Lost without You: A Single Dad Small Town Romance (Annapolis Harbor Book 2)

by Lea Coll

  “Of course. We’ve thought about how difficult that might be.”

  “The team’s involvement comes with one stipulation.” Reid’s voice was soft, yet firm. “You must expand into Baltimore.”

  I looked at Hadley to gauge her reaction.

  Hadley’s eyes widened. “Are you serious? We hadn’t planned to expand again so quickly. We wanted to solidify our position in Annapolis first.”

  “If you expand into Baltimore, the team will back you financially to make it feasible.” Reid said each word carefully as if he’d rehearsed them.

  Hadley’s brow furrowed.

  “Obviously, you should discuss it with Lena Vickers. She’s the head of marketing,” Chase said.

  “She wanted me to let you know the team’s position. You don’t have to make a decision now,” Reid said.

  “It will be easier for us to meet in Baltimore in season,” Jonah added.

  “It’s an amazing opportunity,” I said, not wanting them to take Hadley’s silence for disinterest. It was a lot to process when it wasn’t what we were expecting or our plan for the program.

  “Would you be able to work with the other kids off season? I hate that the kids in Annapolis would miss out.” Hadley’s chin dipped down as she frowned, worry evident on the creases in her forehead, the lines around her mouth.

  “I don’t see why not,” Reid said, his words coming out in a rush as if to soothe her fears.

  Hadley exchanged a look with me, a mixture of surprise and respect on her face.

  Chase rubbed his chin. “I think we can manage that. Other players might be interested as well. Maybe we can have a little clinic for the kids in the spring.”

  “That would be amazing. Let me know what you’re thinking, and we can work it out together,” Dylan said to Chase.

  “I can take lead on that,” Reid said.

  Chase raised his brow at him. “You can?”

  Considering Chase’s reaction, I wondered if it was unusual for Reid to take the lead on anything.

  “Yeah. I don’t like the idea of the Annapolis kids missing out,” he responded to Chase, but his eyes were on Dylan.

  Chase nodded, accepting his answer.

  “Thank you, guys, so much for meeting with us. I really appreciate your enthusiasm and your ideas. I think we should discuss it between ourselves and then get in touch with Lena Vickers before we make a final decision,” Hadley said.

  “Did you have any more questions for us?” Dylan asked.

  Jonah moved closer to us to ask a question.

  Chase shifted from his spot at the bar over to Reid. Chase said something I couldn’t hear, Reid shrugged in response, moving his body slightly so his back was to me.

  I shifted my attention to Jonah, who was asking about the program in New Orleans, what things Hadley’s brother, Colin’s, college baseball team was doing with the kids and if it had been successful.

  I listened in case I was required to respond, but New Orleans was solely Hadley’s responsibility.

  Jonah laughed at something Dylan said, resting a hand on her shoulder, bringing my attention back to them.

  Reid took a step toward us. “I think it’s time we headed back.”

  “Yeah, we have an early morning workout and practice tomorrow,” Chase said.

  We said goodbye, shaking their hands again, promising to be in touch soon.

  When they were gone, I turned my attention to Dylan. “You never said what your connection with them was.”

  “Remember the silent auction bid to go on a date with a Baltimore football player?” Dylan asked.

  “Yes.” I was suddenly suspicious she bid on the date solely to talk to the player about Kids Speak.

  “I won. I went out with Reid Everson. All three of them are captains this year. Jonah’s a wide receiver, Chase is the quarterback, and Reid is a tight end.”

  “Okay.” I wasn’t that familiar with football but why hadn’t she mentioned the date to me?

  I glanced at Hadley. She was listening with rapt attention as if it was the first time she was hearing this too.

  Dylan smiled wide. “I told Reid about Kids Speak, he spoke to the marketing team. Jonah and Chase expressed interest in coming tonight.”

  “That was nice of them to travel to Annapolis during the season to meet with us,” I said, but I wondered if Reid thought the silent auction date was real.

