by Kelsie Rae
“Nervous?” Conner whispers.
Sucking my lips into my mouth, I shake my head.
Nope. I’m not nervous. Why would I be nervous?
“Levi said I should take things slow with you. That you haven’t dated much.”
Of course, he would say that. The jerk. I hereby proclaim that the title of asshat has been taken from Conner and will be placed upon Levi McCoy from tonight henceforth.
“I’m fine,” I murmur, trying to ease the tension in my muscles. I bet rebar is more snuggly than I am right now. Glancing over at Conner, I take him in. His chiseled jaw. His panty-melting smile. His warm green eyes. He’s attractive, alright. And he wants me. Me. The girl who had never worn mascara before this evening when Sophie practically held me down and applied it with an expertise that would make a Broadway artist jealous.
Cautiously, as if I’m a timid little mouse, Conner tucks a strand of my dark hair behind my ear. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be. You’re a good guy, Conner.”
My declaration makes him pause. His gaze dips to my mouth before his thumb rubs against my jaw in a gentle caress.
“You don’t know how much that means to me,” he admits. “Especially when I was so brutal to you growing up.”
“It’s okay.” I nod to myself, my mind coming to the conclusion at the same moment the sentiment slips past my lips. “Levi’s right. You aren’t that little dipshit anymore.”
A bark of laughter rumbles through him, pulling a smile from me in return.
“Not a little dipshit anymore. Noted. Is there any chance I could keep the clean title if I kiss you right now?”
My tongue darts out to lick my lips before I nod a second time. “I think that can be arranged.”
“Good answer.” Leaning closer, his grip tightening on my jaw to keep me in place, he kisses me. Memories of my first kiss with Levi flood my mind, but I do everything I can to ignore them and focus on the present. To focus on Conner––and my second kiss with someone who doesn’t feel obligated to press his lips against mine. Someone who wants me and isn’t afraid to admit it. A set of teeth nibble against my lower lip before Conner sucks it into his mouth.
Shit! I’m totally distracted.
Digging deep, I think about Conner’s taste. The feel of his lips against mine. The way his mouth moves differently than Levi’s. It’s a good kiss. Not that I have much experience, but…yeah. I think this is pretty fun. I could probably even get into it if I weren’t so caught up in my thoughts.
Tilting my head, I dart my tongue out to run it along his lips and he—
The sound of the front door opening pulls a gasp from me, and I break our connection faster than a racehorse out of the gate. My head snaps to my left, and my face bursts into flames when I catch Levi staring at me.
“Uh…,” he stutters before lifting his thumb over his shoulder. “I’ll just…go.”
“No. You’re totally fine,” I interrupt. “I mean—”
“Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t text,” Conner mentions, talking over me. “But Charlie and I wanted to watch a movie so—”
“Totally get it,” Levi replies, though his feet are still frozen to the floor. “I guess I’ll just come back later.”
Conner says, “Yeah,” while I almost squeal no at the same time, desperate for him to stay because if he does, maybe I’ll be able to stop thinking about him.
With a dark chuckle, Levi turns on his heel and shuts the door behind him. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but the door rattles after his departure, and I can’t help but feel like it was closed with a little more force than necessary.
Conner and I turn our heads from the front door to each other at the same instant before breaking out into laughter.
“Why do I feel like I just got caught doing something inappropriate in my own apartment?” he asks, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
“I have no idea, but I feel the exact same way.”
“I guess the moment’s gone, isn’t it?”
I nod. “I think you’re right.”
We spend the rest of our evening watching a movie side by side, and though our shoulders to thighs are still touching, he doesn’t bother to throw his arm around me or take it to the next level. Which is good because I don’t think I’d be able to snuggle, anyway. Not when the look on Levi’s face is embedded in my mind. Disappointment. Shock. And maybe just a little bit of jealousy too. But then again, that’s probably wishful thinking on my part.
Regardless, after our movie ends and an exaggerated yawn from me makes its appearance, I say, “I should probably get going.”
“You sure?” he asks before reaching for the remote and turning off the TV.
Standing up, I straighten my black leather skirt then rock back on my heels, unsure what to do now that our activity is over with. “Yup.”
“Do you want to maybe try this again sometime?”
With a thick swallow, I consider my options before hesitantly agreeing. “I think that could be fun.”
“Perfect. Let me take you home.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I argue.
“Yes, I do.”
“Seriously, I’m totally fine. I grew up here. I know how to get around New York on my own.”
“You sure?”
“Yup. Positive. I’ll see ya later, though, okay?”
With his hand pressed against my lower back, Conner guides me to the front door and plants a chaste kiss against my cheek. “I’ll text you. Thanks again for tonight. I had a really good time.”
“Me too.”
Chapter Nineteen
Charlie
The subway ride is quick, and after another block of walking with the New York traffic ever-present on my street, I pull out my keys and take the elevator to my apartment. As soon as I open the door, my heart leaps into my throat.
“What the hell, Levi!” I screech, my hand clutching my chest.
“Hey,” is all I get in reply as Levi grabs a handful of popcorn from an orange bowl in his lap. On the coffee table, a few empty bottles of beer are waiting to be taken to the trash, and the television screen flickers Stranger Things on Netflix. It takes a second for me to register what I just walked into.
