Risking Her Heart on the Single Dad

by Annie O'Neil

  Kirri mulled it over. Lucius loved her in an overprotective brotherly way. Even though it was annoying, it was strangely comforting. Whereas Ty...

  She silently swore.

  Ty knew more than anyone that life was for living. He was the last person on earth to stop someone from following their dreams, because he knew everyone only had one life to live.

  Her stomach lurched. Could he have told her to pack her bags and leave because he loved her?

  “Kirri? Are you still there?” Lucius didn’t wait for her to answer. “What is it you really want? Is it research?”

  No. No, it wasn’t. It was to love Ty. Ty and Lulu. And the rest of his huge, wonderfully batty family.

  More than that, she wanted to be able to give him a child. A sibling for Lulu. Several, if she could.

  But she couldn’t. No amount of medical breakthroughs would ever change that one brutal fact.

  The thought hit her like a bulldozer.

  That was what this was all about. A perverse Gift of the Magi. He was handing her the world he thought she wanted and the one thing she wanted to give him, she couldn’t. Was it time to put herself out there? Dare to tell him how she really felt about him?

  “I want to be with Ty,” she said.

  The trial run at admitting the truth felt good.

  “I know,” Lucius said gently.

  “Who made you so wise?” She sniffled, and then said, “What on earth am I meant to do about it? He wants me to go to Vienna.”

  “As your big brother, it’s my responsibility to help you see what you can’t.”

  “Which is...?”

  “Until you admitted as much you weren’t ready to love him. Now it’s time to believe in yourself. You’re good enough. Just as you are. I know the baby thing kills you, but don’t let it define you. You’re worth loving. You don’t need some hi-tech bells-and-whistles invention to prove you’re a good person. You are a good person. One of the best.”

  Kirri felt as though her heart would burst. Her brother thought all those things about her? “But—but you told me you weren’t going to let me continue.”

  “I know. I can be an ass, and I don’t always have the best technique for communicating what I really want to say.”

  “What do you really want to say?”

  “That I don’t care that you were born the way you were. You’re perfect just as you are. The research thing was a bandage for a wound you need to let heal. And you’re going to have to find another way to make yourself feel whole.”

  The way she felt when she was with Ty.

  Was giving up her research something she could do and still feel whole?

  A fire lit in her belly so hot and fierce she instantly knew the answer. She needed to see Ty—to find out if she was the only who was measuring her personal worth in tandem with her value as a medical innovator.

  It didn’t matter two beans to her brother. And she knew there was no point in calling her father. He’d always be stuck in his ways, and some wounds... Some wounds were better left as scars that would remind a girl of just how far she’d come.

  “So...” Kirri wiped away a few remaining tears. “Does this mean you’ve had my back all along?”

  “Course I have. You’re my little sister.”

  Her heart squeezed tight. Hearing him say that meant the world. “Lucius? Do you think leaving here would make me an idiot?”

  “Pretty much.”

  She laughed. “I can still rely on you for total honesty, then, I see?”

  “Always,” he said, his voice infused with so much affection she felt as though she were receiving her first ever proper hug from him.

  “Lucius?”

  “Yes?”

  “I love you.”

  “Love you too, kiddo. Now, go and tell your boyfriend you love him.”

  She didn’t need telling twice.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  TY STOOD OUTSIDE Kirri’s door and stared at the huge bouquet of flowers. It was the armload of Australian wildflowers Lulu had helped him select. Was this the right thing? For Kirri, for Lulu, for him?

  Damn straight it was.

  He moved his hand toward the door.

  It opened before he made contact.

  Kirri screamed.

  Ty winced. “That wasn’t quite the reaction I was hoping for.”

  Kirri pressed her hands to her chest as she composed herself. “Sorry. I wasn’t expecting you to be there.”

  “I need to talk to you.”

  “Good.” She looked him straight in the eye. “I need to talk to you.”

  Ty looked past her shoulder into the bedroom and saw the half-packed bag. His heart plummeted. Talking a headstrong woman into loving you for the rest of her life wasn’t a skill he had in his arsenal.

  “Packing’s going well, I see.”

  Beautifully observed, Ty. Now, grow a pair! You’ve operated on twenty-week-old babies still inside their mothers. Tell her how you feel.

  Kirri’s dark lashes fluttered a moment, and her cheeks pinked up as her blue eyes met his again. She’d been crying. A lot, from the looks of things. She also looked a bit sheepish.

  “Um...about that...”

  And just like that a ray of hope lit his life up.

  The flowers hit the ground. His heart pounded against his chest and in one long-legged stride he was cupping her face in his hands and tasting her sweet dusty-rose lips. Never before had a kiss felt so fortifying.

  Her body language spoke volumes. The arm around his waist said I love you. Her hand on his heart said, We are connected. Her lips tasting and exploring his as if it were their very first kiss said Never let me go. He wouldn’t. Not ever again. Whatever they needed to do to make this work...find time to explore the possibilities...he would do it.

