by Lara Hale
Everybody's looking for that something,
one thing that makes it all complete;
you find it in the strangest places,
places you never knew it could be.”
I found it in this man, and I want to give him everything.
“I love you!”
“I love you! So, so damn much, Harvey!”
I kept thrusting in and out of him, feeling things I didn't know a human body was capable of feeling. It's like a good kind of anxiety, and I don't even know if that is a thing.
“Harder, Harvey! Fucking harder… I want to feel it in my brain.” And if harder my man wants; harder my man gets. I move my hips with the force of a wrecking ball.
“Fu–fuck! fuck me, handsome… I'm coming baby yes, right there… right the—oh fuck!”
And I feel the sticky drops shooting between our bodies. I didn't even know it could be possible to come without even touching your cock, and shit, now I want to experience that.
“Tobias, damn!”
His clenching hole takes a tight hold on me, and I feel it squeezing my cock out of cum. If coming in him with a condom already felt good; doing it without it, it's damn fucking ecstasy. My dick glides in and out of him with such ease until my balls are emptied dry inside his body, giving me a possessive and primal feeling that convinces me this man belongs to me. And yes, that would be wrong to say, but the thing is, I also belong to him.
“Yes.”
I don't know what he is saying yes to. Maybe I've been hallucinating after coming that hard, and I wouldn’t blame him if he was to, but I ask anyway.
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, I'll move in. If you are sure, of course.”
“Tobias Amell Spencer, I've never wanted anything more.”
I could die right now, and I'd feel like I've accomplished everything my heart ever desired.
HARVEY
Chapter 29
This week has been longer than it should have, and I have a feeling the next two weeks will be just as long. Why? Because that is how long I have to wait for Tobias to move in with me.
Tonight, is the last Falcons game in the city, and after that he will be gone with the team for two weeks unless they get disqualified. How much of a dick does it make me if I hope they do?
Anyway, I came to watch the game with Jared and Kassie, his girlfriend. They have been together for about three months now, but I think I hear wedding bells judging by how they are all over each other, making me gag with their PDA.
“Can the two of you stop rubbing against each other until you get back home? Jesus, I feel like the most uncomfortable third wheel.”
“Hey! That's your own fault,” says my brother, “I told you to bring Lamar, and you didn't want to. I don't know why you can't just get serious about each other.”
Because, I am in love with a man, it’s my first thought. A thought that I don't voice even though I know that soon I'll have to.
“Oh, hey! Look at my man Tobias over there, looking all sharp with his pressed polo and all that. Which of the players do you think he is hooking up with?”
My brother elbows my ribs, and I want to strangle him for two reasons. One, Tobias is not 'his man.' He is mine… M-I-N-E!
Second, no, he fucking isn't hooking up with any player because again… He is mine.
“Damn it, Harvey! Can you take that stick out of your ass? What's wrong with you today?”
“Nothing Jared, I'm just trying to pay attention to the game, and you won't let me.”
“Come on, baby, it's true! Pay attention.” Says Kassie, and thank God, he listened to her. We are enjoying the game as players continue to fall on the ice or run into walls and move on, skating around. I can't imagine all the balance it takes to kick that little puck thing while trying not to fall on their asses with those damn skates.
The game gets more heated as the time passes by, they throw insults at each other, and the crowd urges for a fight, a fight they eventually get.
A player from the other team runs hard into one of ours. I don't know what causes the issue, but our player falls to the floor holding his side and almost crying in pain. Tobias is the first to run to him wearing some sort of special shoes instead of skates.
While Tobias instructs his team on what to do to carry the player, a second fight starts near them; players blaming the other team on whose fault the entire thing was.
Too fast for anyone to react, I see how the fight moves closer and closer to where Tobias is. His reflexes are like a puma, and when Tobias sees the collectible entangle of guys getting closer to the fallen player, he throws himself toward him to avoid hurting the guy even more.
I see it happening, and I guess I shout in anger when I see it because the nearest crowd is now looking at me instead of the scene happening on the ice.
I notice a player holding his lumber like a bat, I see when he hammers down to hit another player, I see when the other player moves, avoiding the hit, and I see when the lumber lands on the back of Tobias' neck, making his head bounce right before he falls flat.
I run down the few steps until I'm right behind the hard plastic that divides the rink from the crowd, then I start pounding my fist on it, calling the only person I recognize, trying to get him to help Tobias.
“Randy! Randy goddamn it, Tobias is on the fucking floor!” Randy can't hear me, and my anger just grows. I look around for a way to climb the damn divider and help him myself if I have to; that's when I feel someone's hands holding me back.
“Harvey, what the hell? Dude, you want to get your ass beat?” My brother. God, I don't have time for this.
“Let me fucking go! I need to help him?”
“Are you a damn paramedic?”
I feel the sting in my eyes, and I look at Kassie. Some sort of sense makes her understand that this isn't just my friend lying unconscious on the floor.
“Sweetie, how about we help him instead?”
I manage to release myself from the hold that Jared had on me, and when I look back, some people—paramedics, I presume—are wheeling Tobias out in one of those rolling beds, and the injured player on another. I run up almost a hundred steps to get out of there and find him.
