Grace Lost

by M. Lauryl Lewis

  Chapter 7

   

  It had been a tense and lengthy day as anticipated.  The stress from being on edge had exhausted us all. The men had found supplies in the shed:  nails, a hammer, even plywood pieces of various sizes.   It had taken them the good part of the morning to bring out what they thought would be the most useful.  The birds were singing today, which we took to be a good sign of safe surroundings.  The men dared to drive nails into window frames to hold the plywood in place.  After each nail was hammered in, we would all stop and listen for any signs of danger.  The small window above the kitchen sink was eventually secured with the top of a coffee table and Boggs helped rig it to open easily from the inside.  It would be a means of escape if needed, but also serve as an entry with the help of a hidden latch.  We used the metal bed frame from the third bedroom to secure the front door from the inside.  The headboard helped reinforce the plywood covering the picture window in the small living room.  It took a bit of effort, but we broke the box springs down and used its one-by-two planks to build spears.  Emilie and I had been tasked with that chore and learned how to use a hand saw to cut sharp points.  We all agreed to keep the spears on the second floor as a means of defense should the entry level be overrun.  

  It was early afternoon when we took our first real break.  The guys nailed the last metal bar across the front door, sealing us in.  Boggs and Gus were both sweaty, but wearing big grins. 

  “Should we tell them?” Gus addressed Boggs.

  “Might as well,” Boggs chuckled.

  “What’s going on?” asked Emilie.

  “Go into the kitchen,” instructed Boggs.  “Turn on the sink.”

  “Why?” I asked. 

  Emilie had already started toward the basin under the modified kitchen window, and got there first.  She turned the right hand faucet knob and watched water fall.

  “Ok?” she said questioningly.  Like me, she must have wondered what the big deal was.

  “Emilie, try the hot water darlin,’” said Gus with a chuckle.

  Emilie turned the knob on the left, and after several long moments steam accompanied the stream of water.  “Are you serious?” she asked.  “How on earth…?”

  “We noticed a propane tank behind the shed.  And yesterday when I was on the roof I saw there’s a series of solar panels.  We connected everything, so we have limited power and water now.  Solar charges the batteries, which are in the shed, and the propane fuels the hot water tank, oven and stove, refrigerator, and fireplace.”

  “How long will it last?” I asked, being practical.

  Gus shrugged.  “The propane reads nearly full and it’s a big tank.  Hopefully two seasons, if we use it sparingly.  The solar panels will function unless they get damaged, but the batteries may need replacing at some point.  Whoever owns the cabin was pretty creative.  Looks like the appliances all run on the propane and the solar was meant as a backup power source.  I’d say we’re damned lucky to have found this place.  We have you to credit for that, Em.”

  “Can we use the shower?” asked Emilie.  She was making a puppy-dog-sad-face.

  “Sure,” said both the men at the same time. 

  “Just leave us some hot water, ok?” said Gus with a wink.

  She nodded eagerly, and then ran up the stairs and into the bathroom.  I could hear the water running down the drain pipes and was jealous that she got to go first.  Gus, Boggs, and I used the time to take inventory of the main floor and uncover the furniture.  Before we were finished I heard the water upstairs turn off.  Boggs suggested I go take my turn, to which I enthusiastically agreed.

   

  The bathroom was filled with steam and smelled like shampoo and soap from Emilie’s shower.  It was heavenly. I kicked off my shoes, and stripped out of my dirty clothes.  I was glad the mirror was steamed-over, not wanting to see how horrible I must look.  The bathroom’s best feature was a huge claw-foot bathtub.  I entertained the idea of soaking in it, but thought the guys might appreciate it if I left some hot water in the tank.  I turned the faucet on and stepped into the separate shower stall.  The hot water was blissful.  I felt tension melt and layers of grime began to strip away.  The world around me faded as I massaged a handful of pomegranate scented shampoo into my hair. 

  A knock on the door brought me back to the dismal world we now lived in.

  “C’mon Zoe, save some hot water for us!” barked Gus.  I must have been relaxing for longer than I had realized.

  I sighed, rinsed my hair, and turned off the water.  I growled loud enough to let everyone know I was not happy about ending my shower.  I heard chuckling from the hallway.

  I looked down at my hip, which was aching again.  It looked bruised and swollen.  I found a towel under the sink and wrapped it around myself.  I wrapped another around my hair. I looked at my filthy clothes and decided to toss them into the bathtub, not having a better plan for them.  They landed on top of Emilie’s filthy clothes.  Great minds think alike.  I opened the door and stepped into the hall, where Gus was leaning up against the wall waiting.

