Rebel Without a Clue

by Cathy Gaitan

  He winks at her, “Sure you will.”

  Julia clears her throat. “See if you can get something useful,” she orders. “Like a map of the Human’s Task Force headquarters.”

  I try to focus on what she asked for but I’m not really sure how to do that. We end up with a map of the world. Julia sighs and patiently instructs, “Just focus a little closer to home.”

  I come up with a map of Happyville which is kind of cool. It includes all the colorful houses and the town center has stars all along the perimeter. I smile and tuck it into my pocket ignoring Julia’s huff of annoyance. I’m trying! What more can I do?

  The next one is a U.S. map. Julia tosses it aside and Pinkerton picks it up. “Concentrate Mercy! The Human’s Task Force headquarters,” she growls. Geez, I can sometimes forget how single minded she can be.

  “Quit yelling. You’re making me nervous.” She is. She really is.

  “I’m sorry. We just need that information,” Julia tells me. She’s still wound up but she’s not yelling at least though I can still feel her tension like bristles against my skin.

  I close my eyes and try to concentrate. The next map is of this city. I can tell Julia really wants to yell but instead she takes a deep gulp of air and holds it for a moment before releasing it.

  “You know, this U.S. map has red stars in every state,” says Pinkerton.

  “That’s to indicate the state capitals,” Julia explains.

  “Nope,” he dismisses her explanation. “Those are in blue.”

  Julia’s head shoots up. “What?”

  Pinkerton lifts the map to show her. “I’m guessing the ‘TFH’ on each of the red stars stands for Task Force Headquarters.”

  Carmony’s staring at me because I’m doing a victory dance but can you blame me? I did it! My first day with magic and I located all the task force headquarters. I’m a Zombie Witch Hunting Ninja! The only thing left to do is to save the world. I’m pretty sure that’s on my calendar for tomorrow.

  Julia grabs the city map and whips it open. Sure enough a giant read star smack dab in the middle of town. It takes up the better part of a block. She turns and looks at me in shock. “You actually did it.”

  I’m nodding my head but still dancing like a fool. “I know.” I’m grinning and swinging my arms and legs until I realize something. I stop dancing and yank out the map of Happyville that I’d shoved into my pocket. I pull it open again and then begin to shake when I see all those bright red stars along the perimeter of the town center.

  “What’s the matter,” Pinkerton asks me. Everybody is too busy celebrating to notice my freak out.

  I turn the map for him to see. “Happyville is covered in stars.”

  Pink grabs the map out of my hand. He kicks over a chair and the room gets quiet.

  “What’s going on,” Titus and Julia say in unison.

  Pinkerton doesn’t say anything. He just hands them the map. It’s kind of self-explanatory. Julia goes into crisis mode right away. She grabs her phone and starts dialing and ordering us to do the same. No answer across the board. When I call the Sheriff’s office it goes straight to voice mail. This is not good.

  “I thought the Witches had a protection spell over the town,” Carmony’s voice quivers when she speaks. “How could the Humans have gotten through that?”

  Julia shakes her head. “I don’t know. We need to get those Witches over here,” she picks up her phone to call as pounding strikes the door. Julia looks at Titus and he pulls out his guns.

  “We know you’re in there, Zombies,” shouts Boom Hildie. “You stole our dinner. In the Wiccan community that’s a hanging offense!”

  Julia marches to the door. She yanks it open and Boom Hildie falls into the room cursing. Bibidee Bea steps over her and Australian Witch does the same.

  “You told us you put a protection spell on Happyville,” Julia doesn’t waste time getting to it.

  Bibidee Bea raises a brow at her tone. “I did.”

  “Then why are there Humans roosting there,” Julia growls.

  “Impossible,” the Witch objects. Her eyes go vacant then begin the swirling we’ve become familiar with. She sucks in a breath at something she sees. “That devious hag,” she hisses.

  The lights start swirling faster in her eyes. Her hair starts blowing though there’s no breeze in the room that I can feel. There’s a humming coming from her almost like a chant but nonverbal.

  Suddenly the swirling stops. Her hair stops blowing. The humming goes quiet. It feels like the whole world stills for a moment.

