The Gunfighter

by Robert J Conley

  We wound up back over at the same place where me and ole Sly was staying right upstairs, and we ordered up a good bottle of whiskey and all of us set down at a table together. I felt some strange a-doing that, but I reckon it proved once and for all that them bastards never recognized me at all. They had shot me to pieces and damn near kilt me, and all for nothing. I was just standing too close to ole Sly was all. I figgered they was the worst kind of killing sons of bitches there was. Why, hell, it coulda been a woman or a kid a-standing there.

  Anyhow, we got us drinks poured all around, and that one what liked to talk, he raised his glass up like for a toast. “Here’s to good, hard drinking men,” he said. I said, “I’ll drink to that,” and we all turned up our glasses. “What’s your name?” that ole boy said to me then, and I felt a couple seconds of panic, ‘cause even though they never recognized me, they still mighta knowed my name. I come out with the first thing that popped into my thick skull, and it was ole Happy’s last name.

  “Bonapart,” I said.

  That one laughed. The others never. “Like in Napoleon?” he said.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Just like that.” I wondered if them other two knowed who the hell Napoleon was, but I never asked them. I just poured myself another drink.

  “Well, Napoleon,” that Jasper said, “I seen you drinking in here last night, and I seen that you drank a hell of a lot of whiskey before you went and passed out. I’m Orvel Jasper, and these here are my brothers. This is Orren, and this here is Bud.”

  “Howdy, boys,” I said.

  “I like your style, Napoleon,” Orvel said, “and I think we’ll just all get as drunk as hell together here today.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Well, hell, we commenced to working on that very task, but the only thing was, I was making out to be just as drunk as them others, but I weren’t, not by a long shot. I never met a man who can hold as much liquor as me, but I let them Jaspers think that maybe they could. Whenever their speech started in to getting fuzzy, why, I went and let mine do the same thing, and whenever they started into staggering a little bit when they stood up to take a few steps, hell, I got rubbery legged too. But only, I weren’t for real. It was all an act I was a-putting on for their benefit.

  It was a-getting along about toward evening, and we’d had us a few hours of drinking. I seen that ole Bud was just almost did in from it. The other two was staggering and talking mushy, but they seemed like as if they would be able to go on for a while yet. We had just emptied a bottle and ordered up a fresh one. Orvel, he leaned in real close to me and said, “Napoleon, I’m going to tell you something.” The bartender come over with the bottle, and Orvel set back again and shut up. Whenever the barkeep walked away, Orvel leaned on back in towards me. “I’m fixing to tell you something,” he said, “but you can’t tell no one else, not a living son of a bitch.”

  I kinda weaved around some in my chair like as if I couldn’t hardly set straight no more. “All right,” I said. “I can keep a secret as good as the next bastard.”

  “Well, listen to this here, Napoleon,” Orvel said. “Me and my brothers here, we got us another brother. There’s four of us altogether. Used to be eight, but that widowmaking son of a bitch Herman Sly killed poor ole Ormond. We got Sly for it, though. Blasted his ass real good, but only, we lost three more in the doing of it. So anyhow, there’s just the four of us now, and our brother Oliver is out right now a-looking over a… situation.”

  “Hey, Orvel,” Orren said, “you hadn’t oughta be talking about that.”

  “Oh, hell,” Orvel said, “Napoleon here is all right. I’m fixing to ask him to throw in with us on this deal. You know, we are some shorthanded now.”

  Bud was a-hanging his head like as if he was just about ready to pass on out anytime, and ole Orren, after he had put in his two or three cents’ worth to the conversation and then got answered back short, why, he just kinda flopped back in his chair like he didn’t have no more arguing left in him nowhere. Orvel leaned in even closer to me.

  “I like you, Napoleon,” he said. “Here’s the deal. Ole Oliver is out scouting the road where the stagecoach is going to come over it on its way to here in just a few days. You see, we got us word that it’s a-going to be carrying a special strongbox full of cash for the bank here. Well, we mean to see that cash box don’t make it all the way through. We mean to stop it and take that cash for ourselves — and you, if you’ll throw in with us.”

