Possible Hero

by Sean Heslin

  The army went berserk before their mighty leader. They thrashed and they danced and they yelled. Eric grinned, lapping it up. He gave the army the clenched fist of solidarity and impressively leapt from his perch onto a waiting direhorse.

  Chased by shouts and cries of respect and honour, he rode away into the distance.

  ---

  Then he went five miles up the road and delivered exactly the same entirely pointless speech to the next section of the army. It was going to be a busy but necessary morning.

  Chapter 54

  “Find solace in solitude, but do not find nothing in notoriety.”

  - Advice on the back of a postcard commissioned by the Jaansian Tourist Board, 4216 C.M.

  Goe was rudely awoken by one of the bricks he was leaning on pressing into the back of his head. “Ow!” he cried, moving out of the way of the errant rock.

  To the great interest of the room’s occupants, the brick continued to move, inching its way out of the wall until it fell with a clattering thud. An eye from the other side applied itself to the hole thus produced.

  “'Ere! I've found them. Bring that hammer over! You might want to stand back,” the eye added to the room at large.

  A couple of muffled thumps and more masonry fell inside. Rancha lent his gargoyle abilities and soon a largish hole formed.

  “Took long enough!” Perci told one of the rescuers, who was dusty and sweaty.

  “Well, we 'ad a spot of trouble finding you. Y'see, nobody's been down here for years and someone had to get a map out o' storage.”

  “Well, we are very grateful,” said Milspeth with grace. “Now could you be so kind as to take us away from...um, where exactly are we again?”

  “An old sub-basement.”

  “Quite. Well take us upstairs then, if you could be so kind.”

  The workman responded favourably to manners. “Certainly madam.” He turned to one side, “Bo’ob! Get the lad to come down and get this rabble sorted. I'm going to clean the mess up.”

  “Righto,” came a distant voice.

  The workman turned back to them. “Somebody will be here to guide yez shortly if you could all just step this way while I make a start on the repairs.”

  “Most kind, Mr... what was the name again?”

  “Duke, madam, just Duke.”

  “Thank you, Mr Duke.”

  “No problem ma'am.” He peered at the others. “Come on then, shift yer arses, I got work to do.”

  A gangly youth appeared, whose very appearance screamed 'apprentice'. In most cultures, this translated as cleaner and teamaker, or in this case, involuntary guide. He unhappily waved at them to follow and slouched down a dark mouldy corridor. Gelatinous drips fell from the ceiling, and there was muffled silence hanging in the air.

  “Hey!” said Perci to Terand. “This lot isn't glass! I want my money back.”

  The youth in front muttered something.

  “What was that young man?” asked Milspeth.

  “It is glass upstairs. Very bright.”

  “Thank you. And stop slouching.”

  “Yes, ma'am.”

  Terand grinned at Perci who was forced to back down. They continued to follow the youth with the flaming torch, which he mounted in a sconce before indicating a sheet of translucent plastic set into the wall.

  “That's the way out,” he told them. “I have to go and get tea for the boss now, so just go through and someone else will look after you now. Bye.” He wandered off, head down on his chest.

  There were a couple of shrugs, then Jocene slid open the door and gave Pib a hand carrying the body-laden pallet through. Then they all scrunched up their eyes in the light before them.

  The palace/castle had indeed converted to glass, so they could see everything in all the rooms around them. Unfortunately, it was a sunny evening in this part of the world and the refracted glare was painfully annoying, or possibly annoyingly painful depending on the angle.

  Rancha spotted Ihjundas through a wall and waved. Ihjundas grinned, tried to hurry over and nutted the transparent wall. Wincing, he put on a pair of odd glasses and edged along until he located the way through.

  “You are back again! Good, good. Made any progress yet?”

  “Yeah,” said Terand. “But we can't give you it.”

  Ihjundas frowned. “Why not? Why are you back anyway?”

  Rancha stepped to the fore. “We were all gonna die horribly, so we escaped here. We have a funny feeling that he of the stupid name knows what's going on, but we can’t wake him. Will that do?”

  “Are you being cheeky?” said Ihjundas.

  “Course not. Just sarcastic,” said Rancha.

  “Well stop it. There's enough trouble around here as it is, what with the panic and the broken noses.”

  “Panic?” enquired Jocene.

  Ihjundas blinked. “Who are you?”

  “My names Jocene. The Jocene,” she of the name told him.

  “Huh, thought you were properly dead. Well done. Well, the panic around here is mostly due to the Council disappearing and fear of being cut to ribbons by lots of falling glass. Look over there.” He pointed out through a couple of walls to some tents in a courtyard. “Everybody's taken to living outdoors until the place is a tad more accommodating. Playing havoc with the duty rosters as well.”

