by Daniel Defoe
with him, then he is a single man again as much as ever;and though you cannot bring the laws of the land to join you together,yet, one refusing to do the office of a wife, and the other of ahusband, you may certainly take one another fairly."
"Nay, Amy," says I, "if I could take him fairly, you may be sure I'dtake him above all the men in the world; it turned the very heart withinme when I heard him say he loved me. How could it be otherwise, when youknow what a condition I was in before, despised and trampled on by allthe world? I could have took him in my arms and kissed him as freely ashe did me, if it had not been for shame."
"Ay, and all the rest too," says Amy, "at the first word. I don't seehow you can think of denying him anything. Has he not brought you out ofthe devil's clutches, brought you out of the blackest misery that everpoor lady was reduced to? Can a woman deny such a man anything?"
"Nay, I don't know what to do, Amy," says I. "I hope he won't desireanything of that kind of me; I hope he won't attempt it. If he does, Iknow not what to say to him."
"Not ask you!" says Amy. "Depend upon it, he will ask you, and you willgrant it too. I am sure my mistress is no fool. Come, pray, madam, letme go air you a clean shift; don't let him find you in foul linen thewedding-night."
"But that I know you to be a very honest girl, Amy," says I, "you wouldmake me abhor you. Why, you argue for the devil, as if you were one ofhis privy councillors."
"It's no matter for that, madam, I say nothing but what I think. You ownyou love this gentleman, and he has given you sufficient testimony ofhis affection to you; your conditions are alike unhappy, and he is ofopinion that he may take another woman, his first wife having broke herhonour, and living from him; and that though the laws of the land willnot allow him to marry formally, yet that he may take another woman intohis arms, provided he keeps true to the other woman as a wife; nay, hesays it is usual to do so, and allowed by the custom of the place, inseveral countries abroad. And, I must own, I am of the same mind; elseit is in the power of a whore, after she has jilted and abandoned herhusband, to confine him from the pleasure as well as convenience of awoman all the days of his life, which would be very unreasonable, and,as times go, not tolerable to all people; and the like on your side,madam."
Had I now had my senses about me, and had my reason not been overcome bythe powerful attraction of so kind, so beneficent a friend; had Iconsulted conscience and virtue, I should have repelled this Amy,however faithful and honest to me in other things, as a viper and engineof the devil. I ought to have remembered that neither he or I, eitherby the laws of God or man, could come together upon any other termsthan that of notorious adultery. The ignorant jade's argument, that hehad brought me out of the hands of the devil, by which she meant thedevil of poverty and distress, should have been a powerful motive to menot to plunge myself into the jaws of hell, and into the power of thereal devil, in recompense for that deliverance. I should have lookedupon all the good this man had done for me to have been the particularwork of the goodness of Heaven, and that goodness should have moved meto a return of duty and humble obedience. I should have received themercy thankfully, and applied it soberly, to the praise and honour of myMaker; whereas, by this wicked course, all the bounty and kindness ofthis gentleman became a snare to me, was a mere bait to the devil'shook; I received his kindness at the dear expense of body and soul,mortgaging faith, religion, conscience, and modesty for (as I may callit) a morsel of bread; or, if you will, ruined my soul from a principleof gratitude, and gave myself up to the devil, to show myself gratefulto my benefactor. I must do the gentleman that justice as to say Iverily believe that he did nothing but what he thought was lawful; and Imust do that justice upon myself as to say I did what my own conscienceconvinced me, at the very time I did it, was horribly unlawful,scandalous, and abominable.
But poverty was my snare; dreadful poverty! The misery I had been in wasgreat, such as would make the heart tremble at the apprehensions of itsreturn; and I might appeal to any that has had any experience of theworld, whether one so entirely destitute as I was of all manner of allhelps or friends, either to support me or to assist me to supportmyself, could withstand the proposal; not that I plead this as ajustification of my conduct, but that it may move the pity even of thosethat abhor the crime.
