by Nella Tyler
I saw them exchange a glance, and I wanted to scream. They didn’t have answers – how could they? I started pacing the length of the porch as my head started trying to join the dots and find the connection I was so obviously missing.
“Do you think she’s lying?” Mom asked cautiously after a moment.
“Yes,” I said more forcefully than I had intended. “I do think she’s lying.”
“Are you saying you think the child is hers?” she asked, her tone was getting more controlled and very gentle and I knew she was scared that I might blow up at any second.
“I have suspicions,” I said in my calmest voice.
“Son?”
“Yes?” I said looking up at my dad.
“Is it possible the boy is yours?” he asked it in a matter of fact voice that stopped me in my tracks. I hadn’t even gone there, but now that he had said the words, I was forced to consider it.
“Mine?” I said. “No…no, he can’t be.”
“Why not?” Dad asked. “You said the child looked around four.”
“But I’m not sure,” I clarified. “Sometimes I can’t tell a two-year-old from a five-year-old. I might have been mistaken. He could have been seven for all I know.”
“Seven-year olds don’t sit in strollers,” Mom pointed out practically.
“She was so familiar with him,” I said trying to pick up on any clues that my memory had missed. “Their relationship seemed so intimate.”
“She could be telling the truth,” she pointed out.
“You’re saying this could all be in my head?”
“It is a possibility,” she said gently.
I sighed and turned to Dad. “He can’t be mine,” I said. “If Lauren had been pregnant when I left, she would have told me. She would never have kept that from me.”
My parents glanced at each other once more and I knew they were nervous to speak their mind. “What is it?” I asked. “Just say what you need to say.”
“She was very hurt when you left,” Mom said slowly.
“Yes she was,” I nodded without bothering to deny it.
“She was angry.”
“Yes?”
“You told me she blocked your number,” she continued.
“I know all this,” I said in frustration.
“My point is…if she was angry enough to have blocked your number, maybe she was angry enough to keep a secret from you.”
I looked between my mother and father, and they were both looking at me sympathetically. “She wouldn’t have done that,” I said. “She…wouldn’t have.”
I started pacing again and this time they both stood back and watched me. Finally, when I had managed to let a few things sink in, I turned to my mother. “Mom, can you do me a favor?”
“Of course.”
“I need you to find a way to run into Lauren or her mother,” I said. “I need you to find out if Lauren was telling me the truth or if she was lying to me this morning. I need to know what’s going on.”
She nodded. “All right, darling,” she said. “If that’s what you need, then I’ll do my best.”
“Lauren’s Mom is a church goer,” I said. “I think finding her at Sunday mass might be your best option.”
“Noted,” she nodded.
“Thanks,” I said. “I’m going to go up now…and check my email.”
I was about to close the door behind me when my mom called my name.
“Yes?” I said.
“What did the boy look like?” she asked.
“I…I didn’t really get a good look at him,” I said. “I was a little blindsided by everything. I think he had brown hair.”
Mom nodded, and I turned tail and rushed upstairs, seeking the privacy of my room. My heart was beating fast, and I couldn’t seem to slow it back down. In a fit of stress, I checked my email and realized that I’d received a letter from camp Pendleton. I held my breath and clicked it open.
It was an official offer letter for a special placement. The letter outlined the schedule and procedures of the camp and stated that I needed to accept the offer within two weeks of receiving the letter or it would be rescinded in favor of another applicant.
At the bottom of the letter was a contact number that would allow me to schedule an appointment for which I could drive down to the camp and personally look around and find out about its training procedures. I called right away and set an appointment for the next day, if only to get my mind off the turmoil it was currently in.
Unable to get my mind off Lauren and the little boy, I called Tyler up and asked for Beth’s number.
“Beth?” Tyler asked. “You want Beth’s number.”
“Yes,” I said. “Do you have it?”
“Yeah, sure,” Tyler said. “I’ll send it to you now.”
“Okay, great.”
“What happened with you and Lauren, by the way?” Tyler asked before I could hang up. “Everyone noticed that the two of you disappeared last night around the same time.”
“Long story,” I said. “I’ll tell you later.”
“You dog!” Tyler laughed obliviously.
“Yeah,” I said distractedly. “Send me that number, okay, Tyler?”
“Yeah, man, sure. Hey listen—”
I hung up before he had finished his sentence and then I stared at my phone until he sent Beth’s number over. I dialed it in and waited expectantly. She didn’t answer on the first try, but she picked up on the second.
“Hello?”
“Beth?”
“This is Beth,” she replied. “Who’s this?”
“It’s me,” I said. “Chase.”
“Chase?” she said, obviously wondering why I had called. “What’s up?”
“I wanted to speak to you about something,” I said.
“Okay…” she said cautiously. “What is it?”
“Does Lauren have a kid?”
“What?” she demanded passionately. “Who told you that?”
“Is it true?”
There was a moment of cold silence from the other line. “You should be talking to Lauren about this,” she said. “Why are you calling me?"
“Because Lauren refuses to talk to me.”
“Well, there’s a reason for that,” she said without sympathy. “You left her behind.”
