by Robin Hobb
“I’ll be making notes of my own on my charts,” Leftrin observed. They were grinning at one another as Carson came alongside them in another small boat. The hunter’s face was flushed with excitement.
“There are other ruins here. I pushed back into the reeds and looked around a bit. Just downstream from here, there’s a long structure that might be the remains of a stone pier that ran out into a river or lake. It’s underwater now, but you can feel the shape of it. Exciting, eh?”
Alise was surprised by the answering grin on Sedric’s face. “This is why you wanted to come on this expedition, isn’t it? To find something like this?”
“It’s a start,” the hunter replied. “But now that we’ve seen this, it makes the possibility of finding Kelsingra more real to me. ” He glanced up at the darkening skies, and Alise followed his gaze.
More stars were appearing. The simmering river water was giving off a ripe green smell. The unearthly bluish light limned the dragons against the gathering night and changed their colors. Eyes closed and heads drooping, they looked more like statuary than real creatures. “Are they going to cook themselves there all night?” she wondered aloud.
“Oh, yes,” Sedric replied. “I think this is the warmest that Relpda has ever been. I never realized how chilled she always felt. ” He paused and then added, “It may be hard to get them to move on tomorrow. ”
“Perhaps we could take a day here,” Alise suggested. “To chart what we’ve found and explore a bit more. ”
Everyone was startled when Mercor opened his eyes and lifted his head. “No. We have gone too slowly and been delayed too often already. Tomorrow we move on. Summer is gone. When the fall rains come down, the river will rise. We need to be in Kelsingra before the rains come again. ”
THYMARA CAUGHT HER breath and Tats’s hand in the same instant. “No,” she said. The word came out much more decisively than she actually felt about his touch. She sighed reluctantly as she pulled back from him. The sound he made was much more frustrated.
It was very late at night. The two of them were standing at the stern of the barge, in the relative privacy of the deserted deck and the night. The other keepers were sleeping, some on top of the deckhouse and others in the galley and on the foredeck. She’d agreed to meet him here to “talk,” knowing that that was not at all what either one of them wanted to do. She tried to regret how she tormented both of them by allowing him to touch her, but her blood was still racing with the sensations that his kisses and touch could awaken in her. It was harder to say no to herself than it was to deny him. Their encounters always followed the same pattern. They would talk, and one or the other would give in to the impulse. There would be kisses, followed by touches. And it always ended the same way.
“Why?” he demanded abruptly. “Why do you let me touch you and then make me stop? Do you think it’s funny?”
“No. I just…” She was flustered by the anger and hurt in his voice. She took a breath and opted for honesty. “I love how it feels. I know I shouldn’t let you touch me at all, but…”
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“You like it?”
“Of course I do. But—”
“Then let me be with you. Thymara, please. I want you so badly. I know you want me. ”
“I’m afraid—”
“I’ll be gentle, I promise. You can trust me. ”
“Let me speak. You keep interrupting!”
He pulled back from her without letting go of her. “Fine. Talk then. ” His words were brusque, but he didn’t release her from his embrace. He still pressed himself against her thigh, and she could feel the throbbing urgency there. She was the one who disentangled herself and took a step away from him.
“I’m not afraid of you, Tats, or of joining myself to you. I’m afraid of getting pregnant. Look at Jerd and how miserable she is, vomiting every morning. She’s always weepy now, or angry, or both. She barely does any of her duties. I heard her dragon complaining. Sylve actually did some grooming for her the other day, around her eyes. I don’t want to turn into that. ”
“You don’t want children?” His words seemed almost accusing.
She bridled incredulously. “What? Now? Of course not! Do you?”
He moved one shoulder. “It wouldn’t be so bad. ”
“Not for you, perhaps! But even if my pregnancy were easy, I can’t imagine having a baby now, while we are still trying to find Kelsingra. Have you even thought about what you just said? About nursing a child, or finding something to use for its napkins, or a blanket for it? Where is Jerd going to sleep after the baby is born? Greft still claims her, but he spends less and less time with her since she turned him out of her bed. Oh, don’t look at me like that. It’s no secret! She sleeps badly and can scarcely keep food down. How would she be interested in sex with him?”
