by Nella Tyler
“But you love him?” she said, sounding baffled.
“Yes, I do,” I nodded. “But the truth is I don’t want to love him anymore. I want to move on. I can’t spend my entire life pining for a man who left me behind. I still love him, but it’s a different kind of love. It’s clearer now and less blind. And hopefully, that means that one day I can get over him and live my life without his shadow following me around.”
Mom looked at me sadly. “It seems like he wants you back, Lauren,” she pointed out gently.
“He doesn’t get to decide that, though,” I said firmly. “I was always there for him. But when it counted, he wasn’t there for me. I need someone I can count on. I need someone who will look out for me. I need someone I can trust.”
“It sounds like you’re speaking from a place of hurt,” she said gently. “And, sweetheart, hurt can blind you, too.”
Cole ran back into the kitchen before I could respond. He was dressed in his brown pants and his red t-shirt and looked like he was ready for marshmallows. It made me smile.
“Wow, look at you,” Mom said as she helped him into a seat at the table. “And you even combed your hair.”
“It’s Bonnie’s birthday,” Cole said seriously.
We enjoyed a nice breakfast together and then I said goodbye to Mom, kissed Cole on the forehead, and headed for work while Mom dropped Cole off at school. I had a new client today whose name was Brock Hudson. He was already at the gym when I arrived.
“Morning, Brock,” I greeted him. He was chiseled to perfection with a ripped body and a six-pack that most men would die for. He was intensely conscious of himself and seemed to become more so when I approached.
“Morning,” he greeted in a deep voice. “Are you Lauren Powell?”
“I am,” I nodded.
“A friend of mine recommended you,” he said. “Louis Carrack.”
“That’s right,” I nodded. “I was sorry to have lost him as a client. He moved cities, didn’t he?”
“He lives in Michigan now,” Brock replied, as he looked me up and down.
I ignored that and continued. “You don’t really look like you need a personal trainer, if I’m being honest,” I said. I meant it as a statement of fact, but he obviously took it as a compliment because he flexed his muscles for my benefit and flashed me a smile that made me take a step back.
“Why thank you,” he said. “But I find having personal trainers motivates me to maintain this body.”
I nodded. “Great,” I said. “Let’s begin.”
I spent the next two hours working out with Brock, who seemed hell bent on impressing me with his military-like workout ethic. At one point, it seemed like he was just trying to show off. It occurred to me that Brock’s need for a personal trainer had less to do with motivation and more to do with having an audience.
When we had finished, I said goodbye and rolled up my mat, hoping that he would get the hint and leave, but his ego was not one to take subtle hints.
“So, how would you like to grab some coffee now?” he asked, looking down at me.
I straightened up and gave him a half smile. “I’m working,” I replied. “I have another client in a few minutes.”
“After work, then?”
“Sorry, I have to pick my son up from school.”
“You have a kid?”
“I do,” I nodded hoping that would scare him off.
“Your body is banging for a woman who’s had a kid,” he said with a salacious grin.
“If you’ll excuse me—”
“How about this weekend?” he asked persistently.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I have a boyfriend.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Well, he doesn’t have to know.”
I responded to that by turning my back on him and walking away.
I was driving back home at the end of the day thinking about Brock when it struck me how many guys I’d turned down in the last few years. Not all of them had been such obvious losers. A few of them had actually seemed like decent guys, but I had been so consumed by motherhood that I had convinced myself I wasn’t ready.
Now, I was starting to see that it wasn’t about motherhood at all. That had just been my excuse. I was starting to realize I’d been unwilling to move on because of my lingering feelings for Chase. I thought about our torrid night together and felt heat creep up between my thighs. He had always had that effect on me. It was like I was programmed to want and desire him.
I had never felt that way about any other guy and at this point, I didn’t think I ever would. I needed to accept that and move on. No one would ever be Chase, so there was no point in hanging back and waiting for someone like him to turn up. I needed to look at what was right in front of me. And what was right in front of me was Jeremy.
The moment I parked the car, I dialed in his number and waited for him to pick up. “Hi, Lauren” his voice was soft and low and I knew he was still at work.
“Hi, Jeremy,” I said. “I called to ask if you’d like to meet for dinner this Friday?”
“To discuss the business?” Jeremy asked without making presumptions.
What I wanted to say was, “No, I was hoping it would be more of a date than a business meeting,” but instead I chickened out and said, “Umm yes.”
“Great,” Jeremy nodded. “Friday’s perfect.”
“Excellent,” I replied. “I’ll text you the time and place.”
I hung up and sighed. So this would take a little more effort and grit on my part than I had anticipated. But I had spent four years trying to avoid a love life, so I figured it would take a little time to establish one now. I decided to relax and see how Friday’s dinner went.
“This is not scary,” I told myself firmly. “This is exciting.”
But even as I repeated the words in my head, I wondered why this new resolve of mine had me feeling so sad.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chase
Beth had set up the meeting between “Liam” and Jeremy. Now all I had to do was show up and set my plan in motion. I had done a lot of thinking since talking to Beth, and I knew that things weren’t as clear-cut as they appeared to be.
