A Sister's Courage

by Molly Green

  ‘Shall we go?’ He held out his hand.

  She nodded and took his hand as she jumped to her feet, once again feeling that electric tingling as his warm skin came into contact with hers.

  They wandered alongside the Serpentine, hand in hand, admiring the swans, Raine wishing the day would never end. She sighed with contentment.

  ‘I only wish I was coming back with you,’ Alec said, almost reading her thoughts, ‘but Baxter and I have a 48-hour pass, so after we’ve seen my parents we thought we’d go to a show this evening.’ He regarded her with those unnerving green eyes. ‘You’d be more than welcome to come with us.’

  ‘It’s kind of you to offer, but I have to get back,’ Raine said, endeavouring to keep her voice steady.

  She wondered how Doug would feel if he knew she was spending the day with another man. Probably wouldn’t bother him at all.

  ‘I’ll see you onto the train at least,’ Alec said.

  The rest of the afternoon flew by. Walking, stopping for afternoon tea, and walking again. Raine swallowed hard whenever they came upon yet another street that had been hit. Even the department stores in Oxford Street hadn’t escaped damage. John Lewis had built a wall of sandbags around its entrance and several shops had followed suit.

  ‘Do you want to go in?’ Alec said as she glanced in one of the windows, but she shook her head.

  In no time they were on the platform waiting for the train to pull in. Alec stood, saying nothing. She gave him a sideways glance but he caught her looking.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘I was just wondering what was the matter.’

  As soon as she said the words she wished she hadn’t. Why should she worry about what he was thinking?

  ‘It’s this damned war. It sweeps over you sometimes, doesn’t it, how serious it is. How we don’t know if we’ll even be alive tomorrow.’

  ‘Don’t speak like that,’ Raine said, her words half drowned in the whistle from one of the guards.

  ‘But it’s true. You know it is. That’s why I didn’t want to waste any more time arguing. I’d much rather spend the time getting to know you – as I have done today.’ He studied her. ‘Stan was right. You’re very beautiful, you know. Although that smut on your nose …’ He sent her a mocking grin as he drew out a freshly ironed handkerchief.

  ‘Where?’ Her hand flew up to her face.

  ‘You don’t know where it is, so let me.’ He put a corner of his handkerchief between his lips to moisten it, then gently wiped the tip of her nose. ‘There. Nothing now to mar your beauty.’

  ‘It obviously doesn’t take much to mar it,’ Raine chuckled.

  ‘Your face lights up when you laugh,’ Alec said, ‘and your eyes are the colour of violets in the rain.’

  ‘You’re being very poetic,’ she said, her cheeks flushing with sudden embarrassment.

  ‘I’m being serious, Raine. You’re starting to become rather special to me.’ His finger traced her jaw with a featherlight touch that set her senses reeling. ‘When I first set eyes on you I never stopped hoping that one day we’d meet again.’

  She didn’t know what to say. She’d felt the same though she’d never admitted it to herself. And even now she couldn’t tell him.

  ‘I decided if it was meant to be, we would,’ Alec went on. ‘And whoever this chap is, I get the impression he hasn’t made any proper commitment to you.’

  ‘I don’t want anyone to make a commitment to me and I don’t want to make a commitment to anyone either. It’s fruitless in war. And anyway, I’ve got a job to do.’

  ‘Maybe you’re right.’ A shadow passed across his face. ‘I only know I don’t want to wait another six months before I see you again, that’s all.’

  He fumbled in his jacket for his packet of cigarettes and Raine had the distinct feeling he was giving himself time to decide something, the way her father used to, though what was going through Alec’s head, she couldn’t imagine. He shook out a cigarette, lit it and inhaled deeply, then regarded her, tilting his head slightly to one side as he blew out a stream of smoke.

  ‘I simply can’t take my eyes off you – you’re so lovely.’

  ‘It’s a wonder you can see me with that smokescreen in the way,’ Raine quipped.

  He gave a rueful smile, dropped the cigarette and ground it beneath his shoe. ‘Point taken.’ He paused. ‘Am I allowed to ask if you’re stationed at Hatfield?’

  ‘How did you guess?’