Tats had half turned from her. “It would be different with us. I care about you. If I got you pregnant, I wouldn’t abandon you. ”
She spoke with sudden certainty. “You’re only saying that because you know how unlikely it is for me to get pregnant. So you’re willing to take a chance. ”
“Well, everyone was shocked when Jerd caught a child. All I’ve heard from everyone is how surprising that is. ”
“Well, if you talked to the girls about it, you’d hear how alarming it is. ” Thymara shook her head and made a sudden decision. “Tats. I’m not going to mate with you. Not while we are still journeying like this. I…” She wanted to tell him that she still wanted to be able to kiss him, to touch and be touched by him, but that seemed so unfair. Until he spoke.
“Then I don’t see how we can go on at all. ” There was hurt in his voice but also a shadow of a threat. That angered her.
“Oh. I see. ” She bit the words off sharply. “If I let you mate with me and you get me pregnant, you care so much for me that you’ll stay at my side through thick and thin. But apparently you don’t care enough for me to stay with me if I’m not willing to mate with you! Does that makes sense to you?”
For a moment he was silent and uncomfortable. Then, “Yes,” he blustered. “It does. Because it would show that you cared for me as much as I care for you. Right now, what we do, it’s like teasing me. I feel like a fool when you suddenly stop me and say no as if I’m a child begging for another sweet. When people love each other, one doesn’t say no to the other. ”
His absolute certainty took her breath away. “Married people say no to each other all the time!” she insisted, thinking of her parents’ frequent quarrels. Then she stopped, wondering if that was so. Her father and mother had disagreed often, but was that true of other long-married folk?
“I’m tired of you making a fool of me, Thymara. ” Tats turned away from her.
“I’m not trying to make a fool of you,” she hissed after him. “I just don’t want to get pregnant! Can’t you understand that?”
“I understand that you don’t care enough about me to want to take a chance. We both know it’s very unlikely I’d get you with child. But you don’t care enough about me to risk even that small chance!”
She drew breath to speak, and then wondered what she could say. It was true. He was right. She liked Tats, even loved him a little, and his touch sent her heart racing and warmed every inch of her skin. But when she weighed that pleasure against the chance that she’d get pregnant, her blood cooled and her belly tightened with dread—as it did now. She tried to find something to say, some way to tell him what she felt.
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At that moment, a dragon’s roar of outrage pierced the night. Thymara felt the entire ship shudder under her, and she heard the querulous sounds of people jolted awake from a sound sleep.
Then the roar was followed by a man’s yell of terror.
She heard the slam of a stateroom door, and Leftrin shouted, “Hennesey! Swarge! Eider! Lanterns! What’s going on out there?”
There was another
roar. This time she recognized the dragon’s voice. It was Kalo’s. She heard a high-pitched scream that wavered in the night, and then the sound of a loud splash not far from the ship. Kalo’s outraged words shocked her. “You are no keeper of mine, Greft! Never again will I speak to you! Never again will you touch me!”
“Man overboard!” shouted Skelly.
“I’ll get him!” That was Alum’s voice. Both voices had come from amidships. Thymara shook her head. She wouldn’t be the only one wondering how they both happened to be in the same place at the same time in the middle of the night. She heard a different sort of splash as Alum dove in. A moment later, the kindled lanterns were converging on that side of the ship. Without a word to each other, she and Tats joined the others gathering there.
Swarge lifted his lantern high. In the water, they saw Alum cover the last small distance between him and a floating body. She saw him turn the man over and heard him gasp out, “It’s Greft! Lower a ladder over the side. ”
By the time Alum had towed Greft’s limp body back to the side of the barge, Swarge was on the bottom rung of a rope ladder, waiting for him. Together they wrestled his body aboard the ship. “Bring him into the galley!” Leftrin barked. Tats stepped up to catch Greft’s feet as they carried him. Halfway there, he began to struggle. They let him try to stand, and he stepped to the railing, coughing and spitting out water. Swarge waited patiently, lantern held high. Greft’s shirt was torn and hanging loose in flaps of fabric. Thymara glimpsed two long scrapes on his chest and one on his back.
