An Amish Mother for His Twins

by Patricia Davids

  “What did that poor nail ever do to you?” Gabe asked from his position a few rafters over.

  “It’s not the nail,” Nathan grumbled.

  “Oh, it’s the woman.” Gabe chuckled.

  “What are you laughing at?”

  “I’ve been where you are and I’m happy to say I got through it.”

  “I asked Maisie to marry me.”

  “Did you? That’s a surprise. What did she say? I ask, although I think I already know the answer.”

  “I don’t understand the woman. I offered her everything that I have. Everything she wants and she still said no.”

  “That was going to be my guess. Maybe she is in love with someone else,” Gabe suggested.

  Nathan scoffed at the idea. “If I thought that I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me.”

  Gabe drove in his nail then slipped his hammer into the loop on his tool belt. “I don’t know what to say. When a man tells a woman that he loves her, he expects her to feel the same and sometimes it doesn’t happen that way.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t what?”

  “I didn’t tell her that I love her.”

  “Okay. That might have been your first mistake.” Gabe scratched the side of his head. “You asked a woman you’re not in love with to marry you?”

  “I didn’t know I was in love with her. I thought I admired her. I respected her. I thought she’d make the perfect mother. It didn’t hit me just how much I needed her until she said no.”

  “You didn’t know you were in love with her then, but you do now?”

  “Of course, I’m in love with Maisie. She’s everything I need. She’s as wonderful and spectacular as her name.”

  “So why can’t you tell her that?”

  Nathan drove in the next nail, then he looked at his friend. “Because she won’t believe me. She thinks I’m still in love with her sister. She thinks I see her as a substitute for the wife I lost.”

  “And why would she think that?”

  Nathan hung his head. “Because that was what I saw when she first arrived. I couldn’t bear to look at Maisie because I saw Annie.”

  “Let me guess. You may have mentioned that to her at some point.”

  “So now you see why I can’t just tell her that my feelings have changed and that I love her for who she is and not because she looks like my dead wife.”

  “You have a problem, Nathan.”

  “Tell me something I don’t know.” He hammered in another nail.

  “Well, you’re a fool for one thing.”

  Nathan shot him a sour look. “That didn’t help.”

  “If she thinks you only see Annie when you look at her then you have to convince her otherwise.”

  “It’s too late for that. She is willing to take care of the babies while I’m at work but otherwise we won’t see each other.”

  “Ours is a small community. You will have to see each other at church services and gatherings.”

  “I know, I know. I’ll see her every day when she comes to stay with the children. I don’t know how I’m going to endure that. I don’t want to take them away from her. She loves them as much as I do.”

  “Then perhaps you should let her raise the children.”

  Nathan jerked upright. “I’m not going to give away my flesh and blood. I want my family with me. I’m not going to abandon them.”

  “Then you’ll have to convince Maisie that you see her and not her sister.”

  “Any suggestions on how I do that?”

  “Pray about it. God is all-knowing. He has the answers if you’re willing to listen.”

  Gabe got down, leaving Nathan to wonder if God would listen to a man who had turned his back on Him and was only now stumbling back into his faith.

  * * *

  Maisie brought out a plate of fried chicken and set it on the table already overloaded with food. Constance came out and rang the dinner bell. Maisie shaded her eyes with her hand and looked toward the building site. All the men wore the same clothing—the same dark blue pants with suspenders and light blue shirts—but she didn’t have any trouble picking out Nathan. Her heart foolishly ached at the sight of him. He was on the rafters. He left off working along with the others as they all made their way toward the food.

  Would she ever be able to look at him without wanting to be in his arms?

  She moved her plate of chicken over and pulled a bowl of baked beans next to it. A second later, she moved them back. Then she stood staring at them.

  “What’s the matter with you?” Gemma asked, setting a bowl of coleslaw beside the baked beans.

  “Nothing. Why do you ask?”

  “Because you’ve been staring at your plate of chicken for a long time. Is there something wrong with it?”

  “Everything is wrong with it.” Tears sprang to Maisie’s eyes. She covered her face with her hands and started crying.

  She felt Gemma take her arm. “I don’t think this is a conversation your chicken should overhear. Come with me.”

  Maisie allowed Gemma to lead her around to the other side of the house and into the garden. Gemma sat down on a wooden bench and pulled Maisie down beside her. “Okay, I know it wasn’t about the food. What’s really bothering you?”

  Maisie looked into Gemma’s sympathetic eyes and blurted out the truth. “Nathan has asked me to marry him.”

  “That’s wonderful news.”

  Maisie shook her head. “No, it isn’t.”

  Gemma became instantly sympathetic. “Oh. You don’t love him. How awkward for you.”

  “I love him. I love him with all my heart.”

  Gemma took Maisie’s hand and patted it. “I’m missing something. You love Nathan and he has asked you to marry him, but that isn’t good news?”

  “Don’t you see?”

  “Not right this minute. Perhaps you could explain.”

