by Lea Coll
“May I be excused?” Declan asked.
I observed him for any sign of the pain I was feeling, but he seemed genuinely pleased with the story. “Sure, buddy. Remember to clear your dish.”
He nodded, taking his dish to the sink.
“What was your childhood like?” I asked when Declan headed to his room.
Hers was full of uncertainty. “My childhood was nothing like yours. Why do you want to know the details?”
“There’s something about you that pulls me, that makes me want to get to know you.”
She sighed, placing her fork down. “We didn’t live in a neighborhood, so I couldn’t walk to a friend’s house.”
“It must have been hard to make friends then.”
Avery smiled sadly. “It was. I was home alone a lot. When my parents were home, I’d ask for them to play a card game, a board game, something, but they were usually too tired or busy.”
As sad as her childhood sounded, I was happy she’d felt comfortable to tell me. “Did you have friends?”
“Not once I got to middle school. Kids can be mean.” She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes.
I remembered how she reacted when I mentioned Julian had been bullied. I hoped she hadn’t experienced that. “Were they mean to you?”
I held my breath, hoping she’d answer this time.
“I blocked that time in my life out.” Her gaze fell to the table between us.
I didn’t think she had. “Did your parents do anything about it?”
“They told me if I ignored them they would stop.” She sipped her seltzer.
“Did they?” Did Avery ever get to the point where she stood up to them?
“No. It seemed to make it worse. I eventually ate lunch in the chorus room to escape the lunchroom dynamics.”
Unloved. She’d felt unloved by her parents and anyone who’d come into her life.
“Did you have grandparents or an aunt, someone else you could talk to?” I wanted to fill in the blanks in my head with her history, her reality. I wanted the pieces to her puzzle.
“No. We lived far away from extended family. It was just us.”
“The three of you. You and your parents.”
“I didn’t think they’d send me away like Mason, but I wasn’t sure. I stopped telling them about the bullying after a while.”
I can’t imagine worrying that my parents would send me away or how that would have changed our relationship if they had. Julian never told me about the bullying. It wasn’t until I witnessed him being thrown against a locker that I’d known. Would Avery admit what happened now that so many years had passed? Or did it still affect her? “What did the kids say to you?”
Her face turned red. “I’d rather not talk about it.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you. That your parents didn’t do anything to protect you.”
She waved me off. “It was just words.”
“Words can be more hurtful than a physical assault.”
She turned away as if gathering the courage to continue. When she turned back, her eyes were hard, bracing herself for my reaction. “When it was happening, I’d envision myself falling through the floor, disappearing. I know that doesn’t make any sense, but that’s what I did.”
“That makes sense. You wanted to be invisible, so they wouldn’t bother you.” Outwardly, I tried to appear calm and understanding, but inside, my muscles were tense, my stomach clenched. I hated that she went through that, that she ever felt like she was less than the amazing person she was.
She sighed. “Don’t feel sorry for me. Things got better, or maybe I stopped caring.”
Her words stuck in my head. I stopped caring.
I covered her hand with mine, hoping my touch soothed her, while it eased the tension in my body. “Kids are stupid. They don’t realize how they can hurt people. The ones who hurt others have low self-esteem. They’re the ones with a problem.”
“That’s what Hadley said.” Her gaze dropped to our joined hands.
“You told Hadley what happened?”
“I did, actually. Just recently. I never told anyone but my parents before that.” She pushed her empty plate away.
“Did it help?”
“I think so. It was nice to confide in a friend.”
“I’m not as open as I was, not since my ex betrayed me.”
She smiled. “We’re quite the pair.”
Should I tell her what I was thinking? That nothing she’d said changed my mind about her, it only made me want her more. “I’d like to be.”
“Like to be what?” She rose, carrying her dishes to the sink.
“A pair. You and me. I’d like to try.” I followed her to the sink, coming up behind her, to take the dishes from her hands, placing them into the sink.
She turned to face me.
I searched her eyes for any hint she wasn’t interested. All I saw was curiosity. “Will you go out with me? Not to a fundraiser or to an event. I’ll get a sitter and we can go out, just you and me.”
She was quiet for so long, I thought for sure she’d say no.
My heart thudded in my ears, every muscle in my body tensed waiting for her response.
“I’d love that,” she said softly.
My heart soared, lighter than it had been in a long time. “Good.”
I wanted to lean down and place a kiss on her lips, but I didn’t want Declan upstairs when I did it. I wanted it to just be her and me. Nothing to distract us.
After we were done cleaning up, I asked, “Would you like to stay and watch a movie?”
“I’d better not. I have court tomorrow morning. I need to review the file before I go to bed.” Her voice filled with regret.
“Always working.”
“I like working.”
“Are you planning to sightsee this weekend?” This was my opportunity to show her my hometown, spending time with her when it wasn’t a pressure-filled date.
“I have a few things I want to see. There’s a few historical buildings, a museum, the boat tour, and some outdoor plays.”
I’d seen one of the outdoor plays with Declan. It was miserable because it was so hot. “Let’s do the boat tour.”
