“I would appreciate that, Sammy.”
“He hasn’t tried to…” Sammy shook his head and sighed.
The last thing she wanted was for Sammy to be worried about her wellbeing. He didn’t need added stress in his life. “It’s nothing I couldn’t handle. I’m fine. I just had to get away from him today.”
“You let me know if he bothers you again. I plan to go home and have a stern talk with him. He should respect your wishes.”
“Thank you, Sammy.”
NINE
Michael yawned as he rose from the bed. The scent of Dawdi’s savory sausage had woken him out of his sleep. Good for him, today was an off-church Sunday. Miri hadn’t so much as glanced his way at the last meeting. He’d barely seen glimpses of her over the past few weeks. He had no one but himself to thank for that. He shouldn’t have come on so strong the first week he’d been here.
He had just a couple more weeks until his casts could be removed and it couldn’t happen soon enough. Hardly being able to do anything had been trying his patience. He wanted to use all of his members. It had been so long since he’d gone for a jog—something he loved doing. His muscles were likely to be flabby after neglecting the gym these past weeks.
He couldn’t wait to get back to his normal routine. Not that it would be normal. He’d decided to stay with Dawdi for a while. Maybe he could lessen some of Miri’s work load. Hopefully, he’d be able to secure a job once he had his strength and movement back. He needed income. The bills had begun pouring in from the hospital. He’d have to start making payments on them soon.
He knew Dawdi would help out if he needed him to. But he was a grown man. He’d pay for his own bills. He wouldn’t be any more of a burden to his grossdawdi, if he could help it.
“We are having company over today.” Dawdi set breakfast on the table just as he entered the kitchen.
Michael removed two plates from the cupboard and set them next to their forks and steaming coffee mugs. “Who?”
His grossdawdi took his place at the head of the table and they bowed for the silent prayer. “Peter Stoltzfus and his family. You two used to be friends, ain’t so?”
“Jah. Used to be.” Pete hadn’t been too friendly toward him since he’d been back. Of course, he’d been eyeing his friend’s wife his first time back at church. If he were married to Miri, he’d probably be upset if another man had his sights set on her. Whoa! Where did that come from?
Marriage? He’d never really considered it for himself. He’d been an avowed bachelor. Always thought marriage was for boring people with boring lives. Not that Miri would ever give him the time of day. He’d pretty much blown that chance. If there ever was one.
“What time are they coming over?”
“About ten, he said.” Dawdi sipped his coffee. “I’d like you to help with something after breakfast, if you would.”
“Sure. What?”
“I bought a swing. I want to put it up.”
“A swing?”
“For the kinner.”
“I think Pete only has one old enough for a swing. The other one is still a baby.”
“Jah. I know. Chust wanted to have something for the little one.”
“Sure, Dawdi. Just point me in the right direction.”
“I plan to hang it on the large sycamore tree out front.”
“Sounds like a good place.”
~
Michael flipped the steaks on the grill with his uninjured arm.
“Those smell great.” Pete grinned as he pushed his little boy on the swing Michael and Dawdi had hung earlier.
“They’ve been marinating for a couple of hours. Should be nice and juicy.” Michael raised his eyebrows twice.
“Can’t wait.” He nodded. “Hey, what are your plans?”
“Don’t know exactly. I’m itching—literally—to get these casts off. I hope to find a job. The hospital bills aren’t going to pay themselves.”
“Jah. That can be rough.”
He grimaced. “Over twenty grand. Who has that kind of money?”
“Not me.” Pete chuckled. “No insurance?”
“Nope. I did have insurance on my bike, though. They’re going to replace it.”
“Oh, man. I miss my motorcycle. Do you remember it?”
“Sure do. That’s why I ended up getting one. I always thought they were cool.” He grinned like a fool. “The women like them too. Well, it seems most Englisch women do, anyway.”
Pete nodded and quickly changed the subject. “If the insurance replaces it, at least then you’ll have transportation, right?”
He shrugged. “I don’t really have anywhere to go right now. I’ll probably be better off if I just take the money and put it toward my hospital bills.”
“So you’re going to stay with your grossdawdi for a while then?”
“That’s the plan.”
“Gut. I like having you around.”
That had been a shock to hear. “You do?”
“You’ve mellowed out since you’ve been here.”
“I’m not sure everyone would agree with that statement.” He chuckled.
“Have you thought about settling down?”
“I…” He shook his head. “I don’t know about that.”
“There are blessings to be had, brother. There’s nothing like holding your own flesh and blood in your arms. Having a good woman who will stand beside you through thick and thin. Owning your own place.”
Michael nodded slowly.
“It’s something to consider, anyhow.” Pete shrugged.
“You don’t regret it? I mean, being tied down to one woman and all?”
Pete snorted. “Not for a minute. Sandy Mae and these kinner are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“This little one’s ready for her daddy.” Sandy Mae, who’d been inside helping Dawdi ready the drinks, came near and handed their infant daughter off to Pete. “And you…” She moved to the boy on the swing and tickled him. “I think it’s time for you to wash up. Dinner’s about ready.”
