“I’d take you to the planetarium and pleasure you under the dome, but we’ve had enough for tonight. What do you think?” he asks.
He leans down, sweeps me off my feet, and carries me all the way to the car.
“Which is it? Griffith Park, or the restaurant?” I ask.
“What about them?” he asks.
“Where is your favorite place?”
“My favorite place is wherever you are.”
He says things that have a way of stealing my heart. “My favorite place is wherever you are, too. Every time we make love, it’s my favorite time. Every kiss you give me is my favorite kiss. I’d have never guessed I’d be in this place three months ago.”
“It’s funny how life works, isn’t it? Let’s go home and finish the book,” he says.
“Do you think we could pick another book after the grand opening?” I don’t want to give this part of our lives up. It’s the one time I can ask questions.
“Yes, but can we still grab from the naughty bag? There are way too many notes to overlook.”
As soon as we arrive at his house, I run for the shower while he makes us hot chocolate. We snuggle up with each other and begin our final discussion about Bound.
“Okay, so they ended up together, which is nice, but do you think they’ll be happy?” I ask, starting our book club discussion.
“I don’t know. Is anyone ever completely happy? There’s no perfect relationship. Being with someone takes a certain amount of compromise. There was a lot of discussion on their part about limits, and I think being honest about your limits is crucial.”
“I read the last chapter twice. He destroyed that contract, which meant he wanted to move forward. That she was willing to keep it meant she’d accepted their relationship for what it was. I’m happy they figured out something that worked for them.”
“It was all about negotiation,” he says.
“What if you don’t know what you’re willing to compromise on?”
“Are we talking about the book or us?”
“I suppose I’m talking about us. I’m sorry, let me ask something else.”
“It’s okay. You can ask me anything. Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t asked more questions. My answer would be, only you can decide what’s good for you or not good for you. Why don’t you ask more questions?”
“You’ve met my parents. They’re inquisitive and intrusive. Some things are better left alone. Some things aren’t anybody’s business.” I snuggle against him. “I have lots of questions, but you come across as someone who doesn’t like to share. That’s why I don’t ask.”
“I don’t have dark secrets, just painful memories.” He looks down at his hands as he nervously twists the lower part of his T-shirt around his fingers.
“Hopefully, someday you’ll trust me enough to share your pain.” I don’t look at him because I don’t want him to see my eyes. To see the need I have for him to talk to me.
“What do you know of pain?” He asks with a hint of sarcasm.
“More than you’d think. Do you think you can come out unscathed when your best friend climbs into your arms to cry over the loss of her mother? What about when your brother gets beaten to a pulp for liking men instead of women? What about loving someone who can never love you back? I know pain, Damon. I feel yours every day, and it hurts me too.”
He pulls away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t consider Emma and Chris. You would feel the pain of the people you love.” He pauses before continuing. “You want to know about Mara, so I’ll tell you what I can.” He runs his hand through his hair. “She was the first girl I ever loved. We dated for two years, and I foolishly thought she was the one. We lost our virginity together. We lived and breathed each other for so long, she became a part of me.”
He inhales and closes his eyes.
“I emptied my soul into that relationship, and she destroyed me with one act of deception. I caught her with another man, and it gutted me.” He moves so we can look into each other’s eyes. “I haven’t seen her since. I don’t know why she called. Maybe she feels guilty. Maybe it’s something else. It was ten years ago, and it still fills me with rage when I think about it.”
“Thank you for sharing. It means more than you know.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The next two weeks pass by quickly, and the grand opening of Ahz is upon us.
Damon and I never discussed what he shared weeks ago. I think about his pain and how it would feel to have someone betray your trust in such a way. Sometimes I fantasize about running into Mara and kicking her ass.
“What are you wearing tonight?” I ask as he walks from the bed to the bathroom. He’s a gorgeous man, solidly built and beautifully displayed.
“I’ll wear a suit. Do you want to pick it out for me?” he asks.
“I love the suit you had on the day I came to your office to return your money. It’s a blue pinstripe. That was the day you kissed me senseless and sent me on my way.”
“That’s the one I’ll wear, then. What about you?”
“Definitely pants. I’m walking all over the club tonight, and I’m not showing my goodies to anybody.”
“Anyone but me, right?” He raises a brow in amusement.
“We have an agreement. You’re mine, and I’m yours.”
“Never forget it.” He dresses in the suit he wore the day we met.
“I’ll be at the club all day, so I can’t have lunch with you. When will you come over?” I ask.
He tightens the knot. “I’ll make it before everything gets crazy.”
It’s disappointing I won’t be able to see him at lunch today, but I know he has a busy schedule. There’s a press conference in the afternoon and a ribbon-cutting ceremony at five. Then all hell breaks loose.
I change into navy blue leather pants and a silver button-down blouse Trevor helped me pick out but can’t decide on which shoes to wear.
“Damon. Do you think I should wear the heels or the boots?”
He looks me up and down. His eyes turn a darker blue—a stormy I’ve-got-to-have-you-now blue. With one boot and one heel on, I turn in a circle so he can see them from every angle.
