Autumn Secrets

by Katie Winters

“Who are you going to marry?” she finally whispered, her voice cracking. “Please tell me. I want to know everything about you.”

  NANCY BLINKED THE MEMORY away as she pressed her hand against the door at the wedding venue in Edgartown, even as her mind continued to sift through more memories. Images clouded her. With every step, she saw more: the dirty pillow on the bed in the apartment they’d lived in when Janine had been a baby; the fact that they had gone months without seeing the bottom of the sink, as she’d been too depressed to do all the dishes; the fact that she’d had a steady stream of boyfriends during Janine’s youth, men who’d been scared of the idea of children. Nancy had felt resentment toward her daughter during those years; she had blamed her for her loneliness.

  How awful.

  Why was she stewing in these memories now?

  A hot flash came over her. Nancy stood near the closet— a dark, shadowy, empty closet. Without thinking, she ducked inside and closed the door quickly. She then placed her forehead against the cool plaster and exhaled as much air as she could.

  Pull yourself together, Nancy. Come on. Do it for Janine’s sake. Do it for Maggie’s sake. Do it for the sake of new memories, which could very well blot out the old.

  But they came back to her, fast and heavy. The closet’s darkness made her fall into them without pause, as the rest of the outside world now felt like a faraway idea.

  The letter—the letter she’d received from Janine all those years ago. It had explained in direct detail that Janine didn’t need her mother and would never again. The letter had explained her newfound love for Jack Potter. Finally, Janine had found someone to protect her, to care for her, to “love her the way she deserved to be loved.”

  How Nancy had cried after she’d received that letter. The immensity of her love for her daughter had followed her around like a shadow over the years; it had taunted her, told her continually, especially on dark nights, that she wasn’t enough for anyone, least of all the creature she’d created. The news that Janine had found happiness with someone had hit her hard.

  And she’d so yearned to be a member of the crowd at that wedding. As Jack was a part of the Manhattan elite, everyone who was everyone had attended the wedding— except, of course, the mother of the bride. Nancy had dreamed about that day perhaps once a month since. Mothers were meant to be calm, powerful sources of energy on their daughter’s wedding day. Mothers were meant to be the way Janine was, just now, for Maggie. Nobody had taken Janine aside to give her any sort of advice about love and marriage. “I was so lucky to be your mother. I’m still so lucky to be your mother.” Nancy should have been there.

  Regrets.

  They shimmered through the back of her skull.

  Now if the test results came back with bad news? Now, if her life was on the brink of collapse? What did any of that mean?

  She’d wasted so much time.

  Outside the door, there was the sudden slam of another door, then the hiss of volatile words. Nancy furrowed her brow as her focus shifted.

  The voices were hushed but laced with anger. A male and a female, probably a couple, lurked just beyond the closet door. Nancy and Neal had hardly gotten into arguments, but Nancy had had her share of them over the years with other partners, and the sounds of this one were triggering. She pressed her hands on the cool wall before her and inhaled then exhaled, as the fight escalated just outside of where she stood.

  “I don’t know why you thought that was appropriate,” the man blared, louder now than before, as though he had lost all sense of where they were.

  Probably, he didn’t suspect that an older woman lurked in the closet just beside him. It wasn’t something anyone would expect. Nancy prayed that soon, they would take their argument elsewhere so that she could slip out and run back to her daughter and granddaughters, unnoticed.

  But it seemed likely that they wouldn’t leave away any time soon.

  “Jack. Can you find it within yourself to calm down?”

  The woman’s voice had the slightest French accent to it. Nancy’s heart dropped into the pit of her belly.

  It was Jack and Maxine. Jack and Maxine were in a heated argument just outside her door. Nervousness and goosebumps on her skin stood on end as she contemplated what to do next. These people were her daughter’s enemies, and for this reason, Nancy felt poised to attack. She had missed most of her daughter’s life. But now, she planned to stand up for her daughter any way she could. Maybe she was on her way out of this world, and if so, she would make this final mark before she left it.

  She would be heard.

