by Nella Tyler
Chapter Nine
Lauren
“Come on, Cynthia,” I said encouragingly. “Ten more reps and you’re done!”
“I can’t,” Cynthia panted as she let her hands fall to her sides in defeat.
“Hey,” I said as I moved behind her and pushed her arms back up in the air. “You’ve come this far; there’s no point in stopping now. Come on, ten more reps and you’re done.”
I watched her pink face cement into resolve, and I knew she was going to do it. I stepped back and watched as she thrust her hands into the air with the two-pound weights I had given her. We were winding down from a two-hour workout and the last hour had been a battle. She had been on the verge of quitting several times, but I wasn’t the type of trainer who just gave up when my clients did.
When she forced her hands into the air for the tenth and last time I let out a cheer of enthusiasm, unwilling to let her see how little I wanted to cheer for anything at the moment. “You did it!”
Cynthia sank to the ground, her stomach and chest heaving up and down and her face red from exertion. It was so red, in fact, that it almost matched the color of her hair and the freckles on her face. “Here you go,” I said as I passed her some water. “Remember to stay hydrated.”
She looked up at me as I stood over her with a smile plastered on my face. I could see myself in the gym mirrors and I wasn’t even fooling myself with that smile, it was so obviously engineered. Luckily for me, Cynthia was preoccupied with other things.
“How long till I look like you?” she asked between deep breaths.
I glanced up at my reflection. I was wearing black leggings and a white sports bra that showed off my midriff. I did have an ulterior motive, though, and that was to show my clients what they could achieve if they committed and worked towards their body goals. The point was that they could have a body like mine if they wanted it enough.
“Be patient,” I said to Cynthia. “You’ll get there.”
“Are we talking months or years?” she demanded.
At the moment, Cynthia was nearly two hundred pounds, and at five feet, three inches, she was at least sixty pounds overweight. She had started working with me a month ago and in that time, she had lost seven pounds.
“It all depends on your commitment and your discipline,” I said honestly. “If you work out consistently and eat healthy, then you can reach your goal weight in much less time than it would take if you were binging every so often and cutting out workouts when you feel lazy.”
She sighed. “So a long time then.”
I laughed. “Have faith, Cynthia,” I told her. “You’re young, and you’re strong. You can do this; I will make sure you achieve your body goals.”
“Promise?”
I smiled reassuringly. “Promise,” I nodded.
Once I had said goodbye to Cynthia, I had a quick shower in the locker rooms reserved for the staff and trainers. I had just pulled on my jeans and a checked shirt when I felt a wave of nausea hit me. I had been feeling funny all day, and I had expected something like this to happen.
“Great,” I said to myself. “Sickness: just what I need.”
I stood in one place trying to control the need to throw up, but in the end, I couldn’t hold it in. At least I felt better afterwards, and once I had washed my mouth out and drank some water, I actually felt good enough to keep my plans with Beth and meet her for our traditional Tuesday night dinner.
We never usually ate at the same place. Beth and I both liked to try out new restaurants in the city, but every so often, we fell back on our favorites. Today, we had decided to try a new fusion place that had opened up right next to our favorite cupcake store. I found Beth staring at the cupcakes when I walked up to her.
“Hi,” I greeted and she turned to me with a smile. “Sorry I’m a little late.”
“Got hung up at work?” she asked as we moved next door to the fusion restaurant and found a table by the window.
“Not exactly,” I admitted. “I was feeling a little sick all day.”
“Oh?” Beth asked with raised eyebrows. “You look pretty good.”
“Yeah, well, I threw up just before I got here and now I feel much better.”
She looked at me as though she were confused. “That’s…off for an illness.”
“It’s just as possible I ate something bad for lunch and it just needed to leave my system.”
“I suppose that’s plausible,” Beth nodded, though she didn’t seem all that convinced.
“So,” I said, opening the menu. “What are you thinking you’d like to order?”
I ended up ordering the beet risotto with kale chips and Beth ordered the sea bass with saffron rice. The moment the waiter cleared out table, Beth turned to me with serious eyes.
“How have things been?” she asked pointedly.
I sighed deeply, thankful that I didn’t have to put on a brave face or pretend for her sake. “I honestly don’t know,” I said. “I thought that the funeral had given him some sort of closure. We went home that day, and he actually seemed like his old self.”
“But?”
“But then I woke up the next morning, and he was quiet and reclusive, then the next day, he was moody and sullen. Sometimes he even gets irritated at me for no reason. Which I suppose I understand; there’s no one around to take his frustration on but me, but—”
“It still hurts,” Beth nodded, finishing the sentence for me.
“Yes,” I sighed.
“Where is he tonight?”
“At his parents’,” I replied, sighing in frustration. “I just wish he would allow me to be there for him. But it feels like every time I get too close, he gets really…I don’t know, uncomfortable, moody, irritated? I can’t even tell anymore. I know I should give him time, but I’m starting to worry how much time this is going to take?”