Their son moved close and looked up at Michael, his eyes wide. “What are you making?”
“Steaks.”
“Can I see ’em?”
“Sure.” Michael realized that the boy was too short. Pete’s son reached his arms out to him. He’d never really held many children. “You want me to pick you up?”
The boy nodded, his eyes alive with excitement.
“Okay. I’ve only got one good arm, so you’ll have to hold on.” He lifted the boy, who didn’t seem to weigh much more than a sack of feed.
“Do I get my own?”
“That’s up to your dad.”
“They smell really good.”
“They do, don’t they? I hope they taste good too.” Michael smiled. He let the boy down, then took a plate from Dawdi and placed the steaks on it. “Let’s eat!”
The entire afternoon, Michael couldn’t get over how much he enjoyed Pete and his family’s company. Here he had been expecting to be bored out of his mind.
Except…Pete’s life didn’t seem boring. It seemed fulfilled. With one woman. And children. How could that be?
Michael stared after Pete and his family in wonder as they drove away. How could they possess such contentment? Why was it he was living the life he wanted, yet he was unfulfilled? Where was the joy that should have accompanied his chosen lifestyle? It was conspicuously missing.
Who did he even have? A few Englisch friends who probably didn’t care where he ended up. And his grossdawdi, of course. But other than that, he really had no one who genuinely cared. His life seemed so empty.
His heart felt heavy all of a sudden. His gut twisted. His eyes burned.
He wanted what Pete had.
TEN
Michael had been contemplating the best way to approach Miri. He’d scared her off last time, which resulted in not seeing her for a couple of weeks. His grossdawdi had asked him not to bother her, and he agreed that he
wouldn’t. At least, he’d try. But if they didn’t talk, they’d never be able to work through any of their problems, which he desperately wanted to do. They needed to clear the air. To start fresh. Except, Miri said she wasn’t willing to the last time they’d spoken. Which presented an obstacle.
Hopefully, if he caught her while she was feeding the chickens, she’d be too distracted to remember that she didn’t want to have anything to do with him. Yeah, that was hoping against hope, but he had to at least try. Because, if there was any chance he could possibly have something with Miri like his friend Pete had with his wife, it would be a dream come true.
It was peculiar how much his attitude had changed since spending time with Pete. His single Englisch friends would think he was insane. Which, he probably was.
“Miri, will you give me a minute of your time?”
“We’ve been over this before. I thought you agreed to leave me be.” He hated that he’d been the cause of the anxiety in her voice.
“I did, except…” He sighed. “Listen, I get it, Miri. I have been a horrible wicked person. I’ve done many bad things, terrible things. I know. I realize what I am, who I’ve been. But I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want that life.”
Miri huffed. “If your words meant something to me, I might just believe you. But they don’t. I don’t. You’ve done a wonderful job of proving what your words are worth and I see it clearly now, Michael. You will say and do anything to get your way.”
“But don’t you see? That’s not who I am now. It’s not who I want to be. I want to change.”
She shook her head. “Again, those are just words.”
“Well, then what on earth can I do to get you to change your mind?”
“Honestly, I have no idea.” She turned and abruptly walked out of the barn.
~
Michael shouted a curse word and punched one of the stall posts.
“If you’re trying to impress her, that’s likely not the best way to do it.” Grossdawdi. He stepped out of a shadowy stall.
“I’m sorry, Dawdi. But she is impossible. Nothing I do is good enough for her. She has completely written me off.” He ignored the blood dripping from his knuckles.
Dawdi moved close to Michael and placed a hand on his shoulder. “The trouble is, you’re trying to do something only Der Herr can do.”
“What’s that?”
“Do you really think you have the power to change another person’s heart? Nee, you don’t possess that power. Only Der Herr can do that. I suggest you step out of the way and let Gott do His own work in her heart.”
“I don’t know if I can. I mean, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“Start with prayer, sohn.”
“Prayer?”
“Pour your heart out to Gott. He will listen. Ask in faith, believing. The prayer spoken in faith can move mountains.”
“But what if that mountain isn’t meant to be moved? What if I pray for her and she still doesn’t want me? What if it isn’t Der Herr’s will?”
He nodded. “May be. But I suspect there is a reason neither of you are hitched yet.” His brow rose upward.
“Do you…really? Do you really think there’s a chance for us?” It was the first shred of hope he’d had and he would cling to it with all his might. If his grossdawdi thought they might have a chance, then it could just be possible. His heart soared.
“I’m afraid you’ve got it all wrong. Your life is not about pursuing or pleasing a woman, or any other human being, for that matter. Your life is about pleasing Gott. At the end of your days, it will be between you and Der Herr. No one else. Do not worry about the other things, trust Der Herr to take care of those things for you. You chust serve Him.”
“But I want Miri so bad—” He snapped his mouth shut at Dawdi’s frown.
“Seek ye first the kingdom of Gott and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.”
And there it was.
It was like a light finally clicked on in his head. Or the lantern had finally been lit, to put it in Amish terms. And everything around Michael seemed to brighten. He’d been missing it. All this time. Ach, how much time he’d wasted! He’d chased everything except God.
