Relic: Crown (A Kane Arkwright Supernatural Thriller)

by Ben Zackheim

  He shook his head. “I haven’t found them.” He seemed to nod off for a second. “Like I said, this scroll is not giving up its secrets easily.”

  “Could the two spells be recorded on the two missing pieces?”

  Lucas shrugged. “I don’t know, but I believe that is the case, yes. Someone went out of their way to remove the spells with surgical precision. They are important, whatever they are.”

  “This is all fine ’n dandy, people,” Dino said. “But what are we supposed to do with all of this information?”

  “We need to find the two missing pieces to answer that question, Dino.” I glanced at Rebel. She sighed.

  “What did I miss?” Dino asked. “Why are you sighing, sweetheart?”

  “Skyler,” she mumbled.

  Dino threw up his arms. “What? Not that guy again! What about him?”

  I held up a hand to calm him down. “Back in Egypt, Skyler told me he’d hidden five scroll pieces. He claimed they’d show us how to kill Set. We’ve only found three scroll fragments so far.”

  Rebel leaned against the long table. “You found the last ones with Lucas and my sister, right?”

  “Yeah, and they pieced together perfectly. They gave us the clue we needed to realize the importance of Imhohtep’s Book of the Dead. And here we are. So the last two missing pieces may be the key to unlocking where this Book of the Living is located.”

  Dino grunted into his hand. “Hm, so yer sayin’ Skyler might know where to look.”

  “Oh, I know where to look,” I said. “We don’t need the old man for that. Skyler dragged me on every single one of his adventures, including the five where he hid the scroll pieces. I just didn’t know the pieces were from two different scrolls. It’s always something with him.”

  Dino shook his head. “But Imhotep’s Book of the Dead was at the museum for decades. They would have noticed two big ol’ missing pieces of their prized possession.”

  “A complex Illusion Spell could make it appear whole,” Lucas said. “When the war began, the illusion may have been broken.”

  “Allowing us to see the importance of Imhotep’s Book of The Dead,” Rebel said. She turned to me. “If Skyler cast it, maybe he’s trying to help us after all.”

  I smiled. “You’re always looking on the bright side with him, Rebel. Man, what I would do to kick his ass right now.”

  Rebel pointed at me. “First off, you’d lose. He’s almost as powerful as…” She stopped, remembering that her powers had been diminished after the fight with Merlin. “He’s the most powerful magicist on the planet. What benefit do you get out of fighting with him?”

  “I get satisfaction. I can just picture his face hovering there, screaming to get punched.” I turned to one of the guards. “He has a super punchable face.” The guard ignored me. He was probably thinking the same thing about me. “We should get going, Lucas. We’ll come back tomorrow and figure this out.”

  Lucas looked at me sheepishly. “Sir, one thing. A favor.”

  “Anything for you, demon.”

  He smiled. “May I see Gungnir again?”

  “Of course.” I closed my eyes and focused on the Vault Portal. It opened without much of a struggle. My portals had caused all kinds of trouble over the months. The Swap Portal appeared as often as not. The Vault Portal had been infiltrated by just about everyone from Skyler to Rebel to who knows who else. But both portals had calmed down recently. I realized the reason they were calmer was because I was more relaxed. If I had to be calm for the portals to behave, I’d have to freshen up on my meditation skills.

  Of which I had none. Zip. Less than zero.

  I reached into the hovering glow and pulled out Gungnir, the Spear of Odin. I laid it across the arms of my wheelchair. The spear felt strong in my hand. So strong, it was as if it filled me with life just by being near it. My body still ached from the damage Merlin had done to me, but the pain lifted a bit in that moment.

  The guards finally lost their sour faces. They stopped frowning at me and gawked at the weapon.

  “Whose spear is that?” one of them asked me.

  Dino chuckled. “Hey, lookee, Kane. The guys are talking to you again.”

  “If I’d known all I had to do to win back some cred was whip out a god’s spear, I’d have done it weeks ago.”

  Dino unzipped his pants. “You want to see a god’s spear?”

  “You pull that out, you’ll never see it again,” Rebel said. Dino zipped up his pants.

  Lucas waddled to my side and lifted the tip of the spear for a better view.