“Why are you here?” I probe, eyeing him warily. I’m still not sure where we stand since he walked in on me kissing his roommate. And him showing up on my couch after using my spare key is definitely not the norm. Oh, and did I mention the beer bottles strewn across the coffee table on a work night? I pull out my phone and check for a text to see if he’d warned me that he’d be hanging out here, but I don’t find any notifications.
“Didn’t know how long you were going to be with Asshat Conner Daniels, so I figured I’d come here instead.” There’s a venomous edge to his comment that makes my ears perk up. He leans forward and picks up a half-full bottle from the coffee table before bringing it to his lips. However, I can only see the back of his head and part of his face since he hasn’t deemed my presence worthy enough to pause his precious show. I mean, Stranger Things is pretty good…but still.
“Asshat Conner Daniels?” I clarify, trying to catch up on the conversation when I have so many questions.
“Yeah. Isn’t that what you call him?”
Called, I want to correct, but I go for a different tactic.
“I thought you said he redeemed himself?” I challenge, inching closer.
“I did too until I saw his tongue down your throat and The Notebook playing. I mean, come on, Charlie. The Notebook? You’re better than that. Besides, for a girl on her first date, and one who claims to be so innocent, I’m surprised I found you on his couch so quickly.”
My hackles rise, and my feet stop their cautious pursuit toward him. “Excuse me?”
“I’m sorry, did I stutter?” He still hasn’t bothered to look at me as he voices his asshole remark, and I kind of want to smack him for it.
Pointing to the do
or, I try to keep my voice from shaking. “Get out.”
He finally glances over his shoulder and locks my gaze with his. “No.”
Stomping my foot against the floor, I cross my arms. “You have no right to be mad at me right now. And that little assumption you just threw in there? Not cool, Levi.”
“What assumption?” He turns back to the screen as if our conversation isn’t worth his time. It takes everything inside of me not to pick up the nearest object and throw it at him. Forget a friendly smack in the head; I’m about to go for broke.
Fisting my hands at my sides, I seethe, “Don’t play dumb, Levi. How many girls have you slept with on the first date? And let’s be honest, that’s assuming you even take them out for dinner first when we both know the majority of your conquests don’t even require that much before jumping into your bed and spreading their legs. I’d be willing to bet it’s over half of them.” He doesn’t bother to defend himself, so I press on. “And in case you were wondering, I wasn’t even close to sleeping with Conner. It was a kiss, Levi. One freaking kiss. If it were you that I’d been on a date with, your hand would’ve been up my shirt in the blink of an eye. Conner was a gentleman—”
“Bullshit,” he bites out, finally snapping and turning around to face me. “Don’t tell me he didn’t try to feel you up after I left.” Face red with anger, Asshat Levi waits for me to discount his accusation.
“He didn’t. We didn’t even cuddle.”
“So he didn’t try to take advantage of you when he walked you home? Didn’t insist on coming up to see the place? Didn’t mention having a cup of coffee or a nightcap?”
“Where the hell is all of this animosity coming from? Levi, he didn’t even walk me home. I rode the subway by myself.” I don’t know why I feel the need to defend myself, but I do. And I kind of hate him for it.
This certain piece of information is enough for him to pause Stranger Things. Shoving himself up from the couch, he stalks toward me.
“He didn’t walk you home?” His voice is cool. Collected.
How in the world is he mad at me for that too? I swear, I can’t make this guy happy no matter what I say.
With a deep breath, I attempt to explain myself. “Well no, but—”
“Why the hell didn’t he walk you home?”
“Because I told him I was a big girl and could get home by myself.”
“I don’t care if you lived next door. There is no reason”—his nostrils flare—“Let me repeat, no reason why you should’ve walked home by yourself. Even though we’ve known each other forever, have I ever let you walk home by yourself?” He doesn’t wait for me to reply because we both know the answer. Gripping his neck, his fingers turn white. “What a motherfu—”
“Levi!” I yell. “It isn’t any of your business whether or not he walks me home. Just like it isn’t any of your business whether I kiss on the first date, let alone have sex with him on a bench in Central Park with a film crew nearby. I’m allowed to do what I want, and if you have a problem with it, then why the hell did you set me up with him in the first place?”
Muscles bunching beneath his button-up shirt, his hands tighten at his sides. It’s clear he’s close to snapping. In fact, I might’ve already pushed him over the edge.
“Tell me something,” he whispers with a low growl.
“What’s that?” I reply just as quietly, ignoring the pull between us that’s stronger than a damn magnet. It’s begging me to close the distance between us, and if I were a stronger person, I’d throw in the towel and stop fighting it. Because digging my heels in and battling him is the weaker option instead of just…giving in and showing him how I really feel.
“Did he kiss you like I did?” he murmurs quietly, staring down at me. There’s a challenge in his voice, though I don’t know what it means.
“Levi, our kiss wasn’t real.”
“Answer the question.”
“No,” I murmur. “It was different.”
