Surely, her heart won’t crumble. Right? It’s a rhetorical question, one she knows the answer to. It’s an answer she’s fed up with. Safe might be the right path, but if she puts her fears aside for one moment how bad can it get? How good could it be?
Stomping back to the bathroom, she rips off her clothes, determined to find out the answer to exactly that. First, her glittery tank top flutters to the floor. Then she kicks off her shoes and peels the black stretchy pants off her body. The door to the bathroom remains open. Steam billows everywhere. The mirror is completely fogged over, and low grunts come from inside the shower, pulling her up short.
She feels as if she’s crossing a bridge, leaving fear behind and heading toward reckless possibilities. Screw the metaphors. She wants Sebastian to fuck her before he leaves her for good. Just one time. Just one moment to feel before it’s time to forget him. Desires are dangerous things, and she’s tired of suppressing hers because some jerk nearly put her in a coma with his fist years ago.
Someday, she’ll find a safe person, the right person, who she can hand over her heart and dreams to. Right now, she’s tired of running. This is a fleeting moment, and she’s taking control.
She storms into the shower. Water pours across Sebastian’s tense back. He leans forward, head braced against his arm as his other hand jerks up and down his cock. He doesn’t notice her arrival, fixated on chasing his pleasure, and she’s graced with a moment to take in the powerful sight of a man consumed by his most primal desire.
This is the first time she’s seen a man jack off. It’s wild and uninhibited, captivating and a total turn on. Heat licks between her legs, because the rawness of his desire is a combustible force of nature which makes her body yearn to burn.
She says nothing as she steps close. His breathing hitches when he realizes she’s there. Without a word, she wraps her hand around his, and follows his sharp jerk down to the root of his shaft. He doesn’t let go, doesn’t look at her, or acknowledge her, but words aren’t necessary for what comes next.
He slides his hand up and she presses her fingers against his knuckles. His hand barely encircles his girth, and her much tinier hand will need help. She shifts beside him as water plasters her long corkscrew curls against her body. Her entire body shivers with the electrical force buzzing between them. All they need is one spark.
His breathing accelerates and his grip tightens. The jerky, uncoordinated movements of his hand slow down. He may have been at the precipice of an orgasm, but he slows down and holds off. Tension lines his face and the muscles of his jaw bunch. Slowly, he shows her what he likes; how hard to grip, when to twist, and how to cup his sensitive glans. Then, he pushes away from the wall and yanks her to him. His lips crush hers, pressing and demanding. He grazes his teeth alongside her jaw, working his way to her ear.
“I’m not letting you out of here until I’ve had my fill. If you need to run, this is your chance.”
She gives the lightest tap to his fingers wrapped around his cock. “I’m not running.”
“You have no idea, do you?” He releases his grip and she wraps her hand around his cock, loving the raspy moan which spills from his lips. She really is clueless as to what he means, but it doesn’t matter. This is her moment. She owns it, and she’s going to enjoy every last second of it.
“Not a clue.”
His lips feather down her neck, bringing a needy moan to her lips. “I’m never letting you go.”
She melts against him, hoping for the forever promised in those words, but knows here and now is all she’ll ever have. Panting sounds fill the shower as his hands explore her back and his fingers sink into the knotted muscles of her shoulders. He rubs her tired muscles, a move meant to slow them down, but she places her other hand on his cock and grips him until he moans. His orgasm has been building for some time and she’s determined to give him relief.
He lays down a line of devastation from her ear to her neck and ends the agonizing torture with the harsh bite of his teeth pressed to her shoulder. The massage of her muscles ends as his hands drift down to cup her breasts, which sets her nerves firing as her body comes alive beneath his touch. He grazes his teeth over her skin, moving in a lazy, but determined, path to her breast where his mouth replaces his hand. The sensation overpowers her, and she’s moments from complete combustion. He grazes his teeth over her nipple, then sends her reeling with the agonizing slide of his tongue.
“Sebastian…” The moan slipping from her lips doesn’t sound like anything she’s ever said before.
