by Kelsie Rae
Bowing, I say, “Thank you. Thank you.”
“You look hot!”
“Definitely a keeper!”
“But what do I wear for shoes?” I ask, wiggling my bare toes to emphasize my point. “I don’t do heels.”
“That’s fine. Just wear some Chucks or something. Remember. You’re still you. Just a more dolled up version.” The way Sophie, or Tink, as I’ve recently heard Indie call her, says it makes this more feminine version of myself seem so easy. So attainable. I almost believe I can pull it off.
“Really?” I ask in disbelief. “Chucks?”
“Yup. Ooo…you could do red to make the colors in your shirt pop!” Suzette adds.
“And pairing it with some matching lipstick too? Girrrl….” Sophie kisses her fingers like a fat Italian man describing pasta. “Perfection!”
Indie nods her agreement. “I love that idea! Now, let’s see a few more options.”
My confidence builds the longer I’m with these women as I try on a dozen more outfits. Some are definite nos, while others give me the same catcalling reaction as the first.
Once we’re done, Sophie takes us to her favorite salon. I feel like I’ve been transported to a different planet as they paint my hair and lace it with aluminum foil, letting the deep blue color seep into my natural brown. As I glance into the mirror, I stare at my reflection then make eye contact with Suzette, who grins and gives me a thumbs up.
“You’ve always been gorgeous,” she states matter-of-factly. “But you’re going to knock them on their asses.”
Them? It still feels weird to hear that, and I’m not sure how I feel about the situation. But I do appreciate the girls who I now know have my back. Even if the feeling is foreign as hell.
“You think?”
“I know.”
Releasing all the pent up oxygen in my lungs, I squeeze my eyes shut and pray that Suzette’s right. Because I’m done being the backup for Levi. Speaking of which…my phone vibrates.
Levi: Hey. Conner’s been staring at his phone all day. I’m starting to get jealous. How’s my best friend?
Forehead wrinkling in confusion, I reread Levi’s message a dozen times, trying to interpret his message the way he’d meant it, but I come up empty. I mean, yeah, Conner and I have been texting a little bit here and there trying to figure out the details for our date. But it’s not like we’ve been flirting or anything. Besides, why the hell would he care? Honestly, I’m surprised he even noticed.
“What is it?” Suzette asks curiously. Her question seems to grab the attention of Indie and Sophie too.
With three sets of eyes on me, I reread the message aloud then add, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means he’s jealous,” Sophie answers.
“From a platonic perspective or a romantic one?” I ask.
Indie shrugs. “I don’t think he knows. Although, the best friend part almost made it sound like a dig. But I think he was trying to remind himself about the label he has on you more so than he was trying to remind you.”
“What do I say back?”
“Tell him that he should be jealous,” Suzette suggests. “I mean, isn’t that the goal in the first place?”
“Good point.”
Pulling up the message, I type my response but leave out Suzette’s suggestion.
Me: I’m good. Having a girl’s day, actually.
Levi: A girl’s day? I didn’t know you knew what those were.
I roll my eyes and relay the message.
“You should just send him a pic of your vag to remind him you have one,” Sophie jokes. Her brash comment pulls fits of laughter from the rest of us.
“That would go over well,” I reply sarcastically before going back to my texts.
Me: I am a girl, remember? I mean, I know my boobs are small, but they’re still there.
Levi: Your tits are perfect. But seriously, who are you with?
I stay silent but reread the first part of his text over and over again as my friends chatter around me.
Suzette leans closer. “What’d he say?”
“Uh….” I hand the phone to Suzette, who squeals, “No freaking way! Your tits are perfect?! Your tits are perfect! He’s totally into you, Charlie. Let’s send him a picture.”
Before I can protest, all the girls gather around my chair, their hair sporting the same foils as mine. We all make funny faces before snapping a quick picture and sending it to Levi.
Seconds later, his response is delivered to my phone.