“Hon, Braden was Chase’s hero. It might be awhile before he’s himself again,” Beth said gently.
“I know,” I nodded. “And normally I wouldn’t be so worried, except….”
“Except?”
“He’s been thinking about enlisting lately,” I admitted, lowering my eyes.
There was a beat of silence. “Seriously?” she asked incredulously.
“I mentioned that he had an interest in enlisting once, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, years ago,” she nodded. “But we were all teenagers then and I figured once he started college, he had shelved that idea for good.”
“I know he’s thought about it off and on since Braden enlisted,” I replied. “But it’s never been considered this seriously before.”
“Dear God,” she said in disbelief. “And, how do you feel about it?”
“Well, I’m going to support him no matter what,” I said firmly.
“Even if he joins the military and is deployed to God knows where?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “Even then. The plan was that if he ever decided to actually do this, I would go with him.”
“You’re not serious, Lauren?” Beth asked with wide eyes.
“I am,” I nodded. “Completely serious.”
“He’ll be going to dangerous places; I doubt that’s even allowed.”
“I know I won’t be with him all the time,” I said. “I’m aware that he’ll be going places I won’t be able to follow, but there are places in the Middle East I could stay while he’s on duty. And then when he’s done, he’ll have me to come home to.”
“And, he’s agreed to this?” Beth asked.
“He did at the time,” I admitted. “Now, it seems as though he’s changed his mind. He didn’t actually say that, but I can sense something has changed. I’m scared that if he enlists, he’s going to leave me behind.”
Our conversation was put on hold while our food arrived. The waiter set down our plates, smiled politely, and disappeared again. The moment Beth’s dish hit the table, the smell of fish hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt my stomach lurch uncomfortably and the nausea
resurfaced again.
“Oh no,” was all I managed to say before I was high tailing it to the restroom.
When I got back, Beth looked at me with concern as I sat back down, angling my chair as far away from the fish as I could manage.
“What happened?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “The smell of your fish is really putting me off.”
“Did you just throw up?”
“Yes.”
Beth looked at me pointedly.
“What?” I asked unable to decipher her expression.
“Lauren, is it possible that you're pregnant?”
I stared at her for a moment and then I laughed. “What? Of course not.”
“You threw up a few hours ago,” she pointed out. “And, you threw up just now because the smell of fish put you off.”
“That doesn’t mean much,” I said. “I could be coming down sick, and I’ve never much cared for the smell of fish, anyway. Besides, Chase and I have always been careful.”
“When did you last get your period?”
“I…I don’t exactly remember,” I said, realizing that it had been a while.
Beth raised her eyebrows again.
“Hold on, though,” I said quickly. “It’s been a really stressful time and stress can sometimes delay your periods.”
“For a couple of weeks, maybe,” Beth said. “How long has it actually been?”
“I…I’m not sure,” I admitted.
“You need to take a pregnancy test, Lauren,” she insisted. “We can stop by the pharmacy on the way home.”
“I don’t need to take a pregnancy test,” I said. “I’m not pregnant.”
“Wouldn’t you rather know for sure?” she went on. “Especially considering the fact that Chase might want to enlist?”
That stopped me short and after a moment, I sighed. “I’ll think about taking a test,” I conceded at last. “But I’m not pregnant.”
“Either way, it’ll be better if you know for sure,” she said gently.
I walked home in a fog of thought, suddenly frightened about the future. It was a strange feeling to have after so long being so unafraid and certain of everything. I had said goodbye to Beth a few minutes ago, I wanted some peace and quiet. I wanted to be alone and she had understood.
“Tell me…if there’s anything to tell,” she had said as she hugged me goodbye.
The apartment was quiet when I got home and I knew that Chase would still be at his parents’ house. I had wanted to wait till the morning to take the test, but I realized that I couldn’t wait that long. Beth was right – I needed to know for sure.
I slipped into the bathroom, got out the pregnancy test, and read the instructions. Ten minutes later, I found myself staring at the little strip that would tell if my life was going to stay the same or become something unrecognizable. Color started to appear on the strip and I turned away in fear.
“One line means negative,” I said to myself staring at the bathroom door. “Two lines means positive.”
I took a deep breath and turned back to the little strip that held my fate. It was there, staring me in the face, as clear as day and completely irrefutable: two, straight, pink lines.
Chapter Ten
Chase
The sound of a flush from the bathroom woke me up from my dissatisfying night of sleep. I had been tossing and turning all night and the moment I had managed to find a comfortable spot, the nightmares crept in and I found myself staring at the ceiling again trying to ignore Lauren’s heavy breathing.
I heard the water run from the faucet and I groaned in exasperation. Why was she so noisy in the morning? I had never realized that until recently. It seemed her morning ablutions were getting longer and noisier, too, but that may have been due to the fact that she was battling some sort of illness she was being really evasive about.
