by Lara Hale
“Oh, so it took my skull getting cracked to get you to call me, babe?”
“Don’t be silly; I’m serious. You will be ok.”
I sigh and ask him for a pen and paper. He doesn’t have paper, so I use the brain injury card and convince him to let me write on his shirt. I pull the eye-mask a little bit higher so I can see.
“I can’t write. Why can’t I write?” I freak out when I attempt to write on his shirt but my hand struggles to get the letters flow as easy as per usual.
“Hey, hey, listen,” Harvey says while he holds my hands still, “you are left-handed. You’re holding the pen with the wrong hand.” I sigh again, and with shaking hands, I switch the pen and write my name.
“When was my birthday again?”
“September 16th.”
“And when is your birthday?”
“Today, that’s why we were out celebrating?”
“What?!”
I panic and shout a little bit louder than I should. I immediately regret it, as I pressed my palms against the sides of my head, and Harvey speaks his tone breaking.
“Shit! Fuck! I’m sorry! It was a joke. Damn it! Are you alright?” I start doing the breathing thing the doctor showed me, and the pain gets back down to a level I can handle.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Did I hurt you too badly? Are you ok?” I nod and stay quiet. He hugs me and does the same and I voice my biggest fear yet.
“I’m scared of what I won’t remember. What if I forget you?”
The man with one sentence alone melts my heart.
“I’ll make you love me all over again.”
When he kisses the side of my head again, I tell him to read what I wrote on his shirt.
Tobias (Sept 16th) & Harvey (???)
A female voice tells me that someone entered the room, and with a final kiss, Harvey whispers to my ear, “December 7th, love you. Come back to me, handsome!”
Harvey leaves, and the medical staff begins to do their thing while I pray that I get to come back to him. To open my eyes once again, to celebrate many birthdays with him.
HARVEY
Chapter 31
I left the hospital for a few reasons. One of them was to visit my parents.
“Harvey? Wow! I can't believe my eyes. Alex!” She calls my dad's name, “Your son is here!”
“Mom? Are you going to let us in?”
Jared and Kassie insisted that I should come with them to see mom and dad. It isn’t that I didn't want to see them. My head is just not in a space to socialize.
“Mom let him be, or he won't come back for a year. You know how grumpy he gets.” They laugh at my brother's comment, but I don't; I don't see the joke.
My parents finally let us in, and my mom already knew we were coming, so she did what she always does; cooked our favorite meals. The way she takes care of us it’s truly amazing. I remember Tobias saying his parents treated him like he was made of gold before they found out he was bisexual. I don't know if I could live without these two. I don't know if I could handle it, as well as Tobias has.
“Harvey!” I hear my father shout.
Startled, I respond, “Eh? What?”
“I asked if you were seeing anybody. Maybe Kassie has a sister she can introduce you to.” Kassie and Jared look at me but don't say anything. I decided to test the waters.
“Shane asked me the exact same thing.”
“Oh, I bet he did, didn't he?” Jared with an eyebrow raised, most likely wondering what his friend has to do with anything.
“Who is this Shane person?”
“Sunni’s brother, ma’.” My brother responds.
“Oh, the boy with all the colors. How is he?”
I speak, not letting Jared do so.
“We went to Maine together recently. He and Tobias are roommates. Remember, I told you I was driving him there?”
“Oh, Tobias; such an honest and charismatic young man.” My mother says, bringing a hand to her heart in adoration.
“How is he doing after his mom?” My dad asks. My parents know Tobias likes men because he's never hidden that he does They also know his mother recently passed, but they don't know the relationship between them, and it isn't my place to say it.
“He… eh… he is in the hospital.”
“Why? Is everything ok?”
I pause not to reveal my feelings too quickly. Then when I feel like I have myself together, I tell them. “No, mom, he is in surgery right now. There was a fight during a game, and he got hit on the head pretty bad. He is… he is not right, ma'.” I don't refer to my mom as anything but 'mom' anymore, so she gives me a weird look.
“Oh, I hope his family is there for him. Were they able to travel from Maine in such short notice?” I shake my head. “Is he there alone?”
“No, I was there this morning, but I left so they could get to all the surgery stuff. I came to see you guys, to talk to you.”
“Ok, Harvey, now you are worrying me. What is going on? What do you want to talk about?”
I breathe and look down at my shaking hands. Why is this so hard? Why are we made to fear the moment we share something so personal? I look at Jared, and he nods his silent approval. Kassie smiles, and I guess I may as well start putting the truth where it belongs. Out in the open.
“Dad asked if I was seeing anybody. Well, I am!”
“Is it Lamar?” It’s my mother's first guess.
“It has to be,” says my father next, “they have been playing around each other since they were kids.” God, can they make this harder?
“No, mom, it’s not Lamar, but she knows who it is,” I let out a chuckle, “she was the one to encourage me to pursue this person.”
“Oh, that's intriguing.”
“This is serious, mom. I think this is it for me. The real thing, you know.”
“Now that is something, I never thought I'd hear. What is so wonderful about this one, that it managed to lock Harvey down?”
