Entangled Heart

by KB Winters

  He let out a dark laugh. “I’m not interested in playing fair any longer. That shit hasn’t gotten me anywhere.”

  I sighed, silently acknowledging it was true. “Let that work for you, Cal. I need to figure out what works for me.”

  “Maddie,” he growled and folded his arms, looking more like the old Cal with every passing moment. “Give me a few months. I just need a few months to get a handle on this, so I can be the dad my little girl deserves. Please.”

  “What’s a few months?”

  “Six.”

  I shook my head automatically. “That’s too long, and I’ll get too comfortable with this cushy life that isn’t mine. Three months, that’s all I can give you.”

  It wasn’t like I had an apartment lined up yet, anyway. And since things were utterly fucked with Jameson, I could give up three more months of my life.

  For Ava Rose.

  “Fine, I can work with three months. For now. But I reserve the right to persuade you to stay longer if we need it.”

  “And I reserve the right to refuse.”

  He flashed a playful smirk. “If you can.”

  Oh, I would refuse when the time came. “You have three months, Calvin Ashby. Use them wisely.”

  “I will.” There was a promise in his tone that I wanted to believe, but people didn’t change so easily. Cal was mired in grief so thick, I was starting to think he liked feeling like shit. Ava Rose’s cries sounded from the monitor attached to his pocket, and he pointed to it. “Can you? I got some shit I need to do.”

  “That’s properly vague, but sure. I’ll go up to her in a sec.” I cast one last, longing look at all the shiny new apartments for rent before closing the laptop with a sigh. Later. That was my future.

  Ava Rose, Cal and the Ashby family, they were my present.

  Chapter Thirty

  Jameson

  “Smells damn good in here.” I stood just inside the kitchen at my childhood home, watching Ma as she stirred and tasted three different pots bubbling on the stove. “What’s for dinner?”

  She flashed a smile at me over her shoulder. “Jameson! I haven’t seen you in forever. Get over here and give your mom a kiss.”

  My feet were on the move, and I wrapped her in a tight hug. “Hey, Ma. How are you?”

  “Good. Better now that my boys are here for dinner.” She patted my cheek and gave me a long, studious look, checking to make sure that all was right in my world. “How are you, Jameson? Settling into the job?”

  I let out a long sigh and nodded. “As much as I can, sure. The FBI task force is a lot, but I’m also learning a lot.”

  Agent Beck was pushing the limits of my patience and this damn investigation felt like it was going nowhere, but that was the job.

  “Need some help with dinner?”

  “Not at the moment. Your dad is still at the clubhouse, and your brother is in the attic, digging out one of the serving platters I misplaced. Go check on Savannah?”

  The question was hesitant, as if she thought there was some tension between us.

  “Sure, Ma. No problem.”

  I found Savannah in the middle of the backyard, looking at the stars as they popped out in the sky. “Penny for your thoughts?”

  She sent me a half-smile and half a laugh. “Is that the going rate for thoughts these days?”

  “It is for a rookie cop with a shit salary.” I grinned.

  Savannah let out another laugh and turned to me, curiosity burning in her blue eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  “Wrong?”

  “Yeah. You’re out here with me when we both know I’m not your favorite person.”

  “Correction, you used to be not my favorite person. I can see now that you and Charlie are perfect for each other, and I’m happy for you. I have no issues with you, Savannah.”

  “Thanks for that, Jameson.”

  I shrugged. “It’s true. I’m sure you’ll be part of the family soon and that makes you family to me.” I was happy to find her out here. Alone. “But I do have something to tell you and here is as good as any place, I guess.”

  Her eyes widened. “Bad news?”

  I nodded and told her about finding Tits’ body. “She had an Ace of spades carved into her back while she was still alive. Charlie mentioned you were with her when you two met, so I figured you’d want to know.”

  “Polina’s dead?”

  I pulled my lips into a grim line and nodded, and her shoulders fell. Savannah had been through too much, was too fucking strong to shed a tear, but I could see how the news devastated her. “I owe her my life.”