  Maisie shook her head. “Nathan said he could give me a home. I could help him raise the children. I’d never have to be parted from them.”

  “It sounds wonderful. What did he miss?”

  “The one thing he can’t give me. Love. He didn’t say that he loved me. Nathan is still in love with Annie. He sees me as a replacement for her. Not an original but almost as good. Sometimes he even calls me by her name.” She jumped to her feet and began to pace among the flowers.

  Gemma followed Maisie and put an arm around her shoulders. “Now I understand. So you turned him down, didn’t you?”

  “Of course I did. I deserve to be loved because I am who Gott made me. I’m not an Annie replacement.”

  “What will you do now?”

  “Stay with Constance and the bishop, I guess, but I don’t want to leave my babies.” Her voice broke. “I love them more than my own life. They are part of my heart and soul. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Our Lord will find a way through this for you. You must have faith. In the meantime you can stay with Jesse and me.”

  “Danki, but I need to be with the children. Can someone take us home?”

  “Certainly. Jesse will take you.”

  “If anyone is going to take my family home it will be me,” Nathan said. He was standing at the side of the house with his hands clenched into fists.

  How much had he heard? Maisie turned away.

  “I’m going to go help serve the food,” Gemma said brightly.

  “Don’t go,” Maisie begged, reaching for her friend.

  “You don’t need me, and Nathan would rather I left, wouldn’t you?”

  “Jesse married a smart woman.”

  “I tell him that all the time.” Gemma gave Nathan’s arm a squeeze and walked around him.

  “You and I need to have another conversation,” Nathan said. “Do you wan
t to do it here or shall we go home, where we won’t be interrupted?”

  “I don’t know what else there is to say.”

  “A lot, actually. Things I should have said before. Things I didn’t know I needed to say.”

  She didn’t want to rehash her heartache, but she saw the determination in his face and nodded. It was better to be humiliated in private. “I’ll get the babies.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  The silence in the buggy during the ride back to the cabin was stifling. Even the babies seemed to pick up on the tension. They whimpered and squirmed in their baskets. Maisie kept rocking them, trying to reassure them, but it didn’t help. She dreaded what she knew was to come but she was thankful when he turned into his lane. It was better to get it over with sooner rather than later.

  When they drove into the yard, she saw there was a dark gray car sitting beside the house. Maisie didn’t see anyone around. She looked at Nathan. “Do you recognize the car? Is it one of your logging friends?”

  “It looks too high-dollar for the lumberjacks I know.” He got out and came around to open Maisie’s door.

  She handed out the twins in their baskets and noticed movement up on the rise near Annie’s grave. A man was kneeling by the marker. It was Gavin Porter.

  “It’s someone Annie and I used to know. I’ll go talk to him,” she said.

  “You and I need to talk.”

  “We will.” She clasped her hands together tightly as she stared up the hill.

  “Do you want me to come with you?” Nathan asked softly.

  If what she suspected was true, Nathan deserved to hear it firsthand. She nodded. “I think you should.”

  Maisie walked slowly up the rise and stopped a few feet away from the kneeling figure. “Hello, Gavin. I’m sorry we weren’t here to greet you.”

  He stared at the small white cross bearing Annie’s name. “I’m sorry for a lot of things.”

  He got to his feet and faced them. “Hello, Maisie, and you must be Nathan.”

  “I am.” Nathan eyed him suspiciously.

  “And these are Annie’s babies?” Gavin smiled at the carriers. “May I see them?”

  Nathan laid the baskets in the grass and opened them wide enough for him to peer in.

  “Charity and Jacob,” Maisie said. “I wrote to your parents to let them know about Annie’s passing, but I didn’t know how to contact you.”

  “They called me. I wish things had turned out differently.” He glanced back at the grave. “She was the light of my life.”

  “She was with you, then?” Maisie folded her arms and looked down. “I wondered as much, but when your parents didn’t know where she was I thought I must be mistaken.”

  Nathan scowled. “Annie left me to be with you?”

  “We fell in love when she worked for my family, but I was married to a dying woman. After my wife passed away, I didn’t think I had the right to ask Annie to choose between me and her faith. So I moved to New York with the kids. I thought I could start a new life, but all I could think about was how much I missed her. I wrote to her and asked her to come be with me and the children. I didn’t know she had gotten married or I never would have asked. When she told me, I was shocked, but I didn’t want to lose her again.” His expression was so earnest that Maisie believed him.

  She took hold of Nathan’s arm. This had to be so painful for him. “Why the secrecy, Gavin?” she asked. “Why not let your parents or me know that she was with you?”

  “Because she was ashamed. She made me promise to wait and not tell anyone until after her divorce became final and we were married.”

  “Divorce?” Maisie was shocked. “Our faith does not allow divorce, Gavin. Annie might have remarried but Nathan never would have been able to. She knew that.”

  “She never filed for her divorce,” Gavin said.

  “Why not?” Nathan’s words were as brittle as glass.

