Hate the Game

by Rose, Callie

  It wasn’t enough. I could feel the frayed strands of my life begin to braid themselves together, but it was still incomplete.

  I called Amelia.

  “Hello?” She sounded tired and trepidatious. I couldn’t blame her. The last time I’d called her I had been drunk at eleven in the morning and crying about Addison.

  I kept my tone as soothing as possible. “Hey, Amy. How are you?”

  I could almost see her face brighten over the phone. “I’m okay, same old stuff… how are you? You sound better.”

  “Yeah, I… I’ve been pulling my head out of my ass. It’s a process, took a bit of time. I had a pretty interesting conversation today though. About Addison. Well, adjacently I guess.”

  “What a coincidence. I recently had a very interesting conversation with Addison.”

  My heart skipped so hard I thought I would need medical attention. “You—you talked to her?”

  “I had coffee with her last week. You know, Sawyer… I think we might have been just the slightest bit too hasty.”

  Chagrin coiled in my chest. “Well, you can stop thinking it, because I know it. Damian spilled the story.”

  “Damian? You told Damian about Elyse?” She sounded hurt.

  “No! Never. I’m not a complete idiot. Just a little bit of an idiot. Okay, mostly an idiot.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I told Lucy,” I confessed in a rush. “I hadn’t told her much, but when Elyse died, I needed her to know. She didn’t understand why I was breaking down, not able to focus on anything, and uninterested in our usual social activities. I thought she should know, and since I was dumb enough to think I wanted to marry her, I actually thought she’d care. She didn’t… and it’s why we broke up. Anyway, I guess she was sleeping with Damian too, and she told him.”

  “Ew.”

  My lips curled in distaste. “I know.”

  “So Addison—”

  “Had nothing to do with it, just like she said.”

  She sighed. “Well I’m glad you found that out before you called. I’ve been driving myself crazy all week trying to figure out how to break through your stubborn drunken stupor to tell you that same thing.”

  “What did she say that convinced you?”

  “Nothing. It was everything she didn’t say. I’ve read her work before, you know. She’s nothing if not fair and thorough. If she had uncovered that story herself, it would have included everything. Your charities, the time you spent volunteering at the hospital… ”

  “You didn’t tell her all of that, did you?”

  “I did.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because she loves you, you dork. She deserved to know what kind of guy you really are. She was so miserable; she looked like she had been fighting with herself for ages.”

  “Damn.” I shook my head. “I messed up, Amelia.”

  “Yeah, you done goofed. Now what are you going to do about it?”

  I pressed a palm to my forehead as snippets of things that I had said to her before she left began to ring in my ears. I couldn’t face her after all that.

  “I’ll send her an apology note,” I said helplessly.

  “What?” My sister’s voice was a shocked screech. “The hell you will. That’s worse than saying nothing at all. Come on, Sawyer, what do you really want to say to her?”

  I shrugged. “That I’m sorry? That I know it wasn’t her? That if I could turn back time and not be such a massive ass to her, I would? I don’t know, Amelia. I messed this up. I should just leave her in peace to write whatever she wants to about me. I deserve it.”

  “Yeah, maybe you do. But she doesn’t.”

  I paused. “What?”

  “She. Loves. You,” she said, enunciating slowly as if I were an inattentive child. “She’s got it in her to forgive you, I know she does. But she’s a strong woman, Sawyer. You’re not going to get her back playing the damaged ‘I’m such scum don’t look at me’ card.”

  “Hold on… you think I should try to get her back?”

  “Duh.”

  “But it’s over! She’s gone. She got her two weeks’ worth and left. She’s probably already submitted something to her publishers. She’s going to tear me apart—how can I go throw myself at her feet and beg forgiveness if she’s already got the revenge wheels in motion?”

  “You really think she’s that type?”

  “I think I’d deserve it if she was.”

  “We don’t always get what we deserve.” The touch of deep sadness in her voice brought Elyse to my mind.

  “No,” I said, swallowing against the knot of emotion in my throat. “No, I guess we don’t.”

  “Give her a chance to prove you wrong. Tell you what, if you’re right, I’ll owe you a drink.”

  I coughed out a surprised laugh. “What? You’ll… what?”

  “Yeah, you idiot. You see how sure I am? If I’m wrong I will willingly kick off your next bender myself. What are you waiting for? Don’t you have a plane to catch?”

  “Really? You’re daring me to do this?”

  “Nope. I’m double-dog-daring you to do this.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “Life’s not fair.”

  I narrowed my eyes, wishing she was here to witness the full power of my glare.

  “Done,” I said.

  28

  Sawyer

  I begged off practice for a couple of days. Coach wasn’t happy about it, especially since I’d only just gotten my mojo back on the ice. But I convinced him that what I needed to do was really important, and hinted that it would go even further toward improving my game.

  And it would… if this all went as I hoped.

  Knowing Addison was watching in the stands had quickly become one of the best motivators in the world while we’d been dating. Seeing her cheering in the crowd had made me want to play better. Hell, just seeing her smile had made me want to be better—in all aspects of my life.