  I suspected as much. Tits had gone against her boyfriend and her own best interest to help Savannah, which is probably why she was rotting in a morgue.

  “Other than the carving, we have no leads. No forensics.”

  She nodded as understanding dawned. “I’ll make sure the world does right by Polina, Jameson. I swear.” Savannah flashed a sad smile and took a step closer. “Thank you for telling me.” She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed.

  “Get your hands off my woman,” Charlie growled from the porch, but I heard the smile in his voice.

  “She’s got her hands all over me, bro. She knows I’m irresistible.”

  “Riiiight. Dinner’s ready.”

  We sat down at the table, the extra setting a glaring reminder that I still needed to fix things with Maddie. She hadn’t answered my texts or calls since Friday, not that I blamed her, but the table setting mocked me. I focused instead on all the food scattered around the table.

  “Are we expecting an army, Ma?”

  She laughed. “No, but I know my guys have big appetites. Have a seat.”

  Charlie and Savannah took one side of the table, leaving me to sit beside the empty setting. “Are we missing someone?” Savannah asked innocently.

  Her question ate at me, sending acid bubbling in my gut.

  Ma frowned. “Where’s Madison? I thought she’d be here with you tonight.”

  I sighed. “Ma, Maddie and I are just friends. Nothing more.”

  “Bullshit, baby brother.” Charlie laughed and shook his head. “You fucked it up already, didn’t you?”

  “Nothin’ to fuck up,” I growled into my beer. “Just friends, I said.”

  “Boys, language.”

  “Sorry, Ma.”

  Ma took her seat at one end of the table and flashed a sympathetic smile. “Love is complicated, Jameson. Just look at your brother and Savannah.”

  I let out a bitter laugh and shook my head. “If possible, things with Maddie are even more complicated than their love story, Ma. With my job and her connection to the Ashby family, it’s beyond complicated.”

  “Those are just details. You can figure a way around that if you want to.”

  “They’re more than details, Ma. They’re the facts. It’s hard enough figuring out how to be a part of this family while juggling my job, I can’t have the same issues in my love life. I won’t.”

  What I couldn’t say was that on top of all that, Maddie didn’t trust me, not the way she should. And that cut like a knife.

  “Don’t be stupid, son.” Dad walked in, his heavy-booted footsteps muffled by our conversation, and took his seat at the table, talking while filling his plate.

  “How do you think I got a beautiful bookkeeper to fall for a grumpy assed biker? Life is fucking complicated, and it won’t get less complicated just because you make the safe choice. The easy choice.”

  “It’s not the easy choice.” Being without Maddie was no goddamn choice at all because her silence spoke volumes.

  “Good. Be safe at work and be happy at home. That’s the only way.”

  “Safe is relative, of course,” Ma added with a worried smile. “If Maddie makes you happy, you’ll find a way to make it work.”

  “Can we eat now, please?” I didn’t want to spend the entire meal talking about how badly I’d fucked things up with Maddie. I would fix it if she would give me the
time of day. That was a big damn if, but still my dad’s words stayed with me throughout dinner and the whole drive home.

  Safe at work, happy at home.

  Happy at home was Maddie waiting for me with that sassy smile and smartass comment on her lips, maybe even a beer in her hand. That was happy, and I wanted it. Badly.

  When I got home and saw Jasper waiting at my door, Maddie was back on my mind. “What’s wrong? Is Maddie all right?”

  Jasper held up a hand, his lips curled into a tight grin. “Maddie’s fine. She’s at home with Ava Rose.”

  My shoulders relaxed. “Then why are you here?”

  “I figured we should talk.”

  “About what?” We had no business now or in the future. “If you’re here for details on Bonnie’s murder, I don’t have anything for you.”

  “I’m not here for Bonnie. Not explicitly anyway.”

  Jasper was a smooth motherfucker, probably the type who never actually issued a direct order so nothing could ever be tied back to him. “I have a proposition.”

  “Not interested.”

