Pisgah Road

by Mahyar A Amouzegar

  “That doesn’t mean he can’t be wrong.”

  Gabrielle smiled and replied, “Well, it does. But right or wrong, it’s a silly argument.”

  Gabrielle and Daniel had known each other since elementary school. Daniel had offered to go to Italy and beat the shit out of Adriano. He would have if she had said yes. Gabrielle loved the game too but in a different way. She simply wanted to watch a good game and enjoy the moment. After the game, win or lose, she was over it and looked forward to the next one. She was small, barely coming up to Daniel’s chest when they stood next to each other. But she always stood erect and exuded a kind of strength that went beyond her size. She hated confrontation and argument as if her body couldn’t handle such negative emotions. Daniel put his arms around her as a way of gratitude, but she wasn’t done yet. “Who cares about O’Leary? We’ve sunshine and we’ve each other.”

  “But…” Daniel said.

  She still wasn’t done. She turned around and faced Daniel and smiled. Alice noticed something and winked at her. Gabrielle took her time and fixed her long pony tail by taking out the rubber band and letting her long brown hair fall over her shoulder before gathering it back in a ponytail again. Gabrielle’s right eyebrow has a smooth royal arch but her left one is confused and rebellious. She could never get it to behave, but that day it looked majestic and aligned with its partner. Gabrielle is not a vain person but if there’s any vanity, it’s hidden in her nonstop quest to get her left eyebrow to behave.

  She finally said, “Really, who cares about O’Leary? Plus, I think Pat Jennings is the greatest player, anyway.”

  “Pat Jennings?”

  “He has my vote,” Alice said.

  “Are you kidding?”

  “You asked…Oh, there’s Fionna, so now we can eat.”

  We all looked up and we saw Gabrielle’s best friend standing on top of the path searching for us in a mass of people in the park. Gabrielle waved at her and she noticed and waved back. Fionna walked over and sat down heavily next to Gabrielle on one of the lounge chairs.

  “I’m starving.”

  Fionna always said she was hungry, even though she hardly ate. Gabrielle had told me Fionna was rather chubby as a little girl, and there were many childhood pictures to prove it. She had lost most of the weight by the time she was sixteen though no one would ever accuse her of being skinny. Yet, she had developed an ironic defense mechanism of claiming to be in a constant state of hunger, and perhaps she was, without taking more than a few bites of a food.

  Fionna’s face was round and very pale. This combined with her light blue eyes and auburn hair, gave her a haunting look that signaled exactly what she wanted to broadcast: beauty and pain. She looked bohemian without wanting to be one and while she sat silently it all worked well. When she opened her mouth, however, the image shattered and she was anything but. Yet, like most of us, her character had more dimensions than we wanted to believe. Fionna and I never really connected. We thought of each other more as rivals than friends.

  Fionna was wearing a long blue dress with large yellow sunflower patterns. She’d done her hair in a pageboy style, and her auburn hair fell lazily around her as she sat.

  “You look lovely, Fionna,” Alice said. “Hot date?”

  She did look nice, with expert makeup that had hidden her numerous freckles and had brought out her milky skin and blue eyes. She smiled slightly and her round face brightened. She was hoping for approval. She wanted Gabrielle’s, but Alice’s would do as well. But, Gabrielle didn’t let her down either.

  “Fionna Blake, you simply look gorgeous.”

  Fionna took these compliments like a force of energy that empowered her and allowed her to be happy. We all seek approval, but for her it was nourishment. It was food with no calories but with a lot of energy. Boys paid attention to her as soon as she hit puberty but that kind of attention didn’t nourish her. She wanted genuine love, which she believed could only come from Gabrielle. It’d be easy to point to her family life and say perhaps her stepfather paid too much attention or her mother did too little. It would be easy, but perhaps it would not be the truth, at least not the whole truth. She was having difficulty at home but it was more due to her stubbornness than the ill wishes of a stepfather or a cold mother. At least, that’s what Gabrielle told me. “It’s not a comfortable house and Fionna is used like a pawn sometimes,” Gabrielle once told me. I only met them once and they seemed to be more uptight than anything else. She spent most of her time at Gabrielle’s house.

