by Kelly Utt
We wait to see if Dr. Wong has anything else to add. When a moment passes and he hasn't said anything else, we continue to make our case. It's as if we want him to guarantee she'll be alright.
"We have three young boys," I say. "Ethan is our oldest. He's five now and he's like his mom in so many ways. It's funny, Ali has this habit of giving everybody a nickname so their name ends with an “e” sound and now Ethan does it too. He sounds just like his mommy."
"He sure does,” Roddy ads. "He has a cheerful disposition like her, too. She always was a happy kid."
"Our middle son or I guess I should call him our second son, is Leo” I add. "He's three and is so proud simply to be a part of the gang. He follows his mom and his big brother around like a little duckling. And our third son, little Will, is six months old now. As I said, he was still breastfeeding..."
Marjorie sighs heavily. I know it pained her to have had to give him formula.
"I guess what I'm saying is that my wife has every reason in the world to make it through this and to come back to us.”
Dr. Wong nods his head with understanding. But he still hesitates.
"This all sounds lovely," he says. "But please, hear me when I say that we are not in the clear yet. I don't want you to get your hopes up."
Roddy, Marjorie, and I look at each other. It feels like we've been punched in the gut. We don't want to hear this. We look down at Ali and I'm pretty sure each of us is willing her to live. I don't know if we can do that for her. But if we can, we certainly will.
"I understand," I reply to Dr. Wong warily. "You warned us. "
He looks like he feels bad now. I didn't mean to sound sarcastic. I guess maybe it came out that way though. He pulls the chart from under his arm and opens it up for one quick glance before he leaves the room.
"Also, just so you know, I'm being interviewed by the authorities as part of the investigation. The information I'll provide them will primarily be about Alessandra’s specific injuries. I’ll also confirm her pregnancy. Once I'm done speaking with them, I’m happy to share with you a summary of what has been reported."
We thank Dr. Wong and he leaves the room. He doesn't say anything about the two-person rule, so all three of us stay put at Ali’s side.”
We stay for nearly an hour, talking to Ali and reminiscing with each other about some of her favorite things to do and some of our most joyous memories together. We figure this conversation will make her happy. If she can hear us, that is.
It's strange. When we first came into the room, I could almost feel her spirit present with us. I felt like it was sort of floating a little higher than her head. Even though her eyes were closed, it felt like her consciousness was bursting out. As the hour has passed, it’s felt like she's moved further and further away, sort of like when someone goes to sleep and you can tell they're sleeping deeply. Their body may be there physically, but their spirit is a million miles away.
In this moment, it doesn't feel scary. It doesn't feel like Ali is leaving her body for good. It's more like she's simply resting. And I feel like it's okay for us to step away while she rests. We've reconnected and she knows we were here.
She has things to take care of. And so do we.
8
Best-Laid Plans
As we sit across the bed from each other with Ali in between us, Roddy and I make eye contact. We know it's time.
How are we going to tell Marjorie that we have to leave again tonight? How are we going to explain where Liam is when he doesn't come back soon? And what are we going to do with Clive? Those questions don’t have easy answers.
Roddy stands first and motions with his head for us to follow him out of the room. He lifts Ali’s hand and kisses it once more, then tells her to rest and that he'll be back soon. I do the same from the other side, taking a moment to breathe and savor my wife’s sweet scent. I don’t want to go away from her, but I have to. I hope she’d understand that.
Marjorie follows us out, but she leaves her handbag and sweater in the room. She's not planning to leave her daughter’s side anytime soon.
We stand just beyond the closed door to Ali's hospital room and talk quietly to each other.
"Marjorie, my love, "Roddy begins. "George and I have to leave the hospital again this evening. We have something to take care of."
Marjorie is no dummy. In fact, she's one of the most intelligent people I've ever known. Not to mention, she and Roddy have been together for decades. They know each other well. She may not know the specifics, but she gets what he's saying.
"And Liam?" she asks. "Is he helping you take care of this thing, too?"
"He is," Roddy confirms.
Marjorie looks at me and I get the idea she feels sympathy for me. She probably wonders how much I can handle. She probably knows I like to keep the ugly stuff at a distance.
"Look, Marjorie,” I say. "There's a lot more you and I need to talk about. I'm doing my damnedest to sort all this information out and to make sense of it. The one thing I want you to know right away is that a reporter from the news station approached me and Roddy this morning outside the emergency department."
"Oh?" she says. "Linette mentioned that the news trucks outside were here for you. She didn't go into any detail though."
"You'll probably be able to watch a segment about us on the evening news if you want to,” I add. "I've been successfully dodging the reporter ever since, but this morning, when she was shoving a microphone in my face, she said there had been an arrest."
"That's great news, right?" she asks.
"I guess," I say. "But there's a lot more to the story."
"And this story is related to you whatever it is that you two have to take care of?"
Roddy smiles at his life. He's proud of her intelligence. He doesn't want to hide things from her.
"The guy they arrested is named Clive Roland," I say quietly. "He has in his possession a picture of himself and Ali amongst a group of people at a bar. I don't know how to say the rest of this other than to come right out and do it."
