Tell That to My Heart

by Eliza J Scott

  Anna-Lisa chewed vigorously on her mouthful of sandwich, swallowing so she could speak. ‘He’s got a bloody nerve after what he did to you. But I’m so proud of you, chick, I know how much you liked him, and he’ll have been expecting you to go running straight back into his arms as soon as he clicked his grubby little fingers; it’ll do that massive ego of his good to have a bit of a bruising. I reckon he’ll have been expecting you to have been pining for him since you split up. Turns out it’s the other way round. You can’t beat a bit of poetic justice, can you? Looks like the Dark Count has his uses after all; I doubt you’d have been so keen to turn Rick down if he wasn’t entertaining you.’

  There was no fooling Anna. ‘I’d like to think I’d still feel the same, but I take your point; him knowing I was seeing someone else made it easier in that I think it made him reluctant to push things.’ Rick’s assumption that she was seeing Aidey jumped into her mind again. Mim looked across at him and he smiled at her over his paper coffee cup. It set a little flutter away in her stomach as warmth rose in her cheeks. She smiled back, hoping he wouldn’t notice her blushes. Time to change the subject, I think! ‘Actually, before Honey gets back, I don’t suppose your twenty quid turned up?’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘You haven’t asked Caleb about it yet, have you?’ Aidey spoke quietly.

  Anna-Lisa shook her head. ‘I haven’t. I’ve got a funny feeling about it and a certain person if you see what I mean? But I don’t want to discuss it now, just in case, well, you know, little ears and all that.’

  Aidey nodded. ‘I thought we could talk about it on the way to the carpark; I’m not sure what you should do about it though.’

  The sound of footsteps making their way along the landing ended their conversation. Anna made a zipping gesture with her fingers across her mouth and the others nodded.

  Clarissa stepped into their room on a cloud of floral perfume. ‘Hi, folks, I don’t suppose any of you have seen my notebook have you? The one I always keep on my desk for scribbling ideas down, the fabric-covered one with the peacock feather print. Only, I’m sure it was on my desk this morning but I can’t seem to find it now. I think I might’ve had it in my hand when I left my room earlier on and then I must’ve put it down somewhere and forgot to pick it up again.’ She laughed, her grey-blue eyes lighting up her pretty face. ‘Ughh! I’m beginning to sound like my mother, aren’t I?’

  Mim’s heart started to gallop. No, not something else! Not Clarissa!

  ‘I haven’t seen it anywhere, I’m afraid, but I’ll keep my eyes peeled. I’m sure it’ll turn up,’ said Aidey.

  ‘Have you tried re-tracing your steps?’ asked Anna-Lisa.

  ‘Pretty much; I just need to double-check in Caspar’s office, but he’s having a meeting with Dad, so I haven’t had a chance.’

  Mim’s heart sank, her mind wandering to the reason Clarissa had been in Caspar’s office earlier that day. She pictured them together, smiling and laughing and looking like the beautiful couple they’d make. Her mind moved on to Catherine’s suggestion of their meal together at Kirkbythwaite Hall Hotel; it couldn’t help but be anything other than romantic. She chewed on the inside of her cheek as her new-found self-confidence slowly started to disintegrate. She caught Anna-Lisa looking at her and batted her worries away; she was letting herself get carried away again.

  ‘Maybe we have another ghost?’ said Anna-Lisa.

  ‘That thought had crossed my mind,’ Clarissa said, laughing. ‘Anyway, I’m sure it’ll turn up, but I’d be grateful if you could keep a look out for it; it’s full of ideas for features I’ve scribbled down so it’s pretty valuable to me.’

  ‘Will do.’ Mim mustered up a smile as Clarissa left.

  ‘Are you two thinking what I’m thinking?’ asked Aidey when the coast was clear.

  ‘Yup,’ said Anna-Lisa.

  Mim gave a weary sigh. ‘But why on earth would Honey take a notebook?’

  ‘Because it’s worth a lot to Clarissa; you just heard her say it’s packed full of ideas and is valuable to her. But we all kind of know that anyway and I dare say you-know-who does too.’ Aidey took a sip of his coffee.

  ‘Ughh! This is all getting exhausting. I can’t keep up,’ said Mim. ‘I’m just going to stay glued to my seat until Honey’s left the office for the day. There’s no way I’m going to give her a chance to sneak anything else into my bag. In fact, when I get home, I’m going to swap it for my backpack, then it won’t be so easy to quickly slip things in.’

