by Erin Noelle
Of course Jonathan decides to call when I’m busy being pissy, wanting to discuss the live music for the show, which is the last thing on my mind at the moment. I tell him I trust his judgment and hang up, considering the call a success, because he doesn’t ask me how I’m ‘coming along’, which is his new code phrase for asking if I’m ready to go out with him.
I’m asleep before either Gray or Adam arrives home, but get some form of relief when Gray crawls into my bed at some point, pulling me flush against him and kissing the top of my head. He’s gone by the time I wake up, which reinstates my craptastic mood, and all I want now is to get this over with. For better or worse, this hanging-in-limbo is going to kill me.
I attempt to work some of my frustrations out on the punching bag at the gym, but when Celeste walks in and turns her nose up at me as she passes, I decide to leave before I end up punching her in the nose again. She really doesn’t want to mess with me today.
Feeling uninspired as I paint in the afternoon, I spend the majority of the time staring blankly at the half-finished canvas in front of me, thinking about how much I miss Gray. Though we’ve been somewhat sleeping together the last few nights, we haven’t been intimate since our last morning in Key West, nor have we had any chance to just hang out together.
Around four-thirty, I call it a day and head upstairs to shower before I start cooking dinner. Turning the Love Songs radio station on Pandora up to full blast, I allow the robust pressure from the shower to beat down hot water all around me as I take several deep breaths and try my best to relax, even allowing a few frustrated tears to escape into the spray.
When the water begins to cool down, I turn the nozzle off and step out of the stall, wrapping a white towel snugly around me. Opening the door leading out to my bedroom, I make it about halfway to my dresser, when out of my peripheral vision I see something move on top of my bed, causing me to leap into the air with fear, stealing the breath from my lungs.
Once I realize it’s Gray, my heart resumes beating again as my shoulders slump with relief. “Oh my God, Gray! You scared me half to death!” I screech. “Why didn’t you tell me you were home?”
“I tried to tell you, but you locked the bathroom door and your music was so loud.” He swings his feet to the floor and pads over to me, my stomach fluttering at the roguish gleam in his eyes. “I need a shower too, ya know. We could’ve conserved water.”
He brings a hand up to cup my face, staring down at me, almost as if it’s the first time he’s ever seen me. “I didn’t realize you were coming home early, nor was I aware you were so concerned about saving the environment.”
“Mhmm,” he mumbles, dropping his forehead to mine. “So concerned, I think we should take all of our showers together from now on.”
“I think that’s a great idea...for environmental reasons, of course.” Leaning my face into his palm, I nearly whimper at how good his touch feels.
“Of course,” he smirks.
His lips fall to mine in a demanding kiss, almost like he can’t get enough of me all at once, our recent time apart obviously affecting him, much like it has me. Yanking the towel away from my body with his hands, he growls into my mouth as my naked body presses against his fully-clothed one.
“Baby, I’ve gotta get dressed. Adam should be home in a little bit,” I say, pulling away slightly. “We need to do this tonight. I can’t wait any longer.”
He grasps my bare hips and tugs me back to him. “Adam just texted he’s working late, and I’ve barely seen you the last couple of days. I miss you incredibly.” He nuzzles his face into my neck while grabbing my butt cheeks. “All of you, mi cielo.”
Fuck, I can’t resist him. It’s been too long, and my entire body aches for him.
“We have to be fast,” I say, fumbling with the button and zipper on his pants. “I still want to be ready for when he comes home.”
“Oh, I can be fast,” he promises as he quickly removes his t-shirt.
In the blink of an eye, he picks me up, hauls me to the bed, and is buried deep inside me, soothing so much of the stress I’ve been carrying around with a single thrust. As he rapidly establishes a steady rhythm, I drop my hands to touch myself—one playing with my boobs, while the other plays with my swollen clit.
“Gray, baby…oh my God, that’s it,” I whimper, feeling the pressure begin to build inside me. “Harder. Fuck me harder.”
