Breaking The Ice (Providence University #1)

by Ali Parker

  “I’m sorry, man. I—”

  He whipped around on me and grabbed the front of my jersey. “You what? You fucked up? Yeah. You did.”

  I pulled back from him and stood in stony silence. He was pissed over Will, hurt over Aubrey, and furious with my lack of involvement lately. He was my best friend. Fuck, my only friend. I owed him more.

  “Jayce.” I moved into the locker room.

  “Not now. Find me after I’ve had ten beers and we’ll talk.” He gave me a hard look and turned his back on me.

  Had Aubrey told him about us getting together? Had she cried to him about the idea of us not getting together? What was I missing? It was driving me bat-shit crazy. I hadn’t thought about much more than her over the last two days. The warm press of her big breasts against my stomach, her tongue lapping at my cock while I buried my face against her wet skin.

  Fuck. I growled and jerked my locker open with force. I had to figure things out and fast.

  “Party time, Ice King!” Jessie squeezed my shoulders from behind and jumped around.

  “I’ll meet you guys there, all right?” I glanced over my shoulder. “I need to make a quick stop off first.”

  “Yeah, sure, dude.” Jessie smiled and moved into the middle of the room, yelling and causing a ruckus. The rest of the guys joined him, but much like I expected, Jayce had his head tucked in his locker too. I needed to fix everything before the tournament. Hopefully, with Spring Break being the next week, I would have time to pull him aside and clean some shit up.

  Lizzy slipped in front of me and pressed her back to my open locker. Her breasts rubbed against my chest as she gripped my hips and smiled. “You mine tonight?”

  “Probably not, pretty girl. I’m thinking about asking someone out here pretty soon.” I touched her chin and smiled at her. She needed a good man too, but it wasn’t me. The poor girl thought sex was the be all, end all, but she probably had no clue how much pleasure came from being with someone you loved. Hell, I barely did either, but the passion between me and Aubrey told me that it would be explosive.

  “Clean out your—” Aubrey stopped at the entrance to the locker room as she started to make an announcement and paused.

  I realized I had Lizzy pressed to my locker and my hand on her face a moment too late. I jerked back like I’d been burnt.

  “—lockers and make sure you bring home your dirty uniforms. We’re washing this weekend before Spring Break. You don’t do it now, you’re on your own.” She turned and walked out of the room without another glance my way.

  “Fuck,” I grumbled and tugged Lizzy out of the way. “Go on out there, Liz. I’ll see you there, okay?”

  “Yeah, sure.” Her voice softened. “You okay? Did I do something wrong?”

  “No. Not at all. Get a ride with Jessie and make sure the guys behave, okay?” I smiled at her as my heart shattered in my chest. Aubrey would assume the worst by what she saw. Fuck, anyone would.

  I threw my bag over my shoulder and moved out of the locker room. Jayce called my name, but I ignored him. I didn’t have time for anything else but catching up to my girl and telling her that there was nothing between me and Lizzy. I growled at the thought of her seeing me come out of the back bedroom a week or so before after having Lizzy suck me off. I was in deep shit with this one, and it looked like more than it was.

  “Aubrey?” I called to her and tried to move through the crowd of people, but I couldn’t find her anywhere. “Shit.”

  Heading out to the house was my best bet for finding her. I just had to make a quick stop off at the cemetery, which was out of the way but a necessity. It’d been nine years since he’d left me to fend for myself. It was time to pay homage like I did every year that same day to his memory.

  The thought of texting Aubrey to come with me played along my mind’s eye, but I let it go. She didn’t need any more of my baggage, of my shit. Hell, I didn’t need it. Too bad I was stuck living my life and not someone else’s.

  I crushed a yellow daisy between my fingers and glanced up at the moon as I stood above my brother’s grave. The night was quiet, and the breeze cool, which aided in calming my torrential mood. I had some things to fix with the people in my life that had come to matter most, but the idea of putting myself fully out there scared me to death.

