by Lea Coll
How many times had my parents said life was about hard work and accomplishing your goals? They’d viewed success as how much money was in their bank account at the end of the day because they’d grown up poor.
When my phone lit up with a text from Griffin on Thursday my hands trembled as I read it.
Griffin: Declan finished the plane. He asked if you could come see it.
I smiled, my heart squeezing as I reread the words. How could I say no to that?
Griffin: Can you come to dinner tonight?
Dinner meant intimacy and connection. It meant getting closer to Griffin and Declan. I bit my lip, I could keep myself at a distance. Stop by, compliment Declan on his hard work, eat, and leave.
Avery: Okay. Should I bring anything?
I panicked as soon as I pushed send. I couldn’t cook. I could pick up a bottle of wine, but which one would he like? Was it inappropriate to bring wine when he lived with a child? Socializing was so stressful.
“Hey, want to go out for a drink tonight?” Dylan plopped into the guest chair across from me.
“I can’t. I just agreed to go over to Griffin’s for dinner.” My voice shook with nerves.
Dylan’s eyes widened in surprise. “Griffin Locke? Our landlord? Your client?”
“Yes to all three.”
“That’s exciting. What’s going on between you?”
“Nothing. Nothing is going on.” Should I tell her I ran into him at the Naval Academy and we spent the afternoon together? Or would she read something into it there wasn’t.
Dylan raised her eyebrows. “You guys were pretty close on Saturday night.”
I bit my lip. “He wanted to talk.”
She raised her brow as if waiting for me to elaborate.
“That’s it. He needed someone to talk to.” I insinuated he was having a rough time and needed to talk to someone, when the opposite was true. It seemed like he wanted to get to know me.
Dylan’s eyes softened. “So, you’re helping him?”
My cheeks heated. I’d opened up to Hadley and she hadn’t judged me. I’d been friends with Dylan longer. I trusted her. “Kind of. He invited me to dinner tonight. What should I bring?”
She leaned closer, her expression serious. “He invited you to dinner at his house or a restaurant? I need details.”
“To his house. His nephew made this model plane and wants to show it to me. It’s not a big deal.”
“You’re close with his nephew? This is a big deal.”
I shook my head. “Definitely not. Declan wanted to show me something, that’s all.”
Her dubious look told me she didn’t believe me.
“I offered to bring something. I’m waiting to hear back from him.” I didn’t have time to waste if I wanted to go home, shower, and have enough time to pick up something to bring with me.
She sighed. “Sometimes I think you’re a little socially repressed.”
Internally, I rolled my eyes. It was hard to be social when you were an outsider in high school, always on the outside looking in, longing for something you couldn’t be part of. Then spending hours after school home alone. When my phone dinged, I lowered my head to see the screen.
Griffin: Just bring yourself.
The smile appeared before I could stop it. Short, sweet, and exactly what I needed to hear, even if I was probably misinterpreting it. I was enough by myself.
“What? What did he say?” She snatched the phone out of my hands before I could react.
“This is what has you smiling?” She lifted the phone so the screen was facing me.
“It’s nothing. I have to get ready for dinner.” I started packing up my files for court the next morning, cleaning off my desk.
“I’m sorry, Avery. I didn’t mean to pry. You haven’t dated anyone seriously since Wes in law school.”
“I never should have told you that.” She’d arrived at my apartment to study right after my ex confronted me about the school’s investigation into our relationship. When I asked him if we could put our relationship on hold until I graduated, his words why would I want to be with a cold bitch still rang in my head.
Her face softened, a mixture of regret and sadness. “I told you to forget him and what he said, but you haven’t.”
“Wes wasn’t the only one who said that.” The knot in my stomach twisted. I hated telling anyone these things.
Dylan smiled sadly, her tone kind. “I’d say who cares what those guys think except I think you do.”
“They didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. I’m not a bitch, but I am—”
“Closed off, but do you have a reason to be?”
“I don’t know.”
“You do, don’t you? It’s your parents. They never showed up for graduation or congratulated you. They only expressed disappointment when you failed the bar exam.”
“They had a lot to say about that.” I hadn’t worked hard enough. I was an embarrassment. What would they tell their employees and so-called friends?
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I hope you aren’t letting your parents and what an ex said affect what could be happening between you and Griffin.”
“Nothing can happen between Griffin and me. I’m his tenant and his attorney.”
“None of that matters if you like him. We can take his case and the firm is his tenant, not you.”
“He could move to Florida to live with his parents. He could go back to California. He’s not permanent.”
“Maybe he’d stay if he had a reason to.”
“That’s a big if. We aren’t dating, we aren’t anything. I ran into him while I was out exploring on Saturday and we spent some time together. His nephew just wants to show me a model plane.”
Dylan’s lips tugged into a smile. “Go to dinner and see what happens.”
“Is it that simple?” Could I go to his house, live in the moment, and see what happens?