Levi: Are you at a salon? Who are you, and what have you done with my best friend?
Me: I’m still me. Just a more…dolled up version.
Levi: Don’t let Conner change you, Charlie. You’re perfect the way you are.
For some reason, his message makes me want to cry, and I have to choke back the tears that threaten to roll down my cheeks.
Thankfully, the girls are too lost in their chatting to notice my physical response to Levi’s message, and I’m grateful for a minute to myself where I can gather my thoughts. I want to yell at him. To tell him that if I am so perfect the way I am, then he should’ve noticed me by now. He should’ve kissed me for real instead of hiding behind the guise of simply helping me out. Like the kiss was for my benefit, and he was just being selfless. I don’t want him to be selfless. I want him to want to kiss me. To need it more than his next breath. I want him to go crazy with lust when he looks at me instead of only seeing the little girl he played video games with while growing up.
I want to drive him crazy. I want to consume his thoughts the same way he’s consumed mine for years.
Speechless, and not in the mood to argue with him, I ignore his message altogether and set my phone aside.
“What’s wrong?” Indie murmurs beside me when she senses my morose mood.
“He told me not to change. That I’m perfect the way I am.” I laugh, dryly.
“You are perfect the way you are. But it’s also okay to step out of your comfort zone. Before I met Rhett, I was with a guy named Anthony. We’d been together for thirteen years, and I was miserable; I just didn’t know it. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. I was so comfortable being miserable that I didn’t even recognize how unhappy I was. That’s when Rhett came into the picture, and I saw the potential of something new if I just grabbed on to it. And you, right now, are grabbing on to that potential. Whether it’s with Conner or Levi or neither of them. You’re addressing your needs, and you’re going after what you want. And I’m so proud of you for it.”
Finally, one of those damn tears I’ve tried so hard to hold in escapes the corner of my eye.
Wiping it away hastily, I give Indie a watery smile. “Thanks.”
“Anytime, Charlie Brown.” She winks, and I laugh at her use of the insane nickname, shocked that I’m not offended that it’s referencing a boy cartoon character.
Yup. Change can be a good thing even if it’s scary as hell.
“So, when is your date with Conner?” she asks, changing the subject.
“Tomorrow night.”
“And what are you guys doing?”
“We’re going to a place called…Texas Roundup or something?” I shrug. “Apparently, it serves cowboy sushi, which is made out of steak and chicken instead of fish.”
“Ooo, that sounds yummy.”
“I hope so! After that, we’re going to just watch a movie at his place.”
“And does Levi know you’ll be at his apartment?” she questions.
I shake my head. “Nope. I have no idea if he’ll be there, either. But I told Conner I wanted something relatively low-key, and that’s what he suggested.”
Suzette gives her opinion on the matter. “Sounds like the perfect opportunity to get to know Conner as well as seeing Levi’s reaction to you dating someone else.”
“Yup. Couldn’t have planned it better myself,” Sophie agrees.
“Now, we just have to wait and see how it all play
s out,” Indie adds.
“Yup,” I repeat, anxiety practically eating me alive as I squirm in the hairdresser’s chair. “We’ll just have to wait and see.”
Chapter Eighteen
Charlie
My pulse spikes when a knock echoes through my little apartment. Rubbing my sweaty hands along my black leather skirt, I grab my matching black clutch that Sophie convinced me to buy then open the front door.
“Umm…hi,” I greet Conner.
Scanning me from head to toe, his eyes widen. “Uh…hey.”
“Hi,” I repeat as I shift awkwardly under his intense stare. That’s when it hits me. I finally understand the term fish out of water.
“You look….” He clears his throat then finally makes eye contact with me. “You look hot.”
With a light laugh that feels a little forced, I step into the hallway and lock the door behind me.
Tucking my keys into my clutch, I look up and wait for him to lead the way. “Ready to go?”
“Yeah. Let me just look at you for one more second.” His long legs take a step back and away from me before he does another perusal, though the attention makes me clam up.
