Wargasm (Payne Brothers Romance Book 3)

by Sosie Frost

  “How can you tell?”

  “You’re sitting in Sheriff Samson’s seat.”

  She crinkled her nose as she stared at the stools with their flaking, bonded leather. “Are they assigned?”

  “I’m sure he won’t mind an ass like yours claiming it,” I said.

  “Charming.”

  “Take the compliment.”

  Her smile hardened. “I’d prefer you to shove it.”

  I grinned. Beauty and a beast combined in this one.

  And yet something so familiar. What the hell was it about this woman?

  I sipped my beer and wished I didn’t enjoy the damned chase. I got enough attitude and aggravation at the farm. One brother in the hospital, three others itching to take his place. None of them had offered to help sort through the estate bullshit, the leftover medical bills, or the untilled soil that was meant for more than dandelions.

  Misery had plenty of company at home. Didn’t need it souring the one beer I used as an escape. I sipped my drink. This woman was too interesting for Butterpond, and too uninterested in me.

  “Well, I’m warning you…” I nodded toward the door. “The Sheriff lives for his routine. He puts in his eight hours behind the desk—two of which he sleeps through—then rounds out the rest of the night here at Renegades. He likes that seat in particular.”

  She hummed, perfectly manicured nails clinking against the glass. “I don’t think he’ll mind.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because I’m here to meet him.” Her voice lowered, and she leaned a bit closer. Was it me, or did her lips tease a smile? “I’m helping him with a little bedroom problem.”

  Now that…I hadn’t expected.

  I studied the woman—a lady half the sheriff’s age and entirely out of his league. “You? You’re meeting him…alone?”

  She smirked. “Well, sure. You don’t think he’d bring his wife along, do you?”

  I drank my beer before I chuckled too loudly. Sly old dog. How did the sheriff hook up with a woman like this? And what the hell did she see in him?

  Christ, this wouldn’t take long at all. Another glass of wine, and she’d eagerly ditch the sixty-something, grey-haired, pot-bellied senior. Not quite sure what she was drinking to agree to meet him in the first place. That was the crime, perpetrated by the sheriff himself.

  Hell, it was practically my moral obligation to steal her away. Samson was one skipped statin from a heart-attack. A night with this beauty would kill him. And then what? Stick Butterpond with Deputy Albright, writing his parking citations on the back of a napkin?

  Someone had to save the town by banging the beauty. It might as well have been me.

  “I didn’t think Samson cared about anything except his beer,” I said.

  She hid her pride with another sip of wine. “Well, he’s eager to start this.”

  “Have you…helped him before?”

  “I like to think of it as…consulting.” Her eyebrow arched. “He tells me what he wants, and I do my best to make it happen.”

  “Someone as beautiful as you must get a lot of…offers.”

  “I hope my success is based on talent, not beauty.” Her eyes narrowed on me. One hell of a glance that might have scared a lesser man off. “I’m good at what I do, so believe me, I charge more than a drink at the bar.”

  And then it clicked.

  I knew exactly who this mystery woman was.

  Samson wasn’t just a cheat, he was a bastard too.

  Where the fuck had he found a hooker in the middle of Butterpond?

  Some Sheriff he was. The town wasn’t exactly a booming metropolitan center. It was an election year—he should’ve locally sourced his Thursday night entertainment.

  When I’d still played ball, I’d met plenty of women who’d followed the Rivets for a chance to entertain a player or two. But they only looked for a dinner, date, and maybe a new purse or trinket for their efforts.

  I had more respect for myself then…but now? I had no cushy contract, only a farm on the brink of collapse. Gave a man more patience for this sort of curiosity.

  “If that’s the case…” I shrugged. “What are you doing here? You’d make a lot more money in Ironfield.”

  She sighed—a rather unsatisfied and irritated sound. Didn’t like that. A woman this beautiful should have only purred.

  “You’d think,” she said. “But I had a little…issue with their police chief. Started this whole inner-office conflict.”