  When Bibidee Bea looks at us it’s with a combination of sadness and anger. “The Dragon Lady used the recruitment team’s skin to override the protection spell. The Humans must have saved it for the Warlocks,” she explains.

  Boom Hildie is shaking in outrage. “How dare she use our protection spell against us,” she grumbles. I think she’s missing the bigger picture. Our entire town is under siege. What was once a safe place has now become a prison for those that we love. Our family.

  “We need a rescue plan and we need it now,” demands Julia. “We’ve seen what that alliance is capable of and we cannot allow our people to be subjected to that kind of torture.”

  “It’s not going to be as simple as that I’m afraid,” Bibidee Bea tells her. “That Witch has settled a regime of Warlocks in that town.”

  “I thought you said the Witches are stronger,” Julia argues. She’s angry and more than a little desperate. “If that’s true then we shouldn’t have anything to worry about.”

  “The Witch has been sucking out power from those Warlocks on the regular. She’s strong,” she gives Boom Hildie a nervous glance. “Really strong. If what I felt is accurate we need to call for a Wiccan headcount. I think she may have drained some Witches and I’m talking more than a handful.”

  “Oh, hell,” exclaims Australian Witch.

  “I thought this apocalypse would be fun but it’s turning into such a bummer,” Boom Hildie complains.

  Julia looked ready to toss something at her head.

  “On the plus side though,” Hildie adds. “The nerd got some juice. Maybe we could use her as the sacrificial goat. A Zombie with power could be enough to confuse her. It might give us the distraction we need.”

  Bibidee Bea and Australian Witch turn to stare at me as though assessing the feasibility of Hildie’s plan. Bea smiles and Australian Witch nods.

  Witchy Bea agrees, “It might work.”

  Life just flipped me the bird again!

  Chapter Five

  Heroes do things for the greater good.

  I’m expecting a bronze statue at the very least.

  -from the mad mind of Mercy Mayhem

  Bibidee Bea

  Conspiring with Oz

  I’m a five-star Witch. I get things done. That’s not brag or swag it’s one hundred percent fact. So what the hell happened? I went from baddest Witch on the block to broke down has-been overnight.

  Boom Hildie says it’s not that bad. It could happen to anyone. But the thing is it didn’t happen to anyone. It happened to me. I should have seen it coming. Once I knew the Dragon Lady was back I should have gone back over that crime scene in my head. I was sloppy. You’d think I’d never watched an episode of CSI. I’ve watched plenty. Don’t tell Mercy! The last thing I need is that Zombie nerd trying to bond while binge watching re-runs on Netflix. I don’t have time for that! I have a crown to reclaim.

  This Witch wasn’t built to be a has-been. I may be down but I am far from out. So my ego took a hit. Big deal! I need to just shake it off. That hag may have delivered a blow but she did not take me out. Humiliation doesn’t equal death. It just feels like it right now.

  “Do you want another drink,” Oz rumbles.

  Don’t judge me! Depression makes people do weird things. I’m hanging with Oz in a karaoke bar. DO NOT TELL ANYONE!!! My ego is in the basement right now. I just needed a little pick-me-up in the form of lots of liquor and really
bad singing.

  “Hit me,” I answer, raising my glass to make it easier for him to pour. Most of it ends up on my hand. He’s a little wasted but so what. Oz is the perfect karaoke partner. His bad singing makes me feel like a Superstar. Literally. The Carpenters are my go-to group for karaoke. I killed Rainy Days and Mondays. Sadly, not in the good way.

  After he finishes a truly horrendous version of Highway to Heaven I’m feeling slightly better. It makes me feel good knowing I’m not as bad a singer as Oz. I’m not sure anyone is. Well, maybe Mercy.

  “So, what’s your plan to get your mojo back,” Oz asks me. He knows all about my fall from grace. When I showed up at his hotel room I was a hot mess. I may have been crying. Fine, I admit it! I was sobbing like a 13-year-old in the throes of Bieber Fever. It was not my finest moment.

  I lean back in the booth and stare at the ceiling as it spins around above me. Funny I didn’t notice that when we got here. “My plan is to bury the Dragon Lady.”