“I know that, Beth—”
“Do you know how much she suffered after you left?”
“Beth—”
“It wasn’t easy for her to get over you, but she was forced to.”
“Beth—”
“She’s had to deal with everything single-handed for the last four years, and it’s really unfair of you to waltz back into her life and expect her to drop everything just because you decided to come back home.”
“That’s not what I expect at all.”
“She was just starting to think about moving on, too,” she continued without taking a breath. “And with Jeremy in her life again, I thought she would finally be able to do it.”
“Who’s Jeremy?” I asked, grabbing onto the name.
“Nothing, never mind,” Beth said hurriedly. “I shouldn’t have mentioned him.”
“Is Jeremy the father of her baby?” I demanded, trying to figure out why that name was so familiar to me.
“Goodbye, Chase,” Beth said with a sigh before she hung up.
I stared at the phone for a moment before I gave up and threw it onto my bed. Jeremy – the name was so familiar it was irritating. And then it hit me. Lauren used to have a study group in college that included a guy named Jeremy. She had once mentioned he had flirted with her, but she had mentioned it only in passing as a joke, and I had never taken it seriously. In any case, I trusted Lauren, and I hadn't been at all threatened about some joker she shared a subject with.
But now I wondered if I had overlooked something more. Had Lauren been cheating on me with this Jeremy? Was the child his? Were they trying to work things out and be a family now? I couldn’t think straigh
t and suddenly, all I wanted to was be at Camp Pendleton surrounded by guns.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lauren
“Cole, sweetheart!” I called from my room through the open door. “Are you getting ready?”
No answer. I sighed and poked my head out the door just as Mom came around the corner. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll get him ready.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I nodded as I moved back into my room and shut the door.
I removed the towel from around my chest and dried my hair, taking comfort in the heat from the blow dryer. When I was done, I put on fresh underwear and a matching bra and then I stood in front of my wardrobe as though I actually cared about what I was going to put on.
My mind had been in turmoil since running into Chase at the garden park. I kept seeing the shocked look in his eyes and the way he had kept glancing at Cole. Then I would remember the terrible lie I had told him about Cole. I picked a white dress with romantic, silk sleeves and a skirt that billowed at my knees. Then I combed my hair over one shoulder and sat down on the edge of my bed.
A few moments later, there was a knock on the door and Mom walked in without waiting for me to answer. “Hi,” she said gently. “Cole’s is getting dressed.”
I nodded. “Thanks.”
She must have seen the look on my face because she walked into the room and shut the door behind her. Then she sat down beside me and put an arm around my shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
“I keep reliving that awful moment when Chase found us as the park,” I sighed. “I can’t get it out of my head.”
“That’s understandable, honey,” she said, squeezing my shoulders.
“Oh, Mom,” I sighed. “I lied about Cole. I told Chase that I was just his babysitter. I mean, what kind of a mother would do that?”
“The kind that’s trying to protect her child,” Mom said soothingly. “You did what you thought was right in the moment. You can’t be blamed for that.”
“I don’t think he believed me.”
“Did he get a good look at Cole?” she asked pointedly.
“I don’t think so,” I shook my head. “But I can’t be sure.”
“There’s still time to fix this, Lauren,” she said gently.
“Fix it?” I repeated, looking at her. “Fix it how?”
“You could clear this all up,” he continued gently. “You could tell him the truth.”
I hesitated for a moment and then pulled back a little. “You think I should tell Chase about Cole?”
Mom looked at me helplessly. “Lauren, Chase is Cole’s father,” she said. “Don’t you think he has a right to know?”
“He left me,” I said defensively. “He left Cole.”
“He didn’t know he was leaving Cole,” she pointed out as I got to my feet and started pacing.
I swallowed back my hurt. “I had my reasons for not telling him that I was pregnant,” I said.
“And I know all of them,” she nodded. “But it’s been four years, Lauren. Chase is back now, and considering the attempt he has made to get back into your life, don’t you think it would be easier if he heard the truth from you?”
“It’s not going to be easier,” I said softly. “Nothing is going to be easy.”
Before she could respond, Cole burst through the door in his Sunday trousers and his button down shirt. “I’m ready!” he announced theatrically.
“Great,” I said, forcing a smile onto my face. “Let’s go then.”
The church was only a short walk and it was a cool day. Cole ran ahead of us, and then he would circle back to us before he sprinted ahead again. We made it to church just before the service. Everyone was milling around, trying to find seats. Mom was walking to one of the pews at the front of the church when I spotted them.
I stopped in my tracks and I must have let out a little gasp because Mom turned to look at me curiously. When she saw the expression on my face she followed the direction of my gaze and I knew she had spotted them, too. Mr. and Mrs. Morgan had just entered the church. He was wearing a suit and she was wearing a smart, gray dress. It had been awhile since I’d last seen them.
“Mama?” Cole said, tugging at my shirt for attention. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, sweetheart,” I said as I took his hand and steered him in the direction of the pew. “Let’s sit down.”
“Did you see them?” I whispered to mom as we sat down together.