“Anything you want, belleza,” he grumbles as he slams into me with even more force than before.
I’m so close to climaxing, suspending over the edge of that euphoric canyon, when all of a sudden he stops, his head snapping up to the door. Leaning to the side so I can peek around him, I gasp when I see the person hovering in the doorway as my world crumples around me.
“Mom, what the fuck is going on?” Adam roars, his voice full of both pain and fury.
No. NO. NO!!!
This can’t be happening. Not like this.
Slowly pulling out of Mia, I cover her with the sheet as I begin to speak. “Adam, man, we can explain. It’s not what it looks like.”
“Explain?! Are you fucking kidding me? What’s there to explain?” he screams, taking a few steps into the room. “A picture is worth a thousand words, asshole, and what I just witnessed speaks volumes.”
“Adam,” Mia pipes up, “please calm down and let’s talk about this like adults. Gray and I were planning—”
“Be quiet, Mom!” he cuts her off, dragging his fingers through his hair with a frustrated sigh. He then turns his wrathful stare back on me. “When Jess told me, I thought she was lying. I thought there’s no way my best friend would do this to me…no way YOU would do this to me, or my mom.”
“Jess? What does she have to do with this?” I ask, pulling up my boxers and pants from around my ankles. My dick flapping in the wind isn’t making this situation any better.
“After everything we’ve done for you,” he continues, ignoring my question, “after my mom welcomed you into our house, how could you take advantage of her like this? You know she’s been heartbroken since my dad left. You knew she was lonely and gullible, and you just couldn’t help yourself, could you? You’re a fucking disgusting excuse for a human being. How in the world did I ever call you my best friend, my brother?” He spits the last word out like it’s the foulest thing he’s ever tasted.
“Dude, it’s not like that. Please, just let us talk to you,” I try to explain. “We were going to tell you as soon as you got back, but we just haven’t had a chance.”
“Is this some sort of sick revenge plot to get back at my dad? Or is this just you being your typical arrogant-ass self, taking whatever you want, without thinking about anyone else in the process?”
“Adam, let us talk—” Mia tries again to speak, but he whips his head around to her and glares.
“I told you to shut up, Mom!” he barks at her. “I can’t believe you’d be so stupid to fall for something like this.”
His tone toward the woman I love doesn’t sit right with me. I don’t care what the fuck he thinks about me; he’s not going to belittle her, especially in front of me. “Don’t talk to her like that!” I snap. “Have some fucking respect. She’s still your mom.”
“That’s funny, coming from a guy who’s not even on speaking terms with his own mom,” he cackles evilly.
Then, in a flash, he storms across the room and gets right up in my face, jabbing his finger into my chest. I brace myself for a blow at any second, and because I do understand why he’s pissed, I’ll let him get one lick in. I deserve it. But after that, I’ll be forced to defend myself.
“You have no right to tell me how to speak to my mother,” he snarls. “You have no right to say anything to me, as a matter of fact. From this moment on, you are dead to me. I never want to see your face for as long as I live. Get your shit, and get out of my house!”
I turn to look at Mia, my eyes pleading with her to say something in my defense, to tell him about us, because I know
he’s not going to listen to a word I say right now.
“You’re overreacting.” She sits up, still holding the sheet over herself. “Gray and I are both adults. He didn’t take advantage of me, and he’s not going anywhere. We all need to talk about this. Calmly.”
“My best friend has been fucking my mom behind my back for who knows how long. There is nothing left to talk about. He goes, or I go. Your call. Right now.”
My stare is still locked on Mia, and as the ultimatum rolls off his tongue, the floor falls out from under me. The overwhelming agony and anguish in her eyes is enough to break my heart for her.
“Please don’t do this, Adam,” she begs, choking out each word past a sob.
“Choose, Mom. One of us needs to start looking for a place to stay, and it’s getting late.”