  Oh, shit. Politics was a dirty game. “Wait. You consulted for him at the government offices?”

  “Well, technically, I do my work out in the field. But you know what happens when someone thinks they can do your job better than you.”

  Made sense. At least she was a smart entrepreneur. “So, you do this a lot?”

  She gave a proud shake of her head, teasing a curl from her bun and over her mahogany cheek.

  “You might think what goes on in a man’s house is his business, but, believe me, I get involved with more homes than you can imagine.”

  “Really?”

  “Surprised?”

  Not at all. I could bounce a quarter off her ass, and I’d probably owe her a hell of a lot more money by the end of the night. But a woman like her would earn every penny. The whole Ice Queen look worked for her—the prissy bun, sexy dress, weaponized heels.

  A single glance from her could drive a man wild, but the opportunity for a little more? Worth cashing in a couple stocks and bonds. A night with her probably gave one hell of a return.

  I lowered my voice, watching as her elegant fingers stroked the stem of her wine glass. “Gotta say…it’s hard to imagine.”

  “What is?”

  “You…working like that.”

  Her plump, hungry-for-a-cock lips formed an insulted O. “You don’t think I bust my behind for this job?”

  I snickered. “Well, no. I’m sure that’s…primarily what you do.”

  “Look.” Her glass struck the bar with a clink. “I put in my forty hours a week, same as everyone else.”

  “That seems…high.”

  “And yes, I have some pretty strict guidelines I need to follow.”

  “Oh.” I agreed with a nod. “The…work comes with a handbook or something?”

  “I don’t make up these rules.” She shook her head. “Oh, no. There’s a tremendous amount of legislation and research involved in what I do.”

  So…Karma Sutra meets OSHA requirements. Enlightening. I took a swig from the beer. I’d need another bottle to survive this conversation.

  “This is what no one understands,” she said, impatient. “Sure, I have some of my own personal preferences I enforce—like, no banging around after seven PM or before eight AM.”

  “Doesn’t that cut into business?”

  “It’s for the betterment of the community. If I didn’t enforce it, those construction guys would be going wild at all hours of the night.”

  I blinked. The girl got around. “You deal with construction crews?”

  “Real estate is a booming industry nowadays. I usually do business with the land developers, but sometimes a girl has to get down and dirty on the construction site.”

  I snorted. “And they’re okay with you…going wild on the site?”

  “The unions love me. They’re actually stricter than I am. I don’t care how quick it gets done as long as it’s done right.” She hummed. “It’s the state that makes it tough.”

  “The state?”

  “They keep making new laws and revising our methods. Innovation is great, but they make it tough on us working girls and guys out there.” She leaned in with a smirk. “But here’s the secret. Most of the men strutting around the capitol can’t tell their asses from their pricks.”

  “Yeah, I’m definitely not into that.” I teased her with an arch of my eyebrow. “Sounds too rough for me.”

  “You don’t even want to talk rough.” She toyed a finger over the rim of her gla
ss. “The state binds my hands more than anyone.”

  “Think they’d have to pay extra for that.”

  “Oh God, no.” Her laugh had an innocent charm—a quiet delight that could pry open wallets. “There are no kickbacks. With the state, you just have to lie back and take it.”

  I ordered another shot of whiskey. The woman was beautiful, but the old wives’ tales were right—never meet your idols, and don’t look in the kitchen to see where the meal is cooked.

  I saluted her with the glass as she finished her wine. “As long as you like the work, that’s all that matters.”

  “Oh, I do. I like helping, you know?” She leaned in close, licking the wine from her bottom lip with a smirk. Goddamn this woman was beautiful. Probably more expensive than I could afford. “Most guys don’t realize that they need help.”

  “Help?” I arched an eyebrow. “Like Samson’s bedroom?”

  “Exactly.” She pointed at me. “Picture this—a man, overworked and stressed, comes back from his job one day and takes a good, hard, introspective look at his home. For the first time, he’s sees what a mess it is. After twenty years of marriage and kids, time has taken its toll.”