  Fionna was about to say something when John Ashford, who had gone out for a walk came back.

  “Fuck,” Fionna whispered.

  “Fionna! I didn’t know you were coming.” He then turned to Gabrielle and said: “You should have told me.” And then back to Fionna, “It’s so lovely to see you. I called a few times…”

  “Not now, John, okay?”

  “Of course…Of course…I understand,” he replied somberly.

  I didn’t understand. He was acting stranger than usual. John was arrogant and mean and I didn’t really like him. That didn’t matter though since he was part of the group that had known one another since elementary school. But that day he looked so defeated and lost that even I felt sorry for him. Alice and I were the new ones, even though by then I had known them for five years. John was studying at Trinity and was in London for the weekend. He was the kind of person who confused arrogance with knowledge and neediness with kindness. He’d made it to Oxford and therefore he was certain of his intelligence. He wore a suit even to a picnic but kept his blond hair long and shaggy, to prove he was a rebel. He hardly said anything, and confused aloofness with being bohemian.

  John’s return had made the mood drab and Daniel couldn’t take it anymore, “So what’s the verdict, Gabrielle? Am I right about O’Leary or am I right?”

  “You’re always right,” she replied absentmindedly while keeping John and Fionna in her sight.

  “I’m starving,” Fionna said again.

  “I’ve made such lovely little sandwiches, Fionna,” Alice offered, “but my darling left the basket in the car and refuses to go get it.”

  “I’ll go get it,” Fionna offered and stretched her hand towards Daniel for his keys.

  “I’ll go with you,” John offered.

  “Please don’t, John.”

  “I just meant to help.”

  “I don’t need your help, John. Can’t you get it?”

  “You stay with me, John,” Gabrielle ordered. “Plus you don’t know where the car is. Daniel will go with Fionna.”

  “Sure thing,” said Daniel, but he didn’t move. He was enjoying the drama and was too comfortable resting again on Alice’s lap.

  “I’ll go,” I said and stood up so there wouldn’t be any argument. Daniel simply took out his keys and tossed them to Fionna.

  “What’s it with you and John?” I asked as soon as we were sufficiently far away.

  She didn’t reply for a moment and I didn’t press. Fionna and I had rebellious relationships. We were close when Gabrielle was hopelessly pursuing Adriano — the misery and company thing — but such emotional openness was momentary and faded easily. What was obdurate about our relationship was its lack of predictability. I liked being with her as long as it was in small doses and I believe she felt the same way. More than a few hours of interaction and we would be either at each other’s throats or sharing our most intimate secrets.

  “You were right, one should never get physically involved with a friend,” confessed Fionna.

  I didn’t recall ever giving such advice but didn’t correct her. It seemed they were all in the know and I was the only one in the dark. I let her think it was my advice if she would bring me in to the inner circle.

  “So what happened?”

  “John is an emotional midget, that’s what happened.”

  I could have told her that years ago but kept my mouth shut. We reached the car and Fionna handed me the keys. I opened the tru
nk and took out the large, more like a steamer-trunk sized basket. Fionna leaned over and helped me take the heavy box out.

  “What’s in it?”

  I shook my head and then grabbed one end of the box. Fionna grabbed the other end and we started our long trek back to the picnic site.

  “So what happened?”

  Fionna replied in a hurried voice, “I had never been to Oxford and John has a place, and I needed to get away from the stepdad and my bitch of a mom, and I thought why not. It would be free and John… You know, he’s good company…”

  I ignored the parents’ angle. It was perhaps a serious problem when she was younger, and had to live at home, and had to deal with all the shit they laid on her, but it had surely became less so when she started college. She was free of them but I think she had started feeling guilty for leaving her mom with the stepdad. Life is never simple and Fionna tried very hard to make it even more complicated. It seemed Mom was happy where she was, and it was really Fionna’s lingering hatred of the stepfather that compelled her to use him as an excuse for every incident. I was more intrigued by her evaluation of John as good company. John could be a lot of things, but certainly not that.