  “Maybe she’s different,” I whispered and closed my eyes. How many times had Bret warned me about dating a girl that had the possibility to drown me in need? Too many, and I was just a kid back then. I’d dated over the years, but never found someone that forced me to feel so fucking much. No one like Aubrey. And now after avoiding her for three years, I was diving in at the last moment? The make-it or break-it moment?

  The sound of footsteps behind me caused my heart to skip a beat. I glanced over my shoulder to see my mother walking up. I let out a painful sigh and turned back to Bret’s headstone.

  “Dad with you?” I mumbled as she moved up to my left.

  “No. It’s just me. We came this morning and put these flowers out, but your dad’s locked up in his study. You know he has a really hard time with this.” She crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her chin to the sky.

  I glanced over at her, needing so badly to hear that I was enough, and yet I would never ask. My mother was nothing more than a shell, thanks to my brother’s selfishness. I loved him with all my heart and fucking hated him in the same breath. He’d destroyed us. All of us.

  I took a shaky breath and turned back to study his name, the date, the small inscription that he would be missed.

  “I wish I could take it all away. You know?” Her voice was a sullen whisper, lifeless and monotone.

  “Bret’s death?” I brushed my hand by my nose as my eyes filled with tears. It was easy to be there alone and let myself go, but seeing my mother trying to hold it together and knowing how badly she was hurting, I wasn’t going to leave unscathed.

  “No, baby.” She turned to look at me as tears rolled down her cheeks. “The pressure we’ve put on you. Bret made his decision to take his life that night. And after that, we took yours too. Can you ever forgive me, Luke?”

  I nodded but remained frozen in place. “Of course.”

  “I haven’t figured out how to live without him, but I think part of me died that day, which left a gap between me and you.” She turned to face me, and I reached over and took her hand into mine, squeezing it softly. “I don’t want that anymore. I can’t survive this life without knowing that you’re happy and whole again.”

  I moved toward her as she opened her arms to me and pressed my face against her shoulder as she started to cry. I felt fourteen again. The funeral. The wailing and screaming. The lack of anyone to offer me comfort. No one even asked if I was all right or offered condolences. And they hadn’t since.

  “Please forgive me,” she whispered against the side of my neck as she shook. “Please.”

  I wrapped my arms around her and nodded, unable to get a word out. We stood there for a long time, holding each other, reconnecting and trying to make sense of what happened over the last nine years. It was thawing the numbness, the darkness that left both of us iced over.

  “You okay?” She touched my face as we moved to stand in front of my bike. “I mean in general. Are you doing okay at school? With your decisions of what’s coming next?”

  “I think the path’s already set.” I shrugged and slipped my hands into my pockets. I was broken and exhausted. It was time to go home and sleep for a week.

  “That’s not true. You need to do whatever your heart pulls you toward.”

  “And if that’s not hockey?”

  “Then to hell with hockey. That’s your father’s dream. Your brother’s dream. It doesn’t have to be yours. You do whatever makes you happy, and I will be beyond proud of you.”

  “And if what I want more than anything is a woman to love me for who I am? For all this messed up shit?” I lifted my arm toward Bret’s grave. “What if I just want to bare it all and no
t be the rock for once?”

  “Then go find her, Lucas, and show her who you really are.” My mom smiled and cupped my face. “Is it that cute girl that bosses everyone around at the games?”

  I laughed. “Long brown hair and a great smile?”

  “Yeah, that’s her.” My mom laughed and released me. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  Chapter 24

  Aubrey

  I couldn’t stop looking for him when we got back to the Ice House. Surely, he would have come after me to explain whatever the hell it was that I saw between him and Lizzy in the locker room. But no. He was nowhere to be found.

  “I don’t know where he is.” Jayce stopped beside me and sighed. “Let me text him.”

  I reached out and gripped my brother’s hand. “No. I’m fine. Honestly. Go grab a beer and have a good time tonight. It’s the homecoming party, and we’re going to have a good time. Period.”