  I frowned. Hated to think that it was true, but Butterpond had seen marriages break up for far less than a loveless bedroom.

  “That’s depressing,” I said.

  “What’s worse is when they think they can fix it themselves. A man will try to tear down those walls himself, but, once that home is stripped bare, he sees what he’s been living with for so many years. It’s too far gone for him to repair. A happy home for twenty years, just destroyed by good intentions.” She sighed. “Sometimes, for a man’s health and sanity, the only option is to call in the expert.”

  “And that’s you.”

  “I get it. I’m young, but, believe me. I know what I’m doing.” She eyed me with a wry smile. “All men are alike. Can’t ask for help until it’s too late. Then they come to be, promising the moon and begging for more time.”

  I chuckled. “I can’t imagine anyone wanting less time with you.”

  “Oh, most of these men can’t get anything done on a set schedule.”

  “Sure they’re not done too early?”

  She giggled. “If only. Believe me, I’d love to crack my whip, but then they complain to my boss. If he’s not happy, I’m not happy.”

  “Oh. You still have a boss? Thought you’d be more self-directed.”

  She rolled her eyes. “No. I have a direct superior, then five more over him.”

  “Six bosses?” How many pimps did a girl need?

  “And with the county fair coming up?” She puffed her breath in an unhappy sigh. “I’m gonna be bent over backwards trying to make everyone happy.”

  God, have mercy, the woman had no idea the images she put in my head. “That’ll be a popular booth.”

  “You have no idea. The fair is going to be make-or-break for me around here. The mayor’s already busting my hump.”

  “Even the mayor, huh?”

  “He’s the worst of them all.”

  “Wouldn’t think that he’d need…your services.”

  “Well, everything’s falling into my lap all of a sudden.”

  Even newlywed Mayor Desmond was apparently sneaking a bit on the side. Christ. I thought Ironfield was sleezy. I had no idea Butterpond had such a seedy underbelly. No wonder my brother Varius had quit preaching at the church.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Nothing.” I shook my head. “I’m surprised the mayor would rely on your services.”

  Her voice sharpened. A familiar, harsh edge shadowed her words. I almost recognized it.

  “Why?” She straightened. “Because I’m a woman?”

  “Well, that’s a prerequisite for most of the men around here…” I frowned. “Though I’m not so sure about Bobby Delaney…”

  “Is it because I’m young?”

  “I’m not judging. You’re in the prime of your life for this sort of career. I mean…Hell, you can’t do this forever, can you?”

  Pride wrapped her up tighter than the slinky dress caressing her thighs. “I have a very defined life plan, thank you very much. And every facet of my life right now is focused on my work and growing my personal network of professional contacts. For the next five years, I am concentrating on my career.”

  “Right.”

  She didn’t believe me. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those guys.”

  “What kind of guy?”

  “The kind who thinks I’ll inevitably find some fantastic man, fall madly in love, and quit my job to pop out a couple kids.” She recrossed those perfect dark legs and folded her manicured fingers on her knees. “Believe me; I’m not looking for that.”

  Christ, the woman was pure sex. “Yeah, don’t blame ya. It’d cut into profits.”

  “Profits?”

  “Would you get short-term disability for that?”

  “For what?”

  “Getting pregnant?” I caught her gaze as she frowned. “Oh, no, I get it. I bet some guys would pay you more. They’d get a thrill out of a niche experience.” I shifted, wishing I could adjust my jeans. “But that sort of request is probably made more in Ironfield than Butterpond.”

  Her eyebrows furrowed. The girl even made looking confused sexy. “What are you talking about?”

  I smirked. “Sorry. Probably asking too many questions. Just…never met a woman like you before.”

  “A woman with limited patience?”

  “No…” I lowered my voice. “An escort.”

  “Excuse me?”

  She stiffened, but I calmed her with a wave of my hand and a request for a second beer. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. Unless you need to drum up business or something.” I glanced her over with a sigh. “But I don’t think you need much beyond that short skirt and a little dance around the bar in those heels.”