  ‘Most of the women pilots start their training there.’ He paused, his eyes narrowing. ‘Raine, would you at least allow me to write to you?’

  Doug and now Alec. It seemed a long time since Doug had written. If she let Alec write to her there’d be someone else to worry about if she didn’t hear from him regularly. She couldn’t bear it if something happened … to either of them. She glanced at him. He was standing silently, waiting for her answer. She swallowed.

  ‘I think it’s maybe better if you don’t,’ she said, then could have bitten out her tongue.

  Why had she said that? What would have been the harm to let him write to her? She wished she could take the words back and tell him she would love to have a letter from him sometimes – to know he was safe. But it was too late; she’d seen his hurt expression.

  ‘Okay. That’s fine by me.’

  His words were almost swallowed up by her train approaching the platform, bellowing and hissing and steaming, but it didn’t matter. His tone and expression were enough.

  ‘Safe journey back, Lorraine.’ Alec tossed the words over his shoulder as he strode away.

  Raine watched Alec join the hundreds of exhausted white-faced soldiers, many looking as though they were putting on a brave face by laughing and shouting and shoving one another as they spilled from the train she was about to board. She stared after Alec’s retreating figure, her eyes smarting from the smoke billowing around her from a departing train on the adjacent platform, until he disappeared.

  It was only when she managed to find a seat that she felt the tears trickle down her cheek. Hastily, she brushed them away before anyone in the compartment noticed, her father’s voice ringing in her ears: ‘You don’t always think before you speak, Raine, and one day it will get you into trouble … or make you regret you’d said it.’

  Chapter Fifteen

  September 1941

  Ever since they’d moved to Downe, Raine’s mother had pulled her up sharply for any disparaging remark she made about the cottage, but this morning as Raine knocked on her parents’ front door, she was determined to remain cheerful and positive. She realised how lucky they all were. They hadn’t been bombed out of their home like some people she’d met from London or Liverpool. Breathing out a sigh of pure exhaustion as the door opened, she pasted a smile on her face. She couldn’t bear the thought of any argument after her thirteen days without a break. But it wasn’t her mother who opened the door. She almost didn’t recognise her youngest sister.

  ‘Oh, Raine!’ Ronnie beamed with delight and twisted her neck to call down the long narrow hallway. ‘Maman, it’s Raine!’

  Raine’s smile was wide as her kid sister enveloped her in a hug.

  ‘Hello, Ronnie. What have you done to your beautiful hair?’

  Ronnie put her finger to her lips. ‘Shhh! Maman is cross enough without you raking it up. My friend is an apprentice hairdresser and she wanted someone to practise on.’ She giggled. ‘So I let her and her scissors go to work.’ She twirled round. ‘What do you think?’

  Her sister was growing up. Raine smiled and ruffled the short chestnut curls. ‘You know, I like you with your short hair, kid. You’re looking more grown-up every time I see you.’

  ‘Don’t call me a kid,’ Ronnie said, pulling away and looking sternly at her older sister. ‘Or treat me like one. I’m fifteen and doing my homework like a good little girl …’ she pulled a face, ‘and hating most of it. You were practically learning to fly at my age and I bet you didn’t let anyone call you a kid
.’ She pushed out her lower lip. ‘If only I could think what to do. Why aren’t I clever like you, or musical like Suzanne? Why have I been handed the rotten card?’

  ‘You haven’t,’ Raine said, looking at her young sister with affection. ‘Suzy and I don’t know half the stuff you know about nature and animals.’

  ‘But what help is that in a war? If only I’d been born a boy I’d be out there fighting.’

  ‘Not at fifteen, you wouldn’t.’ Raine smiled. ‘Anyway, if you’re that keen, and if the war goes on a long time, you could join up. That would take you nearer to fighting the Germans.’

  ‘I shan’t, if I can help it.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because I hate the thought of all that marching. I’d never be able to do it. I’d get the right and left foot muddled the first time someone barked at me. And they might give me a job that didn’t suit me. You know how I like being outdoors best of all. But I bet I’d be stuck in some smelly office.’

  ‘Something will turn up when the time is right.’ Raine grinned at her sister’s vehemence. ‘You’ll see. And when it does, it will be perfect for you.’ She paused. ‘Where’s Maman?’