  He flashed a grin. “Hear me out. We’re always looking for good cops who are willing to help us stay ahead of the law. The pay is good, much better than your government salary, and all you have to do is give us a heads up when needed.”

  Was that how it happened? How good cops turned crooked? A small request, issued so simply, made to seem so fucking easy.

  “I already have money.”

  Jasper nodded. “No such thing as too much money, Officer Ellison.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  “Look, this arrangement could benefit us both, Ellison. It’s got to be hard to be a cop around here when your brother is President of the biggest MC on the West Coast.” It wasn’t a question but he had my attention. “I can help you move up the ranks if that’s what you want. You don’t need money, fine, but contrary to what the cops in town think, the Ashby’s aren’t the only ones who operate in the gray areas of the law.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning that a few good arrests, being at the right place at the right time, could really help a guy with your background make detective. Maybe even Sergeant.”

  My instinct was to turn him down, was to tell him to shove his offer up his ass and to go fuck himself. But a small part of me considered the truth of his words.

  Moving up the ranks would be hard if every fucking person in the precinct doubted my loyalty. But working for the Ashby family didn’t sit right with me, either. They likely killed a mother and an undercover agent, and they needed to pay for that.

  “Well?” Jasper stood there, impatience radiating off his shoulders, his gaze expectant.

  Then again, there’s no honor among thieves. Is there? Too many thoughts swirled in my mind and the offer too enticing to turn down right away. “I’ll think about it.”

  He gave a short nod and grinned. “That’s all I ask. Thanks, Ellison.”

  “Yeah, sure.” I watched Jasper walk over to his Mercedes SUV and hop in the driver’s seat, surprised he showed up without his henchman Terry, who would soon become his brother-in-law.

  There was only one person who’s opinion I could trust when it came to this, only one person I could talk this out with. Maddie. I pulled out my phone and shot off a text. “You up?”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Madison

  “Well fuck me, that explains a lot.”

  The past week made a whole lot more sense when I saw the little lines on the pregnancy test. The fits of tears at Molly’s rejection. The nonstop pining over Jamie, a man who wanted nothing to do with me. The need to get away, to be on my own.

  It was all emotional bullshit that I tried hard not to dwell on because it was useless. It didn’t help with anything other than stagnation, and it wasn’t my fucking style.

  Now I knew why it had become my style.

  Because I was fucking pregnant!

  Pregnant. A goddamn statistic. How many girls had I judged and mocked from the San Bernardino trailer park for getting knocked up and left alone? Too many. Enough that karma was having a fucking field day with me.

  “Ha, ha, bitch.” I shouldn’t be surprised that this little curveball came just as I decided to get my life together and to do it on my own. It was a rule for people like me; the minute my life started going a little bit good, the universe sent a bomb to remind me who I was and where I came from. It showed up to remind me that no matter how far I traveled, how high I climbed, I was still nothing more than trailer trash.

  Reminder received.

  It was well past midnight, and I’d skipped Sunday dinner, which meant I was hungry and cranky, and now knocked up. I sat in the middle of the bed, scowling at the piss-covered stick, willing one of those damn lines to fade away. To tell me this was all a big joke meant to remind me not to let anyone, especially a man, get too close.

  My phone buzzed on the desk and I glared at it, knowing exactly who it would be. Not just because Jamie had been calling and texting nonstop since he gave me the cold shoulder, but who else would be calling at the exact moment I find out the worst news of my life?

  Thankfully, it was just a text.

  Jameson: You up?

  That was the universal request for a booty call and it shocked me, though I guess it shouldn’t have. The past few days had proven to me that I couldn’t expect anything good from anyone, no matter the connection I thought we shared.

  I stared at the screen for a long time, deciding first whether I’d respond at all and then, how I might respond. Was this the kind of conversation you had over the phone? Should I even say anything when I hadn’t made up my mind how I felt about being pregnant, other than absolutely, totally fucking fucked?

  Madison: Yeah, I’m up.

  It was the first time I’d answered his texts in a long time and Jamie responded immediately.

  Jameson: Can we talk?