He continues to play with her breasts, kneading and cupping her soft curves with his hand and torturing her nipple with his decadent tongue.
“Your tits are amazing.” He stoops down to place his lips on her again. “So, sweet, and all mine.”
She almost believes what he says, but she’s well aware of her shortcomings. Nevertheless, his hands stir up sensations she’s never experienced, especially when he glides his talented fingers down her stomach and delves between her legs.
Between one breath and the next, he flutters his fingers over her soft folds then sinks them deep inside. The water from the shower plays counterpoint to her soft moans and the panting coming from her lips. She gasps as he strokes her most intimate places and makes her entire body tremble. She barely keeps a hold of his cock, and forgets to keep up her end of this bargain. She’s barely holding on as it is. With a thrusting of his fingers, her orgasm builds, turning her legs to jelly as she shakes beneath his onslaught.
“I want you to come on my fingers.” He grazes his teeth over her sensitized nipple and her vision sparks.
She wants to come on his cock, but they’re missing one vital piece of equipment. That’s okay, fingers and mouths will do just fine.
Her gaze darts to his cock and the tight grip of her hands wrapped around it. Poor thing, he’s suffering while he fucks her with his hand. Sinful fingers curl inside of her, stroking her inner muscles as her thighs tremble and shake with the need to come. His other hand cups her breast, talented fingers stimulating her sensitive nipple. She’s falling fast with the force of her orgasm barreling down upon her.
“I need to come.” The effort to hold back is overwhelming, but she needs to give him the same pleasure he’s giving her.
“Wait.” His commanding tone surprises her, but she finds herself bowing to his will. His thumb finds her clit and begins a maddening rhythm. The torture continues as he discovers how her body responds.
It’s like he’s learning. No. He’s composing and she’s the music he plays.
Everything inside of her tightens and squeezes until she comes in one violent, screaming, writhing mess of sensation and emotion. Her vision blackens and her legs finally give out as her heart shatters and the world dissolves into a million pieces.
He holds her tight against him, grinding his hips with the urgency of his need. She comes to in stages, smiling, then laughing beneath the hot water sluicing down his hard body.
“Holy fuck that was…” She tilts her face to meet the steady gaze of his crystalline blue eyes.
“Amazing.” He finishes her sentence. “You are…beautiful.” He lifts her up, pressing his lips to her mouth and makes a long leisurely exploration.
“Wait.” She pulls back. “What about you?”
He grins and leans back against the wall of the shower. “Hands or mouth, I’m not picky.”
How is she going to fit him in? But she wants to do this for him, giving more than she takes. With their eyes locked together in a frisson of need, she slowly lowers to her knees.
28
Bash
Bash isn’t certain what changed Holly’s mind about the shower, but holy hellfire, he can’t wait to do that again. Her tiny hands nearly drove him over the edge, but her talented mouth blew his mind. He keeps casting sidelong glimpses at her as he drives her back to her apartment. Her hair is a mess of wet and matted curls. She’s wearing his shirt and shorts, naked beneath them, and holds h
er dirty clothes in a bag on her lap. They’re nearly to her apartment, Ranger and Duke sit in the back of the Jeep enjoying the ride, while Holly looks out the window, her brows pensive and pinched together.
She’s said very little since they exited the shower, seeming more timid and shy than he expected. He’s used to fucking and laying around until the urge strikes him again. Everything he knows about sex feels wrong. Holly isn’t a girl he has a festering need to prove his virility to, not like the other girls who expect certain things from a rock star. Thinking about all the nameless fucks in his past makes him cringe.
If only he met Holly years ago.
He pulls up to the gate and enters the security code to enter the parking lot. The gates creep open and he makes a beeline for the spot marked 3B. Holly opens her door before he can climb out and get it for her. He scrambles to keep up as she ushers Ranger out of the Jeep. When he comes around the back of the car, her gaze cuts to the ground. She’s running.