  I’d arrived too early, expecting a crowd, forgetting that people didn’t tend to travel in the middle of the week. I paced the airport impatiently, looking for anything to keep myself busy enough to avoid losing my nerve. I was getting on that plane one way or another.

  My own name stopped me in my tracks. It was plastered in big, bold letters on the cover of In Deep Magazine. My heart sank. I was too late. She’d already published it.

  My stomach clenched, and I swallowed hard, scrubbing a hand down my face.

  Then I straightened my shoulders. It was possible Addison had torn me to shreds in her article, but I hadn’t been lying to my sister. As far as I was concerned, I deserved every word that might be thrown at me.

  Fuck it. Amelia is right. I gotta man up and face this. I have to tell Addison how I feel, no matter what happens. I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t.

  They announced that my flight was boarding, and I started to walk away from the news kiosk, then stopped and turned back again almost immediately. I should at least be prepared, shouldn’t I? I bought the magazine as quickly as possible, trying not to make eye contact with the cashier. She either didn’t recognize me or didn’t care, either of which I appreciated immensely.

  I hurried to the plane, still arguing with myself about whether or not it was the right thing to do. I still hadn’t come to a firm conclusion when I found my seat. It wasn’t until we were airborne that I could relax. Now that I was trapped with the consequences of my decision, I could stop thinking about it.

  “Well then, Ms. Addison, what fresh hell have you created for me now?” I muttered, steeling myself as I opened to the page. It started about as I expected.

  Why does the world love Sawyer Dawson? After years of drama and turmoil surrounding the star hockey player, why do we all love to watch him?

  I cringed and almost threw the magazine away. I could handle a hundred more slam pieces, maybe a thousand, but not with her name on them. I swallowed hard and forced myself to keep reading. />
  That was what reporter Addison Beyers set out to discover. Dawson retains hordes of loyal fans in spite of the media campaign against him. Shocking? Not really. Anyone who has watched him on the ice could tell you that.

  Dawson is the quintessential older brother figure to his team. Whether they love him or hate him, they respect him during the game. They look up to him for his skill, his determination, his strategy, and his dedication to the game. But it doesn’t end there. Dawson has taught his team the importance of self-care and cross training. He has shown them how to fall down and get right back up again. He has proved, time and again, that it doesn’t matter what people say about you as long as you do your best. He’s a hero to his team, and rightfully so.

  A single tear slid down my cheek. I left it there.

  Though his personal struggles are nobody’s business but his own, they have taught his teammates and fans an important lesson: never stop fighting. Even if the demon is inside of you, you never give up.

  The article went on to talk about the specific ways I cross-trained. I smiled when I read her review of golfing in the freezing wind, and laughed at her description of my boxing skills. It was sweet and wholesome from beginning to end, but it was the last line that filled me with hope.

  From this perspective, it’s clear to see that Sawyer Dawson owes no apology to his fans or sponsors. Rather, it is the reporting community who owes him an apology for nearly destroying his career. On behalf of reporters everywhere, Sawyer Dawson, this journalist apologizes.

  She didn’t even have anything to apologize for. Emotion rose in my throat and I swallowed it down.

  Maybe Amelia was right. Maybe Addison did love me.

  There was only one way to find out. I stepped off the plane with the magazine clutched firmly in my hand and checked the time. She should still be at the office. I got the address from the back of the magazine and hailed a cab.

  It was strange to be in a city where people could look at me without seeing my career. The cab driver didn’t blink, and the bored receptionist at the magazine headquarters buzzed me in without a second look. I was out of my element, but it didn’t matter. I was on a mission.

  “Excuse me, can you tell me where to find Addison Beyers?” I asked a little owl-faced reporter who sat hunched over his desk.

  “By the windows,” he said blandly, waving a chubby hand in that direction.

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t mention it. Hey, wait, you aren’t some crazy stalker or anything, are you?”

  “No,” I said quickly.

  He squinted at me, then shrugged. “Well if you were, you wouldn’t say so anyway. She’d know. Terrible decision, this career. Can’t even tell a stalker from… ”

  I left him to his morose rambling and hurried through the maze of cubicles. A flash of auburn caught the corner of my eye, but it was only someone’s dress. I was just beginning to second-guess myself when I heard her voice.

  “I’m sorry, what do you mean I did my job too well?”

  “It’s too unbiased! Someone’s going to read this and say ‘hm, that’s not what I heard, I bet they got paid to write that angle’, and they’ll go looking and figure out that Edwards has connections to the team and our whole reputation will tank!”

  “There isn’t a single untruthful thing in that whole article,” Addison said heatedly.

  “Hero might have been a bit of a stretch,” I interjected.

  She whirled around, eyes wide. “Sawyer!”

  “Ha! I knew it! God, now we’re really sunk. Your relationship, Edward’s relationship—Jesus, we’re the Titanic right now… ” The black-haired reporter Addison had been arguing with put her head down on her desk and moaned.

  “What are you doing here?” Addison asked.

  “I had to see you,” I said quietly, uncurling the magazine I still had clutched in my grip. “Even before I read this. I didn’t even read it until I was already on the plane here. I just needed to see… I needed to tell… ”

  She was looking up at me with wide, hopeful eyes.