  “You’re looking at the runes?” I asked.

  “Yes, sir. I’ve learned so much in the last few days about spells that I hoped they’d make more sense now. But they…”

  And just like that, Lucas fell to the floor in a small heap.

  Chapter 4

  Our plan was to carry Lucas back to HQ and get Scarlett to heal him.

  Our plan didn’t work out.

  Right as Dino reached the door, Lucas in his arms, the smell of burning flesh filled the room.

  “OW!” Dino yelled. He dropped Lucas on the hard floor.

  “Dino! What the hell are you…”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” Lucas said, pushing himself to his feet. His eyes glowed green. His nasty tone made Dino gasp like a shocked Lady of the Court.

  “Lucas?” He didn’t answer me. I held out a hand. He flinched and backed up a step. “What’s wrong with you?”

  The demon panted heavily. His clothes were charred black. He glared at us like we were his enemy. He backed up to the table with the scroll.

  The danger in the silence was sharp enough to cut.

  Dino shook his smoking hand in pain. “What the fuck was that?”

  Lucas blinked. His eyes returned to normal. “I’m sorry, Dino! Did I hurt you?”

  Dino’s hands were beet red. “I’m fine, demon,” he said.

  “Why didn’t you tell us the scroll has a spell on you?” Rebel asked.

  My librarian met my eyes and then looked away quickly. “Talk to us Lucas,” I said.

  “I didn’t tell you because then we’d have to have this conversation. This… this is a dangerous conversation.”

  “Why?” I asked. “No riddles, demon.”

  “I’ve only scratched the surface of this scroll’s message. But I’m afraid that I’m into the process deep enough to be linked to this relic for life.”

  “Oh, Lucas,” Rebel said in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

  “What’s that mean?” Dino asked for me.

  Rebel shared a knowing glance with Lucas. “It means leaving the scroll will kill him.”

  I knew what it felt like to be bound to something. Excalibur had drawn me in and dominated me. I almost killed Rebel thanks to that damn sword. Okay, fine, she almost killed me, but I tried to kill her. For a brief moment in that cave in Peru, nothing meant more to me than Excalibur. It was a powerful spell.

  “I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of this crap, Lucas,” I said.

  “It’s not your fault, sir.”

  “Yeah it is,” Dino said.

  “Dino!” Rebel yelled.

  “What? It’s true! Kane’s the one who put the demon on the translation job! Totally Kane’s fault.”

  I crossed my arms. “Does that mean if Lucas saves the world, I get the credit?”

  “Now let’s not go too far here,” Dino said, with a smirk and a wink.

  “What do you need from us, Lucas?” Rebel asked. “Name it. Anything.”

  The librarian sighed. “Leave me to do my work. I’ll call for you when I’ve made progress.”

  Again, a quiet set in. It was the kind of silence that left everyone uncomfortable. It felt like a final goodbye.

  Without a word, Rebel wheeled me out of the room. Dino followed.

  “Well, that sucks,” the troll mumbled.

  I glanced up at Rebel. “We need to get more guards on this library. And Scarle
tt needs to take a look at Lucas. See what she can do.”

  Rebel nodded. “I’ll handle it.”

  “Thanks, partner.”

  Lucas had been a hypochondriac from the moment I’d met him. He was infamous for his whining about imaginary health problems. Back when the world was pre-apocalyptic, Rebel would have killed to get out of one of his dull conversations. But when the fate of everything was on the line, my demon friend was stepping up. As Rebel wheeled me through the maze of rubble, I cringed at all of the sob stories I’d been telling myself. Crap like, ‘My injuries are so bad, I’m out of the action’, or, ‘My fellow humans, who I’ve sacrificed so much for, have turned on me.’

  Fuck that.

  Lucas was dying. He could barely stand. He was ready to give everything to find a way to win the war. I’d do no less. I was determined to heal, somehow. It had to be me who found the scroll pieces and the crown, or whatever it was. I wouldn’t cave to my injuries, or my wounded ego.

  I leaned back in the chair, eyes heavy. I’d been getting hit with waves of exhaustion. It was almost as if the weight of the task and the frantic pace we’d endured over the months was finally catching up to me.