  “It was,” Dylan said, picking lint off the skirt of her dress.

  “Is there any chance that Reid thought it was a real date?” Hadley asked Dylan, mirroring my concern.

  Dylan waved her off. “What? No. Of course not. Everyone knows those silent auctions are for fun. A way for a fan to meet a player.”

  I tilted my head. “But you’re not a fan.”

  “If we’re going to partner with players on Baltimore’s team, then I guess I’m going to have to start watching football.” Dylan’s tone was dismissive, as if she didn’t want to talk about whether Reid thought it was a real date.

  It made me question whether it was just business for her, or she saw something in him she liked.

  “He’s not upset that you bid at your own silent auction to meet him?” Frustration with my situation boiled over to hers.

  “You make it sound bad. I wanted to meet a player and tell him about Kids Speak. Trust me, I didn’t click with Reid Everson. If anything, I annoy him.”

  When we were quiet for too long, she added, “There’s nothing between us.”

  Hadley tilted her head. “There seemed like there was something. He was looking at you like—”

  “Like how?” Dylan asked and placed her hands on her hips.

  “Like how Cade looks at Hadley,” I said softly, wondering if Griffin had looked at me that way and I hadn’t noticed.

  “And how Griffin looks at you,” Hadley said to me.

  Her words were like a stabbing pain to my heart.

  “Have you fixed things with him?” Dylan’s voice had a bite to it I probably deserved.

  “He was the one who walked out.” The reality of the situation was roaring in my ears. I’d screwed up. I’d pushed him away one too many times.

  Hadley accepted a drink from the bartender before giving me another concerned look. “He said he loved you, then you didn’t respond, so he was embarrassed. You need to go to him and fix it.”

  “What if I can’t say it back?” It was one of many things that was nagging me.

  “Those words are important in a relationship. If you don’t think you can feel that way for him, then maybe it’s best you let him go. If you think you could love him, then talk to him,” Hadley said.

  “They’re just words. They’re meaningless.” But they weren’t. They were the words I’d longed to hear all my life until I pushed the desire down so deep I didn’t care anymore.

  Hadley’s brow furrowed. “They’re not meaningless, not to the person who loves you.”

  “What if I’m not capable of loving him back?” The thought of not being with Griffin was almost inconceivable, but to be with him, he wanted all of me, he wanted to know I felt the same way about him.

  She studied me for a second. “You look like a woman who’s been grieving her lost relationship all evening. There’re circles under your eyes, you’re pale, your eyes are full of pain.”

  I shook my head. “I have a headache. I just need to eat something.”

  “Emotions sometimes manifest themselves physically. Maybe you didn’t eat because you were too upset?” Hadley asked, her voice patient, her words reasonable.

  It was nice having friends who cared about me, making sure I was eating, that I wasn’t upset.

  I focused inward, trying to determine if she was right. “I can’t seem to breathe deeply. There’s this weight on my chest.”

  She raised a brow. “You’re upset he left.”

  “I feel something for him. More than I’ve ever felt for anyone else. That doesn’t mean I love him.” My words sounded weak even t
o me.

  “Doesn’t it?” Her voice was gentle.

  “You need to talk to him, apologize. Tell him how you feel,” Dylan said.

  “Apologize for what? For not feeling the same way he does?” I’ve never apologized in a relationship. I’ve never admitted I was wrong. When you walk away, the reason doesn’t matter.

  “Do you think you could love him or is he not what you want?” Hadley asked.

  “I don’t know anymore.” I rubbed my heart, trying to ease the headache that only worsened with alcohol.

  The girls exchanged a look I tried not to pay attention to. It wasn’t the first time I’d felt deficient. I didn’t feel things the way others could. My exes were right. I was cold.

  Hadley sighed. “How do you feel about Griffin’s offer to fund Kids Speak?”

  “You should take it. I wouldn’t stand in the way of money coming in, no matter who it came from,” I said, feeling oddly detached from it now. Taking a step back, I could see how important his donation was to the group. I could see now it didn’t have anything to do with our relationship. He wanted to help and he had the means to do so.