Marjorie looks me square in the eye and raises one hand up to prompt me to go on.
"Clive claims he and Ali had a romantic relationship when I was in Korea. He says he's Ethan’s biological father."
Marjorie’s eyebrows raise high on her face now.
"Oh," she says. Then again, in a lower tone. "Oh."
“Yeah,” I say. "This Clive character was apparently the guy who ran you off the road. He claims he just wanted to talk to Ali and that she got spooked and freaked out when she saw him. He says he didn't mean for her to have a wreck or to get hurt."
Marjorie furrows her brow. She's thinking.
"Did Ali say anything to you in the van that would support his claim?" Roddy asks.
"That's what I was just thinking about,” Marjorie replies. "She didn't say anything. She was focused on driving. It all happened so fast. We weren't actually on the road very long before we went off the side and down the embankment."
Roddy and I look at each other, a little disappointed. It would've been convenient if Ali had said something to give us a clue as to whether or not she knew Clive.
“In hindsight, though,” Marjorie adds. "Ali did seem distressed in the parking lot of the Bi-Mart after she looked at the driver of the truck. I suppose it's possible that she did, in fact, recognize him."
"I wondered about that," I say.
I take a step backward so I can look through the glass door into Ali’s room again. It's a silly thing, but it almost feels like I need to check to make sure she's not going to overhear what I'm about to say.
"Do either of you remember details from the years before Ethan was born? When I was in Korea, especially?" I ask.
I’ve never verbalized this to anyone other than Ali. I’m not sure whether or not anybody knows there was trouble between us.
"Sure, we remember,” Marjorie replies.
"I guess then you knew that Ali and I went through a rough patch?"
"We knew some,” Roddy says. "We knew our daughter was sad. We provided her emotional support. But beyond that, it wasn’t our business. We've always thought a lot of you, George. Always have."
"And the feeling is mutual," I say.
"If you're asking whether or not we think Ali cheated on you during that time, I really don't think so,” Marjorie says. "We can't know for sure until Ali wakes up and we can ask her ourselves. But that just doesn't sound like her. It doesn't seem like something she would do."
"The guy looks a lot like me, Marjorie,” I say. "And he's creepy. He's like a sleazy, bad-boy version of me. I can't help but think that if Ali was mad at me and was acting out, Clive Roland might be exactly the type she’d be drawn to you."
Marjorie lifts her head and nods slowly.
"Which tells me that you've seen him in person," she replies.
Roddy and I look at her, but we don't respond to that comment. After a minute, I continue.
"I'm going to ask Joe to hypnotize me," I proclaim.
"Oh?" Marjorie replies.
"Yes, tonight," I confirm. "I want to see if I can get answers to some specific questions about what happened in Ancient Greece. I want to know who from the present day was involved back then.
"George," she says she places a hand on my forearm and leans in towards me. "You do whatever you need to do. I believe in you. You'll figure this out."
“That's the plan," I say. "I'll tell you one thing though. I'm done acting like prey. Liam and I saw a huge rattlesnake when we were out for a run at lunchtime today. It was laying there in the path a short distance in front of us, looking fearless. Something about seeing it there like that ignited a fire in me. It's time to go on the offensive and stop hiding and hoping bad things don’t happen to my family.”
“I don’t think they have rattlesnakes in Lake Tahoe,” Marjorie says. “In fact, I don’t think they have many snakes at all around here.”
“Liam said the same thing,” I reply. “But we both saw it with our own eyes.”
Marjorie looks skeptical.
“That’s interesting,” she says, considering whether or not to say more.
“Go on,” Roddy tells her.
She appreciates his encouragement. I can tell she doesn’t want to push me, but Roddy lets her know he agrees with her desire to elaborate.
“Have you considered that the snake could be a spiritual symbol?”
“How so?” I ask.
“Historically, snakes represent fertility and rebirth. Any creative life force, basically. Primal energy.”
“Wow,” I say. “I didn’t realize that.”
“Yeah,” my mother-in-law adds. “Because snakes shed their skins, they’re associated with symbols of rebirth, transformation, immortality, and healing.”
“That sounds like exactly what we need right now, doesn’t it?” I ask. “But I swear, Liam and I both saw the thing with our own eyes. It was real.”
“I’m not doubting that you saw it,” Marjorie clarifies. “But sometimes we see things that others don’t. Or things that seem to vanish into thin air. It’s a widely reported phenomenon. Real can become a subjective term.”
A chill goes up and down my spine as I remember.
“I haven’t had a chance to tell you...” I say, pointing both index fingers at my in-laws and getting excited.
"Something good?" Marjorie asks.
"Absolutely," I say. "Get this."
My in-laws step closer and look at me, eager to hear what I'm going to tell them.
“Did you know there is more to the story of how Ali was found last night?" I ask. "Because there is. Duke is the one who told me about it. He came up to the boys’ room on the fourth floor where we were all sleeping and he woke me up to tell me."
"No," Roddy says. "I only heard that she was found. How did it happen?"
"I was having another dream about Dad as I slept,” I begin. “And this one showed me scenes from Ancient Greece and let me know that he was with the group of us there. Like I mentioned earlier, he was the old medicine man who took Ali and Ethan in when they were sent out of the city.”