“Don’t.” He knows what’s going through her mind and refuses to let that line of thought go much further. She glances up, eyes rounding as he tugs her to his chest. “Don’t think for a minute that didn’t mean something.”
“Sebastian, I know what it was.” Defeat gathers in her eyes, clouding them over with shame.
“And what’s that?” His stomach clenches, because he doesn’t want to hear what she says next, but they need to get this out of the way. It’s the only way he will cleave her to him.
“Just sex.” She leaves out nothing more but he feels the words in the slump of her shoulders and in the way she refuses to meet his eyes.
“The best sex.” He tries to stay positive, hoping a little encouragement is all she needs.
She arches a brow, clearly not convinced. He hates that she has every reason to feel she’s nothing more than one in a long string of one night stands, but he’s telling the truth. The life of a rock star brings many things, cheap sex, creative sex, experimental sex, but all of it is dissociative sex. It’s nothing more than physical release, completely lacking in any emotional connection.
“I’m not kidding.” He stoops down to get eye level with her.
“Can we not do this?” She pulls away. “It was good. I had fun. You had fun. It’s done and over, but I don’t want to make a big deal about it. You have a tour starting within a week, and I have my life here. I know what comes next.”
She’s wrong. She’s so very wrong.
“We’re not done.” He thumps his chest. “You’re in here, Holly, buried deep inside my heart. If you think I’m walking away…” She flinches and he realizes what’s wrong. “Listen…” He tilts her face and forces her to look at him. “I’m not going back to the way things were. Yes, I’m going on tour. And, yes, I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not interested in nameless hookups with forgettable faces.”
“You don’t have to pretend this is real, Sebastian. I knew what I was doing. I know who you are and I know what’s expected of you on tour.”
“Do you?” His words are sharper than he intends, but he needs to get her attention. When she doesn’t answer, he continues. “Do you know the average length of time I usually go without sex?”
Her face screws up into a grimace. “I don’t really want to know—”
“A day.” He says. “Maybe two. If I want to fuck, all I need is to snap my fingers and girls line up for the chance at me.”
She turns away, disgusted, as she rightly should be. He’s disgusted with his past too, but that’s the thing. It’s all in the past. Holly is his future.
“Do you want to know the last time I had sex?” It’s dangerous to press this too far, but there’s a point he needs to make, something she must understand.
“I don’t want to know about any of it!” Her fingers curl into tight fists.
“Well, you’re going to, because you don’t get to walk away.”
“What’s there to get? One and done. Isn’t that the way it is? I’m one of many. I knew exactly what I was doing and I made that choice. I’m okay with it, but if you don’t mind, I’d really like you to leave.”
“Leave?”
“Yes, leave. I don’t want to hear about your sexual exploits. It’s rude and degrading, not to mention an asshole move. Do you think I want it rubbed in my face how many girls came before me? How much better they were than me? I didn’t want to regret this—”
Before she can spit out any more vitriol, he interjects. “Weeks! I haven’t slept with anyone since the day I met you at Grady’s. I could have. I’ve had plenty of opportunity, but I had no desire to sleep with another woman. None. Before you stomp off, all pissed off, you need to know that. I’ve slept with no one since the day I met you.”
“That’s not fair.” Her head shakes side-to-side and tears pool in the corners of her eyes.
“What’s not fair? You don’t get it, do you? I keep telling you the truth.” He thumps his fist against his chest. “You’re my one, and I don’t care how angry or pissed off you get, I’m not walking away.”
“But don’t you see? I need you to.”
“Why? So you can feel better about yourself? Prove that I’m exactly the asshole you believe me to be? Why can’t you accept that I’m into you? Why can’t you accept I love you?”
“Because we only just met!” She spins on her heels and marches toward the entrance of her apartment building.
He could follow, but she told him twice to leave. Unwavering respect is the only thing keeping him from chasing after her. He will. Already ideas churn in his head. Holly is unaware of what she unleashed when she crawled into his heart. There’s no way in hell he’s letting go.