  “You were so upset about it earlier,” Dylan said.

  “It was an amazing offer. Griffin’s been wanting to find a purpose, something good to invest in, and he’s found it. I can’t be mad at him for that. I was upset about the lease. I want him to treat us the same as any other tenant. You remember how it was when Wes was approached about our relationship. He denied we were ever together, accused me of coming onto him.”

  When Griffin made his announcement about Kids Speak, I felt warm and tingly all over, which scared me. It reminded me too much of Wes, his position of power at the school and over me, how a few words could ruin someone’s reputation, their career. I wasn’t sure I could trust Griffin to financially back us or give us favors.

  “I get that what Wes did was horrible, but I think you want a reason to pull away from Griffin. Yeah, maybe you would have walked away whenever he said those three words, but there was the lease, the offer to help Kids Speak. He gave you several opportunities to walk away,” Dylan said.

  “You’re saying I overreacted? I sabotaged our relationship?” Dread curled in my stomach.

  “The more I think about it, yeah, I do. You panicked. He was getting too close, you were feeling too much,” Dylan said.

  “You don’t love someone because they do nice things for you.” With my parents, I realized I could only control my reaction to them. Had I applied that same control in not getting close to anyone. Who was that hurting in the end?

  Hadley tipped her head to the side. “I think if you walk away, you’re going to regret it.”

  “I need to think.” I scanned the room, suddenly needing to be alone.

  “I don’t know if you should be alone right now—” Hadley’s voice trailed off as she looked to Dylan for support.

  “It’s exactly what I need.” I better get used to it because alone would be my state forever if I didn’t figure out how I felt about Griffin.

  “Okay, but call us if you need anything. We’ll come over,” Hadley said.

  “I will. I’ll see you guys on Monday.” We said our goodbyes. I walked home in a daze, recounting the conversation in the conference room earlier today. Had I overreacted?

  Was that my reaction to him doing something for me, or was it something else? Anytime a man got too close over the years, I pushed him away. The one time I let a man in, he crushed me in the worst way possible.

  Was I doing the same thing to Griffin? Did I want whatever we had to be over? I didn’t, but I couldn’t be what he wanted me to be. A woman who said her feelings easily.

  Maybe he wanted marriage and kids. Why did the thought of living with him, having children, fill my chest with warmth, my stomach with flutters? I’d never wanted something like that with anyone.

  Panic filled my body as I unlocked my apartment and I climbed the steps to my cozy, yet empty apartment. No one was waiting for me. Not a roommate, a pet, or a boyfriend. No one.

  I unzipped my dress, dropping it on a chair, setting my heels underneath. I pulled a T-shirt over my head, falling onto my bed to stare at the ceiling. I loved my home, my job, and most of the time, my life, but I wanted more. For a brief time, I had that with Griffin. But I’d messed up. Overreacting to a nice gesture, assuming he’d screw me over after we broke up, letting him walk away after he’d said he loved me.

  Tears pricked my eyes. Griffin Locke loved me. The tears now slid down my face. How many years had I imagined my parents telling me those same words? I’d given up on ever hearing them. The words hung in the air between us. All I had to do was reach out and grab them, reach out to him, but I hadn’t.

  I ran like I always did. Did I think I was unlovable or was it because I didn’t know what to do with those words?

  Never having experienced it, I wasn’t sure I could handle it. I wasn’t sure what to do or say. There were so many expectations that came with those words. Could I live up to them? Did I deserve them? Could I feel the same?

  By the time I drifted off to sleep, I’d almost convinced myself I was in love.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Griffin

  I screwed up with Avery. I came on too strong. I wanted to do something nice for her, not realizing it would have her retreating in panic, ducking and covering to protect herself. I should have known better but I’d never been with anyone so closed off to love. It was almost as if she didn’t know what it was, how to feel it, much less how to accept it.