“Uh…shouldn’t we get going?” I mutter after another few long seconds.
Sensing my unease, he offers his arm to me. When I take it, I notice his knowing smirk. “Right this way.” He pushes the elevator’s down button to take us to the first floor before adding, “You’re not used to being the center of attention, are you.”
It’s not a question, but I answer anyway. “Not really.”
“Well, you should get used to it. Especially when you’re dressed like that.” Subtly, I tug on the hem of my shirt, which makes him chuckle.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of. Though, if I get into a fight tonight, I blame you.”
I don’t know why, but the image of Levi with bloody knuckles when I was a child comes to mind. He’d hit a jerk who’d caught onto the whole Charlie’s a boy fiasco that Conner had started before moving away. The thought causes my spine to straighten, and my knuckles turn white as I grip my clutch.
“I was kidding,” he mutters, grabbing my attention as we step onto the elevator.
With another forced smile, I pat his arm. “Sorry, I’m being weird. Like you said, I’m not used to being the center of attention, and I’m definitely not used to being called hot.”
“It was meant as a compliment,” he clarifies. “But I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, either. If I say anything stupid, it’s because you’ve rendered me speechless. You’re not the only one who’s found themselves in an unfamiliar situation tonight, Charlie.”
Surprised, I ask, “Taking girls out is unfamiliar to you?”
“Nah. Taking out girls who I want to impress is unfamiliar to me. So, if I act weird, you’ll have to cut me a little slack. Deal?”
For some reason, his little confession––combined with his boyish grin––is enough to soothe my frazzled nerves. Smiling shyly, I nod. “Deal.”
We make small talk as we make our way down to the restaurant when the scent of barbecue assaults me. My stomach growls. The establishment is pretty small and definitely low-key, which I appreciate. After placing our orders at the front counter, we’re handed a plastic sign with a number on it then we find a seat in one of the wooden booths lining the sides of the establishment.
“I like this place,” I note as I scan the brown and blue painted walls. The decor is almost rustic with cowboy hats and horses, but it also has a modern flair with the bright colors and graffitied imagery.
Sitting across from me, Conner replies, “Levi mentioned you might. We brought a client here a month or two ago, and he guessed you’d be a fan.”
Of course, he did.
The food doesn’t take long to arrive. My mouth waters when the waiter delivers it to our table, and I dig in without reservations. Wiping my thumb along my lower lip to remove a bit of cilantro-lime mayo, I peek up to see Conner grinning back at me.
“What?” I ask, embarrassed.
“I’m just surprised.”
“At what?”
“I figured you’d be a salad type of girl.”
“To be fair, they didn’t have salads on the menu,” I quip before taking a giant bite of cowboy sushi.
“Good point.”
“But I wouldn’t have ordered one anyway,” I add with a grin.
“And after watching you ravage your meal, that doesn’t surprise me.”
We finish eating pretty quickly then walk back to Conner’s place side by side. My feet scuff against the cement as the taxis who are honking at other drivers and jay-walking pedestrians zoom past us. The combination makes me smile.
“What’s so funny?” Conner asks curiously.
“I just love this place.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. There’s something about the hustle and bustle of the city that calls to my soul. Do you like it here? I mean, I know you moved away when you were a kid—”
“Yeah. To live with my mom after my parents got divorced. It’s kind of weird being back if I’m being honest. I appreciate that my dad offered to put in a good word at Montague Enterprises and that I was able to snag a spot in one of the most coveted corporations in the industry. But sometimes, I miss the suburban life.”
“Really?” I can’t hide my surprise, and he notices.
“Yeah. One day when I decide to settle down, I want to move to a more quiet city. One that isn’t awake 24/7.”
I don’t know why, but when he says it, I consciously insert myself into his dream to see if I’d fit. I’m not totally opposed to the possibility, but it doesn’t make my heart soar, either. With a simple shrug, I say, “Well, I hope you get your dream.”
