In His Thoughts

by Peggy L Henderson

  “It’s for her own safety. After what I saw your son attempt to do, something tells me she’ll be better off without the likes of you two.”

  Ben mentally shook his head. Why was he doing this? He was still working on making a big change in his own life, yet here he was, getting involved in something that was none of his business.

  No. Protecting a young woman who was obviously mistreated by her kin was everyone’s business. Most folks turned a blind eye to family matters, but he couldn’t do it. There was something about Clara that drew him to her. Passing the peddler’s wagon a couple of days ago on his way home from the wedding, he’d sensed her more than he’d seen her. Earlier today in town, he’d been drawn to her like a magnet to steel.

  The more he’d found out about her, the more he wanted to protect her. There was some kind of bond between them, something he couldn’t explain, but in his thoughts, she was the angel his mind had conjured up that had saved him from certain death that day in Yellowstone. He couldn’t simply walk away.

  What he was going to do with her was another matter. For now, all he could think of was getting her away from these two. There was no telling what might have happened if he hadn’t come along when Max was about to shoot Clara’s dog. No wonder she was plagued with bouts of uncontrollable fear.

  Clara stared from him to her relatives. Indecision was written all over her face. She’d clearly never known freedom away from them, and they had fed her fears and insecurities to the point she thought she could never leave, and that she wasn’t worthy of happiness in her life.

  When he’d said that she’d saved him once, she’d stared at him with a horrified look on her face. Before the interruption from her uncle, he’d meant to elaborate and tell her about the time when he’d nearly died, and the vision of the blue-eyed angel that had given him the will to live. It sounded silly, and he’d never talked to anyone about it, but if it would help Clara, he’d share it with her.

  “Go back to the wagon, Clara,” Eli Youngblood ordered.

  Clara stiffened visibly next to him. Her eyes darted from her uncle to him. Ben offered an encouraging smile. Would she take him up on his impulsive offer?

  “I meant what I said. Let me take you somewhere safe. You’ll soon see that you’ll be better off without them.”

  Eli snorted. “You can’t simply take her with you, Ferguson. I’ll go to town and tell the sheriff you’ve planned to abduct my niece. I won’t have her live with the scandal of being a fallen woman.”

  Ben smirked. The man had some nerve. His next words surprised even him. “I’ve got friends with whom you can stay for the time being, Clara. I have no intention of soiling your reputation. I’m only trying to look out for your well-being.”

  “I’ll go with you.” Clara spoke up.

  Ben’s brows rose, then he smiled.

  “You’ll do no such thing. It’s shameful.” Eli’s face turned as red as a summer strawberry.

  “I think it’s a bit late to show concern for your niece, Mr. Youngblood. I don’t think you can keep her with you against her will. I’m guessing Miss Clara is old enough to think for herself and make her own decisions about where she wants to go.”

  Clara looked at him as if he’d grown wings. If only she’d smile, but that would come in time. Ben grinned at her for encouragement.

  “I’ll get my things,” she stammered, and rushed off in the direction of where the peddler had set up camp.

  Eli glared at Ben, then turned to follow his niece.

  “I want my gun back.” Max shot him a hate-filled look.

  “I’ll drop it off in town and you can pick it up at the sheriff’s office.” Ben hobbled to where he’d left his horse. He mounted up, then followed Clara. Heated voices came from the wagon.

  “You can’t go off with him, girl. What are you thinking?”

  Clara smirked. “I’m thinking for myself, for once. All my life, you told me no one would ever want me. I refuse to live like this any longer. My mother took her own life because you imprisoned her, the same way you’re holding me hostage. You fed her fears and told her she was worthless.”

  “Your mother was my sister, and I took care of her.”

  “Like you’re taking care of me? I heard the arguments between the two of you when I was little, but I was too scared to speak up. I may have the same affliction she did, but I will not let it ruin my chance at a different life.”