I wasn’t buying the illness. She had been acting weird all week, and I felt as though she was just using that as an excuse. As the water stopped flowing, I turned over and pretended to be asleep, knowing Lauren would emerge moments later. Sure enough, the door opened and Lauren left the room, closing the door softly behind her.
As soon as I was on my own, I sat up in bed and glanced at the time. It was only 6:30 and I had while longer to wait for my meeting with William. On a gut feeling, I picked up my phone and dialed his number. He answered on the fourth ring.
“William Thomas here.”
“Hi, William,” I said. “It’s me, Chase.”
“Chase,” William said. “It’s early; is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong,” I hastened to assure him. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”
“I’m up by five o’clock in the morning,” he replied. “Are we still on for coffee this evening?”
“Actually, that’s what I called about,” I said. “Could we meet for breakfast?”
“Now?”
“I can be ready in half an hour,” I said. “If you’re free?”
“Sure,” William agreed after a small hesitation. “Sure. There’s this little breakfast dinner down Weston Street right opposite the Hard Rock Café.”
“I know where it is,” I nodded. “I’ll see you soon.”
“See you soon,” William replied before the line went dead.
I felt the anticipation of the meeting grip me and I took a moment to calm myself down. I got out of bed and moved into the bathroom for a shower. I had just finished dressing when I heard the click of the apartment door snap shut and I knew Lauren had left for class. I waited a minute longer before I walked outside towards the kitchen. There was a note taped to the fridge in her neat cursive.
‘Good morning,’ the note read. ‘I had an early class and you were sleeping, so I didn’t want to wake you. Hope you’re feeling better this morning. I made you some breakfast just to help get your day started. It’s under the food cover on the stove. I’ll see you tonight. I love you.’
I sighed as I read through the note again. She had been so unbelievably amazing this whole time, and I seemed only capable of being as asshole in return. She didn’t deserve my cold distance or my mood swings, but she endured them all without complaint or anger.
I moved towards the stove and lifted the small food cover. She had made me a stack of chocolate chip pancakes with fresh strawberries and caramel cream. I figured since I was meeting William for breakfast, I could try and have a few pancakes for lunch. I covered them back up, put on my shoes, and headed out.
It took me ten minutes to get to the diner. I found us a table and looked through the menu without really seeing anything there. Fifteen minutes later, I saw William enter and head straight toward me.
“Hi,” I greeted as he slipped into the seat opposite.
“Sorry I’m a little late.”
“No problem,” I said easily, waving away his apology.
We ordered first and then I turned to William with intent. He seemed to sense I wanted to jump right to the point.
“Have you made a decision yet?” he asked.
“Didn’t I make the decision the moment I enlisted?”
He smiled politely. “The thing is, Chase, given that I knew your brother and I know the circumstances under which you enlisted, I feel I need to make sure you know what you’re doing.”
“What do you mean?”
“Have you really thought this through?” he asked. “Is this something you genuinely want for yourself or is this something you did because you were broken up over the loss of your brother? Because if that is the case, then it’s the wrong reason to enlist.”
“I’ve always wanted to enlist,” I said. “Maybe I never considered it seriously before now—”
“So the only thing that changed was Braden’s death?”
I sighed. “Listen, I’m not going to lie: Braden’s death was the catalyst behind my decision to enlist. But it was also a wake-up call. I’ve always wanted to do something meaningful with my life; I’ve always wanted
to serve in some way. Braden’s death made me realize that I’ve been hiding from that calling now for too long. I need to do this, William, not just for Braden, but for myself, too.”
“It’s a noble job, Chase,” William said softly. “But it’s a dangerous one, too. If you go through with this, there is a very great chance that you could come back wounded and scarred.”
“I know all that,” I nodded. “I also know that there is a chance I might not come back at all. I know the risks, William. I’m not just some kid who’s made a spur-of-the-moment decision. I’ve wanted to do this since I was fourteen and I saw Braden for the first time in his uniform. I know what I’m getting myself into.”
William looked me hard in the eye and after a moment, he nodded as though satisfied in some way. “All right,” he said. “Well, as I said, if you really want to do this, then there’s a spot available for you. You’ve already enlisted, so the first step is taken care of.”
“What is the next step?”
“Training,” he replied. “And, it’s going to be hard, harder than anything you’ve ever done before, trust me.”
I nodded. “And then?”
“Once you’ve passed through your training, you’ll be deployed. The project you’ll be assigned to requires a four-year stint in the Middle East.”
“I see,” I nodded as my thoughts fell onto Lauren.
“Chase?”
“Yes?”
“Is something wrong?” William asked seeing the inner turmoil in my eyes.
“No, it’s nothing.”
“If you’re having second thoughts—”
“No, it’s not that,” I said quickly. “I’m not having second thoughts about enlisting. It’s just that….”
“Feel free to tell me anything,” William said gently. “Think of me as a counselor of sorts.”
I took a deep breath. “I have a girlfriend,” I said, feeling as though the word didn’t do justice to the kind of relationship Lauren and I had shared over the years. “She’s my partner; we’ve been together nine years.”