“You don’t have to be sorry, sweetheart. Just trust me, okay? I have no reason to cheat. You’re perfect.” He kissed my forehead, then lifted my chin to meet my lips. I kissed him back, the ice in my intestines warming quickly. We still weren’t cleared to have sex yet, which only made this torture. He lifted his hands up to my neck, drawing out our kiss. When we broke apart, he rested his forehead on mine for another second. “I love you.”
“I love you,” I told him.
“Now, what do you say the three of us get to bed?” he asked, breaking away with a yawn and a laugh. I stood in agreement, yawning as well and following him toward the bedroom.
I loved Ben. I trusted Ben. But I couldn’t deny the nagging feeling that reminded me I’d trusted and been burned before.
Chapter Six
The next morning, I walked out the front door with a few less tears than the day before. I’d chosen a dark, patterned shirt to prevent any leaks showing. I was more prepared, ready to deal with whatever came my way. Or, so I thought.
I crossed the street and climbed into my car, glancing up at the window of our apartment. The curtain moved, like maybe they were going to wave goodbye, but no one was there. The pit in my stomach was back. Had he been watching to see me leave?
I didn’t want to be weighed down by all that had happened to me. I didn’t want to be fearful in every relationship I was in, but I had to deal with the feelings I was having. I had to prove to myself Ben wasn’t cheating—wasn’t going to cheat. I had to trust him, but I had to make myself believe I could.
Still, I pulled away from the apartment building, but rather than turning left to head to work, I went up a street further and made a U-turn. I pulled into the parking lot of another apartment building, parking in a visitor’s parking space. I texted Cumberland, letting him know I might be a little late. I had no idea how long I needed to sit and wait, how long I’d even be allowed to sit and wait. Until the lump in my throat disappeared, I supposed.
Luckily—or rather unluckily, however you chose to look at it—for me, I didn’t have to wait long. After twenty minutes had passed, the front door of my apartment building opened, and I watched as the familiar lime green and gray stroller came into view. Ben was on his phone, talking away as he turned the corner, oblivious to me watching him.
I pulled out when he’d disappeared from view, driving slowly and keeping my distance, turning down streets full minutes after him. He walked past the park, not stopping, and continued on toward the next set of apartments. Was he going to visit someone? If so, who? His family lived out of state and, as far as I knew, he didn’t have any friends in Oceanside. Apparently, I’d been wrong.
He kept walking past the apartment, and finally I realized where he was headed. The red and white sign came into view. Gary’s Grill.
It was a rundown, outdated building with dull, white parking lot lines that needed to be repainted, and smoke billowing from the vent on the roof. It was not any place I would’ve chosen. There was an awning, where the kitchen could be seen; you could choose to order and either eat inside or out. Ben walked to a picnic table with Gray, taking a seat outside.
I parallel parked behind a white work van, my view only partially obstructed. What are they doing?
I wrung my hands in my lap, watching with an uneasy feeling as Ben continued talking on the phone, occasionally putting his hands in the stroller to soothe Gray.
After a few moments, Ben stood, his eyes locked with something in the distance. The smile on his face was wide, warm, and utterly heartbreaking.
I followed his gaze to where a woman approached from the opposite side of town. She had strawberry-blonde hair, her roots dark brown, and wore blue jean shorts and a tiny, white cami with no bra. She was smiling as she grew nearer, her arms outstretched as my husband pulled her into an embrace.
I watched in pure horror as the scene unfolded. Not again. Please, not again.
I was going to be sick, I was sure of it. My body was tense, tears blurring my vision as I watched her take a seat next to Ben on the picnic bench, both of them cooing over my baby in the stroller. He kept one arm around her, smiling proudly as she reached in, touching Gray.
My hands balled into fists, my whole body shaking with adrenaline and anger. Everything in me wanted to shove open the door, run over there, grab the stroller, and run, but I had to remain calm. I had to do better, be better than last time.