  “The Council's gone?” said a shocked Rancha

  “Unfortunately yes. They vanished in the middle of yesterday. Nobody saw them leave their chamber, and we haven't been able to spot them wandering about somewhere. It is kind of hard to hide anywhere at the moment, unless they've gone to the Exit Chamber or the Storeroom. Come to think of it they could be down where you just were. Did you spot any signs that anybody has been down there recently?”

  “Not in the parts we saw, no,” said Terand told him after a brief huddled conference. “There sure seemed like a lot of tunnels down there though.”

  Ihjundas looked resigned. “True enough, the place is riddled with them. Although this glass is making it easier to map the ones above ground. For future reference of course.”

  “Of course,” Rancha echoed.

  “Are you extracting the urine again?”

  “Would I do that to you?” said Rancha, wearing pure innocence.

  “Yes, so stop it right now. Okay then, priorities: Let's get this comatose character awake and talking, then we'll get you all settled somewhere till somebody figures out what to do next. Huh, you'd think you were the only quest to save the world happening today wouldn't you?” He sighed. “Come on then.”

  Ihjundas waved at a couple of passing assistants who scooped up Yrinmet and took him to parts unknown. Rancha went down to his room in the stables so he could stretch out, Pib and Perci choosing to go with him. Jocene and Terand became separated from the group because they felt like a wander, leaving Goe and Milspeth who wanted to go look at the Storeroom and to say hello to Grinwalder, so they did. All of the above confused their designated guides who upon arriving at the guestrooms turned round to discover that nobody was following them, so said guides took the rest of the day off and went to a pub in Grandag.

  Chapter 55

  “Authority is not the authority!”

  - Mayor Fenway, attempting to denounce his embezzling chief of police, 4083 C.M.

  Ihjundas, after a long and busy time, having to deal with far too many tiny, piddly issues, went to visit the crew to deliver an update.

  They, of course, were not to be found.

  It was exasperating. He was well used to herding adventurers, he had done enough of that over the years, but to discover that he needed to then spend a good half an hour rounding them all up; Infuriating! Although the transparent walls helped somewhat.

  He ran into Perci first, who was holding a pitchfork at arm's length towards an imp, with an expression of extreme confusion on his face. Ihjundas shook his head and sensibly didn't ask.

  “The wizard is awake, hospital, fourth floor, auxiliary tower six. If you s
ee anyone else, grab them.”

  “Is this demon a menace, or a threat?”

  “Imp. It is trying to repair the floor that you are stood on.”

  “Hmm.”

  Ihjundas left him to it.

  A small group of attendants were playing catch with Pib in one of the south courtyards. Loud giggles could be heard as she sailed through the air, and being caught again with a big grin on her face. Ihjundas rolled his eyes. Breaking up the party he gave her approximately the same message as Perci. This seemed to go down well, as she cheerfully waved and kissed the attendants goodbye and ran away as fast as her little legs could carry her.

  Rancha was nowhere to be found, so Ihjundas' next stop was the Storeroom where a passing worker was collared. He was told that Grinwalder had guests in his office, whom the worker did not recognise.

  Muttering all the way, Ihjundas discovered Goe and Milspeth taking tea and amiably chatting to Grinwalder, who was chuckling deeply. They were discussing the finer points of grain storage, for no sensible reason he could fathom, so he once again delivered the message. Milspeth gave him a funny look on the way out. For a moment he thought he recognised her from somewhere, but such thoughts were dispelled when he saw a worker sitting idly and having a quiet smoke.

  After venting his rage on the slacker, Ihjundas sent the smoker to spread the word to fetch the others, and then he went up to the hospital wing for a lie down while he waited.

  ---

  In due course, the crew reassembled by Yrinmet's bedside, Rancha sporting human nature and Terand playing with some trinkets he had acquired on his travels. Leaning by the patient's bed was a conventional style doctor, tinkering with expensive equipment On the other side was some type of mystic, chanting softly with her eyes closed. Yrinmet himself was sat up in bed looking highly amused at the proceedings and regarding some of the more esoteric medical devices with professional curiosity.

  Ihjundas was still snoozing in the next room so it was left to Rancha to approach the much-maligned enchanter, to see what he could see.

  “Feeling better then? Any memory loss or dizziness?”

  “None, thanks very much. These guys are pretty good, look I, have scars already.” He showed them and Pib made queasy but sympathetic noises.

  “Get on with it then.”

  “With what exactly?” replied Yrinmet mildly puzzled, or possibly high from the painkillers...

  “Tell us whatever Eric told you, if you can,” said Rancha with a good level of patience.

  “Oh, that!” A slight pause while he frowned in recollection. Then bizarrely he started to weep softly.

  There were a few troubled glances exchanged between the group.

  “Are you ok?” said Milspeth gently.