  “He is?”

  “Yes, he is. You don’t have to be all snooty about it. He’s smart and he has so much to say and he’d offered several times for me to visit.”

  I was thinking, no, no and I am sure. But again, kept my mouth shut. Perhaps I was wrong and John did have something to say.

  “Anyway, so I stayed with him for a few days. And you know…It was so cold and his place was even colder than outside…And I had too much to drink and you know the rest…”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “What the fuck? You want me to spell it out for you? He’s a kind boy and he’s smart…”

  “I fully got that part.”

  “Fuck. He’s a good kisser you know. So we shagged. Not a big deal just a good shag to keep us warm.”

  “Really? That’s how they keep warm in Oxford. We should institute the same policy at Imperial. It gets cold here.”

  “Don’t be an ass. He’s a nice boy and I wanted to, okay?”

  “Whatever, Fionna. Who am I to judge? So what’s the problem now?”

  “He doesn’t get it. He thinks he owns me now. He keeps telling me that he loves me. What a crock. Now he’s a pain and won’t go away. It’s been weeks and it was just for one night, but now he thinks we’re made for each other. Can you believe this shit?”

  “Wow!”

  “Go ahead, say it.”

  “Say, what?”

  “That you told me not to get mixed up.”

  “I did?” I don’t recall ever telling her such a thing. I never thought of John, period; let alone advising Fionna about him.

  “Yes, not about John directly, but about friends getting mixed up. That’s what I admire about Gabrielle and you.”

  “Gabrielle and me? What do we have to do with your debacle?”

  “You’re kidding me, right?”

  I looked at her in earnest and she laughed out loud, a genuine mirthful laughter of discovery. “Oh my god, you don’t even know your own feelings. What are you, retarded?”

  “We’re just friends, Fionna. Just like you and me, but perhaps you think I’m wrong about you and me as well?”

  I was angry with her. She had no right to make assumptions about me. And yet, it became very clear to me that if she knew then others knew as well. One could think of this as an opportunity. I had two options: use this as a way to take the next step or stay in my own cocoon as I had done for nearly five years. We don’t need to make decisions quickly, do we? I had a third choice. I pushed ahead and she followed without saying anything else.

  Fionna and I made it close to where the rest of the group was sitting, but by then we were breathing hard from carrying the massive box. John had been talking to Gabrielle but as soon as he saw us he stood up abruptly and walked purposely towards us, as if he had been contemplating this move all the while we were gone. He reached us and I put the basket down, forcing Fionna to do the same. I was still angry with her and she was clearly annoyed by me.

  “Let me help, Fionna.”

  I let go of my side of the handle and walked away.

  “What’s wrong?” Gabrielle asked, sensing my mood.

  “Just letting John do his manly duty.”

  The day was turning from fun to gloomy and Daniel wouldn’t have it. He watched them for a moment and when they were in earshot, jumped up and hollered, “Let there be food.” And then he took out a new bottle of wine from another basket and shouted again, “And let there be wine with the food so we don’t have to ever hear the name O’Leary.”

  Alice joined in, “And let there be peace now that we have food.”

  “Peace, it is.”

  “And thank the lord that the dictator has allowed us to have wine in the park.”

  “Wine and beer in the park, beer in the pub and cider down the loo. That is the rule. That’s how it has been and that’s how it shall be.”

  Fionna had given her side of the basket to John as well and he was forced to carry the whole thing by himself. He was not a strong boy and we could see that the basket was way too big for him. No one moved though. He was making a point and no one wanted to take that away from him. He looked like a lost dog with his shaggy blond hair in his dark suit carrying the basket slowly but purposefully.

  “He doesn’t know when to give up, does he?” Daniel said as he took a swig from the bottle and then passed it to Alice.

  “Leave him alone. He can’t help it,” Alice said, as she took the bottle.