Besides this, I was young, handsome, and, with all the mortifications Ihad met with, was vain, and that not a little; and, as it was a newthing, so it was a pleasant thing to be courted, caressed, embraced, andhigh professions of affection made to me, by a man so agreeable and soable to do me good.
Add to this, that if I had ventured to disoblige this gentleman, I hadno friend in the world to have recourse to; I had no prospect--no, notof a bit of bread; I had nothing before me but to fall back into thesame misery that I had been in before.
Amy had but too much rhetoric in this cause; she represented all thosethings in their proper colours; she argued them all with her utmostskill; and at last the merry jade, when she came to dress me, "Look ye,madam," said she, "if you won't consent, tell him you will do as Racheldid to Jacob, when she could have no children--put her maid to bed tohim; tell him you cannot comply with him, but there's Amy, he may askher the question; she has promised me she won't deny you."
"And would you have me say so, Amy?" said I.
"No, madam; but I would really have you do so. Besides, you are undoneif you do not; and if my doing it would save you from being undone, as Isaid before, he shall, if he will; if he asks me, I won't deny him, notI; hang me if I do," says Amy.
"Well, I know not what to do," says I to Amy.
"Do!" says Amy. "Your choice is fair and plain. Here you may have ahandsome, charming gentleman, be rich, live pleasantly and in plenty, orrefuse him, and want a dinner, go in rags, live in tears; in short, begand starve. You know this is the case, madam," says Amy. "I wonder howyou can say you know not what to do."
"Well, Amy," says I, "the case is as you say, and I think verily I mustyield to him; but then," said I, moved by conscience, "don't talk anymore of your cant of its being lawful that I ought to marry again, andthat he ought to marry again, and such stuff as that; 'tis allnonsense," says I, "Amy, there's nothing in it; let me hear no more ofthat, for if I yield, 'tis in vain to mince the matter, I am a whore,Amy; neither better nor worse, I assure you."
"I don't think so, madam, by no means," says Amy. "I wonder how you cantalk so;" and then she run on with her argument of the unreasonablenessthat a woman should be obliged to live single, or a man to live single,in such cases as before. "Well, Amy," said I, "come, let us dispute nomore, for the longer I enter into that part, the greater my scrupleswill be; but if I let it alone, the necessity of my presentcircumstances is such that I believe I shall yield to him, if he shouldimportune me much about it; but I should be glad he would not do it atall, but leave me as I am."
"As to that, madam, you may depend," says Amy, "he expects to have youfor his bedfellow to-night. I saw it plainly in his management all day;and at last he told you so too, as plain, I think, as he could." "Well,well, Amy," said I, "I don't know what to say; if he will he must, Ithink; I don't know how to resist such a man, that has done so much forme." "I don't know how you should," says Amy.
Thus Amy and I canvassed the business between us; the jade prompted thecrime which I had but too much inclination to commit, that is to say,not as a crime, for I had nothing of the vice in my constitution; myspirits were far from being high, my blood had no fire in it to kindlethe flame of desire; but the kindness and good humour of the man andthe dread of my own circumstances concurred to bring me to the point,and I even resolved, before he asked, to give up my virtue to himwhenever he should put it to the question.
In this I was a double offender, whatever he was, for I was resolved tocommit the crime, knowing and owning it to be a crime; he, if it wastrue as he said, was fully persuaded it was lawful, and in thatpersuasion he took the measures and used all the circumlocutions which Iam going to speak of.
About two hours after he was g
one, came a Leadenhall basket-woman, witha whole load of good things for the mouth (the particulars are not tothe purpose), and brought orders to get supper by eight o'clock.However, I did not intend to begin to dress anything till I saw him; andhe gave me time enough, for he came before seven, so that Amy, who hadgotten one to help her, got everything ready in time.
We sat down to supper about eight, and were indeed very merry. Amy madeus some sport, for she was a girl of spirit and wit, and with her talkshe made us laugh very often, and yet the jade managed her wit with allthe good manners imaginable.
But to shorten the story. After supper he took me