  There was a momentary pause, then Clara appeared from around the wagon, followed by her uncle. He leaned in closer, and whatever he said was lost to Ben. He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. Whatever Eli Youngblood said put fear in Clara’s gaze. All color visibly drained from her face. It was time to get her away from this camp.

  He nudged his horse and rode in closer.

  “Are you ready?” Offering a smile, Ben reached for the bag she carried.

  Clara glanced from him to her uncle. She hadn’t changed her mind, had she? She raised her chin in a determined gesture, then handed up her meager belongings. Ben winked and widened his grin. Clara had grit, even if she wasn’t aware of it. Once she was free of her kin, her true character would have a chance to emerge.

  Ben hooked the bag over his saddle horn, then held out his hand to her to pull her up onto the saddle behind him. Steadying his horse, he waited for her to settle.

  “Hold onto me.”

  Her arms went around him, and she leaned against his back. Ben’s reaction to her move was instant. The feel of her nestled up against him, completely trusting him, was different than when he’d held her while she struggled with her bout of panic.

  Even then, feelings he’d never allowed himself to have for a woman had surfaced, and they grew stronger now as warm sensations seeped into him wherever their bodies touched. He shook it off. The last thing Clara needed right now was a man chasing after her. She needed a safe place first to take her mind away from years of turmoil.

  Ben nudged his horse with his heels, and the gelding loped away from the peddler camp. Max glared at them as they rode past.

  “Remember what I told you, girl, and heed my words.” Uncle Eli called behind them. His words and voice were laced with a threatening undertone.

  “What did he tell you?” Ben glanced over his shoulder.

  Clara didn’t respond right away. “That I was making a mistake.”

  She wasn’t being completely truthful or forthcoming, but he wasn’t going to pry. The important thing was that he’d gotten her away from her horrible relatives.

  Ben guided his horse along the road leading away from town and toward his farm. He couldn’t take her there, as much as he wanted to. Truth be told, he’d left town earlier to follow the peddler to make sure Clara was all right, since he didn’t get the chance to talk to her more after the incident at the mercantile. His encounter with her there, and then seeing how her relatives treated her when he’d returned her to her wagon, hadn’t left him any peace.

  It hadn’t crossed his mind that he’d be taking her away from her relatives. He sure hadn’t thought this whole thing through all the way. Now that Clara had agreed to go with him, he had a new set of problems on his hands.

  Taking her home with him was out of the question. She didn’t need to be plagued by scandal, and that’s exactly what busy-bodies like Frances Halverston would turn this into if they found out he had a woman living under his roof. Trace Hawley came to mind first. He could ask his friend about letting Clara stay with him and his wife for a while, but they had gone with Sam to Kentucky when his brother left the day after the Taggart wedding.

  “Will I be staying with you?”

  Ben glanced over his shoulder at Clara’s hesitant question. After putting a reasonable amount of distance between them and the peddler camp, he eased his horse into a walk. The sun was starting to set behind them. They were running out of daylight and he had to figure out what to do.

  Ben shook his head. He chuckled. “I don’t think so. I told you I want to take you somewh
ere safe, and staying with me would not be good for your reputation. I have friends that I trust, and I know you’ll be safe with them.”

  “Stay with your friends?” She sounded almost disappointed.

  “Yeah.” He blurted out the first suitable couple after the Hawleys, and they were his closest neighbors. “Ethan and Sally Mallory. They’re a nice couple, and they have three young children. I know they wouldn’t mind having you stay with them until you can decide for yourself what you want to do and where you want to go.”

  Clara eased away from him slightly, but her arms remained tightly around his middle. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

  Ben pressed his lips together. He kept his voice upbeat to give her courage. “We’ll figure something out. For now, I’ll do the worrying, all right? You need to live for the moment, and not think about tomorrow.”

  Although his words were meant to encourage, they were only platitudes that were easier said than done, but it was all he could offer for now.

  Clara stayed quiet and leaned against him for much of the ride to the Mallory Farm. Ben was lost in his own thoughts as well. Although he would deliver her into the care of his friends, he’d taken responsibility for her, but what exactly would that entail? He sighed, looking off into the distance. As he’d told her, he’d worry about it tomorrow.