  “Holy cow!  She shines up nice!” he said and laughed.

  “Gee thanks, Gussie,” I said.  “Hey, do you mind looking at my hip for me?  It looks a little funny.”

  “Sure, Zoe.  It’s brighter in the bathroom.  Let’s head in there.”   He held a hand out to signal me to go ahead of him.

  I walked back into the bathroom with him trailing behind.  He left the door open behind him like a gentleman.  “Ok, let’s take a look-see.”

  I stood with my hip facing the only window in the room and lifted my towel up enough for Gus to look at the wound. 

  “Hmm,” he muttered.  “We might need to change antibiotics, Zoe.  It looks a bit off.  Is it hurting?”

  “A little,” I admitted.  “It gets achy.”

  “The color is kind of funny.  It’s almost green, just a faint shade right around the wound.”

  “What does that mean?” I asked.

  “Let me wash my hands, hold on.”  He walked to the sink and scrubbed his hands.  He spoke while he lathered.  “It might be a resistant bacteria.  It’s just hard to say.”

  As the cowboy dried his hands, Emilie came to the door.  She was glowing from her shower and smelled good.  Her hair was drying and she looked like a little pixie.  She had found a cute yellow sundress with little flowers on it and had put it on.  Gus looked up at her.  “Aren’t you just adorable all clean?”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “Emilie, could you do us a favor?” asked Gus. 

  Emilie nodded. 

  “Look through the drawers in here and see if you can find anything like peroxide or rubbing alcohol, or antibiotic ointment?  Heck, bottles of pills too.”

  “Sure.  Is everything ok?” she wore a look of concern on her face.

  “Ya, Zoe’s hip is just looking a bit angry.  We need to clean it up and maybe start some new antibiotics.”

  Emilie started rummaging through cabinets and drawers.  She managed to find a bottle of Hibiclens, which Gus said would be good for washing the wound, and a tube of Neosporin.  Gus said her prize finding was a bottle of Percocet, which he told us was a strong pain medication. 

  Since I had just showered, Gus said we’d hold off on using the Hibiclens till I bathed again and instead he dabbed Neosporin on the wound.  The Percocet, he said, we’d set aside for emergencies.  I thanked them both for their help then stepped out of the bathroom, leaving them behind.

  I walked into the bedroom I had claimed, and shut the door behind me.  A single candle was lit and sitting on the vanity.  Someone had laid a big flannel shirt on the bed for me. It made me smile knowing I wasn’t stuck with just a towel all night.  I wondered if it had come from the armoire, then realized it didn’t much matter.  I took the towel off of my hair and let it drop to the floor, followed by the one wrapped around my body.  I stood there naked in
the candle light, my back to the door.  I startled from the crackling of jeans against leather from the corner of the room behind me, and turned in dread.  I grabbed the shirt and clung to it, trying to cover myself.

  “Boggs!” I shouted.  My heart was beating fast.

  He obviously felt bad for startling me.  “I’m sorry, Zo. I didn’t mean to scare you.”   He frowned and walked closer to me.  I was shaking, both from fright and from the chill of standing naked in a cold dark room, and fought to regain control of myself.  “Can I help with that?” He put his hands on the shirt.  He had a look of desire on his face.  “Please?” he asked longingly.

  I swallowed hard.  His blue eyes danced in the candlelight and his face was holding onto a trace of sadness and a lot of fatigue.  I looked up at him, but didn’t answer.  His five o’clock shadow was longer than usual and made his features look only more rugged and masculine in the glow. He took the shirt from me, my fingers letting go without much resistance.  I stood there feeling overwhelmingly vulnerable as he looked down at my body, then back to my face. “You’re so beautiful, Zoe.”

  He stepped forward and I took a step back, still shaking.  Wanting to feel his body next to mine, but terrified of the same, I whispered back to him.  “No, Boggs.”  I saw the pain of rejection on his face.  I held a hand up, and put my palm against his chest.  “Not yet…I just need some time.”  He sighed and looked at his feet, but didn’t back away. “Besides, you stink, remember?”  I was still whispering and now my stomach was in a knot.  His silence was the loudest thing in the room.  My hand still touching him, feeling his heartbeat, I rested my forehead on his chest. He reached behind me, and I felt the flannel shirt drape over my shoulders.  My face still against him, I mumbled.  “I’m sorry Boggs.”