  “...sniff...yes, yes. It's just what he did and what he is going to do is just...so, so very annoyingly like what I would have done if I had the resources. The lousy shnotdwar beat me to it, and now he's going to rule this godsforsaken ball of rock whether we like it or not!” Yrinmet was glum after this outpouring of emotion. Then he sighed at their bemused expressions.

  “Allow me to explain. Eric, whom I have said before and I will say it again, is a very scary man. He has raised an army numbering in the millions, raised being the right word because most of them until recently were dead. And they are not those flesh-eating rotten walking corpses we hear about, but thoroughly recomposed and ready to trot. Now he has transported this army as close as he can to the biggest doors in Creation...”

  Ihjundas groaned for he had a strong inkling as to what was coming next.

  “...whereupon he will employ a bloody clever piece of kit - partially powered by that apple tree you were looking for in case you are interested - which will link the doors to the charming hall downstairs. In comes the army, pacifies the locals here, Eric stations a squad outside every door he can manage, they all go through at the same time and thus he establishes a presence everywhere on the planet simultaneously and can overrun all authorities and governments by dint of skipping their defences and slaughtering them all in their offices. Or wherever. Like the man said, 'Simultaneous control'. And there is bugger all we can do about it unless somebody figures out how to defeat the entire army or break the space-twisting thing, of which, incidentally, he has at least eight spares just in case.”

  There was a brief pause as all present mulled over this set of revelations and their consequences.

  “A few questions,” said Jocene.

  “Thought so,” said Yrinmet. “Fire away then.”

  “Why is Eric coming here using those giant doors you talked about? Why does he not just make his own and use them, thus really taking everybody by surprise?”

  Ihjundas coughed to indicate he would answer this. “It is a simple enough reason. The doors mentioned, and I know exactly which ones our friend here means, are the only ones on the planet where the polarity can be reversed to be opened back into here, at least in an unsanctioned way. If you tried that trick anywhere else, nothing much would happen except maybe a mild electric shock.”

  “Ah, I'm guessing this has happened a'fore then,” said Terand.

  “Regrettably, yes,” said Ihjundas. “At least three times since I have been employed here, but the first attempt did not use the correct procedure to open them. The second one did manage to get through, but was easily overpowered. Encouraged some heavy defensive improvements around here, so that was good. They talked about it for years, but is not until something happens that suddenly something gets done. Standard government rules. Anyway, the third attempt...well, we don't like to talk about that one. It is easier to understand if it is seen.” With that cryptic comment, Ihjundas abruptly left the room muttering something about raising the alarm.

  The eyes in the room turned to Rancha.

  “What? I'm as much in the dark as the rest of you. This is the first I've heard about any sort of break-in or attack.”

  “This ain't no common burglary,” said Terand in his usual drawl. “This is stealing the world.”

  “Well what are we supposed to do about it?” said Perci. “I'm the Chosen One maybe, but even I have my limits. That army is too big.”

  “A Chosen One.”

  “Stop doing that!”

  “Regardless of what popular opinion is,” said Jocene “I have a little niggle that we are all going to be expected to stop them anyway. You saw the man's face, we are the first to know what is going to happen, so naturally, we few are the most prepared to take on enough troops to occupy Jaanse.” She paused briefly, then frowned. “Hold on, I see a flaw in this plan.”

  Yrinmet rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you would think wouldn't you?”

  “Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe Grinwalder has something in the Storeroom that can stop Eric in one way or another,” said Rancha.

  “Worth a go,” shrugged Terand.

  “All those in favour?” said Goe.

  “I!” came the chorus.

  Perci prodded the medical mystic who had stopped chanting and had been utterly horror-struck shortly after Yrinmet had finished the main part of his tale. “Is this helpful fellow okay to leave now, or what?”

  The medic nodded dumbly and pointed at the door with a trembling hand.

  “Oh good, I was afraid they would make me stay here for weeks wearing this godsawful thing.” Yrinmet's hands plucked at the standard backless blue-grey gown.

  People obligingly shuffled out into the corridor so Yrinmet could get changed. It was still glass out there and they could now see people below their feet running about in both panic and preparation.

  “Got good people skills hasn't he, your friend?” Milspeth said to Rancha, observing the controlled chaos.

  “Believe it. On a good day, Ihjundas could persuade the sea it was a small goldfish named Bryang. Just depends what his mental state is.”

  At length, Yrinmet emerged from the translucent door to the hospital wing, wearing his usual odd hat and associated paraphernalia. He was limping on
ly a little, which was a marvel considering how much bone had been poking out of his leg when they had brought him in.

  Ihjundas was waiting at the foot of the stairs, quite obviously expecting them. He wordlessly pointed upwards, and they could all see the corridor they had been stood in a few moments ago. He beckoned them to follow.