  And I thought even Alice knew about Fionna and John. It seemed everybody did but me.

  Fionna grabbed a bottle of beer and sat away from us. John put the basket down and followed her. She didn’t shoo him away and they were soon involved in a slow though clearly intense conversation.

  “There’s a little chilly bin in the basket and we have oysters,” Daniel said as he rubbed his hands. He loved oysters. We all loved oysters. “We only have half-a-dozen though.”

  “And luckily there are only six of us,” Alice said cheerfully. She always saw the brighter side of the world.

  “That’s my point. There are six of us.”

  He opened the ice chest and expertly shucked all the oysters and put them in their half shell. He then called on John and Fionna but they ignored him. So the four of us sat around the little plate and each took a half-shell. I put some sauce on mine and Daniel and Gabrielle frowned at that. “Don’t ruin it.”

  “I want some sauce too,” Alice said.

  “No, you don’t. Have it as is and then you’ll know how great these oysters are.”

  We then brought our half-shells close to each other and Alice followed. Then we all took our prize and followed it with a drink.

  “It tasted like the sea,” Daniel said.

  “Like the sea in its purest form,” Gabrielle and I said in unison and we all laughed.

  “What? What’s so funny?”

  I replied, “This is something Daniel’s dad says every time he eats a shellfish or any seafood. He says it whether it’s fresh or just a piece of fish from the corner fish and chips shop.”

  “It’s just a silly thing my old man says and so we now say it when we eat our first oyster. But you can only say it if it’s not adulterated. That’s rule number one.” He looked at me meaningfully as he spoke. Then he called Fionna and warned her about the remaining oysters. She ignored him so he gave one to Gabrielle and the other to Alice.

  Alice said, “What’s the deal with those two?”

  And that made me happy. I was wrong about Alice. She didn’t know either.

  We all looked over and it was clear that John was very distressed.

  Daniel said, “John’s a big fool.” And for Alice’s benefit, “Fionna went for a visit in Oxford and she got a bit frisky and now John thinks she is the one.”

  “D
on’t be so cold, Daniel,” Alice said. “You never know.”

  “Daniel is right, Alice,” Gabrielle added.

  She was staring at John and Fionna as she was talking and I could see the resolve in her to get involved.

  Alice said, “John is a good boy.” She said it to no one in particular and no one responded.

  It was odd how differently we all felt about John’s self-inflicted pain. Fionna had done nothing wrong. They were together and apparently afterward they had agreed it was a mistake, but it seemed only Fionna was honest.

  Gabrielle was itching to get up and go to them but Daniel held her hand and said, “Leave ’em be, Gabrielle. I’m sure she can handle it.”

  “I know but I think she needs me…”

  “Or perhaps you want John for yourself?” He teased.

  “Don’t be an ass.” The words came out of my mouth without my control. I didn’t know why I was so angry. I grabbed the bottle and took a long sip to hide my embarrassment.

  Gabrielle was embarrassed too, because she brushed her hair with her fingers. That’s her tell. She was a horrible poker player. She replied with a forced laugh, “That would be the day. In what universe do you see John Ashford and me together? In what universe?”

  “In the universe where O’Leary is considered the best player.”

  “Well, I’m grateful he’s not,” said Gabrielle, and then smacked Daniel on his head.

  Daniel pushed her away with mock anger but then pulled her back and kissed her forehead before pushing her away again. “I knew you’d agree, darling. Did I tell you that you look gorgeous today?”

  “No, but you can start anytime you like.”

  “You look gorgeous and I love what you’ve done with your eyebrows.”

  “Seriously?”

  She took out her hand mirror and looked at her face. She touched her face tentatively but stopped when Daniel grabbed the mirror from her hand.

  “Yes, seriously. You look fine, girl. You’re just too obsessed. It’s just an eyebrow for fuck’s sake.”

  “Hey,” Alice said. “Never tell a person not to obsess. That’s what people do; they obsess.” She turned to Gabrielle and said, “Obsess away, Gabrielle. That’s your right as a woman.”