  Al placed the beer in front of me, but she was quicker. With an insulted grunt, she tipped the bottle over my head and kicked away from the bar. Her stool crashed to the ground.

  “You think I’m a hooker?”

  Her shriek silenced the bar. The three gentleman playing darts muted the football pre-game to listen.

  “I…” I shrugged at Al. He stared at me, mouth gaping. Not shocked, but mortified. Like I’d made the mistake of a lifetime without realizing what I’d done. “You’re not?”

  “I can’t believe you, Julian Payne!”

  She knew my name?

  The woman stormed away from the bar, tossing a chair from her path as she raced to the door.

  “Micah?” Al called after her. “Are you okay?”

  Mother…

  Fucking…

  Micah?

  “Oh, I’m fine.” Micah hissed as she struggled to free her purse from the corner of the pinball table. “Just fed up with the local wildlife.”

  And now I recognized her haughty walk and the sharp puff of indignation between her words.

  Holy shit…I’d called the only woman who could save my farm a goddamned prostitute.

  To her face.

  “Jesus…wait.” I rushed after her. “You’re Micah?”

  I sprinted after her, tripping over a pile of spilled napkins. The table caught my fall, but not before the damage was done. My back awkwardly twisted, and a slice of pain jolted from the middle of my spine down the sciatic nerve.

  A little numbness and excruciating pain might have ended a lucrative career in professional football before it even began, but it wouldn’t stop me from chasing this woman.

  “Micah…” I raced out the door and caught her on the sidewalk, even with my limp. Those four-inch heels looked good, but they didn’t offer a quick getaway. “Wait! I didn’t know it was you!”

  Micah spun, a ballerina’s grace with an assassin’s glare. “Who the hell did you think you were talking to?”

  “Not…you.” I gestured over a woman with curves and secrets practically molded
for sex. “You…cleaned up.”

  “Apparently not. You think I’m a hooker.”

  “A classy one!”

  “I’ve never been so embarrassed…” She groaned. “Not since the last time you berated me.”

  “You said you were solving the sheriff’s bedroom problem!”

  “Yeah, his addition.” Her voice rose. “I’m consulting on his plans.”

  “What?”

  “His building construction! My family has worked construction for generations, and I’ve studied zoning law and building inspection. I know the sort of mistakes he’s going to make if he installs the footer himself!”

  “But…the construction guys…banging at all hours?”

  “I enacted an ordinance to restrict construction hours so it wouldn’t disturb people in the morning or late at night!”

  “Six bosses?”

  “The mayor and the elected council,” she yelled.

  Shit. “And…and the fair?”

  “I’m head of the Sawyer County Fair Committee!” Micah covered her eyes. “Oh my God. You are such a pig! You don’t need a barn, cowboy. You need some fences and a trough!”

  If I wasn’t getting laid, at least I could laugh. A riotous, full-throttled laugh. Pissed her right the hell off. The pretty little thing glowered, body tense and braced for war. Goddamn was she sexy, tapping those designer heels and tucking her perfect nails into tightly clenched fists.

  “So, princess…” I smiled. She didn’t. “You’re not a whore then?”

  “Oh, I am a lot of things right now, cowboy, and you’re gonna wish I was a hooker after I grab you by the balls and squeeze.”

  “As long as it’s free.”

  “Get out of my sight!”

  I didn’t let her stomp away. “I’m sorry. Look, honest mistake.”

  She didn’t believe me. “You thought I was a whore and didn’t bother to clarify?”

  “I’m discreet.”

  “You’re an asshole.”

  I cleared my throat. “I’m also an optimist.”

  “In your dreams.”

  “You were one glass of wine away from a night with me.”

  “I’ve heard a lot about you, Jules,” she said. “You’re a gentleman. You’re taking care of your family. You’re some big, hotshot athlete come home for retirement. But no one said you had such a sense of humor.”