He takes another deliberate step toward me. My breathing quickens, my chest rising and falling in fast, shallow breaths, but I don’t move a muscle. I’m not sure I’d be able to even if I tried.
“How was it different?” he pushes.
“I don’t know.”
“Was he a better kisser?”
“Levi—”
“Was he? Did he make your toes curl? Did he make the tight little boy shorts beneath that leather skirt wet? Did he make you want him more than your next breath? Did he make you curious about what it would be like if he laid you down and—”
“Stop,” I whisper, cutting him off while squeezing my thighs together.
“Answer me.”
“No.”
“No, you won’t answer me? Or no, he didn’t make you feel those things?”
Digging my teeth into my lower lip, I stare at his mouth. The memories of our kiss do weird things to my body before his arm reaches out, and he grabs my chin in a punishing grip. Tilting my head up, he commands my attention.
“Answer me.”
“The second one,” I murmur.
“Then he isn’t the one for you.”
He doesn’t release his hold, and when I catch his eyes dropping down to my mouth, I ask a question that’s been eating me alive for years. One that, under normal circumstances, I’d never be able to utter. “And who is the one for me?”
The golden flecks in his eyes dim before being covered by his heavy lids. It’s weird. Like the slow blink didn’t just break our eye contact, but our connection as well, closing the door on this conversation and locking it up tight.
Dropping his hand from my chin, he runs his fingers through his thick, dark hair before shaking his head in defeat.
“I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”
Confused, my brows tug down at the center, wrinkles lining my forehead. “What? You’re seriously just leaving?”
“I shouldn’t have come by tonight.” With his hand on my bicep, he guides me away from blocking the exit as I stand there dumbfounded with the entire situation.
“What’s going on, Levi?” I press.
He shakes his head. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I just…I gotta go.”
Then he disappears, leaving me reeling from the conversation.
What the hell was that?
Chapter Twenty
Levi
“Dude. Where were you last night?” Conner asks, crowding my cubicle like he owns the damn thing.
Funny. He’s been doing that a lot lately.
Squeezing the pen in my grip until I’m sure it’ll snap in two, I envision it being Conner’s neck. My mouth quirks with a ghost of a smile before disappearing.
If only.
It takes everything inside of me to release a deep breath from my lungs before I consciously ease the pressure around the pen. However, the petty side of me can’t stand to look at him, so I continue to scribble a bunch of nonsense on a report I’m sure I’ll have to redo as soon as the asshat leaves me alone.
“I went to my mom’s last night,” I mutter, addressing his question from seconds ago when what I really want to say is, back the hell off. After a few tense seconds, I add, “Didn’t know how long you’d need the privacy.” My tone has an edge that I’m sure he notices. That is until he opens his stupid mouth.
“Unfortunately, I think you spooked her when you dropped in. Charlie wouldn’t let me touch her after that. Hell, it was like your interruption turned her into a damn ice queen.”
My jaw tightens as I drop the blue ballpoint pen onto my desk. Chest puffing up, I stand to my full height, towering over Conner’s five-foot-eleven frame with my six-foot-two one.
“Don’t talk about her like that.” My voice is like ice.
“Like what?”
“Like she’s a fucking object.”
“What?” He shakes his head, confused. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. The deal’s off. I said yo
u could date her; I didn’t say you could fuck her.”
“What the hell do you think dating means, Levi? Yeah. I like her, but you can’t honestly think I wasn’t going to try to sleep with her. I’m a guy. I’m gonna wanna get my dick wet at one—”
“Gentlemen,” a hushed voice interrupts. Both of us turn to see a shocked Alexandra striding toward us. The heels of her shoes tap against the tiled flooring like our own screwed up death march theme. As soon as I take in the look on her face, I know I’m in deep shit.
“If you have private things to talk about, I suggest you discuss them in private,” she states sharply.
The anger is still pulsing through my veins from Conner’s comment, but I make sure to rein it in. Losing my internship would be the cherry on top of a giant clusterfu—
“I’m sorry,” Conner interrupts my thoughts. “I don’t know what came over us.”
I do.
Rage. Jealousy. Bitterness. The list goes on.
My voice is soft and laced with regret as I murmur, “I’m sorry too, Alexandra. You’re right. It won’t happen again.”
Greg rounds the corner as the apology slides past my lips. I’m positive he’s about to tell me to pack my things and get the hell out of here for being so unprofessional. Sensing the commotion he’s walked into, Greg stalls near my cubicle.
“There a problem here, Alexandra?” the fifty-year-old asks while adjusting his black-rimmed glasses.
“Not at all. Just trying to ring in a few more volunteers for the grand opening.”
“I’m sure they’d be more than happy to offer a helping hand. Wouldn’t you, gentlemen?”
“Of course.”
“Definitely.”
Satisfied, Greg gives a brisk nod then continues on his way, leaving us alone to sort out our shit. Alexandra, however, hasn’t moved an inch as her eyes bounce between me and Asshat Conner like a damn pinball.
“Levi, will you please come to my office so we can work out a few of the details for the Jelani Arts Center opening?” The edge in her voice encourages me not to argue, even though I want nothing more than to shove Conner outside and hit him in the face.