  I shook my head at the screen even though he couldn’t see me.

  Madison: Nope.

  Jameson: Please?

  He sent a tempting smiley face emoji as if that would clear everything up.

  Madison: “I’m fucking pregnant.”

  Sent with an angry face. But, before I could toss the phone back on the bed, it was ringing and vibrating in my hand . I rolled my eyes as it rang, and Jamie’s gray eyes appeared larger than life. I tapped the accept button and grunted, “What?”

  “I’m coming to pick you up.”

  I stared at the phone for a moment and shook my head.

  “No, you’re not. I’m not in the headspace for you right now.” Even as I said the words, tears started to sting my eyes, and my emotions threatened to bubble over at the sound of his voice.

  “I’m coming,” he growled, his voice determined and worried.

  “Jamie, don’t. Please. I need to process this shit.” I swiped at my tears and then ran a hand over my head. “I need to figure out what I’m gonna do.”

  Silence fell for a long moment, and when Jamie spoke, there was a hint of darkness in his voice. “What do you mean, what you’re gonna do?”

  I squeezed my eyes shut tight and shook my head as more tears rolled down my cheek. Silent tears streaked my cheeks that spoke volumes of the decision I had to make.

  “Maddie?”

  “I’m here.”

  “Talk to me,” he said, his voice strained and filled with worry.

  “Oh, now you want to talk? Now that it’s convenient for the great Jameson Ellison, he wants to talk.” I let out a loud, bitter laugh and shook my head. “Look, Jamie, this pregnancy wasn’t part of the plan. I have a life, now, and a job, and even a car of my own. A kid right now would fuck all of that up. That’s not what I want.”

  “Most babies aren’t planned.”

  I understood what he was trying to do, inject some reason into the conversation, but it was too late for that.

  “Yeah, and the woman makes the choice to struggle her whole life just to ra
ise that kid while the man gets to go off and do whatever the fuck he wants. Do me a favor and let me make that decision on my own.”

  “It’s not just your baby,” he growled.

  “Yeah, maybe not, but it’s my body, and I’m the one who’s gonna end up doing everything for that kid. I barely have time for myself as it is. Between work and Ava Rose, my schedule is packed. What am I supposed to do when you decide being a daddy isn’t for you?”

  He sucked in a breath, and I knew I overstepped.

  “I would never, ever fucking abandon my child, Madison.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. But even if you don’t, you won’t be the one getting up for middle of the night feedings, ear infections, and all that other shit that babies come with, are you? No, it’ll be me.”

  “We can make this work, Maddie. I’m here for you.”

  Here for you. I barked out another laugh and shook my head in disbelief. He was here for me. This man, who sat there with a stony expression while I cried genuine tears in front of him, would be there for me.

  “You mean like you were there for me the other night? I’d rather be alone.”

  “One fight and suddenly I’m a deadbeat piece of shit dad?”

  That wasn’t Jamie. Logically, I knew that. But facts were facts.

  “You know what, Jamie? I don’t know. I thought I knew you, but the way you flip your emotions makes me wonder. Loving and warm one second and ice cold the next. That sounds like someone who could decide seven months into this pregnancy that fatherhood isn’t for him. And I’d be left holding the baby on my own, sacrificing my own goals and dreams for a goddamn fairytale.”

  “I wouldn’t. You know me better than that.”

  “Fuck you, Jamie. I thought I knew you better but even now you just don’t understand, and worse, you’re not even trying. When I make up my mind, maybe I’ll let you know.”

  I tapped that end call button so fiercely I thought I’d break the screen, and when I didn’t get any satisfaction from it, I smashed the damn phone onto the mattress as hard as I could.

  Jamie didn’t get it because he didn’t have to. No matter what he said, he could walk away whenever he wanted. He said he wouldn’t, and I knew that wasn’t who Jamie was, but I’ll bet my mother thought the same thing about my father. I’ll bet she thought, this will be the time it lasts, every time she found herself knocked up by another loser. But you know what? Those hopes and thoughts always ended up at the clinic when reality set in.