“You like him?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. All I know is he has this effect on me. I forget all of my worries and insecurities when I’m with him. I’m not as awkward.” Dylan knew all about my internal struggle with social events. She’d tried and failed many times to get me to go to law school socials.
Dylan’s eyes gleamed with excitement. “Will you give him a chance?”
“I’ll try. What if what those guys said is true? Won’t he say the same thing when I can’t open up?”
“All you can do is be honest and try. Maybe he already knows this is hard for you. The right guy will give you time, will help you come out of your shell.”
“Maybe.” I pressed my lips together, wondering if I could take the leap with Griffin. There was more at risk than just our relationship, there was Declan to consider, and he was my landlord. What if things went badly and he kicked the firm out at the end of the lease?
“Let me know how it goes.” She stood to leave.
I gathered my things, heading home to shower and change. I got in my seldom-used car driving to the address he’d texted while I was talking to Dylan. The closer I got to his development, the more nervous I was. Tonight was different. It was dinner at his home. Declan was here, but it was more intimate than our other encounters. It showed he trusted me.
I parked at the curb outside his house. The lights were on, a black SUV in the driveway. I took a few steadying breaths before I got out, knowing it wouldn’t make a difference, not with the level of anxiety I was feeling. I knocked on his door, wondering if I’d made a mistake in coming.
He opened the door, his T-shirt tight on his chest and biceps, his jeans soft and worn, his feet bare. “Come in.”
I stepped inside, brushing his body with my bare shoulder, sending tingles down my arm, my stomach flip-flopping.
I placed my purse on a bench by the door, not able to look him in the eye, afraid to see if he was as affected by our barely-there touch as I was.
“Declan is excited to show you his plane.”
; “Yeah?” I smiled, looking directly at him for the first time. His blues sparkled as if he found me amusing.
“Is she here?” Declan came thundering down the stairs, stopping in front of us. “Oh good. Want to come up?”
“Sure. I’d love to.” The butterflies in my stomach eased.
“I’ll check on the food. You go on,” Griffin said to me.
“Okay.” I followed Declan up the stairs, cognizant this was the home he’d grown up in with his father, reminding me that he’d suffered a tremendous loss.
His room was the first on the right, a boy’s room, with blue walls, toys, and Legos scattered on every surface.
“You like Legos?”
“Oh yeah. This is my police station, the fire station—” He described each set he’d made, before showing me the model plane on his desk.
I had no experience with kids, but it seemed easy to connect with Declan. Show interest in what he was excited about, essentially the opposite of what my parents had done. “This is great. Did you make it all by yourself?”
“Uncle Griff helped.”
The idea that Griffin sat next to him, reading the instructions, locating each tiny piece, patiently placing each block touched something deep inside me. My parents never helped us with homework, much less a craft or hobby.
Griffin went bike riding with him, took him to tour the Naval Academy, and helped him with his model plane when he wasn’t his dad.
“How are you guys doing?” Griffin’s voice came from the doorway.
I cleared my throat to hide the emotion that simmered just below the surface, thinking about Griffin and what he’d done for Declan. “Declan was just showing me all of his Legos and the plane.”
“He loves Legos. He’ll talk your ear off if you let him.”
I smiled. “I don’t mind.”
Griffin studied me as if gauging the veracity of my statement.
“I like hearing about it.” I shifted on my feet, positive Griffin could see everything there was to know about me.
“Dinner’s ready if you want to come down.” Griffin addressed both of us, his gaze steady on mine.
Declan ran past us.
“Thank you for humoring him. He’s never had a mother figure in his life. I’m sure he misses his dad.” His voice was filled with gratitude and admiration.
“Of course.” My heart ached for Declan, his mother abandoned him, and his father died. He’d gone through so much at a young age.
I tore my gaze from his as I walked past him, when Griffin’s hand settled on my shoulder, the warmth of his fingers seeping into my skin, stopping my movement. I looked into his blue eyes while his thumb moved back and forth as if he was soothing me. It was hypnotizing.
“Thank you.”
I smiled, the movement forced. “I did what anyone would do.” The lie hung in the air between us.
“You know that’s not true.”
A tingle of awareness ran down my spine.
“Don’t hide from me.”
I wanted to argue with him but I couldn’t. I had no business getting in deeper with these two. They needed someone who could understand what they were going through. I’d never experienced any kind of loss. How would I feel if something happened to my parents? “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Be here. Be yourself. Do exactly what you were doing with Declan before I came up here, making you retreat.”
“What if being myself isn’t the right thing? What if I don’t even know who I am?” The question I didn’t ask was what if there’s nothing underneath my outer shell. I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“I won’t hurt you. You can be yourself with me.” His voice was so gentle, so soothing, I swayed on my feet toward him.
He squeezed my shoulder before taking a step back, releasing me. Clearing his throat, he said, “I’d better supervise or he’ll eat everything I made for dinner.”
I smiled, my lips felt brittle. I thought he might wrap his arms around me, hug me. The old longing for physical touch—the one I’d felt as a child wanting my mother’s hug was back stronger than ever.