When I’d caught Nate cheating, I’d made a complete and utter fool of myself. Making a huge scene at that bar hadn’t gotten me anywhere. I had to control myself this time. Learn from my mistakes.
I pulled out my phone, clicking on his name in my messages and typing something slowly. My shaking hands made for many errors, but eventually, I had the message ready. Send.
How is he?
I watched Ben carefully, spying down to the second when the message came through. He lifted his phone from the picnic table, staring at it with incredulity. A waiter approached their table, and I watched them order. When the waiter left, the woman said something, and he laughed before responding.
Just finished eating and now he’s laying down.
So, he was lying. Already. Even if there was some way to explain his way through this. He was lying to me. About who knew how much. Who was this woman? Why was he meeting her?
Send me a picture? I miss you both already.
He read the message as it came through, but laid his phone down, obviously conflicted. When the waiter approached again, this time with two baskets of food, Ben paid in cash. I swallowed. We never used cash. In fact, it was rare that we even had it.
I pulled my wallet from my purse, chill bumps lining my skin as I opened it and gasped. The forty dollars I kept in my purse for emergencies was gone.
He’d stolen from me.
As much as I swore the money was ours, that he could spend whatever he needed to, it still stung. We were lucky enough to be well taken care of thanks to my job, but I didn’t want him literally taking money from my wallet. Maybe it was selfish of me to feel that way.
Buzz.
I looked down at the newest text message. I’m getting ready to jump in the shower. I’ll text you one soon. Miss you too.
I glanced out the window, barely able to see them through my blurry, tear-filled vision. Gray was out of his stroller now, balanced in the woman’s arms as she shoved a fry into her mouth, bouncing my child on her knee. Ben kissed the top of his head, looking carefree.
A scream bubbled in my chest, ready to rip free. I wanted to attack. I swallowed it down, just barely.
Instead, I watched.
Chapter Seven
Ben stayed with the woman for around an hour, the three of them looking like a perfect little family. When they parted, he pressed his lips to her head, though only briefly. She kissed Gray’s head, whispering in his ear before she walked away, climbing into a beat-up, red Honda.
When she pulled away, Ben loaded Gray into the stroller and, together, they headed back toward the apartment. I considered following them, letting him know he’d been caught, but I wondered if he’d attempt to lie again. I needed to know everything I could about this woman before I told Ben I knew anything.
So, I followed the woman instead. We drove away from downtown, then away from the outskirts of town and out of Oceanside altogether. The midday traffic wasn’t nearly rush hour, so I found it easy to keep track of her. I had a text from Dannika waiting on my phone, asking if everything was all right, but I couldn’t respond. I had to keep my focus.
She exited the interstate toward Crestview with just three cars in between us. I’d never been to the tiny town of Crestview, though it was just under an hour from my apartment. We drove past a small diner, past a rundown barber shop, a few abandoned buildings, and a vet clinic, past the small park, and down a long, twisted street with no sidewalk. The Spanish moss hung in the trees, making the neighborhood picturesque. It was everything I loved about North Carolina and the South in general
. If I weren’t so focused, so angry, so hurt, I may have been able to appreciate it more.
Finally, she pulled into a small, one-story house with white, metal siding and black shutters. I drove past, turning on the next street and making a lap around the block. There was nowhere on the quiet street for me to park that wouldn’t draw attention to myself. I drove slowly back toward the house just in time to see her front door shut. Knowing where she lived wasn’t enough. I needed to know her. I needed to know why she was better than me.
I pulled the car over to park three houses down from hers on the side of the road and walked back toward her house. From the angle I was standing, I could see a tree house in her backyard. I looked around the neighborhood. There was no one outside, no blinds pulled sideways as they tried to decide what this stranger was doing there. I hurried up the sidewalk and down the privacy fence of her neighbor, toward her backyard. It was a miracle I made it without being stopped, but I did.