  “And how exactly do you plan on doing that,” he asks. He’s leaning back on his side of the booth staring at me under the table. His legs must be bent in half because he’s pretty tall.

  “With a bulldozer,” I tell him. “Somehow I don’t think a standard shovel will do it.”

  For some reason Oz finds this hilarious. He’s laughing so hard he bangs his head on the table which just makes him laugh harder.

  “Why is that funny?”

  “Because I doubt that hag will just stand there and watch you do it,” he explains. “How are you going to accomplish that?”

  I hate logical drunks. I shake my head because he’s making it ache. “I don’t know. I just will.”

  “You need a plan Witch. Wishes won’t cut it with that one,” he advises.

  Why can’t he just back off and let me wallow in my misery for one stinking night?

  “Because you aren’t meant to wallow in misery,” answers Oz only not out loud. He’s in my head. I hate it when he does that!

  “I also wasn’t meant to lose to evil trolls like that rancid bag of bones,” I reply sulkily. I know he’s right. I need to figure this out.

  “No, you weren’t,” he agrees. “So, you better get your skills polished and razor sharp because if that hag senses that you’re weak she won’t let up until she’s raided your powers.”

  I sit up so fast my head spins and my eyes lose partial focus. “She can forget that! My powers are not up for grabs,” I yell because nothing fires me up more than the thought of being a walking battery pack for that fire-breathing corpse.

  “Halleluiah, she lives,” he cheers sarcastically. “I was getting worried. You’re the only Witch I relate to on a professional level.”

  “Nice way to make this all about you.” I mean that. It’s truly a skill in itself. He’s mastered it.

  “I try, Witch,” he grins in self-satisfaction.

  I stare at him intently as inspiration strikes. “I’ve decided to make this even more about you,” I announce. He looks at me suspiciously as well he should.

  “What do mean,” he asks warily.

  I smile and he flinches. Lovely. I guess I haven’t lost all my mojo. “I think the key to bringing down that unhinged ghoul from nightmares past could be the Warlocks,” I explain grabbing his hand when he would have made a bee line for the exit. “You’re my favorite Warlock in all the land,” I complement him.

  “I thought the Zombie nerd was going to be the goat,” he whines. Yes, whines. One minute he’s encouraging me to get my chin up off the floor and reclaim my throne. The next he’s whining like a baby because he may have to suck up a little pain in the interest of the cause.

  “Two goats are better than one,” I reason. “Let’s face it. Mercy is clueless. I doubt she’ll even stay where we stake her.” I say it because it’s the truth. “You have vast experience dealing with hostile forces and you’re still here. You know when to bob, weave, duck and punch. You’re like Rocky only better because you have magic.”

  Oz’s chest puffs up. He is such a sucker for an ego stroke. Sometimes it’s just too easy. I almost feel bad.

  “I am like Rocky,” he agrees.

  “Sure you are,” not really but whatever works.

  “Fine, I’ll help you,” he relents. “But you need a better plan than two goats staked for the Dragon Lady. We need reinforcements.”

  I knew he was going to say that. Inside I’m rubbing my hands together in anticipation. Have I ever mentioned I’m a master strategist? Well, I am. Really! “I hadn’t thought of that,” I confess in feigned embarrassment. “But I guess you’re right,” I tell him trying not to barf.

  “I know I’m right,” Oz brags.

  “Great, you can help me find an in with the Warlocks.” He’s already shaking his head emphatically. I reach across the table and grab him by the ear. “Listen to me. And listen well. That cagey old Witch is going down and so is your fam if you don’t find a way to reason with them!”

  “What makes you think the Warlocks would help you? You said you thought the Witch was sucking their power down like Kool-Aide,” he argues.

  “They may not help me but they might help you,” I reply. It’s the truth. There is no love lost between Witches and Warlocks. Oz and the Warlock community may be at odds right now but they’ve never fully broken ties with one another.

  “Why would they help me? I don’t even speak with them,” he protests. “They don’t even invite me to meetings anymore.”