  “Well, hell,” I said in my slimiest speech, “how come you to want to be so nice to me like that? You don’t hardly even know me.”

  “I know you good enough,” he said. “And I like you. I done told you that. Well? What do you say?”

  “When’s this going to happen?” I asked him.

  “Day after tomorrow,” Orvel said. “Afternoon.”

  “Well, by God,” I said, “I ain’t got nothing else going, and I ain’t got enough money in my britches to last me much longer, neither. I say, why the hell not?”

  “Good,” Orvel said, and he slapped me on the back and leaned back in his chair to relax.

  “Orvel,” I said, “I don’t reckon in my whole entire life anyone has done anything near so nice as this what you just done for me. I just don’t hardly know what the hell to say to you.”

  “Well, shit,” he said, “don’t get all blubbery on me.” Well, I kinda slobbered a little bit and wiped my eyes and my mouth with my sleeve, and then I took myself another drink. Both a them other Jaspers had done passed clean out with their heads on the table. Orvel was the toughest, and I figgered I had to stay ahead of him but not let on to him that I was. I wanted to get away and let ole Sly know just what it was I had fell into. “Your brothers has give up on us,” I said.

  “Yeah,” he said. “They do that. It’s kinda embarrassing for me, but, hell, they’re my brothers. I better lug them on over to our room, though, while I can still walk.”

  “I’ll help you,” I said.

  Me and ole Orvel both stood up on wobbly legs, and each one of us hauled a Jasper brother up onto our shoulders. Then we went to staggering out through the front door and on across the street. Right smack out in the middle of the street, ole Orvel fell down and him and his brother both went sprawling. I put down my load and helped him get back up and load up again, and then I got mine back up onto my own shoulder, and we made it the rest of the way into the hotel across the street where they had a room. We got them into the room and tossed them onto a bed. They was two beds in there, and we tossed them both on just one. I headed for the door.

  “Where you going, Napoleon?” Orvel asked me.

  “Hell,” I said, “we left some whiskey in that bottle. Let’s go finish it off.”

  Orvel had dropped his ass into a chair, so he started to get up, but his ole legs just wouldn’t rise him up from that chair. He dropped back down real heavy. Then he kinda waved at me. “Ah, hell,” he said, “you go on and finish it up for me. I can’t make it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I slurred him a good night and went staggering outa the room, but just as soon as I got out, I straightened my ass up and moved right along. I got back across the street, picked up the bottle we had left on the table there, along with my glass, and hurried right upstairs to find ole Sly. He was a-setting at a small table with a deck of cards all spread out and playing hisself a game of soli-

  taire. I reckoned life in that room like he was a-living must be awful boring and a whole hell of a lot like being in jail. He looked up and said, “Hello, Baijack.”

  “Howdy,” I said. “You need anything before I go on ahead and sack out?”

  “I am hungry,” he said.

  “I’ll fetch you up something,” I said. I was feeling real smug a-holding back the good news like that. I went back down and ordered up a couple of steak dinners, and that barkeep give me another one of them funny looks. I said, “Hell, I didn’t eat no lunch.” I had me a little drink of whiskey while I was a-waiting, and in a little w
hile he brung them out, and I paid for them. I took them and hurried back up to the room. Me and ole Sly went to work on them without saying much. I washed mine down with whiskey. He drunk water. When we was both done, I decided to tell him the news.

  “I got drunk with them Jasper boys,” I said.

  He looked up right smart. “You did?” he said.

  “I sure as hell did,” I said. “And I outdrunk them, all three. I left them passed out in their room across the street.”

  “Goddamn,” he said, and it was the first time I ever did hear ole Sly say anything even a little bitty bit off color, as they say. “You might be able to get us some good information that way.”

  “I done already did that,” I said, and I just set back and grinned like a ole dog what’s been rolling in fresh cow dung.

  “All right, Baijack,” Sly said, “don’t make me drag it out of you.”

