Sweet Like a Psycho

by Ivy Smoak

  “What if you’re wrong? What if she did it?”

  “I’m not wrong.” I’d seen the way her face crumpled when she told the story. How guilty she felt for her actions. How much it had haunted her all of these years. She wasn’t a monster at all. She had a sensitive soul. She developed a nervous tick, reminding her every day of the secrets she kept. If she had murdered three people she’d be completely lost.

  “But what if you are?”

  “I’m not.”

  “Are you leaving me here?!” he yelled at me as I opened the car door. “These woods are fucking cursed!”

  I tore away from the house as fast as I could. If Damien thought I was going to bring him with me he was the crazy one. This was career suicide. There was no reason for him to make it too. Especially if he still thought she was guilty.

  Violet’s lips were more purple than blue now. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad sign. I turned up the heat, knowing it wasn’t enough to dry our clothes. Stopping for dry ones was the first on my list after getting Zeke. Violet’s teeth were starting to chatter.

  “I’m sorry about what happened with your stepfather. I’m sorry about all of it.” I didn’t know what to say to her to make it better. She’d been raped for years with no one to turn to for help. She’d witnessed the unthinkable. Her life had been a living hell for the past six years. Yet she was still beautiful. She was still standing. She was still breathing. She was still strong.

  “You can’t change the past. I know that better than anyone.” She looked up at me. “I appreciate you doing this for me…but you shouldn’t be. The last person that tried to help me ended up dead.”

  I shook my head. That wasn’t going to happen to here. What better person to run from law enforcement than law enforcement? I knew how to think like a criminal. And I knew that I had just become one five minutes ago. There was no going back now.

  “Why are you? Doing this?”

  She had just confessed everything to me. Why sugarcoat things now? I took my eyes off the road for a second. “I think I’m in love with you.” No, there was definitely no going back.

  “You think you’re in love with me?”

  I turned my attention back to the road. “Because I know it’s crazy to say it. I haven’t known you for very long.”

  “Hmm. Well from one crazy person to another then…I think I’m in love with you too, Tucker.”

  This wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go down. There should have been roses and chocolates and a fancy dinner. Instead we were speeding through town in a getaway car. I couldn’t even kiss her. I couldn’t even really look in her eyes when I said it.

  I pulled to a stop in front of Zeke’s school. “I’ll go grab him real quick.”

  She put her hand on my arm to stop me. “Thank you for believing in me. That’s all I wanted.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine.

  I didn’t want to move. I wanted to get lost in one moment with her without any complications. But my life had just become a pile of complications. And Damien had his phone. He knew where I was going. The cops would be here any second. I pulled away from her kiss. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

  She nodded and put her hands up in front of the heater to warm them.

  Getting Zeke out of school wasn’t easy until I flashed my badge. After that the principal did exactly as I said.

  “I never get out of school early,” Zeke said as we walked down the hall together. “Except for that one time when Asher called me a loser and punched me. I got to leave early and stay home from school for two days.”

  Violet hadn’t told me that any of the kids had gotten violent with Zeke. She should have told me. Maybe I could have acted on all this sooner. Maybe we’d already be long gone. I took a deep breath. All that mattered was that I was getting him and his mom out of this shithole. No one would mess with them again. We’d get a fresh start. I’d figure it out day by day, but I wouldn’t let them live like this anymore.

  “Where are we going?” Zeke asked.

  “A road trip with your mom.”

  “A trip on the road? Cool!” He pushed open the front door of the school. “Do we get to sleep in the car? Or are we only on the road when we’re awake?”

  “I don’t know yet.”

  “Well, I’m glad I brought my lizards to school with me today.” He patted his pockets with a smile on his face.

  That kid was really bad at following his mother’s rules. I laughed. And then my feet stopped.

  “Aren’t you coming?” Zeke asked as he turned around to look up at me. “It’s going to be so fun!”

  “Yeah. I…” I stared at the spot where I had parked the car. It was empty. I had been dumped before. I had milked wounds for months. But in that second? I felt gutted. I was willing to risk everything for her. I was willing to give up my whole life. I didn’t know what true heartache was until that second. My chest physically ached.

  “Come on,” Zeke said and tugged on my hand. He was pulling me away from the front of the school and toward the parking lot.

  And that’s when I saw her. She was sitting in a beat-up Chevy truck that only looked a few years older than the one she owned. She was hot-wiring the freaking thing. I ran over with Zeke. My heart started to beat normally again. The ache subsided as quickly as it had come.

  “Your car is too flashy,” she said as she played around with the wiring. “Besides, the cops will be looking for a Dodge Charger.” The car revved to life. “Do you want to drive or do you want me to?”

  “You can drive.” I probably should have thought it was suspicious that she knew how to hot-wire a car. I was betting my whole life on the fact that she wasn’t a criminal. But I just found it incredibly sexy. After all, I wasn’t on the same side of the law anymore. I’d made my choice. I hoisted Zeke up into the truck and climbed up after him.

  Violet leaned down and kissed Zeke on the top of his head. “Are you ready?” she asked and smiled over at me.