And then, because Mia is a selfless, compassionate woman, who is ultimately devoted to her family, all of the things my own mother isn’t, and all of the reasons I fell in love with her in the place, she looks up at me with tears streaming down her beautiful but tormented face and says, “I’m sorry, Gray, but you need to leave.”
There’s nothing I can do to stop the golf ball forming in my throat, but not wanting to make this any harder on her, I tip my head, accepting her decision as the right one. “I guess you were right; nothing does last forever. Te amo tanto, mi cielo.”
Without looking back at either of them, I walk out of her bedroom, pack my stuff into bags, and leave the two people I care about more than anyone else in this world.
Homeless and heartbroken, I drive my truck straight to Jess’ apartment with all intentions of demanding some answers.
IT’S BEEN OVER SEVEN LONG AND MISERABLE weeks since Gray left the house without even a backward glance. I haven’t seen nor heard from him since that night, not even a single text. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt that he didn’t even try to fight for what we had, but I suppose I really didn’t either. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if Adam might’ve been right in the things he said about why Gray was with me, maybe I was just using him too…who knows, but there’s the tiniest sliver inside of me that hangs onto the hope what we shared was real, at least on some level.
There are times I feel more distraught from Gray leaving than I was when Mark left, and I’m not sure what that says about me or what my marriage had become. Becoming single the first time was hard, because I’d been with my husband since I was a teenager; it was comfortable and what I knew. It wasn’t so much about missing Mark, rather learning to be alone, but with Gray, it’s completely different. I miss him. Watching movies, cooking together, singing to him, the mind-blowing sex…I miss every last bit of it.
It’s been exactly fifty-two days of hell since I lost not only the man I loved, but also my son. After Gray left, Adam and I had it out, both saying some things in the heat of the moment we probably shouldn’t have. He told me he couldn’t look at me the same way anymore, that he’d lost all respect for me, and he moved out of the house and into Sierra’s apartment the same night.
At first, I expected him to come back after a couple of days, once he cooled off and had time to think, but he hasn’t, and the few times we’ve talked since then, it’s been awkward and forced. I always knew that when he found out it would be difficult for him to understand, but I’d hoped he would see how happy I was and learn to accept it. However, him walking in on us the way he did made it so much worse than if we would’ve sat down and told him…with clothes on.
I know I made the right decision between Adam and Gray that night, and I’d do it again a hundred out of a hundred times, even knowing he was going to walk out the door either way. From the minute my son was born, he became the first priority in my life, and even though our relationship is strained today, I’d kill for him, I’d die for him, and I’d most definitely choose him over any other person on the planet.
“Earth to Mia. Are you still with me?” Stella waves her hand in front of my face. “We’ve gotta pick one of these, love.”
She’s holding up three dresses in front of me as we stand in the dressing room of a local boutique. I’ve tried them all on, and she claims they all look great, but I really don’t care which one we pick. I just need something to wear to my art show tonight…the art show I’ve waited my whole life for, but am now struggling to get excited for.
“Let’s go with the red one,” I finally say with false excitement. “It reminds me of an apple, which is only fitting; plus, I already have nude heels to match.”
“Good choice. Now let’s check out, and then we’ll grab a bite to eat before we get our hair and nails done,” she announces, carrying the dress to the register.
I follow her without argument, knowing that without my sister in my life, reminding me of all the things in my life I need to remain thankful for, I would be in a much worse place mentally and emotionally than I am already. She truly is my best friend and the best life cheerleader anyone could ever have.
After we pay and grab some sushi at a small Japanese restaurant, I drive us to the salon to get pretty for the big night. Once our fingernails and toenails have been soaked, filed, and painted, I move to Amber’s station and wait for her to work some magic with my hair.
When she approaches the chair, I notice her hesitation and the obvious frown on her face right away, and I’m more than a little confused. I haven’t been in to get my hair done in a while, because honestly, I haven’t felt like leaving the house much except when Stella forces me to, but that’s no reason for the solemn look on her face.
“Hey, Amber,” I say, our gazes meeting in the mirror. “Is everything okay?”