  “And that bothers you,” I’m flabbergasted. It’s like I don’t even know him. Who the hell wants to attend meetings?

  He actually blushes. “No. It doesn’t bother me. I’m just saying they don’t consider me a part of the community any longer,” he replies gruffly. I didn’t realize he was so sensitive. I’m tempted to blast him with my power. I’ll need to toughen him up if I want him to make it through the plans I have in store for him. We need to finish this conversation first though.

  “You are a family. That’s the long and the short of it.” It’s the truth. In a crisis that’s all that matters. “Just give them a call. Tell them you have an emergency and play it by ear,” I suggest. Damn I wish I had the power to mind control.

  “I’m not doing that,” he objects. This Warlock is so stubborn. Sometimes I wish he was Human. Not really, but he is aggravating.

  “Don’t be scared. Just do it,” I encourage. Yes, encourage!

  “I’m not calling them,” he insists louder.

  We’ll see about that. I slide the bottle of bourbon across the table to him. “Have a drink. You’re too tense.”

  He eyes me suspiciously but goes ahead and fills his glass. “You need a new plan,” Oz informs me. He’s wrong though. I’m really attached to the one I have.

  “What would you suggest,” I ask him because he’s not drunk enough yet to do what I want.

  “I’d suggest you piggyback your powers off the Zombies,” he replies flippantly. He pours himself another drink and continues, “The Zombies can’t die. You control the power and any backlash they get might be painful but they’ll survive. A Witch wouldn’t be so lucky.”

  I pour another drink for him. “How would I do that? I mean I can do that now but I have to be touching them,” I explain. “Hildie gave Mercy temporary powers so I could probably channel through her easily. At least I think those powers were temporary. I’ll need to check with Boom Hildie.”

  Oz grimaces at the mention of Hildie. They really dislike one another. He thinks about my question a moment longer than usual then nods, “A blood oath should do it.” Huh. Funny I never thought of that. “In fact,” Oz adds, “You should have them all take a blood oath with one another. It would make it easier for you to extend assistance from a distance.”

  His words are starting to slur. Perfect. “So, do you want to make that call now?”

  Oz looks at me in confusion. “What call?”

  “You were going to call home remember,” I’m staring at him hard. I’m
trying to enforce my will on him.

  With a grin he shakes his finger at me. “Tricky Witch. I already told you. I’m not calling them.”

  “Fine, I’ll call them for you,” I say.

  He thinks about it then nods his head in agreement. “Okay.” He hands me his phone with a goofy smile. “I told you I wouldn’t call.”

  “Yeah, you showed me.” This is either going to be a Hail Mary pass to save the day or an epic failure of Titanic proportion.

  A deep voice answers on the second ring and I hand the phone to Oz. When the first words out of his mouth are, “How come you never call me,” I bang my head on the table. Why do men have to ruin everything?

  I’m pretty sure he just sank my battleship.

  Mercy Mayhem

  I think I’m going to be sick. I’ve been popping Pez candies from my Mercy Mayhem Pez dispenser all day. It automatically refills itself. I would be over the moon about it if I wasn’t certain I will soon be a Zombie Flambé.

  Boom Hildie says I shouldn’t worry about it. The odds of being torched, she says, are fifty-fifty. I think that was meant to comfort me but all it did was make me want to vomit. I’m a marshmallow. With all the sugar I consume that fire will turn into an eternal flame. I’ve tried wishing to be flame retardant but frankly I’m too chicken to test it out.

  Pinkerton says he’s not going to let them treat me like an offering but Julia says the team needs to come first. Last I checked I was part of the team but whatever. I want to help those in Happyville but I’m a little vague on how me offering myself as a bonfire equals freedom for all.

  Bibidee Bea took a break from all of us. Hildie says she was taking her failure pretty hard. I guess she usually wins at stuff which is a little intimidating. Failure is becoming second nature to me. I’m not bragging but I’m also not complaining. It makes the wins more exciting when they do occur.

  “Mercy, put down that stupid Pez dispenser and come here,” calls Australian Witch. She and Boom Hildie have been back at the cauldron. Tossing in pinches of this, handfuls of that, and gross insects and rodents great and small.