It was the middle of the day, and I was finely dressed. If I were to get stopped, I was hopeful I’d be able to lie my way out of any trouble. I walked along the back of her house, careful with each step, looking for dogs or any signs of kids or a husband. There were none. The back patio was scattered with leaves, and I was careful to make quiet steps as I walked across. The blinds were all drawn up, giving me a clear view into the house, but, at the same time, it gave her a clear view out. I needed to determine where she was, so I could decide whether climbing into the tree house would be safe. I didn’t want to be caught.
The ladder to the tree house was on the back side of the tree, facing away from the house, and without allowing myself to second-guess my decision, I launched forward, digging my heels into the soggy ground and throwing myself against the tree. I looked out to the side, staring into the windows of the house. It was small and quaint. Sparsely decorated. There was a single couch in the open-concept living room and a small, plain kitchen. She was standing at the counter, talking on the phone with her back to me.
I climbed the ladder, my heels slipping on each mildewy piece of board, and I pulled myself up into the tiny tree house In the corner, a wasp buzzed. Normally, I would’ve run away from it, but at that moment, I was too laser-focused on my anger.
I walked toward the edge of the tree house nearest the house, my pants covered in dirt. There was no way I could go into the office now, regardless, so I was no longer concerned with the time. The walls and branches gave me a perfect hideaway up here. I was protected, but she was not. I could see directly into the house, though she could no longer see me.
With sudden relief, I sank down to the floor, watching carefully as she ended the phone call, laying her phone down on the counter and walking toward the cabinet. She opened it and grabbed a jar of peanut butter, pulling a spoon from the drawer and beginning to eat straight from the jar, seemingly lost in thought.
She wasn’t beautiful, and I didn’t think it was judgy to say so. She was plain, with frizzy hair and eyes that were too close together. She had a better figure than I did, her waist much smaller, hips slightly wider, but smaller breasts. Much smaller than mine now that I was nursing.
She had freckles across her shoulders while mine were creamy smooth. I wanted to pick her apart, find any and all flaws with her, because I had to know why he’d chosen her, and I had to believe he’d chosen wrong.
Buzz. Buzz.
A scream nearly escaped my throat as my phone buzzed in my pocket, breaking up the tension. I stood, trying to calm my shaking hands as I pulled it out.
The office.
“H-hello?” I said, keeping my voice low.
“Hey, babe, where are you?” It was Dannika.
“I had to go to a client meeting this morning,” I lied. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s more than okay,” she said in a singsong voice. “Your little cutie came by to see you.”
My heart plummeted, and I grasped onto the wall of the tree house, pulling myself up. “What?”
“Ben’s here. He brought Gray by for a visit. Should I tell him it’ll be awhile? Are you close?”
I trembled with fear, the lump in my stomach metastasizing as cold fear traveled through my body at breakneck speed. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel calm again. Not with all I knew—all I was hiding. All he was hiding. “Tell him I’ll be there soon. I’m just wrapping up.”
“Sure thing.” She clicked her tongue. “I’ll see you soon.”
I nodded, though she couldn’t see me, and let the phone slide down away from my ear.
Ben hadn’t texted or called. Why on earth was he at my office? My phone screen reverted to my normal background—a photo of the three of us, letting me know the call had disconnected, but I could only hear her words ringing in my ears.
Ben’s here.
Chapter Eight
I rushed into the office, hair flying, pants covered in dirt. I dusted my legs off with each step, practically falling over myself as I went.
“Slow down. Where’s the fire?” Howie asked, lowering the headset from his ear. “Oh, wait, he’s in your office.” He winked, pointing me toward my office, where I could see the outline of my husband sitting across from my desk through the frosted glass.
“Did he say what he’s doing here?” I asked, keeping my voice low.
Howie shook his head slowly. “I…no. Should I have asked? Dannika was the one who talked to him. I didn’t know.”
“No, it’s fine,” I assured him, trying to seem less concerned than I was. I could count on one hand the number of times Ben had showed up at my office, and never without warning.