29
Bash
Space is a difficult thing to give someone, especially when all Bash thinks about is the way Holly feels in his arms. That shower plays on endless repeat in his head; everything they did and all the things they have yet to explore flood his dreams and fill his every waking thought.
An agonizing week of silence keeps him prowling the halls of Insanity with frustration. Duke trots beside him. His loyal mutt grows bigger and taller by the day, which is scary since he already stands waist high. When Bash isn’t wandering Insanity and pestering his bandmates, Duke forces him out of the house for runs along the beach and frolicking in the chilly waters. It’s a good distraction.
Noodles follows them to the beach today, surfboard in hand and wetsuit plastered to his trim physique. While Noodles plans to brave the treacherous waters infested with great whites to search for the ever-elusive perfect wave, Bash will keep Duke occupied in the rolling surf at the water’s edge. It does nothing to keep thoughts of Holly from his mind. She’s a constant ache, an emptiness gnawing inside of him that he can’t abate.
He’s texted and called, but Holly refuses to answer. They had the most epic night followed by an incredible morning. Then bam! She told him to leave.
What is it going to take to get her to realize they belong together? And he’s losing time. In less than a week Angel Fire takes to the road. He’ll be bogged down by night after night of sold out stadiums, thunderous music, and the aching void of an empty bed. He needs her by his side and this frustrating distance needs to go.
Noodles stands beside him, cupping his hand over his eyes as he searches beyond the breakwater. “These waves are rad.”
“You’re nuts going out there.”
“It’s all good.”
Except it’s not. Angel Fire can’t afford to lose their keyboardist. They were lucky during their USO tour overseas. If Ryker hadn’t stepped in after the accident, and injury to Bent’s arm, the whole tour would’ve been a bust. Ryker kept the music going while Bent healed, but if they lose Noodles to a great white attack, or any of the deadly riptides and longshore currents, the band won’t survive.
“You be careful out there.” Bash isn’t foolish enough to dive into those waters.
Noodles tucks in his wristband. It’s the one concession he makes with For
est. The wristband carries a GPS tracking chip. Forest says if Noodles becomes a great white shark snack, he wants to recover the leftovers so he can kick what’s left of Noodles’s ass. The joke isn’t funny, but Noodles concedes to wearing the tracker.
“Always am,” Noodles says. “You should come with.” A sense of serenity overcomes his friend as Noodles takes a moment to gauge the waves.
Bash will play with Duke on the beach while Noodles heads into the surf. In a little bit, Ash and Skye will be down with Bent and Piper, making an impromptu band picnic on the beach. Spike is still gone, but is due back the day their tour begins. It’s been too long since the whole band was together.
If Skye comes, Forest will be there as well, with his imposing presence and all that comes with it. The man is fierce, but lately something’s changed about the odd man. Bash thinks it has something to do with the team Forest is building. Why Forest needs an ex-military ops team with full surgical support isn’t something Bash is interested in finding out too much about. He doesn’t really care, except Skye is caught up in it. That causes friction with Ash, and if Forest fucks Ash over with one of his personal crusades, there won’t be anything stopping Bash from going head to head with the man.
“Heading out.” Noodles makes the announcement, then trots out into the water with his board under his arm. Bash watches Noodles launch onto his board and paddle out with sure strokes beyond the breakwater. Duke plops down at Bash’s feet and nuzzles his palm, giving a needy whine.
“You want to play?”
Duke’s playful woof pops the mutt up. He’s dancing, shifting his feet on the rocky beach. He wags his tail with enthusiasm and the rest of his body joins the wiggle. Bash wishes everything in his life is as wonderful as Duke’s simple outlook on life. He reaches into his pocket and tosses a tennis ball, watching Duke’s joy as he races after it. The gondola parked at the base of the cliff stirs to life and begins a slow climb up the rocky face. He’ll have visitors soon. For now, he enjoys the solitude, even as his thoughts fill with memories of the girl who walked away.
Hearts Divided Page 19