  ‘Yep, I think we need to be extra vigilant now, just in case,’ said Anna-Lisa.

  24

  Mim was relieved when five o’clock finally arrived. It had been a long, drawn-out afternoon with Catherine being in a foul mood for reasons she hadn’t bothered to share. It appeared to have rubbed off onto Kenneth and Simon, so everyone had kept their head down and kept quiet, even, surprisingly, Honey who seemed to have heeded her godmother’s words and got stuck into her work. There’d been a great deal of heavy sighing as was usually the case when Honey was given something to do but, for a change, Mim didn’t ask if she could help nor volunteer any suggestions. Instead, she let Honey get on with it, hoping it would allow Catherine to see the standard of work she was capable of. It had been sent back several times, and each time Mim could sense Honey glaring at her as if it was her fault, and, hard as it was, Mim resisted the temptation to make eye contact with her; she had a suspicion Honey’s black looks had the power to turn people to stone. By quarter to five Catherine declared she was almost satisfied with it.

  Throughout the course of the afternoon, the quiet of the room had given Mim’s mind free rein to drift as she worked through her to-do list. She replayed her conversation with Rick many times over, triggering a mixture of emotions ranging from relief to sadness. Caspar had featured highly, particularly the mixed signals he was sending her. When they were together, he made her feel like the most attractive woman in the world, but when they were apart, there was something about the way he was with her she couldn’t quite put her finger on, and she became riddled with insecurity. Though, she couldn’t lay all of the blame for that solely at his feet, she’d become pretty accomplished at making herself feel that way; her litany of dating disasters had ensured she’d had years’ of practice. But his actions definitely didn’t help, especially his reluctance for others to know that they were dating – if that’s what you could call it – despite the reasons he gave.

  By mid-afternoon, temptation had got the better of her, and she’d found an excuse to pop along to his office where he’d greeted her enthusiastically, pulling her onto his lap. ‘Mmm. I can’t get enough of you,’ he’d said, kissing her passionately and running his hands up inside her top despite her protestations that someone could walk in at any moment. ‘Don’t you think it adds to the thrill?’ he’d asked. But thrilled wasn’t the word Mim would have used, when all she could think about was the scent of Clarissa’s perfume that lingered on his shirt.

  She’d heard Clarissa go into his office earlier that afternoon, remaining there for a good forty-five minutes, their laughter filtering along the landing; they clearly weren’t discussing work. It had plunged Mim into turmoil; his actions were seriously messing with her head. She wondered if he’d stay long enough for a coffee after dropping her off after work, but something in her gut had told her he wouldn’t.

  From what Mim could gather, Clarissa’s notebook still hadn’t turned up. Honey hadn’t mentioned it, which had surprised Mim since she’d taken great delight at wittering on when Catherine’s pen was missing. The three friends hadn’t discussed it any further in case Honey was responsible; they didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing it had made them feel uncomfortable. It still didn’t stop a prickle of fear from running up Mim’s spine at the thought of what the girl was capable of.

  ‘Right, that’s me done.’ Mim crossed the latest task off her to-do list with a swipe of her pen. She pushed her worries aside; Friday was almost up
on them and that thought gladdened her heart for several reasons; the first one that sprang to mind was that Friday was followed by two blissful days away from Honey and her spiteful, barbed comments – and her mind games, if the missing items were anything to do with her. The second because it was inching closer to the night of Carly’s get-together. Mim couldn’t wait to see her friends from the village; they could always be relied upon to make her laugh and see the lighter side of life, helping her to momentarily forget her troubles. She was desperately in need of that. And the third was the chance to catch up on the hours of lost sleep she’d had this week. Nearly there, Mim. Hang on in there.

  She looked up to see Anna-Lisa watching her, smiling as if she could read her thoughts. Mim smiled back before glancing across at Aidey who was wearing his familiar expression of concentration, his mind deeply engrossed in his work. A pulse of something indefinable shot through to her core, catching her off guard. As if tuned into her thoughts, he looked up at her, flashing a quick smile, his eyes warm and friendly. It made her heart squeeze. He was such a lovely bloke; it always puzzled her that he didn’t have a girlfriend, or at least one who lasted longer than just a few weeks.