  “Okay, then,” I said, “here it is. That one what you killed? He was out scouting up a good spot to rob the stage from. Stage is a-coming into town day after tomorry with some cash on it, so they heard. They’re planning to rob it out there. ‘Course, they don’t know yet that their brother’s out there dead alongside the road.”

  “That bit of news might change their plans, and it might not,” he said. “Day after tomorrow, huh?”

  “In the afternoon,” I said. “And there’s more.”

  ‘Tell me,” he said, “before I wring your neck.”

  “They done asked me to throw in with them on the deal,” I told him. “If they go for it, I’ll be a-riding right along with them.”

  Sly stood up and started in to pacing the floor like as if he was real anxious for things to start in to hopping, but of course, we both knowed that we’d have another day and a half to wait it out. He turned on me right smart, and he said, “That’s great work, Baijack. Great.”

  “The way I figger it,” I said, “if you’re a-waiting for them out there the way you done for that other one, you’ll be in front of them and I’ll be with them. Hell, I can drop back just a little and be behind them. We’ll have their ass right where we want it.”

  “That’s just how I’d have figured it, too,” Sly said. “Oh, yeah,” I said, “they bragged on shooting you up the way they done. Never said nothing about me, though. They think they killed you.”

  “They’ll learn better soon enough,” he said, and his eyes just turned real cold. I was sure as hell glad the son of a bitch weren’t after my ass. Well, I had me another few drinks, and then I went on to bed. The last thing I seen of ole Sly before I dropped off, he was still up and pacing around. He was all tight strung and raring to go a-killing.

  I don’t know if ole Sly got much sleep that night or not, ‘cause he was still a-sleeping whenever I got up the next morning, and that was damned unusual. I tried to keep quiet getting my ass dressed, but I went and bumped my bare big toe on my left foot against the leg of a chair, and the chair scooted and made a racket, and I yowled out. I couldn’t help myself. Sly come awake. “You going out, Baijack?” he asked me.

  “I figger I’d best hang out with them ole boys till we’re done with them,” I said.

  “That’s a good idea,” Sly said. “Keep me posted.”

  “I’ll do my best,” I said. I went ahead and got my clothes on, strapped on my Merwin and Hulbert Company revolver, and then put the hat on my head. Then I left the room and went on downstairs. I didn’t see no Jaspers, and I figgered they was all still a-sleeping it off across the street, so I just went ahead and ordered me up a breakfast of steak and eggs. It was pretty good, and I washed it down with about a pot of coffee. ‘Bout then here come Orvel Jasper.

  “Morning, Napoleon,” he said.

  “Pull up a chair, Pard,” I said, and he did. He went on ahead and ordered up his own breakfast, and then I asked him, “Where’s them brothers of yours?”

  “Aw, hell,” he said, “they’re still sleeping it off. You musta got up early, ‘cause you’re done finished with your breakfast. Hell, Napoleon, you’re still the drinking champ around here. I got to hand it to you.”

  “Well,” I said, “I had me a lot of practice. That’s for sure.”

  Me and ole Orvel set there together without saying much, and I could tell that he had something eating at his mind. I figgered I knowed what it was, too, but of course, I couldn’t say nothing to him about it, ‘cause I figgered that just maybe he was a-starting to worry about what it was that was taking his one brother so long in scouting out a place to rob that there stagecoach. I knowed that the son of a bitch was laying out there in the ditch where Sly had left him to rot, but like I said, I couldn’t say nothing to Orvel about that, now could I?

  He et his breakfast and drunk a bunch of coffee the same as what I had did, and by and by his two brothers come along. They was both of them a-moaning and holding their heads, and I wanted to laugh at them, but the mood Orvel was in, I figgered I maybe hadn’t ought to do that. Pretty soon them other two had ordered them up some coffee and food, and it was while they was eating that Orvel final come out with it.

  “Boys,” he said, “I’m getting worried ’bout Oliver. Seems to me he’d oughta been back here by now.”

  “He has been gone awhile,” Bud said. “You reckon something happened to him?”

  “Aw, hell,” Orren said, “Oliver can take keer a hisself.”