“I have a fondness for the heels. They bring back pleasant memories. I love those pants too; they hug your bottom like a second skin.”
“Heels it is then, and I’m glad you love the pants. Trevor picked them out, but I bought them because I knew you’d like them.”
“I’ll like them better when I get to peel them off you tonight.” He gives me another look and shakes his head before he walks out of the room and down the stairs.
Since we’re going in different directions, we leave in separate cars. Trevor and I meet in the VIP lounge at eight this morning to go over everything for the night. We leave no stone unturned. The band accommodations are set. The greenroom amenities are in place. The Kogi people are scheduled to arrive at six. The band goes on at seven. I know everything is in order because I check it a dozen times, but it will be nice to have a second set of eyes to confirm.
Trevor seems relaxed and happy. “What’s up with you?”
He smiles in his boyish way, then surprises me with his next statement. “Your brother dropped me off. He needed to be at work earlier than me.”
My mouth hangs open. “You spent the night together?”
“Do you want the dirty details or the shortened version?”
I cringe at the thought of getting the down and dirty from Trevor. “Just give me a G-rated overview.”
“You bailed on shopping day for me, and your brother said he’d come along. He has fabulous taste, don’t you think?” Trevor stands and twirls in front of me in the same manner I did for Damon that morning.
“Who picked out the bow tie?”
“Chris chose the whole ensemble, from the pants to the sweater vest and bow tie.”
“He did an excellent job. Do you have matching outfits?”
“No, but we compliment each other.”
“I can’t wait to see what he’s wearing.” A text comes in from Em telling me to break a leg.
My nerves twitch, and my hands shake. “Can you believe it’s happening? The opening. The band. Do you still want to meet Rylan?”
“Chris and I want to meet the band together.”
His statement pleases me, and I smile.
“What are you grinning about?” he asks.
“You really like my brother, and I’m excited about that. You’re both great people. I think I’ll like having you as my brother’s boyfriend.”
“One day at a time,” he cautions with a smile. “How are things with lover boy?”
“Why do you call him lover boy?”
“I see when you come back from lunch. You always have that ‘just laid’ blush about you. I swear if I had sex that often, my dick would fall off.”
“On that note, let’s get to work.”
We go through the guest list and identify everyone and their guests but two. Sam Wilson and Tory Blake have not called in the names of their dates, so we’ll figure it out when they get here. It takes all morning and most of the afternoon to complete our checklist, but things are in order.
“Everything looks good, Katarina. I feel comfortable leaving everything in your capable hands. I’ve never enjoyed an opening, but that changes tonight. I have a date with a hot banker, and I plan to dance his ass off.”
Trevor leaves the lounge with pep in his step. Thinking about how crazy the night will be, I lean my head against the booth and rest my eyes.
“There you are,” Damon says. “I looked everywhere for you. Then I found Trevor, and he said he left you fifteen minutes ago. What are you doing?”
I rub my tired eyes. “How did the press conference go? I wish I could have seen it. Instead, I spent the day with Trevor, going over every detail. The night is just beginning, and I’m exhausted.”
He climbs into the booth next to me and pulls me toward him, so my head rests on his shoulder.
“The press conference went well. It would have been better if you were there with me. Everything is better when we are together. And tonight, I feel like this is our grand opening.”
We lean against the back of the velvet booth and kiss like teenagers. There are so much excitement and tension in the air, and Damon is my Valium. His presence relaxes me. It’s funny how he can calm me and rouse at the same time.
“Come with me to let the masses in. I want you to stand beside me. Emma and Anthony will be there. It’s a big night for all of us.”
We walk hand in hand to the front doors of the lobby. Em stands with Anthony, looking beautiful in her purple cocktail dress. Anthony dressed to match her with a purple shirt and a black tie.
They stand on one side of the foyer, while Damon and I stand on the other. Everything is quiet until the bouncers open the doors, and the guests pour in.
I kiss Damon goodbye and tell him I’ll find him later. I see Chris and Trevor near the elevator dressed in coordinating sweater vests and bow ties. All seems right with the world.
“Ready to meet the band?” I ask.
We maneuver down an employee hallway and catch the staff elevator to the second floor. I’ve learned every secret passageway throughout the building. I’ve spent enough time here, I can find my way blindfolded.
Trevor and Chris follow me into the greenroom, where the three of us wait for the band. In typical celebrity fashion, they show up with enough time to smack down several shots and eat some Kogi.
Chris and Trevor engage in conversation with all the band members, but they find common ground with the drummer. As they talk, Trevor slides his arm around Chris’ waist. He’s taking possession, and it warms my heart.
When the band hits the stage, I leave the greenroom to check out the rest of the club. The third-floor dance club is old school with music from the 80s and 90s. The energy is high, and everyone seems to have a good time.
The fourth floor is techno music. The pace here is more frantic, and instead of traditional dancing, jump-styling seems to be popular.
The sixth floor plays the current hits—top forty, along with popular indie bands. This is my favorite club. I glide across the floor to the sound of One Republic, keeping my eyes open for Damon when I see him through the glass floor below.