  “Road trip!” Zeke yelled.

  I smiled back at her. “I’m ready.”

  “You’re sure?”

  I had told Damien that I was sure Violet hadn’t committed the murders. But there was no such thing as 100 percent certainty. “I’m sure.” What could one last lie hurt?

  Chapter 29

  Violet

  He loved me. I had forgotten what it felt like to be loved by someone who didn’t call me Mommy. I turned onto the freeway and breathed more easily than I had in years.

  I’d almost drowned countless times in my youth because of my mother. I’d gotten really good at holding my breath. As much as it hurt my heart, I think I had set Tucker up to die today. I knew he’d believe my lies and try to save me when I fell through the ice. But sometimes life happened unexpectedly. He was a surprisingly good swimmer, and I was glad he was alive. I was glad he was helping me escape. I was glad he was able to love someone like me.

  I’d tried to tell him the truth. I really had. But only parts of it had managed to fall from my lips. Because I had killed three people, even though I never meant for it to happen.

  I had come back from school late that day. I’d missed my bus and had to walk for over an hour because I didn’t have anyone to ask for a ride. Henry was waiting for me when I typed in the code to the garage. I didn’t even see him in the darkness, but I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He was always worse when he’d been drinking. I could hear the sound of him unzipping his pants. And I couldn’t take it for another second. I wouldn’t let him force me to have an abortion. And I wouldn’t let him drag me to Florida so he could continue to ruin me. I had a baby to protect.

  I’d grabbed a shovel off the wall and ran inside screaming for my mom to help. Begging her to believe me. I just needed her to help me get away from the hell I was living. I just wanted out. Henry tried to shut me up. But I was done being silenced. I was only trying to knock him out. I needed enough time to flee. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I felt
relieved when the metal edge of the shovel sliced clean across his neck.

  I had hoped my mother would finally believe me. His pants were at his ankles while the blood seeped out of his neck. Not that she needed any more proof; she’d heard him raping me countless times. Shoving a dresser in front of her door may have blocked out demons, but it didn’t block out his disgusting grunts. I never had the same freedom my mother did. I didn’t have pills to numb my pain. And shoving a dresser in front of my own door wouldn’t have helped. It would have just delayed the inevitable.

  I had hoped my mother wouldn’t wave a gun in my face and yell at me about my lies. Lies? I had never lied. How could she believe a monster over me? Her never believing in me had already ruined my life. I wasn’t going to let her end it too. She was weak from the medicine but it still wasn’t easy to overpower her. I was just trying to get the gun away from her. I never meant for her to get shot.

  That should have been the end of it. I wish it had been. But John Fredrick had overheard me arguing with Joel a few days before. And he’d suspected that my stepfather was abusing me. And he showed up at the wrong place at the wrong time. He arrived right when I was shoving my mother’s dead body in my pickup truck. He threatened to call the police. I explained what happened. I told him that both of them attacked me first, but he didn’t care. I begged him not to call. It was naïve to think he was ever going to save me. No one ever believed me. I lunged at his phone, knocking him backward. His head hit the tailgate of my truck and made an awful crunching noise. I tried to revive him even though I knew it was too late. He’d snapped his neck. I’d snapped his neck.

  Everything was too late. I’d accidentally killed three people. Most of what I had said to Tucker out on the lake was true. I was haunted by that night. And technically I had confessed. I told him I killed them, even if everything I said before that was a lie.

  Sometimes I wondered what I would have done if John hadn’t slipped. I liked to think I wouldn’t have killed him. But I wasn’t sure if that was true. I was worried I’d become what everyone said I was. A monster. After all, you could only hear something so many times before it became a part of you.

  Maybe they were right all along. Maybe I had meant to slit Henry’s throat. Maybe I meant to tilt the gun just enough so the bullet would penetrate my mother’s skull. Maybe I was fully aware of the tailgate laying ominously open behind John. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

  The rumors swirled around my mind. For six years I let my neighbors define me. But I was finally free from their whispers. I wasn’t what they said I was. I was done doubting myself. And now I could finally have the future I’d always wanted.

  I looked down at one of the lizards on Zeke’s lap. It changed colors to blend in with his shorts. I wanted to believe that people could change that easily. I wanted to believe that I could change. Because I wasn’t the crazy lady on the hill. It was easier to believe in myself when someone else believed in me too. I smiled over at Tucker.

  He smiled back.

  I really did love him.

  I thought it would be easy to shove the rumors out of my mind the farther away from town I drove. To stomp out the doubt. To erase the whispers that I was a monster. I’m not the person they say I am. I’m not the person they say I am. I’m not the person they say I am. But no matter how many times I said it, there was still a voice in the back of my head that wondered if I’d end up accidentally killing Tucker one day. And if I did, I doubted he’d be my only victim. Sometimes I really hated doing things in threes.

  * * *

  Thank you for reading Sweet Like a Psycho! If you liked this book, you'll love Made of Steel!

  “The boy who broke my heart ten years ago would never recognize the person I’ve become. I barely recognize myself. He left me to the wolves. He’s the reason my life fell apart. And no matter how I feel, I can’t talk to him. If I did, I could get us both killed.”