  ‘In the kitchen trying out a recipe. She probably didn’t hear me call her.’ Ronnie lowered her voice. ‘She’s still a terrible cook. She was so used to having Doreen leave something for supper, and it doesn’t help that Dad compliments her all the time on her cooking.’

  Raine chuckled. ‘I expect she’s trying hard.’

  ‘You’d think it would improve with practice, but it doesn’t.’

  ‘Why don’t you have a go?’

  ‘I’ve offered, but she refuses to let me. And to be honest, I’m not that interested. I’d rather grow the vegetables, which I’m doing. I dug the plot and I look after them, even though Maman takes all the credit.’

  ‘I’d better go and find her,’ Raine said. ‘Ask her to put another potato on.’

  ‘Véronique, where—?’ Her mother turned as Raine stepped into the kitchen. ‘Oh, it’s you, Lorraine. We didn’t expect you. How long are you staying?’

  It’s always the same, Raine thought grimly. No loving greeting like I always hope for. No, if Maman didn’t get her own way, if people didn’t act as she told them they ought – and that included her daughters – she’d never properly forgive them.

  ‘You’re looking well.’ She kissed her mother’s raised face, moistened with steam. ‘And I’m staying two nights – that is, if it doesn’t inconvenience you too much.’

  Her mother’s eyes bore into hers.

  I must stop doing this. It wasn’t making her any more endearing to her mother, it annoyed her father and it only gave herself a few seconds of satisfaction before she felt horribly mean.

  ‘Sorry, Maman. That didn’t sound very nice.’

  ‘No, it did not.’ Her mother raised her hands. ‘I worry about you sometimes, Lorraine.’

  ‘Believe it or not, I’m a very good pilot,’ Raine said defensively, though aware of a flicker of warmth that her mother was actually admitting that she worried about her. ‘I wish you could see me—’

  ‘Oh, I don’t mean that,’ Simone cut in. ‘I’m sure you are, or they wouldn’t allow you to fly such expensive machines.’ She paused. ‘No, I mean your attitude towards me. I don’t think I deserve it.’ Her eyes filled with tears.

  Raine managed to stop her eyes from rolling towards the ceiling. The theatrical tears. She should have known. It was always about Maman. Always about her feelings, with precious little over for her husband and her eldest daughter. She took in a couple of deep breaths.

  ‘Let’s not be cross with one another, Maman,’ she said. ‘I’m only home for a short time and it’s not worth it. Not when you hear about such awful things going on everywhere.’

  To Raine’s surprise her mother gave one of her charming smiles, completely changing her. She really is a beautiful woman, Raine thought, not for the first time. No wonder her father had fallen for her all those years ago.

  ‘D’accord. Then you may lay the table for dinner.’

  ‘Your father never gets back at dinnertime,’ Maman told her when she and Ronnie sat down to corned beef and salad with potatoes. ‘But you’ll see him this evening.’

  ‘Where’s Suzanne?’

  ‘Rehearsing,’ chimed in Ronnie. ‘She’ll be back in time for supper.’

  ‘I can’t wait to see her.’ Raine smiled. ‘It’s only been a month but I feel I’ve been away a year at least.’ She leaned forward. ‘I’m longing to hear all the news.’

  ‘Well, it’s a good job you came today,’ Ronnie said, ‘because school starts again tomorrow. But if you want her news, there’s a boy who sounds as though he’s soppy over her … if that’s news of any kind,’ she ended with a yawn.

  ‘It certainly is news,’ Raine said, grinning. ‘Suzy’s usually so immersed in her music she doesn’t even notice when there’s a nice boy in the offing. Where did she meet him?’

  ‘Some music thing. She’ll tell you.’

  ‘I do wish you would stop using that ridiculous name,’ Simone said, lips pursed in disapproval. ‘I have given you all beautiful French names and you refuse to use them.’

  ‘If you were teased unmercifully at school with a foreign-sounding name like Véronique …’ Ronnie rolled her r’s with deliberate exaggeration, ‘I’m sure you’d have changed yours.’

  Their mother’s pretty mouth tightened. ‘I would not mind so much if you chose Vera, but Ronnie …’ she pulled her mouth unattractively, ‘is a man’s name. Why would you want to renounce your femininity?’