  “She learned she was pregnant. She couldn’t come to terms with having left you and taken your child away, too. If we had married the child would have been legally mine, and before you ask, yes, they are yours, Nathan, and not just because you were still her legal husband when they were born.”

  Nathan looked at Maisie and gave her a half smile. “It would make no difference. They are part of my heart and soul now.”

  Gavin shoved his hands in his pockets. “I tried to make her happy, tried to find a way to keep her with me, but I could feel her slipping away. I know she loved me and my children, but her guilt eventually drove a wedge between us. Finally, she told me she was going back to you. I didn’t want to lose her, but I wanted her to find peace, so I let her go. I should have been with her.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” Nathan said, surprising Maisie.

  A tear slipped down Gavin’s cheek as he looked at Nathan. “Thank you. I came here to say goodbye to her, but also to ask for your forgiveness. We wronged you and I am so, so sorry.”

  Nathan held out his hand. “You have my forgiveness and so does she. There is no need to ask for it.”

  Gavin took Nathan’s hand and nodded but didn’t speak. Then he walked away.

  Maisie picked up one basket and Nathan picked up the other. Together they walked down the hill as Gavin got in his car and drove away.

  “At least we have some answers,” she said as she paused at the door of the cabin. What was Nathan thinking? She was ashamed of her sister’s actions, but love made people do foolish things.

  “I’m glad to finally understand what made Annie leave me, but it doesn’t change what I have to say to you.” He gazed at her intently. “I’ll put away the mare and then we’ll talk.”

  She flushed and hurried inside. Once the babies were in their cradles, they relaxed and went to sleep. Buddy curled up in his usual place between them.

  Maisie was anything but relaxed. She went into the kitchen and saw her apple pie sitting on the counter. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She was done crying over Nathan Weaver. She had her own life to live.

  She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter, waiting for him to come in. It wasn’t long before he walked through the door and hung up his hat.

  “How much of my conversation with Gemma did you overhear?” she asked before he could say anything.

  He walked slowly into the kitchen and leaned back on the counter beside her. “Enough, I think. I heard you tell Gemma that you loved me. Did you mean it?”

  She tried to brazen it out. “What does it matter?”

  “It matters more than you know. I never expected to hear you say those words.”

  “I never expected to feel that emotion. I tried not to.”

  “Why?”

  She bit down on her lower lip until it stopped quivering. “Do you really have to ask?”

  “If I’m going to get this right, I need an answer. We already know how badly I messed up when I tried this on my own.”

  “If you’re going to make me say it, I didn’t want to love you because I knew you would never feel the same toward me.”

  He ran a hand through his hair. “Yesterday I would’ve said that you were right.”

  “So there. It’s out in the open. I don’t want your pity.”

  “Of all the emotions running through my head right now I can promise you pity is not one of them,” he said.

  “Are we done? Because I’d like to go lie down for a little bit. I have a headache.”

  “And your headache’s name is Nathan.”

  “Those are your words.” She started to walk past him, but he took her arm. “Maisie, look at me.”

  She couldn’t. She was afraid he would see how close she was to breaking down.

  “Maisie, I want to marry you,” he said softly.

  She cringed inside. He had no idea how
much he was hurting her. She longed to say yes but she knew it would only bring her heartache. “We’ve been over this.”

  “We have had this conversation but that was before.”

  “Before Gavin came?”

  “Before you opened my eyes. I heard what you were afraid of when you were talking to Gemma. But you haven’t heard what I’m afraid of.”

  She looked at him then. His face was grim. “I have been afraid since I was young that no one really wanted me. My father died when I was four. My mother died when I was ten. I went from home to home, never really being a part of the family. For one reason or another none of them could keep me. I thought it was my fault. I thought I was different. I believed it was better to be alone. Then I met Annie.”

  “I know you loved my sister.”

  “I surely did. Then just when I thought God had led me to the place where I finally belonged, she left. It did more than break my heart. It shattered my faith in God. Watching you care for the babies and for me over these last days gave me a glimmer of hope. My faith started mending. Maisie, I don’t want to marry you for the sake of the babies or because it’s the sensible thing to do. I want to marry you for my own sake. Because I love you and I don’t want to live without you at my side.”

  Maisie could feel her resolve weakening but she couldn’t let go of her doubts. He didn’t mean it. He couldn’t. “You love Annie. Every time you look at me, you see her. That’s who you are in love with.”

  “I thought so, too, but I was so wrong. You once told me that you and Annie were twins but you weren’t the same.” He cupped her chin and lifted her face. “I see you, Maisie.”

  “You see her shadow.”

  “I don’t. Maisie has flecks of gold in her green eyes.” He leaned forward and kissed her eyelid. “Maisie has a freckle right here that Annie never had. Maisie has amazing faith. She has a wonderful and spectacular heart. The likes of which I have been searching for my whole life.”

  Maisie was afraid to believe what she was hearing. She couldn’t speak for fear she would say something that would drive him away and she didn’t want him to go.