My mother was convinced that Lauren’s son was mine, but I wasn’t so sure. Maybe because it was hard for me to believe that Lauren wouldn’t have told me she was pregnant, or maybe because I didn’t want to get my hopes up.
Mom had claimed that the boy looked just like me, but that could have been sentimental thinking on her part. As far as I was concerned, the fact that Lauren had named her son after Braden had more to do with her love and respect for Braden than anything else.
The truth was that I just wasn’t sure. Lauren hadn’t actually come out and said who her son’s father was, which meant that given the timing, there was a possibility that the father was someone else…someone like Jeremy.
My motivation in meeting him was twofold. I wanted to find out more about Lauren’s life since I’d left, but my main goal was less self-serving and that made the difference. We were meeting at a local pub known for its burgers and its laid-back atmosphere. I had let Jeremy choose the place, and I could tell immediately that this guy had very specific taste.
I walked inside and looked around. It was pub-like without being totally authentic. It looked more like a clichéd version of what an old English pub would be. It was packed with people who all looked the same. Kids in glasses and checked shirts with stylish loafers and Apple laptops.
“Excuse me?” a voice said from right behind me. “Are you Liam Collins?”
I turned around and found myself face to face with a tall, good-looking guy. He had light eyes and hair that was two toned and somewhat windblown. He looked like one of those metro-sexual guys you found in the most popular boy bands these days. He was wearing dark pants and a sweater vest over a striped shirt.
“I…yeah, that’s me,” I said as he shook my hand.
“I’m Jeremy,” he greeted. “It’s nice to mee
t you.”
“And you,” I nodded, though I felt a keel of anger buzz through me.
I couldn’t imagine this guy with Lauren. It just didn’t make sense to me. Lauren had always preferred raw masculinity to pretty-boy good looks. I had to remind myself that a lot had changed in the last four years.
“I have a table at the back,” Jeremy said as he led me there.
We sat down and ordered burgers before he turned to me with curiosity. “So I was a little surprised when Beth called me up and set up this meeting. She said you went to high school with her and Lauren.”
“I did,” I nodded. “We were very close at one point.”
“Oh?”
“Anyway,” I skirted not wanting to get into too much detail. “I suppose you want to know why I asked to meet you.”
“Beth told me it had something to do with Lauren’s business?”
“It does,” I nodded.
“Well, I was a little skeptical at first,” Jeremy said. “I mean, it’s not as though I can discuss Lauren’s business without her being present.”
“Of course,” I said. “And, I understand that. But I already know quite a bit about her business, so you don’t have to worry about confidentiality here.”
“And you know all this because Lauren told you herself?” he asked and I understood that he was still skeptical. Curiosity was probably the only thing that had brought him here tonight.
“Not recently,” I said. “But yes.”
“Okay?”
“I know you’re trying to help her get her business started,” I continued. “And, I know you’re going to need a significant investor to make that happen. I suppose what I’m saying is, I want to be that investor.”
“What?” Jeremy said in obvious shock.
“I want to be the investor behind Lauren’s business,” I repeated.
“I…I mean, that’s amazing!” Jeremy said when my words had sunk in a little. “I…I have to call Lauren.”
“Wait,” I said making him stop short. “There is a provision to my offer.”
He looked instantly cautious. “Which is?”
“Lauren can’t know.”
“Lauren can’t know?” Jeremy repeated with raised eyebrows.
“Yes.”
“You want to be a silent backer?”
“That’s exactly what I want.”
“But why?” he demanded.
“Because I know Lauren,” I said firmly. “She’s a proud woman and if she knows that the money for her business is coming from me, she’ll never accept it. But if it’s coming from some faceless investor she has no connection to, she will look at the offer as strictly business.”
Jeremy wrinkled his eyebrows. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
I hesitated. “Sure,” I said finally.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked. “I mean, you’re old, high school friends I know, but that still doesn’t explain why an old high school friend would go through so much trouble for someone they’ve lost contact with.”
I had expected this question, but I hadn’t exactly perfected my response. I had no choice now but to wing it and hope I was convincing. “I was bullied a lot as a child,” I said. “Lauren was kind to me. In fact, she was my only friend for a long time. I’ve never forgotten that. So last year, when I came into some major money, I figured I’d give back a little to the people who made a difference in my life.”
“I see,” Jeremy said looking as though that were hard to believe. “That’s very…charitable of you.”
“I’m not being charitable,” I clarified. “I’m being grateful.”
Jeremy was watching me carefully with conflicted eyes, and I was starting to think that he was going to turn me down.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said a little too quickly. “It’s just that….”
“Yes?”
“Something doesn’t quite add up here,” he said. “Lauren will have questions.”
“Well, answer them without arousing her suspicion,” I said with a shrug. “You want to help her, don’t you?”