  I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember was Thor floating over me with his dick hanging out.

  Chapter 5

  Thor. God of Thunder. Son of Odin.

  “There’s a naked god floating over us,” I whispered to Rebel. “This has to be your fault, Rebel.”

  “Not funny,” she said from behind me.

  “Not to you maybe, but I’m here to entertain me. Hello, Thor!” I raised a palm to him. I figured it was best to keep everything friendly.

  “The mighty Kane Arkwright has fallen far!” Thor hollered from the sky.

  “Not as far as your crotch. When did you get it back?” He’d lost his member to his ex-wife, Tabitha, Queen of the Vampires, otherwise known as the goddess Isis. Otherwise known as my unrequited lust lady.

  “Hm? Oh! Look at that!” Thor didn’t make a move to harness his manhood. He let out a laugh that rolled like thunder across the empty streets of Paris. “It’s loose upon the world! Stand thee back!”

  I laughed too because all guys laugh at dick jokes even when one is dangling over your head. He bellowed out another laugh and spread his legs wide. In case it’s unclear, never stand under a floating, half-naked god. It’s not just the view that’s the problem. You also have to deal with a deep, visceral fear he’ll relieve himself of his mead on your head.

  Thor rested his hammer, Mjölnir, on his shoulder.

  “I see you got your hammer back, too,” Rebel said, contributing to the awkward moment.

  The god swung his weapon in front of him and flipped it like a kid showing off his new toy. “Better than before, thanks to Alix here.”

  I hadn’t noticed that the dwarf blacksmith, Dvalin, was standing directly underneath Thor. I’d only known him as Alix until he revealed himself to be the artisan behind Mjölnir and Odin’s spear, Gungnir. He was also the guy who Freya charged with telling me I was linked to Odin. I smiled. I liked the little blacksmith. “Hey, Alix! Is he treating you okay?”

  “Aye, Kane Arkwright! The god of thunder is makin’ up fer time lost to the shenanigans o’ the wicked and humorless.” He winked at Thor, who chuckled. I had no idea what Alix meant, but I rarely did. Ever since we’d met in Freya’s attic, he’d been a good man, but a puzzle of a man, too.

  Thor raised his fist. “It’s been too long since this realm has heard the thunder of my glee!”

  Rebel leaned over me. “We could probably do without the thunder of his stench.”

  I tried not to laugh, but Thor was too wrapped up in himself to notice anyway. I’d heard he was a little self-possessed, but it was pretty impressive to see the ego up close.

  He raised his hammer melodramatically. “I’ll see off the remaining mortals of Midgard to the afterlife. I vow to bring them good fights and meaded vision for eternity!”

  I found a small break in the monologue. “What are you doing in Paris?”

  He shared an uncomfortable glance with Alix. A nervous chuckle escaped his smirking mouth. He flipped the hammer again. It slapped into his palm with a noise as loud as a car’s backfire, which wasn’t a surprise, I suppose. Everything he did was noisy. “We’re here to help you people! Come!”

  He landed hard on the sidewalk and strutted up to a bar. He knocked on the door.

  “No one’s there, Thor,” I said. “Humanity has kind of moved past the whole pub-trolling phase.”

  He slammed his shoulder into the door and knocked it into the opposite wall which, from the sounds of breaking glass and gushing liquid, must have been the bar. Thor turned and smiled at me as Alix and Dino marched through the dust cloud, past the god, and into the shadowy pub.

  I rolled my eyes. “Guys, we don’t have time to…”

  Thor raised his hammer. “Silence, Arkwright! You want me to put some pants on? Then you need to join me for a drink first. And then, um, find me some pants.”

  “It doesn’t really matter to me if you wear…”

  “I won’t hear another word, human! Woman! You wheel him in, or I will, fair lady!”

  I put my face in my hands. “Don’t call her fair la…”

  “Fair lady?” Rebel asked in a voice pitched low by a throat constricted with rage. “Did you just call me fair fucking lady?”

  Thor blinked. “I called you… without… there was no fucking… However, if you’d like to add the fucking in, I can accommodate you!”

  I raised a hand. “Thor! You need to shut up now!”