  “What if they don’t want me?”

  Clara’s quietly spoken question pulled Ben from his thoughts.

  Ben reined his horse to a stop. He shifted and turned slightly in the saddle so that he could see Clara’s face. She eased away from him, meeting his gaze with those soft eyes of hers. Ben’s chest tightened, and something stirred in his gut. It took all his willpower not to dismount his horse and pull her into a protective embrace.

  What was it about Clara Youngblood that sent such thoughts through him? He’d courted a few young ladies years ago while he was at West Point, but none of them had ever struck his fancy or made him think of something more than a casual acquaintance. He didn’t even know Clara, other than her uncle and cousin were nothing but swindlers who abused her.

  It wasn’t always necessary for someone to be violent with their fists to abuse another person. Words often hurt more than a beating, and Clara was definitely suffering the consequences of that. How devastating it must have been for her when her mother took her own life. His heart went out to her, and he felt sorry for her. That’s what had brought on these feelings. He quickly pushed the notion from his mind that he was attracted to her.

  Ben chuckled. He smiled to reassure her. “I told you, they’re good people. They’ll be glad to take you in for a while. Sally would beat me with a frying pan if she found out I hadn’t brought you to stay with her.” His face sobered. “You’re going to feel better once you’re away from your uncle and cousin for a while, Clara. Life doesn’t have to be the way you’re used to. It’s not meant to be lived in constant fear. Once you experience a little freedom, your fears and worries might ease up a bit, too.”

  She stared at him for the longest time, not saying anything. Was he being too bold in what he’d told her? He’d experienced the same kind of fears, but his had been short-lived. While anger and sometimes terror still chased him into the night because of his accident, his panic had eased significantly as time had passed. Clara’s condition wasn’t due to a single traumatic event, but that didn’t mean she had to constantly live with it. Being away from her kin would allow her to heal.

  “I don’t know what it’s like to not be afraid.” Her head dropped, and she sounded hopeless.

  Ben reached his hand out. His fingers grazed along her cheek and coaxed her to raise her chin to look him in the eye.

  “From now on, you don’t have to be afraid of your uncle and cousin anymore,” he whispered. “They no longer control you. That was a brave thing you did when you stood up to your uncle and agreed to come with me. You know you’re going to be better off, don’t you?” His brows rose, and he smiled again.

  Almost hesitantly, she nodded, but the smile he’d hoped for didn’t materialize. Her pain and sadness were still too fresh.

  “I want a normal life more than anything. Thank you, Ben, for making it possible.”

  Ben’s fingers lingered against her cheek, then he forced his hand away. He straightened and nudged his horse forward.

  “Then let’s go and meet Sally Mallory and her family.”

  Chapter 9

  Clara held out her hand, praying it wouldn’t tremble too badly, and shook Sally Mallory’s hand. The woman smiled at her after a quick glance at Ben, who’d made the introductions. From the way Ben had talked about the Mallorys, Clara had pictured someone much older, but it turned out they were a young couple. Sally probably had no more than a half-dozen years on her, and Ethan was perhaps a few years older than Ben.

  “What a most unexpected surprise, Ben.” Sally embraced him without hesitation. “It’s so good to see you again. Ethan mentioned you were too busy getting your farm spiffed and polished to do much socializing. We were quite surprised to see you at Ellie and Lance’s wedding.”

  “I didn’t say he was so busy that he doesn’t have time for a little socializing.”

  Ethan Mallory stepped up beside his wife and held his hand out to Clara. He shot Sally an indulgent smile. “Any friend of Ben’s is a friend of ours. Why don’t you both come inside?”

  He stepped aside and waved his hand in a motion that invited Clara into the house. She hesitated, swallowed back her growing apprehension, and took a step forward. She glanced at her feet where Scamp sat patiently, thumping his tail on the wooden boards of the porch. His tongue hung out the side of his mouth, and he stared up at her expectantly with his brown eyes that conveyed undying devotion.