“Are you sure you’d be okay with that?”
“Because of Julian?”
She nodded.
“The tour boats are different than a sailboat. He was manning the boat himself, that’s what made it dangerous. I’ll be fine.”
“Would you bring Declan?” She didn’t sound annoyed at the prospect of him joining us.
“Yeah. He’d enjoy it. It won’t be as hot with the breeze coming off the water.” I loved that she thought to include him. If anything were to happen between us, we were a package deal.
“Okay.”
We’d come farther in a day than I’d hoped. She’d opened up a little, she was open to dating, to seeing where this could go. All I could hope was that she didn’t back off at some point, protecting herself but hurting me. I followed her to the door. “I’ll walk you out.”
She didn’t argue with me as I opened the door for her to precede me. I followed her down the walk, stopping in front of her car.
“Thanks for inviting me. I enjoyed spending time with you and Declan.” Her face was tilted up toward mine, her expression sweet and open.
I cupped her cheek. “Thank you for coming. I enjoyed having you in my home.”
Her eyes darkened as my lips lowered. She lifted up on tiptoes closing the distance, her soft lips meeting mine. My eyes closed and I almost groaned at the sensation. Avery in my arms, her lips on mine. She was worth every bit of effort it took to get her here. I slowly explored her lips before they parted. I slipped inside. She met me stroke for stroke, her fingers gripping my shirt, her breasts pressed against me. I wanted to be closer, with no clothes between us, but neither of us were ready for that.
Instead, I slowed the kiss, placing a few chaste kisses on her lips before pulling back.
&n
bsp; Her fingers touched her lips as if she wanted to keep the feel of my lips on hers. “You’d better go, it’s getting late.”
She nodded. “Yeah, okay.”
I walked her around the car, pulling open her door. I waited while she slid inside, putting her seat belt on. “Have a good night.”
“You too, Griffin. Tell Declan I said bye.”
“I will.” I closed the door, stepping back, while she pulled away.
I’d never felt anything like this. This overwhelming desire to peel back every layer, getting to the real Avery. The one she must have hidden back in middle school under the pain and later indifference. If I could go back and change that for her, I would, but I couldn’t. All I could do was make her see how amazing she was, how she shouldn’t hide.
I walked back inside, yelling for Declan to get ready for his shower. Avery was a woman I could fall for. Remembering that kiss, how nothing else existed in that moment but the feel of her, I knew she held more power over me than Lorelai ever had.
Chapter Ten
Avery
Driving away from Griffin’s house, I felt different. Hope filled my chest. An emotion I hadn’t felt in relation to a person since I was a child. All of my desires had been focused on school, then later my career.
Griffin kissed me. I hadn’t been passive about it either. I’d met him halfway. I’d drowned out all of my insecurities and doubts, putting every bit of what I was feeling into the kiss. I’d never experienced anything like it and I wanted more. More kissing, more touching, more time with him.
I looked forward to seeing him this weekend. I enjoyed spending time with all three of us together. It felt like a family. Something I’d never experienced. I drove home, parking on the curb next to my building.
I leisurely got ready for bed, undressing, and putting on my softest pajamas. The heat of that kiss surrounding me, relaxing me. What would it be like to be with him? No barriers. No walls. Me and him in bed, out of bed. Could I do it? Or would I get in too deep and bail physically, emotionally, or both?
I was in unchartered territory. I’d never felt anything after a kiss other than a determination if this person was someone I could pass the time with. During this kiss, I was present in the moment. I’d noted his soft shirt under my fingers, his lips on mine, his hard thighs touching mine. I’d lost all sense of reason. I hadn’t worried what it meant or what I was doing.
I climbed into bed, wondering if he was reading a bedtime story to Declan or was he lying in bed thinking of me? I wanted that more than anything. For once, I wanted to matter to someone. With a sickening feeling, I knew I’d have to take risks for that to happen. I’d have to be open and honest. I’d have to let myself feel.
My phone dinged on my nightstand. I picked it up, sliding higher on my pillows to read the message.
Griffin: You still up?
My fingers tingled as I typed a response. Yes.
Then my phone was ringing with an incoming video call. I smoothed my hair, making sure my nipples weren’t visible through my pajamas before I hit accept.
“Hey.” He smiled when the video popped up on the screen.
I couldn’t resist returning his smile. “Hi.”
“You’re in bed.” I felt his gaze on my skin as if he were in person cataloging each detail to memorize for later.
My skin heated. “I am. I was tired.”
“Declan was really happy you came and took an interest in him.”
“I like spending time with him.” I should have felt awkward and unsure around Declan. Instead, it felt natural.
“Not everyone likes kids.”
“I don’t have much experience with kids, but I think I know what he’s going through.” My parents hadn’t died but they also weren’t there for me. It was a different sort of grief, a realization that nothing would ever change. I’d had to deal with it, come to terms with it, and moved on, different and more jaded than before.
His eyes were assessing.
I shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”
“It is.” He was quiet for a few seconds as if waiting for me to argue. “I like you, Avery. I want to get to know you better.”