  Rebel didn’t have the magic to fight the god of thunder. So she shot him with her eyes, then reached for my Glocks to shoot him with those too.

  I grabbed her hand. “Chill, Rebel.”

  “Do not tell me to chill, Kane.”

  “I did not mean to offend,” Thor said in an uncharacteristically polite tone. He bowed his head. “Please, I would be honored to share a drink with you. Both of you.” The loud pop of an uncorked bottle came from the bar, followed by laughter. Thor smiled. “Your troll has started without us, my friends! Come!”

  Rebel and I shared a glance. I nodded. She sighed and shoved me forward. When Thor stepped in to help her, she growled.

  I shooed him away. “Just… just go inside, Thor.”

  Thor bowed his head again and disappeared into the dark building.

  Rebel leaned down. “I don’t trust him, Kane.”

  “I don’t trust him either. Doesn’t mean we can’t have a drink, right? Besides, he could have some useful information.”

  “Yeah? Like what? How to lose your pants and influence people?”

  Chapter 6

  Rebel shoved my wheelchair over the last patch of rubble and into the pub.

  The long room was lit by the flickering glow of candles. Alix stood on his tip-toes as he lit them. The shelves that weren’t crushed by Thor’s flying door were lined with bottles, glistening orange and green in the firelight. They looked welcoming, magical, delicious, as if they’d hoped there were a few humans left to consume them.

  Maybe I salivated. Yes, I salivated.

  “What’ll ye have?” the dwarf shouted. His voice was filled with unfiltered glee. Pre-Apocalypse glee. It was not something I’d heard in a while. It was welcome. But not as welcome as the whiskey that flowed down my gullet a minute later. “Holy Thor,” I muttered. Thor laughed. I probably blushed. I’d used his name in all my exclamations for the last decade. I never thought I’d meet the jerk.

  Never thought I’d be his father, either.

  I was still trying to get my head around the idea of being a ‘piece’ of Odin. I didn’t believe it, don’t get me wrong. But I did feel a connection with the thunder god. I couldn’t deny that. So what better time to get to the point?

  “Will you join our side, Thor?” I asked, bringing the sounds of tipsy joy to a halt.

  “I’m glad you asked!” Tho
r yelled. He held his mug out for another round. Alix filled it up as best he could, but his hands were already getting shaky. The dwarf wasn’t doing a good job of holding his liquor. “I’m indeed eager to join the fight, Kane Arkwright!”

  Rebel poured herself and Dino a new round of whiskey. “You know what I’d like to hear from you, pantsless one?”

  Thor smiled at Rebel. “My exhausted breath of pleasure and release?”

  Rebel didn’t even blink. “I’d like to hear you vow not to betray us because of some twisted god logic.”

  He smiled and nodded. “I vow I will never betray you or your people. I have a vested interest in helping you mortals survive.”

  “Because your existence depends on it,” I said. It was an educated guess, based on everything Freya had told me back at her townhouse. She’d dodged the specifics, but I got the idea — the gods were in a fight for survival.

  Thor’s bellowing mirth shook my stomach. It made me need to take a piss. “You think highly of your fellow humans. Am I to understand you’ve been speaking with my mother then?”

  The chess game continued. “Why do you ask?”

  “For eons, she’s told me of events such as the one we’re currently enjoying. She warned me and my father of the consequences of ignoring the undead. She warned that to do so would mean the end of the gods.”

  “Looks like she was right.”

  Thor shrugged. “Perhaps. Sometimes things aren’t as they seem.”

  “That’s real deep,” Rebel said.

  “If you’re looking for deep insights, do not look to me, woman.” Thor gulped down the rest of his mug.

  “Excuse me?” Dino said, raising his hand like a schoolboy. “Can we continue this conversation after he puts on some pants?”

  Thor leaned against the bar. “Do you feel threatened, troll?”

  “By that thing? You don’t know much about trolls, huh?”

  Rebel laughed. Thor didn’t like that. He let out a small growl. “You go without your power pole for centuries and see how it feels to get it back. From here on, if it needs air, it will get it!” He slammed his glass on the mahogany bar. Alix filled it up quickly.