She shakes her head as she brings her hands up to cover her face, almost as if she’s about to cry. “I’m so sorry, Ms. Sullivan; I didn’t mean for any of that to happen. I had no idea what was going on with everything.”
I twist around to face her directly, even more perplexed than before. “What are you talking about, hun? I’m not following.”
“All that stuff with Gray and Adam. I didn’t realize what a conniving bitch Jess was, and I thought she was my friend. I’m just so sorry,” she whispers, tears welling up in her eyes.
“What do you know about Gray and Adam? And your Jess’ friend?” I feel like I’m in an episode of the Twilight Zone right now, and all I want to do is get up and run.
She nods, wiping away the wetness from her cheeks. “I used to be Jess’ roommate, so I knew how she felt about Gray, and then one night, I saw you and him out together, so I told her he was dating someone else. I had no idea you were Adam’s mom…I never knew his last name.”
“So how did she figure out who I was? And how do you know Adam?” My heart is pounding in my chest as I literally hear the blood rushing through my ears.
“When I told her Gray had moved on, I was hoping she’d do the same, but instead, she started following him, and that’s when she saw the two of y’all together and realized who you were,” she explains. “I didn’t know she’d told Adam in the hope of sending Gray running back to her until the night Gray came over to the apartment, pissed as I’ve ever seen anyone. That night, a lot of stuff came out, and I realized the kind of person she is, so when our lease ended last month, I got the hell out of that drama-filled mess.”
My heart sinks as she enlightens me on what happened, how Adam had found out, which he still hadn’t told me. “So her and Gray are back together?” I ask, knowing damn well I shouldn’t have.
“Not that I know of. I mean, that night, he told her she was the most pathetic thing ever and he couldn’t believe he wasted years of his life being with her.”
I initially perk up a little at this news, like it means something, but when I think about how he still hasn’t contacted me since that night, I slump back in the chair. It’s time to move on, Mia. Stop being silly.
“Well, what’s done is done,” I sigh. “I really don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’ve got an art show tonight I’m supposed to be focused on, and if
my sister comes over and hears his name, she’s liable to lose her shit. I just need you to do my hair.”
“Okay,” she sniffles. “Just know I’m really sorry.”
“Yeah,” I smile sadly, “me too.”
It’s been over seven weeks of hell since the day Mia kicked me not only out of her house, but out of her life. That was the night everything in my world was flipped upside down and my life changed forever.
As soon as I left Mia’s place, I drove directly to Jess’ apartment, where I stormed inside and demanded answers. Jess, with a victoriously evil grin plastered across her face, had no qualms about telling me how her roommate saw me with someone at the Smoking Moose, which in turn led to her spying on me and discovering Mia’s identity. It’s also when I learned Jess had been sleeping with Adam while I was in Spain, all in the hope he’d feel guilty enough to tell me and I’d get jealous and realize how much I really loved her.
If that wasn’t fucked up enough, her reasons for telling Adam about Mia and me was to get back at him for dropping her for Sierra, and to send me running back into her arms, ‘where I belong’. Those were her exact words. Looney-ass bitch.
After I told her exactly what I thought of her, which probably wasn’t my finest moment, I thundered out of there with every intention of going to beat the shit out of Adam. I didn’t even care that he’d been with Jess, other than he did it behind my back and then lied to me, but what I was seeing red over was the fact he had the nerve to come at me like he was some all high-and-mighty moral police, when he’d been fucking my girlfriend.
I made it all the way back to their house, but before I stalked up to the front door and got ahold of that little shit, my phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize. At first, I wasn’t going to answer it, but a voice inside me urged me to, and in hindsight, I’m so thankful I did.
Stella changed everything.
It’s been fifty-two painstakingly lonely days without my Mia, but it’s also been fifty-two days of self-discovery—embracing my strengths, accepting my weaknesses, understanding the true meaning of love, and finding the overwhelming power inside of forgiveness.