your gut.

  If we decide to not take action for now, we still need to fully feel our anger so we can release it. I try to let myself scream, cry, and completely feel the rage. It also sometimes feels great to release it through some deep breathing or singing at the top of my lungs.

  MINDFUL MOVEMENT

  LION’S BREATH

  In order to make change in the world, we have to be comfortable using our voice and being LOUD. Lion’s Breath helps us do just that. When we roar like a lion, it moves energy through our chest and throat so we can speak our mind. Plus, it’s fun to do!

  1. Find a flat, comfortable surface, such as a yoga mat, towel, or carpet. Come onto your hands and knees. Make sure your hips are directly over your knees and your shoulders over your wrists. Let your back be flat.

  2. On an inhale, come into “cow”: shine your heart forward. Slowly let your bottom ribs drop toward the floor. Release your shoulders away from your ears. You can slightly lift your gaze upward or keep your neck flat to relieve tension. Make sure the back of your neck stays long.

  3. On the exhale, come into “cat”: push your palms into the earth to round your back in the opposite direction. Start by tucking your tailbone, then curling up your whole spine. Broaden your shoulder blades and breathe into the space there. Let your neck hang, relaxed.

  4. On an inhale, come back into cow. Stay in cow as you exhale and let out a fierce “HAAAAA!” Stick your tongue out, look up at your brow, and let your eyes roll back. Try to look as ridiculous as you can for the full effect. Repeat this process for a few cycles, until you feel your chest and throat are open.

  Chocolate Hazelnut Spread

  When I was growing up, my family never bought Nutella. I tried it for the first time a few years ago at a friend’s house. It was love at first taste! But I soon fell out of love when I found out that it had ingredients such as skim milk, palm oil, artificial vanilla flavor, and loads of sugar. Give this recipe a try. It’s made with simple, unprocessed foods—and I think it t
astes better than the original!

  YIELD: 2 CUPS

  Ingredients

  1 cup chopped dark chocolate*

  3 cups roasted hazelnuts

  1 Tbsp pure maple syrup (optional)*

  ¼ tsp sea salt

  Instructions

  1. Place the dark chocolate in a medium heatproof bowl. Melt by microwaving in 30-second intervals, stirring the mixture until smooth, or in a double boiler (“Double Boiler DIY”).

  2. Pour the hazelnuts into a high-speed blender and blend until they form a smooth hazelnut butter. It may help to use your blender’s tamper, if you have one.

  3. Pour the melted chocolate into the blender, along with the hazelnut butter, and blend until smooth and creamy. Add the maple syrup, if using, and the sea salt. The maple syrup will make the mixture a bit thicker, so blend again until it is smooth.

  4. Pour the mixture into a jar and use as desired. It’s great on bananas, strawberries, pancakes, ice cream—just about anything! It will keep in a jar at room temperature for up to 1 week.

  *To make the recipe sugar-free, use stevia-sweetened dark chocolate and omit the maple syrup.

  Luscious Lemon Bars

  When you’re feeling sour, make these bars. They have a buttery shortbread crust and the dreamiest, creamiest lemon filling. This is my family’s all-time favorite recipe!

  YIELD: 16 BARS

  Ingredients

  CRUST

  ½ cup + 3 Tbsp coconut flour

  2 Tbsp arrowroot flour

  ½ tsp sea salt