  I knew he was miserable. “It’s ok, Zoe.  A cold shower will do me good.”  He sighed and left the room sulking.

   I buttoned the oversized shirt, and rolled the sleeves up.  I heard the shower running again, so walked downstairs.  I found Emilie sitting on one of the two loveseats in the living room.  There was a fire going, and she had four mugs of hot cocoa on the coffee table.

  “Zoe!”  She seemed excited to see me.  “Come grab some cocoa!  It’s hot.  Gus said to not use any electric except the stove & oven to make the solar batteries last longer, but the candles and fire work fine.  Kind of cozy, huh?”

  I sat kiddy corner to her on the other loveseat, and pulled an afghan from the back of the couch over my legs since all I had on was the shirt.  Though not large on top, I had always been self conscious when not wearing a bra, so was glad for the baggy shirt.  “It’s making me sleepy.  I know it’s still afternoon but it’s so dark in here.”

   “Gus said you were really sick too, just before I joined you all.  That can’t help.”

  “She was, very sick,” Gus said as he reached the bottom of the stairs.  His face was clean shaven and he looked like a different person.  I giggled because he was wearing a women’s light blue t-shirt that fell short on him and was too tight.  It had daffodils decorating the front.  He wore a pair of gray boxer briefs that did nothing to hide his manhood.  Emilie choked on her cocoa.  He came over toward us, turned a circle, and said “what?”

  “Sexy” snorted Emilie.  Gus grinned and plopped on the couch next to her, the t-shirt riding up and exposing flesh.  I could tell he worked out regularly.  It was hard to look away, but I didn’t want to be caught staring.     

  “You like it huh?” Gus asked, waggling his eyebrows at her.  She blushed deeply.

  I recalled her question about his age and decided to find out for her.  “Cool it you two. Gus you’re an old man and Emilie you’re practically a kid.”  They both looked at me, in slight disbelief that I’d called out their flirting.

  “I’ll have you know I’m only sixty-three,” said Gus, laughing. “Old man my butt.”  Emilie smacked his arm.

  “How old are you really Gus?” asked Emilie.  He leaned over to her and whispered in her ear, making her laugh harder.  “See, Zoe, he’s not too old.”  I rolled my eyes and sipped my cocoa.  I spit it back into the mug, not expecting what I tasted.

  “You lushes!” I said.  They both laughed and high fived each other.  The cocoa was laced with something much stronger than marshmallows.  Boggs came down the stairs next, his lower half wrapped in a red terry cloth towel.  His chest was still wet and the drops of water caught in the firelight. Something stirred inside me and I sipped at the alco-cocoa.  Boggs’ chest was a great distraction from Gus’ abs.  I hadn’t realized that Boggs had a tattoo of an intricate cross on his right pectoral.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

  “What’s so funny?” Boggs asked and helped himself to the seat next to me.  He took my free hand in his and squeezed, letting me know we were okay.

  “The Drunken Cowboy here claims he’s sixty-three and the redhead likes spiked cocoa,” I said and took a large drink myself.  “I guess age is funny when you’re drunk?”  I giggled.

  “Looks like she’s not the only one,” Boggs teased.  “Nice outfit Gus.”

  “At least I have clothes, Bogsie.”  Gus looked at Emilie.  “Should I tell them?”

  Emilie shook her head no.

  “Tell us what?” I asked.

  “Nothin’” he said.

  Emilie started laughing in a girlish fit, and fought to catch her breath as we all stared.  Boggs grabbed a corner of the afghan and pulled it over himself, threatening to expose my legs and possibly more depending on where my shirt was situated.  I tugged back on it, so he lay down and rested his head in my lap, looking up at the ceiling.

  “He’s thirty eight, by the way,” whispered Emilie. 

  Gus nudged her.  “You weren’t supposed to tell, Miss twenty-something.”

  I swallowed my cocoa, starting to feel warm inside from the liquor.  I absently ran my fingers through Boggs’ clean-but-damp curls.  The topic changed to what we had all done in our adult lives.  My story was the least interesting.  Having only experienced briefly working in a coffee shop since graduating high school, there wasn’t much to say.  Boggs mentioned his time away at colle
ge, skipping the part about his fling and its devastating consequences, and his major in computer engineering.  Emilie had been raising her little brother, so like me she had skipped college, but had enjoyed a job during the daytime with special needs kids at an equestrian therapy camp.  Gus had already finished nursing school before he joined the Army, and had enlisted in hopes of going to medical school on the GI Bill.  He left after his first tour and fell in love with a married woman.  He let it drop before offering any more information.  So, we decided Emilie could teach us to ride horses we didn’t have, Gus could take care of us if we get sick, I could make coffee, and Boggs was just SOL.