“The baby’s cuter than you, by the way,” Howie teased as I walked past, and I cast a grin back at him that I hoped looked playful.
I pushed my office door open, dread sitting heavy in my stomach. What was he doing here? What did he know? Why should I feel guilty when I’d done nothing wrong? Nothing short of trespassing, anyway.
Ben stood, looking me over as he leaned in to give me a hug. I held my breath in fear I’d catch a whiff of an unfamiliar perfume and it would break me. I couldn’t break down right now. I had to stay strong. “Hey, honey. Sorry to surprise you like this.”
“Hey.” My voice was so sugary sweet it nearly made me sick. “No, don’t be silly. I’m glad to see you. I’m just sorry you had to wait. Is everything okay?” I hugged him back, then lowered myself to Gray’s stroller, where he was sleeping peacefully. Big day for the both of them.
“Yeah, yeah,” Ben said, shoving his hands in his pockets with a deep, drawn-out inhale. “Everything’s fine. He was extra fussy this morning, so I thought I’d take him for a drive. You didn’t mention you’d be out of the office.”
I stood, one brow raised. Was he really questioning where I’d been? “I don’t normally tell you my schedule.” I laughed at the end, attempting to make my statement less abrasive. “What else have you done today?” I waited, barely breathing. It felt like a game, both of us teasing and toying with each other to see what would be revealed. I wasn’t sure if I was the only one playing.
His eyes darted toward the floor, and I could swear he grew a shade paler. “Nothing, really. I fed him some breakfast, and then we headed here.”
I glanced at the Apple Watch on my wrist. “It’s been two hours since I left. Surely you’ve done something besides feeding him breakfast.”
“What would we have done?” he asked, meeting my eyes finally. After a moment, he cleared his throat. “We were slow moving, I’ll admit. Traffic was pretty bad, but we hung around the house for a while after breakfast while I tried to keep him calm.”
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked, my concentration momentarily pulled to my child from my cheating husband. “Why was he fussing?” Gray was usually a happy baby—oh wait. I reminded myself he was lying. Gray hadn’t been fussy at all when they were at the park. This was all an excuse. Why was my gut instinct to trust him even when I knew it was a lie?
“I think he just had
a bit of gas. The car ride seemed to help,” Ben said, grabbing a piece of cinnamon candy from the small bowl on my desk. He unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth. “Did we interrupt you with a client?”
“I’d just finished up.”
“It looks like you got something on your pants.” He pointed to the stains on my suit.
“I know.” I walked around toward my seat and opened a drawer, pulling out a Tide pen and rubbing it over the stains I could see. I was trying to hide my anger, trying to distract myself, when all I really wanted to do was confront him, lash out, and make a scene. I wanted to tell him all I knew, all I’d seen, and all I wanted to do to him. But my child was sleeping just feet away. I was in my place of business. For the sake of women everywhere, I had to do better. I had to represent us better. “The meeting was outside, and the client had kids.” I didn’t explain further, and he didn’t pry. An outdoor meeting, plus children, equals stains—self-explanatory.
“So, do you want to grab lunch with us?” he asked, twisting his mouth as he sucked on the candy.
I did want to go. I wanted to be with Gray, to talk to Ben, more than I wanted anything else. Two things were keeping me at work, though. One being that I honestly did need to catch up on things. Over half of my unread emails from yesterday were still sitting in my inbox. I also didn’t think I could control myself around him yet. I needed time to process what I’d discovered today. Time to regain my composure. When I confronted him, I wanted to be calm, to stay calm, so I wouldn’t let him manipulate me. The more stressed I got with Nate, the more he could lead the conversation and make me believe what he was saying. It wasn’t until we were apart that I would realize he’d steered the conversation his way, negating the issues I was bringing up. I wouldn’t make those same mistakes with Ben. I sighed, patting my hands on the desk. “I really shouldn’t. I need to catch up on a few things. Maybe tomorrow?”
The Liar's Wife Page 4