  After they’d held one another for a while she gave him a soft kiss and said, “I guess you’ve figured out I’ve struggled with making the right decision.”

  “It’s a very big decision.”

  “Not if you know you’re in love with a man in Atlanta.”

  Ty pulled Kirri close and held her tight. “I love you, too. I just want to do the best by you. Not stifle you with a life you don’t want to lead.”

  Kirri pulled back and looked at him as if he was crazy. “I think we are both suffering from a severe case of getting hold of the wrong end of the stick.”

  “You were so excited about the research in Vienna. The professional advances you’d be able to make there, Kirri—they’d be huge.”

  She nodded, her eyes flicking away as she no doubt pictured the high-tech lab there.

  “It’s a huge decision. Especially when there’s a child involved. A child who, by the way, picked out these.” He scooped up the flowers and held them out to her with a small bow.

  Kirri’s eyes filmed over as she pressed her fingers to her mouth.

  “Is...?” Ty’s heart caught in his throat. “Is Lulu a problem?”

  “No! I adore Lulu. She’s amazing. But...”

  “But...?” Ty’s deepest fears turned the heat in his chest to ice in his veins.

  “You know I’ll never be able to give her a brother or sister—if things go that way.”

  “My love, I’m going into this with eyes wide open.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  Ty put the flowers on the breakfast bar, then turned to her. “No one is expecting you to make a final decision right here and now. About any of it. Vienna. Trying things with me. The changes you’re facing are huge. Moving country. Continent, even. Loving me. My child.”

  “In fairness, the loving you and Lulu part is pretty easy,” she confessed, with the first hint of a proper smile teasing at the corners of her mouth. “It’s the lifestyle changes that go with it that have got me all twisted up
inside.”

  Kirri traced a line down his arm, then pressed her hand to his cheek before she spoke again.

  “I’m probably a bit too used to being impetuous. The plus side, I suppose, of having your big brother as your boss. He’s relatively flexible about forgiveness.”

  The warmth in those blue eyes of hers told him something had shifted in her relationship with her brother. In the right direction.

  “Not that you aren’t flexible,” she went on. “But you have Lulu to consider, and—and if you want a sibling for her that’s impossible with me.”

  “Most things aren’t entirely impossible,” he said.

  It was a weighted statement and they both knew it. He was saying he was willing to explore adoption. Fostering. The possibility that Lulu would be an only child if that suited all three of them.

  “But if you want to go to Vienna...you should go.”

  Her lip quivered. “I’m terrified that letting my research go will make you think less of me. It’s how things work in my family. To get attention you have to do something. Something valuable. Lucius got the worst of it, being the son and heir and all that, but I always thought—” Her voice broke but she pushed on through. “I thought that if I couldn’t give my parents grandchildren, maybe I could give them the kudos of having a daughter who’d achieved something no one else in the world had.”

  Ty’s heart twisted tightly for her. How awful. To think that love came as part of a merit package.

  “Kirri, I admire your work. It’s incredible. But that’s not how I think, darlin’. I love you for you. Hell...” He swept a lock of hair away from her cheek. “If you wanted to set up a peach pie stall I’d still love you. Or take bubble baths all day. Don’t get me wrong—I’d love to have you on the surgical staff. That’s what I can offer you, and I think you’d be a brilliant addition to the team. But...and I may regret saying this... I’d still love you if you chose to stuff my offer in my face and move to Vienna, if you really thought that was what would make you happy. Long-distance relationships can work. Lulu’s never been to Vienna. Nor have I.”

  Kirri looked at him in astonishment. “You’d consider a long-distance relationship?”

  “I’d consider anything if it meant giving us more time to figure out what this is between us,” Ty said, from the bottom of his heart. “Whatever you choose, know this: I have never once considered your inability to have children as a factor in whether or not I fall in love with you.” He gave a self-effacing laugh. “If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t been all that sure that anyone would be interested in falling in love with a widower surgeon whose life revolves around his nutty family.”

  Kirri started laughing. “Are you kidding me? That is one seriously smokin’ hot package!”

  Their laughter filled the room, replacing the pain they’d shared.

  Ty took one of her hands in his and gave the back of it a kiss. “Look, it’s up to you what you choose. I know how important your research is to you. But I’d hate to think that you believe what you do for a living defines who you are.”

  She threw him a quirky look. “Have you been on the phone with my brother?”

  “No, but it sounds like we have a similar opinion.” He slipped his fingers through her hair and tipped his forehead to hers to give her a soft kiss. “You are amazing. With or without all the wondrous things you do. Your heart, your soul, your generosity. Maybe not so much your bowling...”

  She gave him a playful poke in the ribs.

  “Kirri, you are who I’d love to have in our lives—not your certificates of achievement. But if Lulu isn’t a priority for you...” He steadied his voice.

  Damn, this was hard.

  “Don’t,” Kirri cut in. “I know Lulu’s happiness is paramount. I would never ask you to live life my way, especially if it would compromise her happiness. She’s your number one girl.” She spoke without envy. And with love in her voice she continued, “Lulu’s your world.”