Once out the door, I look around. I know the hall that would give me access to the rink is somewhere near me. I saw it on the map when I was looking for our seats… Yes! I found it! I walk to the security guard at the entrance, asking him to let me in.
“You don't understand! I know one of the people that got hurt. You have to let me in!”
“Sir, I understand, and I'm sorry, but I could get fired for letting you in there.”
“But no! No, listen to me! Fuck! Sir, sir… listen to me. My boyfriend is there, and he is part of the injuries care team, his name is Tobias Spencer, can you at least check? I'm his emergency contact. I should be in there with him!”
“I'm sorry, man,” the security guard responds, “how about this? Let me go down there and check what I can do for you, yeah?”
I nod in appreciation and relief, and the security guard calls another to guard the entrance until he is back. I see him walking away, and I lean against the wall, sliding down until I'm seated on the floor. That's when I see my brother staring at me like I'm an alien.
“You—” He holds whatever he is trying to say, and Kassie squeezes his forearm and shakes her head when he looks down at her. “No, Kassie, I don't—You and Tobias? You are… he is… he is your boyfriend?”
“Not now, Jared!”
“The fuck you mean, not now, Harvey? When then? After your secret wedding? After the birth of your secret child? Since when are you gay?”
“Damn it, Jared, I said not now!” The security guard comes back, and I jump to my feet. “How is he?!”
“Is your name Harvey Breevort?”
“Yes! Why? Did something happen to him?”
“May I please see your I.D?” I take it out of my wallet and give it to him with shaking hands.
�
��Okay. They took Mr. Tobias to the Presbyterian Hospital. According to the team's director, he was still unconscious when they left in the ambulance. The hit was directly in the back of the skull, almost where the spine begins, so they took him right away in case there was any damage to the spinal cord.”
He reads all this from a piece of paper, and I couldn't be more grateful that the man took notes of what he heard.
“Thank you, sir. Thank you so much, Shit! I need to go!”
“No problem, sir, go ahead.”
I walk, and behind me, I hear the click-clack of Kassie's shoes and murmurs that don't last long.
“Harvey, hold the fuck on, would you? Let us drive you to the hospital!”
I don't bother turning around when I respond, “what for? So you can judge me? No, thanks!”
”If I'm going to judge you for anything, you asshole, is for not telling me you were in a relationship so I could shut up about Lamar. Now, stop being a dick and let us drive you.”
Thirty minutes ago, I would have jumped to celebrate my brother's easy acceptance, but right now, all I can think of is getting to that damn hospital and making sure Tobias is and will be, alright. He has to be!
TOBIAS
Chapter 30
Someone needs to shut the fuck up!
It’s my first thought when I wake up and before my eyes open. But when I open them, I don't see anything; I blink and still… nothing.
I freak out and pull my hand to touch my face, and I feel it, an IV, and some other stuff connected to me, and I just freak out even more.
“What the—? What is going on?” I hear Harvey's worried voice, and I get even more scared. “Harvey? Harvey, what the hell is going on?”
And when I bring my other hand to my face, I feel a bandage of sorts covering my eyes. I pull the fabric down and it feels like the light is evaporating my eyes, and I lower my head to press the heel of my palm against them and try to, I don't know, lessen the pain?
“Hey! Hey, hold on, let me get the doctor, ok?” I nod and heave; anxiety getting the best of me. A doctor comes back into the room and introduces himself.
“Mr. Spencer, my name is Dough Devos. I turned the lights off for you. Do you think you can uncover your eyes?”
I nod and slowly move my hands away. My eyes are entirely out of focus, and a headache like none before pounds in my head, as in, my whole head.
“What happened? Why am I here? Am I dead?”
I see a hint of a smirk that the doctor tries to hide. Devos starts talking about medical stuff that I don't understand, but one thing he says catches my attention.
“Memory loss? But I remember. I don't remember you because I've never met you, but I remember Harvey.” I look at him, and he smiles. Thank God, I remember him. “And I remember me!”
“Yes, but you can forget other things like, for example. Do you remember how you got hurt?” I think, and thinking hurts, so I shake my head.
“When is your birthday?”
That one is easy.
“May–tember?” I start to guess, looking around at their confused faces.
“September 16th.” the doctor responds before his next question, “What is your full name?”
“Tobias…” I say.
“Your full name, Tobias?”
“Tobias, Bree–Breevort?”
“Your name is Tobias Amell Spencer.”
“Spencer, yeah, ok. Who the hell is Breevort?” I ask, with my head lowered and scratching my scalp.
“I am!” I hear Harvey say, and when I look at him, I see something in his eyes that I don't recognize. Is he not…? Shit! Was it a dream? How long have I been here?
“How long have I been here?!” I ask.
“About thirty-six hours.” The doc tells me, and I look at Harvey, relieved, and hopeful.
“Oh, so you are my boyfriend, right? I remember that; I'm not crazy. It wasn't a dream, right?”
“Yes. You aren't getting rid of me that easily.”
He smiles, but I don't; I can't. My head feels like a balloon when you inflate it too much, and you know that it is on the verge of popping. Without asking the doctor, I put the eye mask up and covered my eyes. The lights are off but just trying to focus hurts.