  Get it now!

  I fell in love with the boy next door the first time I ever saw him. And he never said it, but I’m pretty sure he loved me too. Until suddenly…he didn’t.

  In the blink of an eye, I lost everything. But losing him hurt the most. Everyone I loved was taken from me. But him? He chose to stop loving me.

  It’s been ten years since he left me. I’ve gotten over him. Or at least, I think I have. Until I start college and realize he’s living right down the hall from me. I try to tell my heart to listen to reason. Because I can’t possibly still be in love with the boy next door.

  And even if I was, it wouldn’t matter. Remember how I lost everything? I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to walk away alive. Those people are still after me. The boy who broke my heart would never recognize the person I’ve become anyway. I barely recognize myself. He left me to the wolves. He’s the reason my life fell apart. No matter how I feel, I can’t talk to him. If I did, I could get us both killed.

  Get Made of Steel now!

  Or if you can't even wait, just keep reading for a special sneak peek.

  Made of Steel - Chapter 1

  Flashback - 8 Years Old

  It had already been fifteen minutes since my babysitter, Julie, had arrived. Why were my parents still here? I had a very strict schedule to stick to if I was going to get to see Miles tonight. Just thinking about him made my heart race.

  "The pizza should arrive any minute," my mom said for what had to be the tenth time. "There's money on the counter. And there's juice and soda in the fridge."

  "I got it, Mrs. Brooks," Julie said with a smile.

  My mom always went on and on whenever she and Dad had a date night. Julie had watched me a million times, though. She already knew all this. Besides, I was too old for a babysitter. I sighed and folded my arms across my chest.

  My dad turned his head and saw me scowling.

  A smile spread over his face as he walked toward me. "What's the matter, Summer? You need to turn that frown upside down."

  Whenever he said that, I couldn't help but smile. "I don't need a babysitter, Dad. I can take care of myself." It would have been more convincing if I was scowling at him. "I'm almost two whole hands." I held up eight fingers to prove my very valid point.

  He ruffled my hair. "Well, I know that. But you know how your mom worries. Besides," he knelt down in front of me, "you're not quite two whole hands yet. You still have a couple of years."

  "I'm rounding up."

  He laughed.

  "Isn't your movie at 6:30? You're going to be late. You really should get going." I loved my parents to death, but they were being ridiculous. Nothing bad ever happened on my cul-de-sac. It was probably the safest place to live in the world.

  "And why is it that you're so eager to get rid of us? This wouldn't have anything to do with sneaking over to Miles' house, would it?"

  My eyes got huge.

  Which just made his smile grow. "It's okay. Just don't tell your mother," he said with a wink. "You're right, the stars are brighter after your bedtime. It can be our little secret."

  "You ready to go, sweetie?" my mom called from the door.

  "Make sure you're back in your bed by 11 when we get home, though," my dad whispered as he gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

  That wouldn't be a problem. Since Miles lived at the top of the cul-de-sac, it was easy to see my driveway and front porch from his tree house. Even if I was still out when my parents got home, I'd be able to see them pull up and sneak back just in time. If I ran really fast, I could be tucked in bed before my parents came to check on me to make sure I was asleep. And I was an expert fake snorer. I gave my dad an innocent smile.

  He smiled, as if he knew what I was thinking. "And go say goodbye to your mother."

  I ran over to the door. "Bye, Mom," I said and gave her a swift hug.

  "Behave yourself."

  I shrugged my shoulders in what I thought was an innocent way. But I wasn't planning on behaving. I was planning on annoying Julie to no end and getting sent to bed early. I had th
is babysitter thing all worked out. It was the same every time.

  My dad ruffled my hair once more, and then they both walked out the front door.

  Finally. I closed the door behind them. Phase 1 was complete.

  "Hey, kiddo," Julie said as I turned around.

  I hated when she called me that. I wasn't a kid anymore. Time for phase 2.

  ***

  "And he bought me these," Julie said and stuck her foot out from under the table so I could see her new Converses. "Aren't they awesome?"

  "Mhm." But they weren't really. They just looked like any other pair of shoes. My bunny slippers that my dad had bought me were much more awesome. I glanced under the table at my fuzzy slippers. My feet didn't reach the floor, so the bunnies' ears sagged slightly forward, which made the slippers look even cuter.

  "Jacob is seriously the best boyfriend ever. I'm so lucky. We already got our tickets for homecoming and it's not even until the end of the month. He bought a tie to match my dress. I can't wait to show you pictures."

  "What color is your dress?"

  "It's this really deep purple."

  "What color shoes did you get?"

  "Silver. They're really pretty. They have these little gems on the straps."

  "Is he going to buy you a corsage?"

  "I think so."

  "Do you love him?"

  She laughed. "What? I don't know. We haven't really talked about that yet."

  "Really? How long have you been dating?"

  "Just a few weeks." She took a huge bite of her pizza. It looked like she was thinking.

  "So how long does it usually take to know if you love someone?" I was purposely trying to push her buttons, but it didn't mean I wasn't curious about the answer.