“I’m fine,” he insisted abruptly. “I don’t need help. I’m fine. ”
“You’re bleeding,” Thymara pointed out.
Greft rounded on Thymara, savagely angry, shouting in her face. “I’m FINE, I said. Leave me alone!”
Leftrin clapped a hand on his shoulder and abruptly spun him around. He let go of him and Greft nearly fell. Leftrin didn’t care. He barked his words. “You’re fine, and I’m captain. And that means you’ll tell me just exactly what happened a few moments ago. ”
“It’s none of your business. It didn’t happen on your ship. ”
Leftrin stood absolutely stock-still and silent. Thymara wondered if he was shocked, if no one had ever spoken to him like that before. But he did not so much as blink when Eider seized Greft by his shoulders, lifted him off his feet, and walked to the railing. With no apparent effort, he held Greft out at arm’s length over the side of the boat. Greft roared in wordless fury and clutched at the big man’s thick wrists. Thymara noticed he didn’t struggle. Like her, she suspected that Eider would simply drop him. Or perhaps he was too battered to offer any resistance.
Leftrin took a small breath and spoke conversationally. “You’re not on my ship now. I suppose what happens to you now isn’t my business either. ”
“I went to check on my dragon. He got angry at me and picked me up and threw me. And I am not Kalo’s keeper anymore!” The last sentence he shouted defiantly into the night. In response, there was a roar of anger from the dragon. The other dragons echoed him, and a muttering of growls followed the exchange.
“That’s half or less of the truth. What happened?” Leftrin demanded.
Thymara had never seen the captain look so angry. Alise had appeared, wearing the Elderling gown that Leftrin had given her. Her hair was loose on her shoulders, her eyes frightened. Others of the keepers and crew were gathering around them. The deck was getting crowded.
“I went to see my dragon. ” Greft was stubborn. His hands were tight on Eider’s wrists. Thymara wondered if the big man was getting tired of holding him out there.
“In the middle of the night?” Leftrin queried.
“Yes. ” A flat answer.
“Why?” Leftrin wouldn’t let it go.
Greft touched the scrapes on his chest and looked at the blood on his fingers. “To ask for blood,” he admitted abruptly.
“Blood? Why?” Leftrin sounded shocked.
“Because I want to become an Elderling like the others!” The furious jealous words burst out of him. “I’ve heard the whispering. I know. The other dragons have given their keepers blood, to help them change. The other dragons are making their keepers into Elderlings. Yesterday I went to Kalo and I asked him when he would give me blood and take charge of my changes. ”
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The captain’s eyes had gone flinty. He spoke quietly. “Eider. Bring him aboard and set him down. ”
As if he were a derrick moving freight, Eider turned and dropped Greft on the deck. Greft staggered two steps, then straightened up. He glared around at all of them defiantly.
Sylve abruptly pushed her way into the ring of bystanders. “I was with Mercor. I heard you demand blood. And I heard Kalo refuse you. ”
She was pale and shaking, and for the first time Thymara saw how much Sylve feared Greft. She didn’t want to wonder why. Harrikin ghosted up behind the girl and set his hands lightly on her shoulders. “It’s all right,” he said reassuringly.
“No. It’s not. ” Her voice trembled, but she faced Greft squarely. “I heard what Kalo said. He said he wouldn’t give you blood because he no longer trusted you. That you might not want the blood to change, but only to sell. ” Her hand darted out and seized the front of his torn shirt. She tore at his pocket, and a small glass bottle fell with a thunk and then rolled in a circle on the deck. It was empty. She pointed at it. “It doesn’t take a bottle of blood to change someone, only a few drops. So what was that for, Greft? Do we have a traitor in our midst?”