  Chapter Seven

  “I can’t believe you wore that.” Jack’s words were harsh, dark, and brooding. From her many years of working with emotionally injured people, Nancy knew that these were the words of an arrogant, manipulative man-child.

  “And what did you expect me to wear? Hmm? Why don’t you give me a list of expectations, Jack, so that I can always do as you ask?”

  Maxine was just as snarky as she’d always been. Nancy suppressed a smile and reminded herself that now, Maxine was the enemy, too. Still, she had to relish that the two of them didn’t seem to be getting along.

  Plus, it burdened her to realize just how cruel this man could be. Her Janine had spent so many years with him. This was the father of her beautiful granddaughters! There was no way to know what kind of cruel words he selected for Maggie and Alyssa. Assuredly, he had poisoned their mind with his horrific arrogant opinions in the past. Nancy’s hands clenched into fists at the thought.

  “I would have assumed you knew better, Maxine. Although it’s funny, what’s assumed. You’ve done a perfectly wonderful job showing me just how much credit I gave you and just how much you don’t live up to that standard,” Jack hissed, his voice laced with disgust.

  “You bastard,” Maxine returned.

  “You slut.”

  Nancy couldn’t stop herself. The words were so grotesque; she shoved herself through the closet door and surprised the pair of them, who turned their bright eyes to stare at Nancy in shock. Nancy remained in the doorway and inspected them for a moment.

  Maxine wore a silver dress, which surged over her breasts and hugged her curves. There was a large slit up the side of her thigh, one that hovered dangerously close to her hip bone. Her hair curled beautifully across her shoulders, and her makeup made her look like a smoldering temptress. Perhaps she had put herself together this way as a final show-off for Janine? It was some kind of statement, whatever it was.

  Jack looked incredibly handsome. In some respects, he had the good luck of having gotten better looking over the years, with his hair sprinkled with salt-and-pepper strands, his shoulders broad, and his chin chiseled. You could practically smell the wealth on him in the suit he was wearing. It went along with the arrogance like a perfume.

  Nancy turned her eyes toward her son-in-law, flared her nostrils, and said, “I don’t care who you are. You don’t speak to women that way—ever!”

  Maxine’s mouth opened in continued shock. Under her breath, she whispered, “Nancy. Is that you?”

  Silence stewed between them. Jack’s face took on many different emotions. His shock transformed into rage, which eventually turned toward an ominous arrogance, one that frightened Nancy a great deal.

  Why had Janine married this man? Nancy supposed she had given her no reason to trust her instincts. After all, her mother had abandoned her; they’d never had two pennies to rub together. The world had been extremely cruel and dark, and Jack had lent her a helping hand— and his empire along with it.

  “Nancy Grimson, I presume?” Jack said then. His smile was cutting.

  “Remington, actually.” Nancy stepped toward him and slammed the door closed behind her.

  “It’s wonderful to meet you,” Jack continued. “I’ve heard so much over the years.”

  “I can’t say it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Nancy returned.

  “Ah, honesty. How refreshing. Maxine, don’t you thin
k it’s refreshing?”

  Nancy turned her eyes toward Maxine. Within her gaze, she found that same young, naive girl from thirty years ago. A girl who’d taken up residence at her kitchen table nearly every evening as she and Janine had gossiped and eaten snacks. Where had the time gone?

  “I didn’t know you and Janine had — um.” Maxine pressed her lips together. She’d gone over the line, and she knew it.

  “Oh, yes. Janine and I have patched things up,” Nancy finished her sentence.

  “How marvelous,” Jack said flippantly. “It’s good that she caught you between benders, though, isn’t it? Oh, Nancy Grimson Remington. You’re a wild one, aren’t you? Quite famous. The list is long, like when you didn’t come home for three days when Janine was fourteen? And she found you in the middle of a wild rage on the sidewalk?”

  Nancy’s heart slammed against her ribcage. Jack would use any ammunition he had against her. No doubt, he had a lot. And it’s not like she could blame Janine for telling him these stories. They had been life partners; she’d thought she could trust him.