  “You sure?” His lip lifted in a smirk as Layla moved up beside us, bouncing around as the music blared above us.

  “Yes. Layla, go force my brother to dance. He needs a break. Like, yesterday.” I laughed and pushed at Jayce’s chest.

  “You don’t have to ask me twice.” Layla grabbed him and pulled him into the center of the room where the action was.

  I knelt down as the brightness of motorcycle headlights filled up the living room.

  Lucas. Thank God.

  Somehow over the last hour of waiting on him, I’d come to the solid conclusion that Jayce was right. The Ice King was damaged goods, and I didn’t care. We could work through anything if I could just find a way to whittle myself into his heart. Lizzy wasn’t anything more than a friend to him, and I had to believe that what I saw between the two of them was Lizzy acting out in her ignorance of something starting between us. She would never hurt me or anyone for that matter.

  Jessie walked through the front door and nodded at me. “Lucas is asking for you.”

  “Sure.” I finished my beer and tossed the bottle in the trash as I walked out the front door and down the stairs.

  He was still sitting on his bike with his helmet on. He extended the other helmet to me, and I took it, putting it on and getting on the back of the bike without a word. He wanted to talk, or I hoped he did.

  I held on to his T-shirt loosely and tried to think through all the things I could say to convince him that we were good together and could figure out things as they came at us. I wasn’t going to beg or sound as needy as I felt, but he needed to know that I wanted in—deep into his heart.

  We stopped beside the track on the far side of campus and got off the bike. He took my helmet and put it up with his before turning and extending his hand toward me. The sadness on his face tore me open, and I reached for him and moved up to his side without questioning anything just yet.

  “My brother died nine years ago today.” His voice was deep but so soft. “I usually spend this night alone at his graveside and then go home to relive all that shit until I can’t stand it anymore.”

  “Do you want to go out there?” I stiffened as he stopped and turned to face me. I’d never get over how handsome he was. His blue eyes almost seemed otherworldly as he studied me closely.

  “I already went, but the whole time I was there, I felt this odd comfort. This feeling that if I needed to know that someone cared, that someone was willing to come with me…” He paused as tears blurred my vision of him.

  “That I would come?” I whispered and reached up to touch his face. His beard tickled my fingers as I caressed his cheek. “Because I would.”

  “I know.” He moved closer and slid his hands over my hips. “I realized that while I was standing out there tonight.”

  “Did you go alone?” I had a million things I wanted to say, but I was holding back as best I could.

  “Yeah, but my mom showed up.” He sniffled and reached up to wipe my tears. “It was good. We needed to clear the air between us. It’s been a long fucking life since Bret died. Everyone sort of just shut off with him.”

  “I can’t imagine losing Jayce. I wouldn’t survive it.” I pressed my hands to his chest, wanting so badly to offer him anything to ease his pain.

  “It’s hard.” He glanced around. “I need you to know that what you saw in the locker room was nothing. Lizzy—”

  “I figured that out on my own.” I smiled and slid my hands up to his neck. “Are you sorry for what we did two nights ago?”

  “What?” His lips lifted in a cocky smirk. “Fuck no. I wish we would have kept going. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since that night. Are you sorry?”

  “No.” I pulled back a little and wiped my tears away. “I’m not sure how to explain all the craziness going on inside of me, but sorry isn’t a word I would use for how I feel about us getting together.”

  “I should have called you yesterday. I’m just struggling with my brother’s anniversary, getting the call from Washington, fending off my fucking dad, and trying to deal with Will and Jayce.”

  “Jayce has been extra emotional lately, right?” I tried to lighten the mood between us a little.

  “Yeah. I know he’s just worried about you, but I wish he would trust me a little. I have a lot of baggage, but I’m working through that shit, you know?” He moved over to the bleachers and motioned for me to join him. “Come here, baby.”

  I sat down beside him and scooted closer as he wrapped his strong arm around my shoulders and turned to press his fingers to the bottom of my chin.