I swallowed. I knew this. I wanted it but it scared me. “Me too.”
There was vulnerability in his eyes.
“I’m not a good bet for you.” I wasn’t ready to give him and Declan what they needed.
His brow raised. “Why’s that?”
“Guys want something I can’t give.” Why had I said that? It popped out without any thought.
“What would that be?” He shifted, folding his arm behind his head before focusing on me.
It was better to tell him the truth. I wasn’t good at this. Push him away before we got in too deep. “They said I was cold. When multiple guys tell you that, it’s probably true. I’m not good for you or Declan.”
“Hmm.”
“What does that mean?” Nerves swirled in my stomach. As much as I wanted to warn him, I didn’t want to end whatever was happening between us.
“Those guys were idiots.”
I opened my mouth to say something but paused when it registered what he’d said. “How do you know that?”
“I think they never tried to understand you or get to know you. They allowed things to be surface level.”
“You think you know me.” The words came out incredulous, as if knowing me wasn’t a possibility.
“You’ve opened up a little. I’m getting a better picture.” His words were cautious as he ran fingers through his hair. “Like I said earlier, I like you.”
“We’re not a good idea.” I don’t know why I was throwing up road block after road block, hurdle after hurdle, but I had to know if he was serious or if he’d get tired and walk away.
“I think you’re the best idea I’ve had.” His eyes were steady and sure on mine.
“How can you possibly know that?” Frustration crept into my voice as hope filled my chest.
“The best things in life require the most effort. Things between us might not be easy but I think it will be worth it.”
I was worth getting to know. It was hard to believe. Hard to accept. Anyone who’d delved beneath the surface was disappointed. They found me lacking. What if he didn’t like what he found?
“I know what you’re thinking. I’m going to dispel every doubt, smooth out any worries.”
“You’re so confident.” His words, his confidence, set my pulse spiking. I liked he was so adamant he’d be successful.
He looked away from the camera. “Before things went down with my ex I was confident. I made business decisions without worrying about the consequences because my instincts were good and I trusted them. I don’t know how I missed what was going on under my nose, but I did.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
His gaze focused on me. “Just like your reluctance to let people in isn’t your fault.”
At the same time, I didn’t want to open up to anyone, to lay myself bare to be made fun of, ridiculed. My skin wasn’t thick enough. I wouldn’t survive if Griffin’s lips turned from a smile to a sneer.
I closed my eyes imagining him calling me a cold bitch, but I couldn’t see him saying that. Instead, I felt his firm touch as he whispered sweet words in my ear as goose bumps erupted over my skin. Was it a mistake to assume he was different than the rest?
“Avery. Stop listening to those voices in your head. They’re not yours.”
My eyes opened, the feeling of being stripped down before him intensified. “How do you know what I’m doing?”
“I can guess. You’re wondering if I’m real, if I’m different than the others, if you can trust me. You want to, but it’s hard.”
I swallowed, tears pricking my eyes. When was the last time I’d cried? Not since that asshole in high school said he’d go out with me as a joke, when I was the laughingstock of the school. I’d vowed never to be unguarded with someone else. Admitting you liked someone, was the ultimate vulner
ability. Could I do that with Griffin? Could I give him a little of what he’d given me? “I like you too.”
My voice was quiet. I wasn’t sure he heard me.
“Was that so hard?” His voice was gentle, full of understanding, not ridicule.
I breathed a sigh of relief. “It was actually.”
“I get that. I hope the more we spend time together, the easier it gets. I want to enjoy this thing between us. It doesn’t have to be this scary thing.”
“Okay. I want to trust you.” I swallowed down the doubts, the insecurities, the what-ifs.
“That means a lot to me, Avery. I don’t take that lightly.”
The way he said it, his voice low and gentle, sparked something in my heart. It was like an ember left over from a fire, burning small, but left to its devices would feed on the air, growing bigger, burning brighter. “I like when you say my name.”
He smiled as if I’d given him a gift.
I was quiet for a few seconds, reveling in my admissions, hope blooming in my chest.
“I’d better go to bed. Declan gets up early.” Griffin’s eyes filled with regret as if he wanted to talk longer.
“I’m glad you called. I’m happy we had this conversation.” Now that I’d taken that first step, it was like the dam had broken, my thoughts and feelings fell unhindered from my lips.
“Me too. ‘Night, Avery.”
“‘Night.” I clicked end on my screen before clutching the phone to my chest, sliding under my covers, hoping I hadn’t made a mistake. Griffin Locke would be the end of me one way or the other. He’d break down every wall until he got to my gooey inside.
I didn’t want to think about the alternative that he was like all the rest. He’d take until he used every admission to destroy me or he’d walk away after telling me I wasn’t enough.
I rolled onto my side, the phone still clutched to my chest. “I want to trust you, Griffin Locke. Don’t let me down.”
After my conversation with Griffin, I drifted through the next day. Usually, I’d be dissecting everything I’d said, berating myself for being too open. Instead, I chose to focus on his words. He liked me. He wanted to get to know me.