  She again thought back to what Alyssa had said about not trusting anyone in this world. Anyone could double-cross you at any time.

  “That’s none of your business anymore, is it, Jack?” Nancy told him. Her voice wavered dangerously.

  “Perhaps not, but I suppose the better question is, why do you involve yourself in my business? Stalking me? Hovering in little closets, waiting to attack?” He beamed at her, pleased with himself.

  Anger marred Nancy’s beautiful face as she held his glare. She wouldn’t back down to this awful creature that called himself a man. He might have been told stories of her past, but that was in the past, and this was the future. She’d been stewing in her own trashy memories of how crappy of a mother she’d been to Janine, so be damned if she would allow Jack Potter to add to her misery. She took one step closer to Jack and snarled, “Why would I ever stalk a little man like you? — one of such unimportance to this family. I swear if you make a scene at this wedding, you will regret it, Jack.” At that, she stepped around him and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. She ran down the corridor, turned a corner, then leaned against the wall, trying to catch her breath as she blinked her tears away.

  She’d felt awful about her past. She’d ruined her daughter’s life — and she’d ruined her own, as well. She felt herself spiraling, falling deeper and deeper into a dark hole, an abyss she’d always known awaited her yet had been allowed to shove to the side in the previous decade since she’d met Neal.

  She couldn’t outrun it forever. It was here, and it was hungry for her.

  “Nancy?” The voice rang out from the side of the hallway. In a moment, a tender hand appeared on Nancy’s back.

  Nancy turned her head slowly and blinked several times again until the angelic face of Elsa appeared before her.

  “Nancy, are you all right?”

  Nancy swallowed the lump in her throat.

  “Carmella, can you help me lift her?” Elsa asked.

  Nancy had been so far away that she hadn’t realized Carmella was there, too. Another pair of hands appeared on her shoulder and slowly, softly helped her gain her balance. Nancy felt like a toddler, learning to walk for the first time. Every step seemed so unsure.

  Before she knew it, they had positioned her on a bench near the hotel lobby. Elsa remained alongside her, an arm around her shoulder, while Carmella retreated to find water and a snack.

  “Nancy, are you all right?” Elsa whispered again.

  “I don’t know how to answer that.” Slowly, the world seemed to draw itself forward again. Nancy’s thoughts seemed more confident. Her breaths were deeper, and her eyes were more focused.

  “Did something happen?”

  Nancy swallowed again. “I ran into the father of the bride, Jack Potter. What a horrible man.”

  Elsa furrowed her brow. “Wow. So, he arrived on time, then.”

  “Apparently so.”

  Carmella returned with a granola bar and a bottle of water. Nancy opened the wrapper around the granola bar and bit down softly. The chocolate melted across her tongue.

  “Weddings are always a lot to handle,” Carmella said, as though she didn’t know what else to say.

  “Lots of stress for everyone involved,” Elsa agreed. “I remember my wedding. I nearly collapsed from all the anxiety.”

  “You kept forgetting to eat,” Carmella told her. “I had to chase you down with a sandwich. And then, you got mad at me and told me I didn’t want you to look your best for your pictures.”

  Elsa laughed. The laughter was so nourishing in Nancy’s ears. Her lips curved upward into a smile.

  “You girls shouldn’t sit here with me while I fall apart,” Nancy said finally. “You should be with Bruce and Cody.”

  “Don’t be silly. Bruce and Cody can handle themselves,” Elsa affirmed. “We left them out by the pre-wedding open bar, mid-way through the most boring conversation ever about sports.”

  “Isn’t that every conversation about sports?” Nancy asked. Laughter bubbled up from her stomach as her strength grew.

  “I’m just glad we can sit them together and let them hash whatever sport-lingo out,” Carmella smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Cody and I can talk about almost anything, but I have to draw the line somewhere.”

  Elsa’s grin widened. Nancy placed her head on her stepdaughter’s shoulder and exhaled deeply.

  “Come on, Nancy. You’d tell us if there was something really wrong, wouldn’t you?” Elsa asked.