Thymara gasped for air. For as Sylve spoke, Mercor abruptly loomed up alongside the ship. His dragon’s voice and thought echoed his keeper’s exactly: “Do we have a traitor in our midst?” he demanded.
Greft looked around at them wildly. The ring of humans who surrounded him was shocked, silent. Thymara saw Sedric turn his face away, pale and sick with horror. Alise’s face was set like stone, and Leftrin’s eyes hardened. They waited.
“I’m not the only one!” he shouted. “You liars! Liars one and all! Jess told me, he told me everything. He told me the whole expedition was just to get the dragons far enough away from Trehaug that no one would know of the slaughter, except for the men doing the buying. He told me Leftrin knew about it, that him getting the contract was rigged! The Rain Wild Traders’ Council and even Cassarick’s little Council know about it! Why do you think they agreed to this? It’s all a farce! Even the ‘expert’ from Bingtown and her assistant are in on it. There is no Kelsingra, there’s no final destination for any of us. The plan was to get the dragons away from Trehaug, then slaughter them and load the barge with the pieces. And set course for Chalced, to sell it all to the Duke of Chalced. ”
He glared around at all of them defiantly. A shocked silence followed his words. The pained smile he gave them mocked them all. “Don’t you understand, you fools? Why do you think the Council chose you? To get rid of you! And have no one care that you were gone. Once you’d helped move the dragons far enough upriver, no one would need you anymore. And the dragons are supposed to die or be killed. And then the barge full of dragon parts heads straight to Chalced. And everyone is happy. The Rain Wild folk don’t have to support the dragons anymore, Trehaug gets rid of a bunch of misfits, the Duke of Chalced is cured and allies with the Rain Wilds, and a lot of people get very, very rich very quietly! You liars! Don’t look at me like that! You know I’m speaking the truth! Why are you all pretending?”
Boxter shouldered his way to the front of the huddle. Tears were starting to fall from his eyes. “But you said…you said all those things! About having our own city, and starting new rules and, and everything!” He sounded like a small confused boy. For a moment Thymara thought of Rapskal and his ingenuous questions. Grief scored her heart. But Boxter was not Rapskal, and anger began to dawn in his face, making it ugly. “You liar!” he cried out when Greft just looked at him. “You liar! Telling us we had to
leave the girls alone, and then you went after them! Making all those rules about sharing and then keeping the best for yourself. We know what you done, Kase and me. We’re not stupid. ”
“Aren’t you?” Greft sneered, and Boxter swung. Greft snapped his head back, but Boxter’s fist still grazed his chin, clacking his teeth together as it slammed his mouth shut.
“Enough!” Leftrin shouted, and Swarge suddenly had Boxter’s arms clamped to his sides.
A thin line of blood trickled from the corner of Greft’s mouth. He ignored it, instead looking disdainfully from one of them to another. When he realized the full hostility of those watching him, he took a breath. “At first, I believed in what we were doing. Then Jess set me straight. ” He looked at Leftrin, and his eyes were full of accusation. “What happened to Jess, Captain Leftrin? He told me you wanted to back out on his deal with you, told me that you wanted that woman in your bed, and that if you killed him, you’d bribe her with dragon blood to get what you wanted. Is that how it happened?” He swung his accusing glare to Alise. “Fancy Bingtown lady like you whores herself for dragon blood?”
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“Leftrin!” Alise gasped, but the captain’s fist had already connected solidly with Greft’s mouth. The force of the blow slammed the keeper up against the deckhouse wall. His head wobbled on his neck, but he managed to pull himself straight and stand up. He glared at the staring bystanders, then deliberately spat blood on Tarman’s deck. Skelly gasped in horror and leaped past him to wipe it up with her sleeve. Greft deliberately leaned closer to Leftrin. Alise had hold of his arm, trying to restrain him, but Thymara knew that it was the captain’s own will that knotted the muscles in his jaw and swelled his chest tight.