I race to the VIP lounge. It’s packed with people—standing room only. I weave my way through the crowd to the other side.
As I approach, Damon is there with his arms caging a woman’s shoulders. She’s stunning with Mila Kunis eyes and a Kate Upton body. Her long, brunette hair hangs in loose curls around her shoulders. Her hand comes to his cheek. I can’t hear anything, but I recognize the body language. She leans into him, and he does nothing. Who the hell is this girl?
As I venture forward, her hand slides to his neck, and she pulls him to her. Her ample breasts crush against his chest, and her lips capture his mouth. I’m paralyzed in place.
The scene unfolds in slow motion. He pushes her away. As soon as he turns, he sees me and stops dead. He stares at me like he’s battling something inside. Eyes sad, body rigid, skin pale.
He glances back at the woman and then at me as if he’s torn between us. When his eyes connect with mine, my life changes.
The kiss is forgivable, but the way he looks at her is unforgettable. I see the love I want and the suffering I hoped to erase from his life.
Glacier-blue eyes, filled with sorrow, stare back at me. They reflect the horrific memories of his troubled past. He moves toward me, the girl following on his heels.
“Katarina, it’s not what you think!”
It’s exactly what I think. I look past him to the woman standing next to him like that’s her place.
I want to disappear into the floor, go back ten minutes, and skip the sixth floor. I want to fall to my knees and cry, but I’m not that girl. I’m Kat Cross and stronger than he’ll ever know.
Shoring my shoulders, I step closer and reach out my hand to introduce myself. “Hi, I’m Kat, Damon’s ex-girlfriend. You must be Mara.” With nothing left to say, I turn and walk away.
Damon calls from behind me, but I am faster than he is or more forceful with the crowd. I exit through an employee entrance and move through the maze until I’m far away from Damon, Mara, and heartbreak.
My phone pings relentlessly with messages from Damon, but I ignore them.
By the time I make it to the greenroom, the band is gone, and I’m finally alone. The quiet is a blessing and a curse. It’s nice to sit and take stock of my life, but awful to see where it’s taken me.
This is not where I expected tonight to end. I was supposed to go home and make love to my man. The irony is, he was never mine. The minute I saw him look at her, I knew who she was, and who he belonged to. He would never be mine if he couldn’t reconcile his past with her.
My hands shake, but I need to keep moving. There isn’t time for a breakdown. When I get home, I’ll let it all out, but for now, I need to focus on getting through the next few hours.
Tears fall, but I tip my head back, willing them to return to where they came from.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I approach my car and find Damon leaning against the door. My heart aches at the sight of him. Where there used to be love, now there is pain.
He was right. I knew nothing about it until tonight.
“Katarina, please talk to me. I’ve been trying to find you all night.” His eyes plead, and his voice cracks.
“Damon, if you do nothing else for me in your life, step away from my car and leave me alone. I’m not ready to talk. I’m tired, hungry, and I want to be alone.” I don’t know where that strong voice came from, but the woman who spoke was fierce and meant business.
“Let me take you home and feed you. We can talk.” He steps from the car and moves toward me.
My palm shoots out like a stop sign. “Stop. Don’t touch me, don’t talk, and don’t call me. I’ll contact you when I’m ready, not
when you decide it’s time. Now move out of the way so I can leave.”
He steps back, and I get into my car, start the engine, and drive away.
In the rearview mirror, I see him standing in the center of the garage alone and as broken as I feel.
I make it home in record time and can’t move fast enough toward the front door. I fumble with my keys as the tears fall. With Em staying at Anthony’s tonight, I’ll be alone in with my grief.
The bottle of wine Rose gave me weeks ago sits on the kitchen counter, and I can’t think of a reason not to open it.
My phone beeps continuously as messages from Damon flood in. I glance at the screen and see his plea to let him know I got home safely.
“I’m safely home.” I type back and turn off my phone. Over the next hour, I empty the bottle.
I wake up on the couch, still dressed in my leather pants and silver top. Subconsciously or consciously, I avoided climbing in bed. Sleeping there would remind me of the last time Damon and I were there, and I wasn’t ready to deal with it then, but today is a new day.
Bracing myself for the emotional impact, I move to my room and take an inventory of my life.
On the dresser sits the flowers he sent the day after I met him. They dried so beautifully that I didn’t have the heart to throw them away. Now they’re a reminder of our relationship. Dead and lifeless.
In the corner of my room is the plain brown box full of possibilities I’ll never experience. Opening my closet door, I come face-to-face with his section. Hanging neatly on the rack are a few of his suits, a pair of jeans, and several shirts. I hold the lapel of the black suit and bring it to my nose. The smell of him lingers in the fibers and permeates my soul. The only way to get him out of my life is to erase him from it.
I return to the kitchen to gather the supplies I need to expunge Damon Noble from my life, or at least my home.
Armed with a trash bag, I toss the flowers, pack up his clothes, and throw the brown box in the back corner of my closet.
I rip the sheets off my bed and toss them in the washer with double the soap. Satisfied, I strip myself and head to the shower. The hot water flows over my aching body and hides the tears I shed while I try to wash away his essence.
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