  “My world has room for you in it, too, Kirri. And my family’s world. We all love you.” He gave a self-effacing laugh. “I think I probably corner the market on loving you the most, but suffice it to say if there’s anything I can do or say to convince you to consider being my girl—even if we have to push the boundaries in figuring out how it works—my heart is yours.”

  Kirri bit down on her lip, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “It’s just all so different to how I imagined finding my happiness.”

  “Not everything comes in the package we expect,” he said.

  * * *

  “You can say that again!”

  Kirri laughed and swept away a couple of tears that had lost their battle with gravity. She gave Ty a kiss, filled with gratitude that they were talking. She had spent so much of her life blinkering herself toward her mission to succeed—who knew how much actual life she’d missed? Moments like this. Honest, pure, loving moments when, if she was brave enough, she could change her life forever.

  She ran her fingertips over Ty’s dark stubble and traced her finger along his lips. When she reached the center he kissed them.

  You’d be a fool to give this up for pride.

  Many other men in his shoes—men with a daughter to protect and care for—would have shown her the door. Booked her airplane ticket themselves. But Ty was a cut above the rest, and he was willing to work with her to find a way for them to live happily together.

  “All of this is finally making me realize that the things we think we want are not necessarily the best things for us.” She leant back on the couch, hearing the astonishment in her own voice as she said, “I had a long talk with my big brooding brother and who knew? He’s got a heart the size of Australia and it seems I was the last person to notice.”

  Ty ran his finger along the back of her hand for a moment, clearly gathering his thoughts. When he did speak, his voice hummed with an intensity she’d never heard from him before.

  “As we’re spilling our hearts here, you should know I’ve had my own learning curve to climb. When Gemma died, as you can imagine, my world fell to bits.”

  Kirri nodded. How could it not have?

  “Before she passed I worked with an incredible surgeon as an intern. He knew everything about everything—or so I thought. He liked to do things by the book. His book. Safety first was his motto. If you followed the rulebook nothing could go wrong! Was I learning? Absolutely. But I was only learning how to do things his way.”

  Kirri chewed on the inside of her cheek, unsure where this was going.

  “Anyway, I was working all the hours God sent. Then Gemma got her diagnosis, Lulu was born, Gemma lost her battle, and for a few months there I was utterly incapable of work. I didn’t go in. Couldn’t go in. The guilt I felt for having devoted myself to the hospital instead of treasuring the time we had together—” His voice caught in his throat but he pushed through. “I know I can’t blame myself for not knowing Gemma’s life would be so cruelly shortened, but I can blame myself for not having prioritized our lives over my work.”

  Kirri’s heart ached to hear the pain in his voice, but something told her he was putting himself through this for a reason. For her.

  “How did you get through it?” she asked.

  He rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand and shot her a soft smile. “My family. A few tough-skinned friends. To be honest, I’d neglected the handful of friends I had left in those final few weeks Gemma and I had. And after she died I didn’t want to see anyone. My mentor let me go. No blame there. He had to. Patients don’t wait around for a widower to get his act together. In all honesty, if it hadn’t been for my mother and sisters I’m sure Lulu wouldn’t have heard a human voice for months.”

  “Oh, Ty. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.”

  He shook his head solidly. “Don’t be. I won’t say it doesn’t hurt that Gemma died. It does
, and it probably always will to an extent. But the thing I never expected was to be grateful for the darkness, because the light it has given me in return is something I wouldn’t change for the world.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t understand...”

  He brushed the backs of his fingers against her cheek. She so wanted to lean into him. Have him hold her tight. But he was telling her this story for a reason.

  “Darlin’, can’t you see? If Gemma hadn’t died, my life very likely would’ve stayed exactly as it was. I would’ve carried on with my shifts at the hospital, working for the same mentor. I was happy. We both were. We thought our lives were perfect just as they were. When she died—” he drew in a jagged breath “—I was forced to look at life from a different perspective.”

  Boy. That had to have been tough. Examining what had obviously been a perfect relationship and then figuring out how to come out of the wreckage after Gemma’s death a better man.

  Ty continued. “Years later than you I realized just how important it was to make a difference. Not just on a personal level, but on a professional level as well.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “I mean I was living my professional life according to someone else’s playbook. I did exactly what my mentor said, never questioning it.”

  The light began to dawn for Kirri. “We’ve basically approached life from opposite directions...”

  Kirri’s personal life had been pure wreckage, so she’d poured herself into forging new frontiers in her professional life, whilst Ty’s personal life had been brilliant so he’d seen no need to change what he was doing professionally.

  Life had pulled them together from opposite ends of the seesaw. Was now the time to prove they could find the perfect balance?

  As if to prove her point, Ty continued. “Think of the lives that have been saved because I decided to look at surgery through my own eyes. Eyes that didn’t want to see anyone else having to go through what I had. This is the example I’m trying to set for Lulu. This is why I offer the exchange program. To offer some fresh perspective. Sometimes all it takes is stepping out of your routine to realize whether or not it’s working for you.”