  “Maybe so,” Orvel said, “but soon as you two finish up here, we’re saddling our horses and going out to look for him.”

  “We find him out there and he’s all right,” Bud said, “he’s going to sure as hell be mad at us. He told us right clear to wait for him here.”

  “Yeah, well, if that happens it’ll sure relieve my mind,” Orvel said, “and I’ll take all the blame. Hurry it up, now.” Then he looked over at me. “You wanta ride along with us, Napoleon?”

  “Sure thing,” I said.

  Whenever they final got ready to leave, I told them I had to go out back to the outhouse and that I’d meet them down to the stables, so when they walked outa the place, I headed upstairs to tell Sly what we was a-doing. With all them Jaspers outa town at once like that, why, he’d be free to come down from the room again for a spell. I thought for a minute there that he might want to go on ahead and get the job over with, ride on out after us and catch them outa town like that, but he never said nothing about it, and so I let it go too. The only thing I could figger was that it come too fast, and he weren’t ready. I went on down and on over to the stable.

  Them Jaspers was all saddled up, and I got my own nag saddled as fast as I could. I knowed they was anxious to get a-moving. At least, ole Orvel was. We rid outa town in the direction of that stagecoach route. I recanized the way. ‘Course, I couldn’t let on that I knowed a damn thing about it. I knowed it was fixing to be a long ride out there, and so I had packed in a few bottles of good whiskey. I knowed, too, that once they was to find their brother’s dead and stinking corpus out there where me and ole Sly had left it, they’d be a-needing a drink too. That’s how come me to carry along a extry like I done.

  For a while the youngest two, ‘special that Bud, was talking all the time, but Orvel weren’t in no mood for it, and after he’d told them to shut up several times, they final got the hint. We rid along quiet after that. When we had got way on down the road along about mid-afternoon, and we was damn near to the place where Sly had kilt that Jasper, Orvel got to looking real worried.

  “There’s plenty good spots right along here,” he said. “He shoulda done picked one out and come on back to tell us.”

  We rid on, and we went right past that body. I kept quiet. I didn’t let on nothing. I sure didn’t want it being too obvious that it was easy for me to spot it. If the weather had been warmer than what it was, there wouldn’ta been no way we coulda rid past a corpus like that. There woulda been too much evidence in the air, but they never noticed a thing, and so I made out like I never either. We got on down the road a ways, and Orvel stopped us.

>   “The country’s opening up too much,” he said. “He wouldn’ta come way out here. We passed by all the good spots back yonder. Let’s turn around and go back.”

  This time as we was riding through that part of the road what kinda had walls on each side, where the road was like a narrow little valley, and where in fact their dead brother was at, Orvel told us to go slow and look real careful for any kinda sign.

  “Well, what’re we looking for?” Bud asked him.

  “Just shut up and look,” Orvel said.

  I knowed what he was a-thinking, and I figgered he didn’t want to put it into so many words. And you know, I begun to actual feel some bad for them ole boys. They wasn’t such bad boys after all. They was good drinking pardners, that’s for sure, and ole Orvel ’special was sometimes a hell of a lot of fun. I had come to like him all right. But that don’t mean I was softening up on the notion of killing the sons of bitches for what they done to me and ole Sly. No sir. Right is right.

  Well, we come up on the place where the corpus was at, and it looked to me like they was all a-going to ride right on past it again, so I kinda eased my ole horse real close over to the ditch on the right-hand side of the road, and when I come up alongside of it, I stopped.

  “Orvel,” I said.

  He stopped his horse and twisted in the saddle to look over at me. His brothers stopped too. “What is it?” he said.

  I set there on my horse a-looking down into that there ditch. “I sure hope I ain’t found what we’re a-looking for,” I said, and I pointed down at it. Orvel come riding over quick-like, and he seen it right away. He jumped down offa his horse’s back and stepped right over to the edge of the ditch. He stood there looking down for a few seconds without saying nothing, and his brothers was coming up to stand beside him.

  “It’s him,” Orvel said. “That’s Oliver.”