Reaching for my hand, he tangles our fingers. “Me too.”
His hands are soft but warm. It’s…nice. There isn’t a zing or anything, but let’s be honest. Are those even real?
The comfortable silence envelops us as we round the corner to his building. Looking up at the worn, red brick, I realize I’ve only been here a few times. Because of my history with Conner, Levi always made the trek to my apartment instead of forcing me into a situation I’d prefer to avoid. Besides, Ms. McCoy would kill her son if she ever found out I walked home alone after hanging out with him for the night.
The handful of times I have visited Levi’s apartment, I always made sure I was dropping by when Conner wasn’t home. I didn’t want to run into him. Looking down at our entwined hands, my lips tug up at the corners. The irony isn’t lost on me.
Noticing my quiet breath of laughter, Conner asks, “What’s so funny?”
“I was just thinking about the lengths I would go to avoid you before we ran into each other at Get Baked. Now, here I am, on a date with you. It’s just…surreal.”
“It’s weird for me too. Levi wouldn’t even mention your name for years because he knew how much you hated me and didn’t want to rock the boat. I didn’t even know you were that Charlie until we reconnected. It’s crazy. I hope you don’t mind that we’re here, though. We could always go back to your place if you want. I just didn’t want to invite myself over and make you think I was assuming anything.”
We halt in the lobby of his building as he waits for me to decide. If we go back to my place, then the plan of making Levi jealous won’t come to fruition. But is that a bad thing? I peek over at Conner to see him patiently waiting for me to make a decision. No expectations. No assumptions. Just patiently waiting. Would it be a terrible idea to pursue this thing between us? I think I could really like Conner if I gave him a chance.
But am I ready to let go of the possibility of a chance with Levi for real? My heart starts to pound in my chest a million miles a minute as I battle going into a full-blown panic attack. It reminds me of when I was a little kid and couldn’t find my lucky softball glove before a big game.
Shit. I don’t know if I can do that.
I shake my head. “I kno
w you wouldn’t assume anything. But honestly, I kind of want to see Levi’s place. I haven’t been here in forever.”
“It’s my place too,” he teases, though I can see my comment ruffled his feathers.
“Good point. I want to see your place too. Especially when I’m not afraid that my childhood bully is going to jump out at me at any second.”
“Hey! Give me a little credit. I’m not the asshole that I was growing up, remember?”
“You’re right,” I admit, taking in his stubbled cheeks and kind eyes. “I definitely need to give you a little more credit.”
We make our way up to his apartment. When he opens the door, I find the lights out and the place empty. Disappointment hits me square in the chest, though I try not to let Conner see my reaction.
“What movie do you want to watch?”
I shrug. “I’m good with anything.”
He chooses The Notebook, and I want to laugh as soon as I see the title flash across the screen.
Grabbing a blanket, he takes a seat next to me and tosses it over us.
“What’s so funny?” he asks curiously.
“Nothing.” I try to cover my laugh with a cough, but he sees right through it.
“Tell me the truth.”
Shaking my head, I pull up the blanket to hide my smile. “I’ve just never seen this before.”
“Really?”
“Nope.”
“Well then, you’re in for a treat.”
A giggle slips out of me, my cheeks aching from grinning so hard while trying to hold back my amusement. “I’m sure I am.”
The screen lights up with a bunch of birds on a pretty lake, and Conner shifts beside me. Every inch of our sides is touching, from our shoulders down to our thighs. I don’t notice my leg bouncing until Conner rests his hand against it. It takes everything inside of me not to shy away from his touch. Not because he makes me that uncomfortable. I mean, I know he’d never do anything if I wasn’t okay with it. It’s more just because I feel guilty that it isn’t Levi.
And I kind of hate him for it. He’s kissed how many girls? Slept with how many girls? And I’ve been what? Saving myself for him? My mouth curls in disgust.