  “If you’ll give me a little bit of time, I’ll work through all this shit.” He leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. “Can you do that?”

  “I think so.” I ran my hand over his thigh and leaned in for another kiss. It was soft and tentative. I pressed harder into it as he slipped his hand into my hair and tilted my face a little to deepen it.

  The firm press of his tongue as it slid by mine made everything melt. His cologne filled my senses and caused me to moan.

  “More,” I whispered and shifted to his lap with his help.

  “You sure?” he mumbled against my lips as I straddled him.

  “Yes. I need you. I want all of you.” I ran my hands over his neck and cupped his jawline as I made love to his mouth.

  He pressed his hands against the muscles of my lower back and dragged them up slowly, forcing me to press my upper body against his.

  “I want all of you too.” He moved down and pressed his mouth over the top of my breast through my shirt, biting down softly. “Come back to my place with me.”

  “Yeah.” I moved back and let him help me up. Our cell phones went off in tandem, and we both groaned. Where there was a lot left to discuss between us, the night would be better spent moaning and grunting in the darkness together. He was emotionally beat from the situation with his brother, and I was physically needy for his touch. It was a match made in heaven for a long night of fucking.

  I pulled my phone from my pocket. “Layla.”

  “Jayce.” He growled and picked up the call as he turned from me.

  I lifted the phone to my ear. “Hey. What’s up?”

  “Get back here. Now. Will’s here and things are going to shit, fast. Now.” I’d never heard her sound so frightened before.

  “Does he have a gun or something? What the fuck is going on?” I jogged toward the bike as Lucas grabbed my hand and pulled me with him. He was barking out instructions to Jayce as we went.

  “No. He’s unconscious. He came in ranting and raving but had something like a fucking seizure, and now he’s on the floor, passed out.”

  “Shit. Is he breathing?” I got on the bike and gripped Lucas with one hand.

  “Yes, but we need you guys. Is Lucas with you?”

  “We’re on our way.” I put the phone in my back pocket and wrapped my arms around the big guy in front of me. I hated the fact that he was about to walk into a shit storm that resembled the one that had ruined his life nine years be
fore.

  All I could do was hope that Will would wake up and we could work with Coach Billows to get him some help. The poor kid couldn’t seem to get his shit together. I was grateful that Lucas hadn’t turned out like him. There were almost too many resemblances to them in the pressure that they faced and their level of talent.

  I hopped off the bike and raced toward the door to the Ice House, with Lucas moving past me by the time I made it to the door.

  “Where is he?” Lucas moved into the living room and forced the crowd back. He dropped down on his knees as I searched for Jayce.

  “Did we call an ambulance?” I moved over beside my brother as a dark-haired guy I didn’t know was leaning over the top of Will. I’d never seen anyone look so pale.

  “No. Dejean is a pre-med student. He’s checking Will out now.” Jayce pressed his thumbnail to his teeth and shifted from foot to foot. My brother was close to losing it.

  “He’s not okay. Call the fucking ambulance.” Lucas turned and glanced up at us with a wildness in his eyes that scared me.

  “You know this means that he won’t play again. Right?” Jayce pulled his phone from his back pocket and waited for Lucas to respond.

  “Fucking call, Jayce. Hockey isn’t worth possibly losing this fucker’s life over. Nothing is. Call them. Now.” Lucas reached down about the time Will’s eyes opened and he started to seize again.

  “Shit.” I backed up as Lucas pulled the guy into his lap and rocked him back and forth.

  Jayce was screaming into the phone as the room turned into complete chaos.

  I slid down the wall behind me until my butt hit the floor. A numbness rolled over me as I watched Lucas try and take care of Will. His words were hard to make out, but my heart broke as he glanced up at me and continued to chant against Will’s forehead.

  “It’s okay, buddy. I gotcha. Stay with me. It’s okay, buddy. I gotcha. Stay with me.”

  Chapter 25