“I saw,” she nodded. “Are you okay?”
“Not even remotely.”
“What are you talking about?” Cole asked leaning into me.
“How nice you look in that shirt,” I said quickly as I exchanged a glance with Mom before I planted a kiss on Cole’s head.
I spent the entire service in a whirlwind of thought. It was no coincidence that Chase’s parents were there. They had come only because he had asked them to and he had asked them to because he had known I was lying about something that day in the park. Now that my suspicions had been confirmed, I wanted to be out of there the moment the service had finished.
“Mama, you’re not paying attention,” Cole whispered to me noticing my distraction.
“Shhh,” I said and turned my gaze towards the priest.
The moment service ended, I rose with Cole’s hand in mine. “Come on,” I said. “Let’s go.”
“Casey is over there,” Cole said adamantly. “I wanna say hello.”
“You can say hello to him in school on Monday,” I said trying to pull him towards the exit.
“No,” Cole said insistently. “I wanna say hi now.”
I saw my mom motioning behind me and I knew that Mr. and Mrs. Morgan were approaching. I sighed, admitting defeat. “All right, fine,” I conceded. “Grandma will take you to say hello to Casey.”
Glad to have gotten his way, he bounced around for a bit before followed mom towards his friend. I turned around just as Mr. Morgan called my name.
“Hello,” he said with a small smile.
“Hello, Lauren,” Mrs. Morgan spoke first. “It’s been a long time.”
“It has,” I nodded and then I cut to the chase. “Chase sent you, didn’t he?”
They exchanged a glance. “He was…surprised to see you with a child,” Mr. Morgan said diplomatically. “I just wanted to know how you were doing?”
“He could have asked me himself,” I pointed out.
They were both looking extremely awkward. “I think Chase felt like you didn’t want to talk to him,” Mrs. Morgan said. “That’s why he asked us to check in on you and see how you were doing.”
“He wanted you to check in on me?” I asked with raised eyebrows.
“I…didn’t mean it like that,” she was quick to reply. “I just…. He’s missed you, Lauren, and he just…he was a little surprised about the child.”
“Is that the little guy over there with your mother?” Mr. Morgan asked.
“That’s Cole,” I nodded.
“And you’re his babysitter?” Mrs. Morgan asked.
I couldn’t lie. The moment she asked the question, I knew that I couldn’t bring myself to speak the lie a second time. Cole was my son, and I was proud of that fact. I didn’t want to hide behind weak lies that could be unraveled at the slightest tug.
“I’m not his babysitter,” I sighed. “Cole is my son.”
It was pretty clear that both Mr. and Mrs. Morgan had already believed that before my confirmation. They nodded as though I had told them nothing new.
“It’s a little late, but congratulations,” Mrs. Morgan said with a smile as her eyes fell onto Cole. “How old is he?”
“He just turned four,” I replied feeling my nerves surface.
“Four,” Mr. Morgan repeated, and I knew they were doing the math.
“Who is the father?” Mrs. Morgan asked abruptly, and I think her blunt question shocked even her husband.
“Cole is my son and that is my business,” I said firmly feeling my defenses rise.
“Of course, Lauren,” Mr. Morgan said hurriedly. “I’m sorry. We’re just…concerned about you…and Chase.”
“There’s no need to be,” I said. “Chase moved on, and so have I.”
Mrs. Morgan looked at me with her eyes swimming with emotion. I could still see the lingering sadness that had taken up permanent residence on her face since Braden’s death. I softened at the sight of it. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t mean to be rude.”
“Can we meet him?” Mrs. Morgan asked, abrupt again.
“What?”
“Your son,” she repeated. “Can we meet him…please?”
I considered it for a split second and then I let my nerves go and nodded. I turned and called out to Cole who was busy jabbering with his friend a few feet away while my mom spoke to Casey’s parents.
“Cole,” I said. “Come over here for a bit.”
He was a little hesitant, but he came over when I called. He sidled up to my side and looked up at Mr. and Mrs. Morgan out of the corner of his eyes.
“Cole, these are…some friends of mine,” I said awkwardly. “This is Mr. and Mrs. Morgan.”
“Hello, Cole,” Mrs. Morgan said as she bent down to her knees so that she was at eye level with him. “It’s so very nice to meet you.”
He looked at her and buried his head in my skirt. “Hello,” he replied.
I smiled. “He’s shy meeting new people,” I explained. “Why don’t you go get Grandma and say goodbye to Casey?"
He turned tail and ran back to his comfort zone while I turned to Mr. and Mrs. Morgan who were looking at Cole with stars in their eyes. “He looks just like Braden,” Mrs. Morgan said, as though she were talking to herself.
I saw the brazen emotion on her face and the muted pain on her husband’s and I realized how unfair life had been to them. I didn’t want to add to that, so I bit back my pride and told her something that I would never have considered telling anyone a few moments ago.
“Cole is his second name, actually,” I said. “That’s the one he goes by, but his first name is…Braden.”
“Braden?” Mrs. Morgan said, turning to me with unshed tears in her eyes.
“Yes,” I admitted. “He was a good man.”