He turned to leave without another word.
It felt as if he dismissed me, as if he didn’t want me, or maybe I was too sensitive. I took a second to gather the pieces of myself that had spun away during that conversation. Every moment we spent together, he dug deeper, he demanded more of me.
Chapter Nine
Griffin
I sent Declan to wash his hands before pulling the chicken and potatoes out of the oven where they’d been warming, I thought about the look on Avery’s face when I stepped back from her a minute ago. Her expression was raw, a mixture of yearning, longing, and desire. I could easily have pulled her into my arms, comforting her, but I didn’t.
I freaked out at the last second, thinking I needed to be careful because of Lorelai, but she was nothing like her. I was touched Avery was so patient with Declan, listening to him ramble on about his Lego creations. She wasn’t being polite, she was genuinely interested.
I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to talk to me. I ran my fingers through my hair. What was I doing? Declan didn’t need someone in his life who could bolt at any minute. He had enough of that with his mother, and through no fault of his own, his father. He needed something sure and steady. He had me and my parents. That would have to be enough for now.
I had to be careful with anyone I brought around Declan. I brought Avery here to get to know her better, to stop her from retreating from us, but doubts and insecurities crept in. How would I ever fully trust a woman again after what happened with Lorelai?
Even though we’d been together for so long, I hadn’t known her at all. I didn’t know she was capable of cheating on me with a friend. How do I know that Avery was being honest with her feelings? I thought I could read her but was I projecting things on her that weren’t true? In the end, would she protect herself before letting anyone else in?
“Do you need help?” Avery’s voice startled me.
I recovered quickly, gesturing at the place settings on the island. “You can set the table if you want.”
I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t let her see what I was feeling. That I’d been confident when I invited her here, but now I doubted everything. Her ability to remain loyal to us. My ability to love again.
“Okay.” She set each place carefully as if thinking of something she wanted to say. “I’m sorry if me coming here is awkward. I’m not good at this.”
Her tone was so vulnerable, I couldn’t resist going to her. Checking to make sure Declan was still in the bathroom washing his hands, I closed the distance between us, removing the plate from her hand, placing it on the table. I touched her shoulders, shifting her to face me.
“Thank you for coming. I want you here.”
Her eyes were filled with uncertainty. “You’re welcome.”
Lowering my voice, I said, “I’m going to do what I should have done upstairs.”
I pulled her into my arms, tucking her into me, her curves against me felt right. She was stiff until her arms came around me. The moment she gave in, her muscles loosened and she let out a long slow breath. I closed my eyes, rubbing my hand up and down her back, sighing as she sank further into me. She was starved for affection. I wanted to be the one who gave her what she needed. I kissed her temple, enjoying the feel of her in my arms, her warmth, her soft curves, her.
“Thank you,” she mumbled into my chest.
“I’m starving.” Avery jumped back from me at the sound of Declan’s voice. Her face was soft, her eyes warm.
I’d need to move slowly with her, gain her trust. I couldn’t let my past dictate my moves because pulling back would hurt her. Avery had a tough exterior but underneath she was soft and warm-hearted. She was exactly what we needed.
“Yeah, buddy. It’s ready.” I rubbed my hand down her arm before plating the rosemary chicken, potatoes, and carrots.
&n
bsp; Declan sat, immediately digging into his food.
“Can you wait for everyone to be seated before you start?” I asked Declan.
Declan paused. “Sorry.”
I turned to Avery. “Can I get you something to drink? A seltzer, beer, water?”
“A seltzer’s fine.” She placed a napkin on her lap.
I grabbed one from the fridge, pulling the tab, and filling a glass with ice, before setting them down in front of her.
When we were all seated, I nodded at Declan.
He dug back into his food.
“He said he was hungry,” Avery said, her voice filled with amusement.
“Boys are always hungry. I remember what it was like when Julian and I were growing up.”
Declan paused, his expression hesitant. “Could you tell me a story?”
“Sure. Let me think of a good one.” I took a few bites of food, swallowing before drinking water to wash it down. It was the first time Declan asked about his father when we were younger. I sifted through memories trying to find one that he’d find interesting. “We spent our summers exploring our property which had woods and a creek. We loved to trap bugs in jars, we tried to catch fish with our hands.”
Declan’s eyes were full of awe. “You didn’t have a fishing rod?”
“Not until we were older and my parents thought we were ready for one. Your grandfather gave in when we came home with a fish speared on a stick.”
Avery covered her mouth to hide her smile. “I can just imagine what his reaction was.”
“He was surprised, to say the least. We were relentless. We didn’t take no for an answer. If they said we couldn’t do it, we found a way to prove we could. Plus, we had all this time on our hands. We didn’t watch TV or play video games, we were outside all day long.”
“It sounds wonderful.” Avery had stopped eating, listening to me speak.
“It was.” The memory of Julian and me as kids hit me hard. Sometimes it was still hard to believe he was gone, that he wasn’t going to walk in the door, announcing his arrival in a loud, boisterous voice.