Marjorie nods and smiles.
"Then, much like the night of the break-in, I saw Dad's face close in front of mine. He told me, emphatically, that it was time to wake up and be ready."
"Go on," Roddy says.
“So, I wake up and there's Duke. He's all excited and he tells me that he had just returned from interviewing a pair of motorists who were flagged down by a man and then directed to an accident scene in the woods near route twelve."
They both smile big, broad smiles as they listen.
“Here's the best part. It was dark outside and still raining. The couple said they were driving along when a man appeared in front of their headlights and motioned for them to follow him down an embankment. They did and they came upon our crashed Odyssey minivan. They returned to their vehicle to try and find cell phone reception and make a call to authorities. When they finished and turned back to look for the man, he was nowhere to be found. They said it was as if he had vanished right into thin air."
Marjorie is really excited now and claps her hands a couple of times in front of her chest.
“Okay?" Roddy says, not following quite like his wife.
“Duke had the opportunity to interview the couple for the South Lake Tahoe Police Department," I continue. "He had the couple describe the man who flagged them down and they did. As he listened to their description, it struck him that it reminded him of pictures he’d seen of my dad. So, he pulled out a photo that he’d seen on one of my social media accounts to show them, for a frame of reference."
"Ah, wow, "Roddy says, his eyes opening wide now.
"Duke reports they took one look at the picture of my dad and said that was the very man who flagged them down. Can you believe it?"
"Wow," Roddy says again.
"Yeah, they didn't say the man looked like my dad or that he reminded them of him. They said that was the exact man. They were adamant. Duke says he never would have believed it if he hadn’t heard it with his own ears."
Marjorie reaches out to hug me and then Roddy joins in with her. The three of us stand together holding onto each other as we consider the ramifications of this knowledge It's something all right. I'm not sure I’d believe it myself if I weren't experiencing it. But I must say, it’s pretty magical. It makes me feel like my loved ones who never got the chance to meet my dad in this lifetime may know him on some level after all. That is a great comfort. Especially right now.
"So, Marjorie," I say as I begin to pull back from our group hug and stand up straight again. "When we were talking about the snake and you said that sometimes people see things that aren't there… Or things that vanish…"
“It's amazing, isn't it?" Marjorie says.
"I'd say that's an understatement," Roddy adds. "Incredible. Outstanding."
"I can't explain it, but I feel like something greater than us is watching over us and guiding us,” I say. “I feel like loved ones who have gone on before us aren't really gone at all. Just like you said back at our dinner at Yellow Cobb during John Wendell's going-away party, Marjorie. If I had any doubts then, I certainly don't anymore."
"Your dad was a good man, George,” Marjorie says. "Just like you and just like Liam. You Hartmanns are good eggs."
I thank Marjorie and smile. I had almost forgotten about Clive for a few minutes. It was better that way. But now I remember. Roddy, Liam, and I have got to get busy figuring out what we're going to do with him.
I'm still contemplating next steps when I feel a hand on my shoulder. It's a familiar hand, but I can't place it right away. Roddy and Marjorie see who it is and their faces light up. I turn around to find out for myself.
“Nicky!" I exclaim, reaching out to embrace my brother-in-law. "What are you doing here?"
"I had to come and see my sister. Did you think I could stay away?"
“I called him this morning,�
�� Marjorie says as she steps over and gives her son a big hug. "But I didn't know he was coming all the way out here."
Nicky kisses his mom on the cheek then reaches over to hug his dad.
"Thanks for coming, son, "Roddy says. "I'm also glad to see you."
"There's no place I'd rather be," Nicky says.
I wonder if Nicky brought his husband and their daughter along. It would be great to see them, too, but it's starting to feel like there are more and more distractions which will keep us from handling Clive.
"Luis and Sarah stayed home,” Nicky says, apparently knowing what I was thinking. "Sarah has school and Luis has work. It was easiest for me to come alone."
My in-laws and I nod our understanding.
"So how Is she?" Nicky asks as he stands on his toes in an attempt to see over us and into Ali’s room.
"She's not conscious yet," I say. "But you can go on in and see her. They say two people are allowed in the room at a time during visiting hours. Although all three of us were in there a little while ago when her doctor was giving us an update."
Without asking any additional questions, Nicky goes straight into Ali’s room and positions himself by her side. It seems like he's drawn to her, just like I was when I walked in and just like Roddy was when he entered. It's an interesting thing to see and experience. I wonder if Ali’s spirit is pulling us to her once we get within a certain physical proximity.
Marjorie looks at me and Roddy. I think we're starting to seem a little antsy.
"Go," she says. "Check on the boys and then go do what you need to do."
"Are you sure?" I ask. “Nicky just got here.”
"Yes," she says. "Now that Nicky is here I have even more help. Between the two of us, maybe we can give Linette and Joe a break to go home and get some rest and take a shower. We'll figure all of that out. You guys go."
Marjorie stands in between me and Roddy and puts one arm around each of our backs, practically pushing us along. We thank her and I blow a kiss to Ali from a distance, then turn and walk out of the ICU. It's going to be another long night.