  ‘These potatoes are delicious, Maman,’ Raine said, knowing she would be the next to be admonished if she didn’t change the subject.

  ‘They’re from my own garden,’ her mother said, a note of pride in her voice. ‘I’m digging for victory – the way they tell you on the posters … although Véronique kindly dug the plot for me.’

  ‘And even sowed the seeds,’ Ronnie remarked pointedly.

  Her mother then proceeded to tell Raine about the other vegetables she was growing, and how well the tomatoes were doing in the little greenhouse at the bottom of the garden. Remembering Ronnie’s words, Raine just said how pleased she was that Maman had found such a worthwhile hobby and was enjoying it.

  ‘Non, I am not enjoying it,’ her mother snapped. ‘It is necessary to do it for the family so we do not starve.’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ Raine said, and changed the subject.

  After lunch she excused herself, telling her mother she was going to freshen up. Her mother nodded approvingly. After taking off her uniform and spreading it on the only chair, Raine, still in her underclothes, flopped onto her old bed in what was now Suzanne’s room. She linked her hands behind her neck, staring at the ceiling, thinking how drastically her life had changed.

  Not for the first time did Alec cross her mind. For a split second after she’d told him it would be better if he didn’t write he’d looked thoroughly dispirited, but his expression had changed so quickly to his usual couldn’t-care-less attitude that she wondered if she’d imagined it. She shook herself. It was no use feeling guilty. She’d said it for the best reasons. Life was precarious these days and she had enough to worry about with Doug fighting the Germans, let alone about someone she barely knew.

  Someone she barely knew? Was that really how she viewed Alec? She chewed her lip. Who was she kidding?

  Thank goodness in two days’ time she’d be back doing the thing she loved best. But it was wonderful to have time to relax with her sisters and Dad … and Maman too, of course, she thought with a prick of guilt, before she was due back at the station. Not that she was complaining. But this last fortnight had taken its toll with the amount of advanced training they’d had drummed into them. Her head seemed to be bursting with information.

  She closed her eyes. She adored both her sisters but she silently prayed that Suzy wouldn’t come back too soon. Two minutes’ later she
’d drifted off to sleep.

  Raine awoke with a start. Who was that downstairs? A man’s voice that was definitely not her father’s.

  She heard a scream then a crash. It sounded like Maman!

  Heart thumping in her chest, Raine shot out of bed and grabbed her blouse. Cursing, she fumbled with the buttons, then pulled on her uniform skirt. She sprinted down the stairs, dreading what she would find.

  As she burst into the sitting room she found a strange man fussing over her mother whose face was drained of life, her head leant back on the winged chair, her eyes unfocused. The man looked round as Raine flew to her mother’s side and took hold of her hand. Maman’s fingers were cold. Dear God, she must have had a stroke. But what on earth was this stranger doing in the house?

  ‘Maman, what’s the matter? What happened?’

  Her mother didn’t answer. Just shook her head and squeezed Raine’s hand in a vice-like grip.

  At least she’s conscious.

  ‘I’m afraid I’ve brought some difficult news,’ the man said as he moved politely to one side.

  ‘I’m her daughter, Lorraine Linfoot,’ Raine said, looking up at him. He didn’t look much older than her now she saw him closer up. ‘Please tell me what’s happened to my mother.’

  ‘It’s not your mother, Miss Linfoot. It’s regarding Mr Linfoot – he was taken poorly at his workplace approximately an hour ago and they had to call an ambulance.’

  ‘Oh, poor Father. Are you a colleague?’

  The man shook his head. ‘No, Miss Linfoot. I’m a police officer. PC Riley. I was off duty, but we’re so short at the station I was asked to come and see Mrs Linfoot to tell her what happened to her husband.’

  She turned to her mother. ‘Don’t worry, Maman.’ She pressed her mother’s hand. ‘He’s in the best place. We’ll go and see him right away.’

  Her mother remained silent, her eyes now closed.

  ‘Is he in the General Hospital?’ Raine asked.

  ‘Yes, he was taken there …’ The police officer hesitated and she could see him biting the inside of his cheek. ‘But I’m afraid it was too late.’