“Of course, I do,” Jeremy nodded. “She’s such an amazing woman and now that she’s got Cole…this is coming at a really great time.”
“I heard about her son,” I nodded. “You’re close with Lauren, aren’t you? Have you met him?”
“Cole?” Jeremy asked. “Sure, loads of times. He’s a great kid.”
I nodded. “I was kind of under the impression that….”
“That what?”
“No, nothing,” I said quickly, hoping he would take the bait.
“Tell me,” he insisted.
“Well, I was under the impression that you were Cole’s father.”
Jeremy looked shocked by the assumption. He held my gaze for a moment and then burst out laughing. “Me?” he said. “No way, I’m not Cole’s father. Lauren and I…we’ve had our moments, but we’ve never even really been on a real date. We’re just close friends.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling my entire being lighten up instantly. Now that I knew he had never slept with Lauren, he became instantly more likable. I almost started to enjoy myself as I tried to think up other subtle questions that could probe answers out of him.
“Geez, what made you think that?” Jeremy asked shaking his head at me.
“Well, Beth mentioned how close you two were,” I said. “And you’re helping her with her business and things…I guess I just assumed.”
“Well, you assumed wrong,” he replied. “I’ve never actually met Cole’s father. In fact, to this day, I don’t know what he looks like. Lauren hates talking about him, so we never do. You probably knew him, though.”
“Me?”
“You said you went to Lauren’s high school, right?”
“I…yeah I did,” I nodded.
“Well, then you would have known Chase.”
I felt as though the wind had been knocked right out of me. This was the confirmation I had been looking for and now that I was being presented with it I felt terrible.
“Chase Morgan?” I stammered.
“That’s the one,” Jeremy nodded. “She was with him for years, since she was twelve or thirteen. I think she always assumed they would grow old together. But he turned out to be a complete jerk.”
My eyes rose to his. “He did?”
“He up and left one day,” he said simplistically. “Apparently, he wanted to ‘find’ himself. I don’t know what he was thinking, leaving a girl like Lauren behind, but that was what ended their relationship. Lauren felt betrayed and abandoned, and I guess she just thought it was better to raise Cole by herself.”
I was silent for a long time.
“Liam?”
“Sorry,” I said shaking my head.
“You okay?” Jeremy asked.
“Fine,” I nodded. “Just thinking that it’s funny how things turn out. He does sound like a jerk.”
Jeremy nodded along. I tried to put on a poker face, but I was starting to feel physically sick. I took a sip of beer and then excused myself. I stumbled to the bathrooms and found a quiet corner stall before collapsing onto my knees and grabbing the toilet for support. I was at least lucky that it was clean.
I was Cole’s father. He was my son. Lauren had been pregnant when I had told her I was leaving – and leaving without her. She had been pregnant when she had moved out of our apartment and broken our relationship. She had been pregnant with my child when I had left the US for the Middle East. I felt sick, but my body didn’t seem to want to throw up.
Why hadn’t she told me? If she had told me, I never would have left. I stopped short as I considered the possibility that that was exactly why she hadn’t told me. Had she been trying to protect the child? Had she been trying to protect herself?
Questions kept circling like angry birds in my head. I felt dizzy and nauseous and weak. I felt like gaining my composure, leaving the restaurant, and driving over to find Lau
ren. There was a conversation we needed to have, but my mind was not processing very well at this point and I felt that that would defeat the purpose of having a conversation in the first place.
I picked up my phone and dialed in my mother’s number. But just before I made the call, I changed my mind and put the phone away. I realized that the only person I really wanted to talk to was Lauren.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Lauren
“When do you have to leave?” Beth asked as she joined me on the sofa.
“Not for another hour,” I replied.
Beth nodded as she sipped her coffee. Her blue eyes were thoughtful and she was less chatty that evening. “Are you all right?” I asked gently.
She looked up at me as though I had surprised her. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” I said with a shrug. “It’s just that you seem a little distracted today, as though something’s bothering you.”
Her eyebrows went up a fraction. “Nothing’s bothering me,” she replied before taking another sip of coffee, as though she needed time to think before she responded. “Just…preoccupied. That’s all.”
“Care to talk about it?” I asked. “I’m happy to listen.”
“It doesn’t really have much to do with me,” Beth admitted. “Just work stuff.”
“Oh?”
She hesitated a moment. “It’s nothing important, just a couple of troublesome co-workers,” she dismissed the problem with a wave of her hand. “But enough about that…I came here to talk about you.”
“It feels like we’re always talking about me.”
“That’s because your life is way more interesting,” she said with a smile.
I rolled my eyes. “Actually it’s because my life is more depressing.” I sighed heavily and looked towards the floormat in front of us that was littered with all Cole’s toys. “Well, except for Cole.”
“He’s with your mom tonight?”
“She took him to the park,” I said. “They should be on their way back now.”
Beth nodded. “And…have you spoken to Chase recently?” she asked cautiously.
“Not really,” I shook my head. “But I’ve been thinking about him a lot.”