“So, Tobias,” the doctor continues, “to explain the situation, you got a hard blow on the back of your head. The hit caused a closed brain injury, which means nothing penetrated through the skull, but the skull itself cracked. It was a minor fracture, but it was significant enough to damage some blood vessels in your brain.”
I'm so glad Harvey is the one to speak next because at the sound of terms like 'cracked skull' or 'blood vessel,' I just want to throw up.
“How do you treat that? How serious is it?”
“Great question, Mr.—?”
“Breevort, but you can call me Harvey.”
“Yes, Harvey. The damages caused swelling on the brain. Now here's the thing. Usually, when you get swelling, the skin has the elasticity to make room for that swelling. However, the brain has no way to expand since the skull is a hard surface intended to protect it from more significant injuries. That is why Mr. Spencer is having trivial memory loss, constant headache, and overall symptoms.”
“Am I going to die?!” I ask, terrified of the answer but needing to know anyway.
“I won’t lie; anything brain-related is considered critical, and we would like to treat the Cerebral Edema, which is the official diagnosis, as soon as we get your approval for the procedure.”
“What is this procedure?” Harvey asks, and I reach out and start patting the air, searching for him. I need him close. “Tobias, what’s wrong?”
“Your hand, I’m looking for it.”
Seconds later, I feel his hand holding mine and his voice sounding closer when he asks the doctor to continue. “You were saying, doctor?”
“Right. As I was saying, the Edema causes fluid to develop in the brain. For us to drain the fluid, we need to perform a procedure called Ventriculostomy.”
I start laughing at the name of the procedure, and the laughter sends shooting pain to my head, so I bring my arms up to hold my head between my forearms, my elbows resting on my thighs. I don’t know why I find it so funny, but I can’t stop laughing, and it just keeps hurting more and more, and I want to cry, but all I do is laugh.”
“Doctor, what is going on? Tobias, come here!”
Harvey pulls my head up, and I feel his arms wrapped around my shaking body, holding me closer to him.
“Tobias, listen to me,” says the doctor, “breathe in but not too deep, then try to exhale more air than you inhaled.” I do what he said, and after a few fails, I get the hang of it. “Perfect! Keep doing that at slower paces. Hold the air in, count to three, and let it out.”
I hear a nurse asking Harvey to move, and she wraps my arm with something then pumps on it, taking my blood pressure, I realize. I continue to do what the doctor told me, and the pain begins to lessen, although it doesn’t leave me altogether.
“Spencer, can you hear me?”
His voice is almost inaudible, but I nod.
“We need to perform the VP Shunt as soon as possible. What just happened is yet another effect of the edema. The pressure in your brain is fighting you, and that’s why you can’t control your reactions or emotions. That’s why you were laughing, and all of a sudden, you were crying.
“I will explain what the procedure is like while the nurses prep you for the anesthesia if you agree. Although performing the procedure is truly our best bet.”
I say yes, and everything is set in motion. I hear steps, more people coming in, but I don’t hear the one voice I need. “Harvey? Is he gone?”
“Just letting the nurses work, but I’m right here.”
“Fuck! I’m scared, Harvey. This shit hurts!”
All I hear is him saying, ‘can I?’ but I don’t know what he is asking for until I feel his hand on mine. God, this man is heaven-sent.
“Ok, Spenc
er, I’m back.” I hear what I now know, is the doctor’s voice, “This is what we are going to do.” And he goes on about things that even if my brain weren’t all fucked up, I wouldn’t understand.
“A ventriculoperitoneal, or VP Shunt for short, is a device that relieves the pressure on the brain caused by fluid accumulation. The procedure is invasive, so you will be under general anesthesia.
“The neurosurgeon will drill a tiny hole on your skull, and then we’ll insert a tube into the brain through this opening. The tube will serve as a drain and will restore oxygen flow to the brain.
“We’ll also make a tiny incision behind your ear to place another catheter under the skin. This tube travels down to your chest and abdomen and allows excess cerebrospinal fluid to drain into the abdominal cavity, where your body absorbs it.”
I don’t know if the headache is caused by the injury or the doctor talking. Can they put me under already? Can we do that before boredom is what ends up killing me instead of my brain?
The doctor and Harvey talk about some other stuff that I try to ignore. I’m happy he is worried and cares about me, but I just want the entire thing to be over. I hate hospitals! What if I die for saying that?
“Ok, I will give you two a few minutes before the surgical nurse comes to shave your head.” That makes me jump on the bed.
“My what?”
My hair? My sapphire black beautiful hair? I can be handsome and all, but one thing I can’t do is pulling off the bald look. I don’t have Jason Statham’s voice, nor the body to pull this off. Luckily the doctor eases at least one of my pains, even if it is only my vanity that’s being hurt over this one.
“It’s only a small section behind the ear. No need to worry. I’ll be out, and the nurse will be in shortly.” The doctor leaves, and I feel soft lips against my temple.
“You know you will be ok, right?”
“I know nothing. I’m terrified. Harvey I am too young to die.”
“It’s ok, babe. Only the good die young, so you're in the clear.”