  “Stay,” she said, holding out her hand to the dog. Scamp’s watchful eyes were on her, but he made no move to follow. Clara gave the dog a pat on the head. What would she ever do without her faithful companion? He’d seen her through so many dark and trying times. What if the Mallorys wouldn’t allow him to stay? She couldn’t simply abandon her dog. What would she do then, and where would she go? She might have to return to Uncle Eli. At least he’d allowed her to keep her dog, and she’d always protected him from Max, no matter what it took.

  Clara’s gaze raised to Ben, who nodded in encouragement. He placed his palm against her lower back, encouraging her to step forward. Her reaction to the simple touch was instant. Ben’s warm hand seeped through the fabric of her dress and straight up her spine. There was nothing threatening about his touch. It was gentle and reassuring, just like his embrace had been earlier, when he’d held her in his arms after chasing Max away.

  She stiffened for a split-second. What if he noticed her reaction? Would he think any less of her for being drawn to him? He’d been nothing but helpful and kind to her, and he didn’t have any ulterior motives. Why would he? Eli had always told her that no man would ever want her.

  Being plain and unattractive, and with her affliction, she would never be anyone’s wife. She’d come to terms with that a long time ago. She’d never sought out a man’s attention or noticed a man in that way. Until now. Her attraction to Ben Ferguson had been instant when she’d seen him staring at her in the crowd of people the other day, and it had only grown from there.

  Clara mentally chided herself. She was misinterpreting her gratefulness for his kindness and understanding as attraction. The only reason he’d caught her eye was because she’d recognized him as the man she’d left to die in the Yellowstone wilderness.

  She glanced at Scamp to redirect her thoughts. Clara held her hand out to the dog one more time, then gave in to Ben’s gentle nudge and stepped into the house.

  For now, Scamp would have to wait outside on the porch. It would be terribly rude to ask if the dog was allowed in the house. The Mallorys might not allow her to stay, either. Ben hadn’t even mentioned the reason for his visit.

  Clara took in several deep breaths and swallowed back the growing feeling
of dread and uncertainty. She pressed her sweaty palms together in front of her, her fingers fidgeting with her nails. Hiding her growing inner turmoil was nothing new, but it seemed more difficult this time to present an outward appearance of calm.

  To redirect her thoughts, she glanced around as she took another step into the house. The farmhouse was small and modest, but instantly gave off the feeling of welcome and home. A fire crackled in the hearth, and delicious smells drifted from the small alcove to the right of the living room, which was probably the kitchen.

  “You’ll have to excuse me. I need to get supper out of the oven. We were just about to eat. You’ll have to stay and eat with us.” Sally moved around them after Ethan closed the door and headed for the alcove. “Then you can tell us what brings you out here for a visit.”

  “Better say yes, Ben, or you’ll insult her.” Ethan leaned in and winked at Ben.

  “I won’t refuse an invitation to a home-cooked meal.” Ben grinned, then looked at Clara. “I’m sure you must be hungry, too.”

  Clara stared at him. Being in this house was awkward enough. Her inner turmoil increased the longer she stood there. Why had she agreed to let Ben take her anywhere? This felt like too much of an imposition.

  A loud screech at that moment saved her from having to give a verbal answer. The wail of an infant reverberated through the house. Seconds later, two young boys climbed down the ladder from the loft.

  “Wash up, boys, and come to the table,” Ethan called over the noise as the boys darted for the front door.

  “Yessir,” they shouted in unison, and the bigger of the two ripped the front door open. Immediately, Scamp let out a bark, and the boys squealed with delight that there was a dog on the porch.

  “Can you check on the baby, Ethan?” Sally shouted from the kitchen. “Supper’s on the table.”

  Clara’s head spun with all the activity going on around her. She ought to be doing something, but instead she stood in the living room, rooted to the spot. The chaos sent her heart racing.