  Nancy knew, of course, that she wouldn’t. Still, she nodded another lie. Carmella’s eyes dropped toward the floor. There was still such a boundary between the two of them. How could Nancy possibly penetrate it?

  “I just didn’t sleep well last night. And then, when I encountered Jack and Maxine, I fell apart.”

  “I think we should kick those monsters off the island,” Elsa affirmed. “I feel morally opposed to the idea of Jack and Maxine, especially now that I’ve fallen for Janine.”

  “But at least she’s out of that marriage,” Carmella pointed out. “This might be one of the last days we have to interact with him.”

  “Today and Alyssa’s wedding, that is,” Elsa corrected.

  It warmed Nancy’s heart to think of her stepdaughters including Alyssa’s wedding in the grand scheme of their lives together. Their love had extended out easily.

  “I had better get back to the girls,” Nancy told them both as she tried to smooth out some small creases in her dress.

  Carmella and Elsa exchanged glances.

  “Let’s fix up your makeup first,” Elsa suggested. “I have some stuff in my purse.”

  “Is it that bad?” Nancy thought back to the tears, the sweat, and the dread that had permeated everything else in that closet.

  “No, of course not,” Elsa replied with assurance. “But I don’t want Janine to worry. She has enough on her plate.”

  Nancy followed after Elsa and Carmella. They stepped into the ladies’ room, where she took stock of her reflection— one that looked like a ritzy-looking raccoon. Elsa fixed up Nancy’s makeup with a gentle hand, then sent her back on her way.

  “See you at the reception,” Elsa flashed her a smile. “You look beautiful.”

  “Thank you for your help,” Nancy told her. “I thought I lost my mind there for a minute.”

  “If you ever lose your mind, we can help you get it back,” Elsa affirmed. “We know what it’s like to misplace it. Don’t we, Carm?”

  Carmella gave Nancy a genuine smile, one of warmth, tenderness, and understanding. Nancy’s heart ballooned with love.

  Chapter Eight

  Maggie looked immaculate, as though she had stepped from the world of old-time movie stars, ritzy nostalgia, and glorious dreams. She stood near the glass door, mere feet away from where the aisle began and watched as the guests milled in from the outside parking lot. Blue skies remain
ed stretched overhead, and there was still a tinge of summer to the air, which added a sense of excitement and beauty to this day, one of the most important of her life.

  Nancy and Janine stepped up alongside her. Alyssa joined on Nancy’s other side. There was the flash of a camera just behind them. This was an iconic photograph: three generations of women, all of them facing toward the future, stronger together than apart. Nancy already made a mental note to place this photograph somewhere in her house. She wanted to remain in this moment as long as she could.

  Janine dropped her hand over her mother’s and squeezed it gently. Nancy grabbed Alyssa’s on the other side, and the four of them stood, linked until Charlotte Hamner arrived to announce it was almost time to walk down the aisle. Her cheeks flushed crimson with excitement and stress. Maggie beamed at her and thanked her for all she’d done.

  “I’m sorry if I was kind of a bridezilla,” she murmured as she adjusted her veil with a nervous hand.

  Charlotte laughed. “You weren’t. Not in the slightest. Everything has fallen into place. It’s up to you to just enjoy every little bit about this day. You can’t get it back. Remember, I’ve got everything taken care of behind the scenes.”

  Maggie nodded firmly. Charlotte pressed her earpiece and spoke to someone on the other end. “It’s nearly go time.” The air sizzled with expectation.

  “Where’s Jack?” Alyssa asked then. “He texted that he was here a few hours ago.”

  Maggie shrugged. “If he doesn’t make it, I guess Mom can just walk me down the aisle. It’s what I want, anyway.”

  Alyssa looked at Janine and then Maggie. “I agree. I don’t think he deserves this moment.”

  “Well, let’s wait a few more moments and see,” Maggie quipped.

  Janine’s eyes dropped toward the ground. Awkwardness seemed the name of the game. How Nancy wished she could eliminate the concept of Jack Potter from the world, but this was his daughter, and this was a day of celebration for him, too. Regardless, the thought made Nancy set her jaw.