  The drive home with Caspar was filled with the usual banter about work; his mood brighter than Mim anticipated after the vibe in the office. She was thankful of it. ‘I enjoyed our moment together this afternoon,’ she said.

  ‘Mmm. Me, too.’ He reached across and ran his hand up her leg, making her shiver with anticipation. ‘It was a tasty little appetiser. I’m looking forward to getting back to your place so we can pick up where we left off.’

  ‘I like the sound of that.’ Something held her back from asking how long he’d be staying for, she didn’t want to sound needy –which was something she’d been accused of in previous relationships, the memory of which made her cringe – and she had a feeling she wouldn’t like the answer.

  The car purred along the road out of York with understated confidence. Their conversation was dotted with a liberal sprinkling of laughter as they relived the times they’d grabbed together over the last few days; illicit moments, stolen under the noses of everyone at Yorkshire Portions, just avoiding getting caught. All the while, Mim fought a silent battle with images of Clarissa that persistently tried to sneak into her mind; she didn’t want to let her paranoia smother the happiness of the moment.

  ‘Imagine what Catherine would say,’ said Caspar.

  ‘Oh, don’t, she’d kick me out straight away; you’d be okay though, she thinks the sun shines out of your backside.’

  ‘Are you trying to say it doesn’t?’

  ‘I hate to disappoint you, but I’m afraid it doesn’t. Well, not quite.’

  ‘Yes, well, sod the risk, it still isn’t going to stop me from taking every opportunity to get my hands on you whenever the chance arises.’

  ‘Yes, but we need to be careful, look how close we came to Honey and Catherine walking in on us.’ She knew Honey suspected something, and Mim was well aware that if she had concrete proof, Honey wouldn’t waste a second before running to Catherine.

  ‘Yes, I suppose that would’ve taken some explaining,’ he said with a chuckle. He took the reins of their conversation, chatting away, taking his usual dig at Aidey which annoyed Mim. It set little alarm bells ringing which she tried to ignore, telling herself it was just fragile male ego at play and Caspar didn’t really mean anything by it. But, deep down, she wasn’t so sure and she wished he could keep his thoughts on Aidey to himself, especially since such comments caused an air of awkwardness between them.

  As they drove on, Mim toyed with the idea of touching on Anna-Lisa’s missing money, but something made her hold back; she was unsure how he’d react. Instead, she decided to test the water with the notebook.

  ‘Do you know if Clarissa managed to find her book?’ She turned so she could catch his expression, wondering if it would betray any signs of his feelings for Clarissa.

  He paused for a moment before replying, his face frustratingly impassive. ‘You mean the blue one with peacock feathers she scribbles all her ideas in?’

  ‘Yes, she came into our room this afternoon, asking if we’d seen it.’

  ‘No, I don’t think she has, but I haven’t seen her for a few hours so I suppose it might have turned up by now.’

  ‘I hope so.’ Mim gazed out of the window, watching the dark clouds creep across the sky forming a thick barrier to the stars, building up her courage to speak further about Clarissa whilst not wanting to sound like she was fishing. ‘I really like Clarissa, she’s so friendly and really quite thoughtful.’

  ‘Yes, she is.’ His expression remained inscrutable.

  ‘And she’s so beautiful.’

  He paused for a moment. ‘I suppose she is. And it’s pretty obvious she’s the talent behind the magazine.’

  Mim couldn’t argue with that. ‘Yes, I used to read it when it was just an online version before her parents got involved.’ She paused and said with a laugh, ‘She’s nothing like them, is she?’

  Caspar followed with a laugh of his own. ‘She’s nothing like them at all. Simon’s more like them. And despite input from the three of them, the magazine would be nothing without Clarissa, or people like you, Mim.’ He turned and flashed her a smile that triggered a bloom of happiness inside her, chasing her doubts about him away.

  ‘I agree with what you say about Clarissa, but you’re just being kind about me.’

  ‘I do wish you wouldn’t do that.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Sell yourself short, Mim Dewberry. You never accept a compliment; you do it all the time. You’re not only incredibly sexy, you’re intelligent and brilliant at your job, too. Yorkshire Portions wouldn’t be the same without your input; Catherine and Kenneth are well aware of it, and how skilfully you manage all the different hats you have to wear for them. That’s why they treat you the way they do, they don’t like how you’re more creative than them; it scares them. They know you’re vital to the success of the magazine and that intimidates them, so by bullying you – for want of a better word – it keeps you doubting yourself, and keeps you in your “place” – in their minds, at least.’