  I wanted to be the one to give it to her. Her childhood was devoid of emotion, of caring, loving parents. She’d resigned herself to more of the same in her life. It was going to take more than saying a few words, throwing money at her. Not when she didn’t believe my words. I remembered the shock on her face when I’d said them. I’d saved her from having to respond by leaving. Maybe I’d been too hasty, expected too much. I’d pushed her too far.

  I wanted to open her eyes, make her see what else was possible. I wanted her to experience love for the first time with me. With her, I usually kept pressing forward, not giving her a chance to slide backward, but this was different. I’d flipped her switch to panic mode, she needed time.

  They’d mentioned they were going out last night. Hopefully, Dylan and Hadley took good care of her. I refrained from sending her texts or calling to check in. I’d said what I had to say. I’d wait for her to come to me. If she didn’t or she wasn’t ready, I’d have to change tactics.

  I made Declan pancakes, then cleaned the kitchen while he played Legos in his room. When the doorbell rang, my heart pounded in my chest, hoping it was Avery coming to apologize to tell me she loved me too.

  Without checking the window, I opened the door, recognizing the harried thirty-something woman on my porch as Erin, Declan’s mother, from the pictures I’d seen from the investigator. Every muscle in my body locked tight.

  “Griffin Locke?”

  “Yes.” My tone was terse, hoping she wouldn’t say the words I’d feared.

  “You have my son.”

  Those words hit me square in the chest. I took a step back. “What did you say?”

  Why was she here now? First Avery was gone, now Erin would take Declan. I’d be left with nothing.

  “You have my son. I want him back.”

  “Excuse me?” Why couldn’t I think clearly? Why did it feel like I was standing on quicksand.

  “Uncle Griff? Who’s at the door? Is it Avery?” His feet thudded down the steps.

  I closed the door slightly so he couldn’t see who it was, not that he’d recognize his own mother. “It’s someone selling something. Give me a minute to get rid of them.”

  His face fell. “Oh. Okay.” Then he walked slower up the steps. I waited until he reached the landing before I opened the door.

  “Was that him?” She tried to peer around me, but I stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind me.

  “I ha
ve guardianship papers.” That’s what Avery told me to say if she showed up. I hoped she didn’t call the police, or demand to take him. I needed to call Avery.

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “I want him.”

  “You can’t have him. He’s mine.” How had I ever contemplated telling her about Declan, wanting her to be involved. Who abandons their child at three months old, only to stand on a porch eight years later demanding him? She had no idea how traumatizing this would be for him. Worse, she didn’t care about him, only herself.

  “I came as soon as I found out Julian died.” Her eyes were cold, devoid of sympathy.

  I studied her face, attempting to judge her motives. Did she really want or care for Declan or was there some other reason she was here? “Who told you?”

  “I saw an article in the paper. You sold your company for millions and you took him from me. He’s mine.”

  “You gave up the right to say that when you walked away, every year that went by you weren’t here.” My words came out in a rush. I wanted her gone before Declan realized I was still talking to her.

  “You haven’t even asked how Declan is, especially since the only parent he’s ever known died.” I tried to keep my voice down but it was impossible.

  She flinched.

  “What, you don’t have anything to say about how you abandoned him when he was three months old?”

  “What do you know about being a parent? I was young and stupid. Thought there was something better out there if I wasn’t always tied down.”

  “Julian stepped up. He was a father to him, took care of him, and he asked me to do the same. There’s nothing I won’t do to protect Declan. Can you say the same?”

  “I’ll be back.” She turned, walking down the porch steps, before turning with a sneer. “This isn’t over yet.”

  Panic climbed up my throat, my fingers curled into fists as I carefully shut the door. My mind spinning with what I should do. I called Avery.

  “Griffin?” Her surprised voice came over the phone.

  “She’s here. Declan’s mom showed up on my porch.” My tone was low. I didn’t want Declan to overhear. Inside I was frustrated, scared. Everything I’d put together in Annapolis was unraveling faster than I could hold it together.