  It felt good, having a semi-normal conversation while the world around us was falling apart.  I eventually made Boggs return upstairs to find something decent to wear and he had come back in just a pair of shorts.  Soon we were all sitting on the floor around the coffee table.  Boggs had found a few decks of cards and Gus shuffled them in preparation for teaching us all how to play ‘Shanghai.’

  Emilie took our empty cocoa mugs to the kitchen.  She returned with plastic tumblers full of bottled juice that tasted oddly like Vodka, although she denied any tampering, and a box of blueberry Pop Tarts.  We sat playing cards, drinking, and snacking for a long while.

  I yawned, the alcohol making me sleepy.  One by one my companions joined me in displaying fatigue.  Gus stopped shuffling, and set the cards in the center of the table.  “I think we’re all tired.  We should head upstairs, try to get some sleep.  We can regroup in the morning. Sound ok?”

  Boggs yawned in exaggeration.  “Sounds good, Buddy.”

  Emilie chimed in. “Should we have a code word?  Like if one of us wakes up and one of those things is trying to get in?  Should we yell a word that means wake the eff up?”

  Gus stood, held his hand out to help her up, and chuckled.   “Darlin’.  If you wake up and one of those things is near, you should yell wake the fuck up!”   She smacked him playfully.  They were obviously hitting it off. 

  “We should turn the fireplace off, and blow out the candles,” said Boggs.  “Why don’t you guys head upstairs and I’ll double check window security?  Zoe, can you put a candle at the top of the stairs so I can see?”

  I nodded, followed by another yawn.  I was still feeling weak, and was ready to sleep for a long stretch.  Gus followed Emilie up the stairs and they both went into the same room.  The door clicked shut and I heard Emilie giggle.

  “You should head up Zoe.  I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “Kay.  I’ll do the candle.  Boggs?”  I paused and he looked at me.  “Please hurry?”

  He kissed my cheek.  “Ok.”  I watched him walk toward the front door. I climbed the stairs while the firelight still illuminated the room, and fetched the candle that was still aglow in our bedroom.  The first floor of the house went black when Boggs shut the propane fireplace off, causing my heartbeat to speed.  I stood at the top of the stairs holding the candle and watched Boggs walk up toward me.  He looked almost frightening as the flame from the candle I held flickered across his face and chest.  He met me at the top of the stairs and took the candle from my hands.

  “Boggs?” I asked.

  “Hmm?”

  “When did you get a tattoo?”

  “At college.  Do you like it?”

  “Actually, ya.”

  He smiled at me. “Zoe, go ahead and climb into bed and I’ll blow out the candle.”

  “I’m scared, Boggs.  What if they get in and we don’t hear?”  Even I could hear the fear in my own voice.

  We walked into the bedroom and Boggs set the candle down on the vanity and stepped closer to me.  “Zo, I’ll keep you safe.  If you want, I’ll stay awake while you sleep. I can sit up in the chair in the corner, or lay with you. You name it.”   He took my hands in his.

  “Just stay near. You can’t stay awake, Boggs.  You have circles under your eyes that have circles of their own.”

  He straightened his arms out, still holding my hands, and kissed my forehead. “I promise I’ll sleep with an ear open, if I sleep.”

  I nodded.  “Kay.”

  “Lay down, the candle’s going out.”

  Boggs had turned the covers down when he had come back to get dressed, so I climbed into bed and scooted to the far side with my back to the middle of the bed.  I was too exhausted to care that I had probably just mooned the man who thought he was falling in love with me.  The room went dark and I closed my eyes.  I felt Boggs’ weight added to the mattress and the bed creaked.  He pulled the covers up over me, and the heaviness of them was comforting.

  “Boggs?” I whispered.

  “Hmm?” he vocalized, sleepily.

  “My feet are so cold.”

  He scooted closer, and I could sense him above me, looking down in the dark.  “Do you want me to warm you up?” he asked sleepily.

  “Can you just hold me?”

  I shifted my weight to my other side, facing him.  He put an arm around me and held me close.  I rested my head on his bare chest and listened to his heartbeat.  “Boggs?” I whispered.

  “Hmm?”

  “Do you think we’ll make it through this?”

  Boggs took a deep breath before answering.  “If I have any say in it, Zoe Kate, we’ll make it through.  One day at a time.”