  ‘Oh.’ Was there any truth in that?

  ‘Think about it, Mim, you’re the epitome of the down-to-earth “Yorkshire lass next door”, which is the very demographic they’re wanting to target. Why else do you think they get you to write so many features? Your dry, northern sense of humour shines through; it’s adorable and approachable. I knew I had to get better acquainted with you before I’d even met you; your writing style draws people in, makes them want to be your friend.’

  Mim was lost for words. He’d wanted to get to know her before he’d even started at Yorkshire Portions? Did the Pallister-Biggs really think that about her? Is that what Caspar really thought of her writing, or was he just paying her lip-service to spare her feelings? Having said that, she had to admit, as much as she enjoyed marketing, she loved getting stuck into a bit of writing, letting her creative side loose on the page. And, come to think of it, Anna had regularly complimented Mim on her features as she’d been proofing them. But, in typical Mim style, Mim thought Anna was just being kind because they were best friends.

  ‘You’re pulling my leg.’

  ‘I most certainly am not.’

  ‘Really? You honestly think all that, you’re not just teasing me?’

  ‘Why would I tease you? I mean every word of it, Mim, from the bullying right through to how talented you are. Though, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t share what I’ve just told you with anyone else, I don’t think it would go down too well with the bosses.’

  Mim winced at the thought. ‘I wouldn’t dream of it, my lips are well and truly sealed.’

  Basking in the glow of his words, feeling inexorably happy, Mim couldn’t believe she’d allowed herself to doubt Caspar. Somehow, whenever her worries and insecurities were beginning to rear up, he seemed to have the ability to dispel
them and, in the process, make her feel as if she was the luckiest girl in the world. It was almost as if he knew when it was necessary, when to deliver just the right words.

  As they travelled along, she pushed her worries about Honey and her job to the back of her mind, allowing happiness to take over. She leaned back in the warmth of the leather seat and smiled, thinking how lucky she was to have someone like Caspar in her life.

  25

  As they pulled up outside of Pear Tree Cottage, Mim was hopeful that tonight would be different to the other nights this week when Caspar had dropped her off. If their earlier conversation was anything to go by, she felt sure it would be. Still, she resisted the urge to say something to him since she didn’t want to come across as complaining or pushy, but she couldn’t help but hope for more than a hastily grabbed encounter in the hallway, with Caspar disappearing before she went along to collect Herbert from Carly’s. And, much as she enjoyed the passion and urgency, Mim couldn’t shake the thought that it was starting to almost feel a little sordid; cheap even. Yes, the odd once or twice, when passion got the better of you or there was no other opportunity, then a “quickie” was fun. But not every time.

  Was it unreasonable to want to spend more time with him, she wondered, or was she being clingy? With her history of getting it wrong so many times, she was keen to do things right with Caspar. What would other women expect? What would Clarissa expect? Mim had to admit, she was beginning to feel a little confused by the dynamics of their relationship. Before his complimentary words in the car, she’d tried to face facts, be honest with herself, wondering if they were actually going anywhere. But she didn’t want to be honest. Being honest didn’t give her the answers she wanted to hear, and she didn’t want to let the tiniest doubt sneak in. And she certainly didn’t want to think of herself as someone’s “quick shag”, or that she was being used just for sex; that would hurt. All she wanted was to spend a little more quality time with Caspar. Was that so bad? She was desperate to tell him that travelling along in the car together was all very well, as was their fast and furious sex, but it couldn’t compare to having a relaxed conversation over a coffee or a glass of wine, or snuggling up together on the sofa and getting to know more about one another, or spending lazy nights in bed like they had last Friday. But Mim was afraid she wouldn’t like his response, or that it would push him away, so she kept her thoughts to herself. It didn’t help that this week, there’d always been a reason for him to shoot off and not even stay for a coffee. Did he really dislike Herbert so much he didn’t want to be in the same building as him. Did Herbert really dislike Caspar so much? Hmm. She knew the answer to that. Or was Caspar really only after one thing? Mim quickly shoved that unpalatable question out of the way.