But now he knew. Now he had the golden key that unlocked every door. Or as Dawdi had put it “all these things”. Was it really that simple?
As though Dawdi had read his thoughts, he murmured, “You must surrender. Totally surrender your life to Der Herr.”
Michael nodded and determined from that moment on that he would surrender. He bowed his head. God, please forgive me. Help me to live the life You have for me. And please let Miri see me for who I am in You. Amen.
“Paul said, I die daily. You must ask for Der Herr’s strength for each day.”
“I will do that.” He raised his head and stared at his grandfather. “Dawdi, I think I’d like to rejoin the g’may.”
“Gut.” Tears misted Dawdi’s eyes. “Sehr gut, sohn.”
And in that moment, Michael knew that with God holding the reins, he could go anywhere, accomplish anything. Even his pursuit of securing the perfect wife.
It was time to get on his knees. Now, if only he could kneel.
ELEVEN
Having Michael back in the community had been challenging at best. To admit the truth, Miriam had been confused by his actions and his words. Was she wrong in not giving Michael another chance? Was she wrong to guard her heart so fiercely? She hadn’t thought so, but maybe…
“Kumm, maedel.” Sammy patted the empty space next to him on the couch. “Tell me what is on your mind. I can see that you carry many burdens.”
Miriam frowned. She glanced around the room.
“If you’re worried about my gross sohn, he is not here. He has gone to the hardware store and will not be back for a while.”
She put her dusting rag away and joined her elderly friend on the couch. “I don’t know…I don’t know if I should share this. I’ve never told anyone.”
“Well, it is up to you, child. But I know that getting things off one’s chest can help bring peace and healing. And you know you don’t have to worry about me telling a soul.”
She sighed. “Do you remember how I told you about when I left? When I was out in the Englisch world?”
He nodded in silence.
“Well…I’d made some mistakes.”
“We all make mistakes. That is why we need a Saviour, to forgive our wrongs.” He gently placed his weathered hand over hers. “Have you sought forgiveness?”
“Many times.”
“You need only ask once. Der Herr is not hard of hearing.”
“Jah, I know. I just don’t feel forgiven.”
“That is called guilt. Let Der Herr have your guilt, Miriam.”
“I’ve tried. I just can’t seem to forget.” As a matter of fact, she’d thought of little else. Especially since Michael’s return.
“Der Herr loves you. He wants you to have the peace that passes all understanding.”
“I have no idea how to get that.”
“You must trust in Gott. He will place peace in your heart.” He stroked his long white beard. “You have no power to change the past. It will always be there. The good, the bad, all of it. It isn’t going anywhere. But you don’t have to dwell on it. You have the power to forgive yourself and move on. You have the power to choose to trust. You will never find contentment if you hold on to what will never be or what could have been. Der Herr can give you a wunderbaar future, but only if you’ll allow Him to. You will first have to let go of the past. You will need to believe Der Herr has forgiven you—not because you feel it, but because He promised He would. And Der Herr keeps His promises. Do you believe that?”
She shrugged. “Jah. I mean, I want to, but…”
“But what?”
“Sammy, have you ever felt like Gott wasn’t there? Like you prayed to Him, but He didn’t answer?”
“I have felt th
at way, for certain sure. But I realized something. My ways and my wants are not always what Der Herr wants. He knows what is best.” He looked at her and frowned. “Do you remember the story about the footprints?”
She nodded. “The Footprints in the Sand?”
“Jah. Remember the time when the man could only see one set of footprints? Then he realized that Der Herr had carried him? Chust because we do not see Gott, it doesn’t mean He is not with us.”
“I didn’t feel like it when I was in the Englisch world. I felt all alone.”
“Yet, you are back here in your Plain community. That makes me think that maybe Der Herr was with you, guiding you. He brought you back home, ain’t so?”
“Jah, he did.”
“You suffered many things in the Englisch world, ain’t so?”
She nodded slowly. “I lost so much…” Tears surfaced, but she didn’t wipe them away.
“You know what my Bertie used to call me?”
“Nee.”
“The best secret keeper. If you need to talk, if you want to, I am here to listen. What you say will stay between the two of us.”
“I…” She pulled in a breath. Ach, it would feel gut to have someone to tell her secrets to. “Before I left…well, me and a boy, we…we made a boppli.” The tears spilled over her lashes and slid down her cheeks.
“An Englisch boy?”
Her fingers twisted in her lap. “Nee. Amish.”
He frowned with his entire face, his own sorrow at the realization likely matching her own. “My gross sohn, ain’t so?”
“How did you know?”
“I have seen how he’s lived his life. I’m afraid my gross sohn has never been known for his wisdom.”
Nee, he was known for his gut looks. His fast life. His rebellion.
“And what happened?”
“I knew Michael wouldn’t be coming back to the Plain life. He was seeking fun. Adventure. Another life. He wasn’t ready to settle down. I still don’t think he’s ready.” She brushed away the wetness from her face. “And I wasn’t ready. I was too ashamed to raise a boppli on my own. I was ashamed to face everybody—my family, the g’may.”
The Heartbreaker (Amish Country Brides) Page 5