  “Addison,” I breathed her name helplessly. “Addison, I love you. And I’m so fucking sorry.”

  She let out a small, strangled noise. Her gaze was locked on my face, and tears welled in her eyes… but she was smiling. Beaming.

  “Damn it, Sawyer,” she whispered, opening her arms. “I love you too.”

  I swept her up in a tight embrace and kissed her. Gasps and mutters floated around us, but I paid them no more mind than I would have to a bunch of chattering birds. I was exactly where I wanted to be.

  Anywhere, with her.

  Epilogue

  One Year Later

  Addison

  I leapt to my feet, cheering with the crowd. Sawyer had made a spectacular shot, even for him. Amelia whooped loudly beside me. She was visiting again and looking at houses for real this time. She’d been waffling on moving out here for a year, but I thought she was getting close to pulling the trigger.

  Chase grinned at us from across the ice. From the corner of my eye, I could see Amelia blush. Probably from the cold, I thought, but I couldn’t be sure.

  During a lull in the game, she turned to me. “So? Any regrets?”

  “About?” I asked with a laugh.

  “Oh you know, giving up a promising career, moving in with Sawyer, spending all your time writing charity articles instead of exposes… ?”

  I shook my head adamantly. “Are you kidding me? No way. Not a single one. I’m a good writer. It’s up to me how I want to use that. I find I get a lot more pleasure out of influencing and motivating people to do good rather than just feeding into the bottomless pit of celebrity lust.”

  She made a face. “When you put it like that, your old job sounds terrible. But you really wouldn’t change it back to the way it was if you could? Really, really?”

  I narrowed my eyes at her curiously. “What are you getting at?”

  She shrugged innocently. “Nothing. Just making sure you’re happy. If I ever manage to bite the bullet and actually move here, you’ll be my best girlfriend in Denver, after all.”

  “I’ve honestly never been happier,” I said dreamily as I watched Sawyer work his way across the ice. “He’s wonderful. We’re doing wonderful things together. Oh, just wait till you see the house today!”

  “Is it finished?”

  “Is it ever! We’ve organized it into game rooms and reading rooms and meeting rooms, then there are the regular common rooms in back. It’s amazing. We’re going to throw a party for the children’s hospital this weekend. You’re invited, of course.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she said, beaming. “You’ve been really good for him, you know that?”

  “He’s been really good for me too. I mean, there’s the little stuff, like the fact that I’m eating better and sleeping better and exercising every day… but then there’s also the big stuff.”

  “Like what?”

  I smiled softly in his direction. “Like showing me that no matter what your skill set, you can use your talents for good. I’d been deliberately trying to turn myself into a cold-hearted story shark before I met him. I was willing to make the sacrifices in order to get the work done.”

  “But you couldn’t sacrifice him.”

  I shook my head. “I couldn’t. And when I got backlash for it, my decision was simple. I don’t want to be the kind of person who will throw someone else under the bus for the sake of a business’s reputation.”

  She smiled secretively. “Good. Then I’m completely happy and thrilled for you.”

  “Thrilled?”

  She didn’t get a chance to clarify before the stadium erupted again as Sawyer made the winning shot. He and Chase bumped chests in celebration, slapping each other on the back.

  Sawyer skated a victory lap before coming over to the wall. I leaned over it to kiss him as he took his helmet off. His lips were as hot and soft and enticing as the first time they had touched mine, an
d the scene fell away into delicious chaos as I melted into his touch.

  Amelia put a hand on my shoulder. With a brief sigh of regret I released him. When I looked up, I was surprised to see the whole team kneeling in a semi-circle behind him.

  My heart seemed to speed up and slow down at the same time, and I pressed a hand to my chest to keep it from exploding through my ribs.

  “Wait. What is this?” I asked, my voice unsteady.

  The stadium fell silent as the referee skated over to Sawyer and put a microphone in his hand. Hot tingles started at my toes and washed over my body as I realized that Sawyer was holding a little velvet box in his hand.

  “Addison,” he said, his voice echoing through the stadium. “I owe you my career, my self-respect, and even my life. You’ve made me a better man, and that’s a debt I can never repay.”

  He opened the box to reveal the brightest diamond ring I had ever seen. My breath caught in my throat.

  “All I can give you in return is my heart. Addison Beyers… we make a great team. Would you be my wife?”

  My happy sob echoed back to me through the speakers. “Of course, Sawyer. Yes!”

  I launched over the wall and into his arms, forgetting that he was standing on ice. We went down hard, but neither of us really noticed. We were too busy kissing.

  The crowd cheered louder than ever as he lifted me into his arms and skated away with me off the ice.

  Mrs. Addison Dawson, I thought happily.

  “Oh, God!” I belted out a laugh as a sudden realization struck me. “Addison Dawson. It rhymes.”

  Sawyer grinned and kissed me again. “You know what that means, don’t you?”

  “What?”

  His arms tightened around me a little, as if he’d never let me go. “It means we were meant to be.”

  I decided to accept that as a fact.

  Thank You For Reading

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