“Everything is dad.” I smile, and my mom swoons. “I've never met someone more honest and deserving of love. Even after so much hurt, so much pain caused by family, and I don't know, I don't know how to describe it.”
I had lowered my head to say all this. I couldn't do it looking directly at them. When I raise my head, they are all looking at one another, surprise on their faces, most likely waiting for me to say this is a joke. I give them half a smile, and my mom speaks.
“Well, when do we get to meet this magical creature that you speak so highly of?”
I count to ten. Jesus! Why am I so afraid of telling them? Did Tobias feel like this? I should've waited for him. I should have asked him how to do it. But a voice in the back of my head tells me things I don't want to hear. What if he doesn't come back to me? What if he does but doesn't remember me? What if he remembers me but doesn't want me anymore?
“So? Tell us! When do we get to meet her?”
Ok Harvey. Breathe in, breathe out, and say it.
“I am—I'm not sure, mom… I'm not sure when they will let me see him, but you can come to visit him at the hospital tomorrow.”
Ok, that's it. See? It wasn't that hard.
Except that, no one is talking. Shit! Fuck!
“Him? Hospital?” Dad asks.
Then my mom whispers, “Tobias?”
I nod. And I don't even notice how bad I'm shaking until Kassie sits next to me and gives me a hug; her hand tapping my shoulder in a 'there, there' sort of motion.
I need to say something.
“Please say something, anything.”
“I—wow!”
I let out a humorless laugh. “Can I have a bit more context than that, dad? Because I'm freaking out here!” Still, they say nothing, and my heart races. I jump up and almost send Kassie flying.
“This is it, isn't it?” I pace the floor with my hands entangled over my head. “You guys are disowning me, aren't you? You… you think I'm disgusting. Mom? You think I'm disgusting?”
“What?” That seems to take her out of her self-induced trance, “What would make you think we'd do that?”
“Because,” I let out in a rushed tone, “you are not saying anything, and dad is not saying anything, and mom, I am freaking out!”
Then it happens. My father leaves his chair, walks to me. I expect a laugh, a punch, or even a slap. The one thing I didn't expect was a hug; but hugs me he does.
“I'm sorry, Harvey!”
“Sorry? Sorry for what?”
I hold on to him for dear life.
“I'm sorry for whatever we did, that made you think you had to be afraid to tell us.”
“So you aren't, kicking me out?”
My mother gets closer and joins my father as they both hug me like my life depends on them.
“Tobias is a magnificent young man. This news is a shock, I won't lie, but we only want what is best for you, baby. If he makes you happy, then he is already part of the family.” My heart can barely fit in my chest. I'm dumbfounded.
Why can't all parents be like my parents?
“Alright! Come on, give him some space. The man almost stopped breathing these past few minutes for God's sake.” My mom laughs at Jared's comment and tells him to be quiet, but both my parents do as he said, and everyone goes back to their seat.
“So how long have you known that you, you know, that you like men?” I genuinely laugh at that one, after asking myself the same.
“Never liked any until now, mom.”
“Well, if anyone was going to turn you, it would be Tobias. He is a pretty one, isn't he?”
Fucking gorgeous, it’s what I want to say, but I think one shock is enough for my parents today. Now I just have to wait for the man to come back to me, so I can tell him about this. And I feel like I can't fucking wait.
TOBIAS
Chapter 32
I'm tired, God! I feel like a truck hit me.
“How long do I have to stay here, doc?”
“About a week, depending on your recovery progress.” I don't even know where I'll go after the hospital. “Now, if you don't have any other questions, I'm going to check on other patients. I believe you have people here to see you. One of them has asked about you a million times.”
I smile, nod, and thank the doctor, and less than five minutes later, I see one, two… five people entering my room.
“My God, finally! How are you? Are you ok? Are you in pain? Shit! Of course, you are in pain.” I look around and back at Harvey; surprised more than anything.
“Can I help you?” I ask.
“Help me?” He responds with a question.
“Yes, help you. And can you, you know, back off a little bit?” He nods and backs away. “Who the hell are you, anyway?”
He snaps his head back so fast it must have hurt. He looks back at the other four, and they look just as worried, so yeah, I feel like shit.
“I'm just messing with you!”
I laugh and shit! Laughing hurts.
“You dick! You scared the crap out of me.”
“Payback for all the times you've been a jerk.”
He glares at me, as if he didn’t know he is a jerk most of the time; he knows, of course he knows.
I see Harvey leaning over, then he kisses my forehead, and says, “I missed you, asshole!”
I look around; I am freaking out. Did Harvey forget his family is here? But when I look at their faces, they are smiling. Maybe my head is more fucked up than I thought it would be.
“What the hell are you doing?” I whisper, “Your family is here.” When he pulls back, he is smiling; then the rest of them speak, Jared being the first one.
“You scared the hell out of us, Toby!”
“Oh, God! Now I wish I'd lost my memory. Even lying on a hospital bed, you have to call me that?” They laugh, and I'm still confused, but you know what else I am? Grateful!
Harvey’s family is here to see me because they care about me. One by one, they come near me to say hi and ask how I'm feeling. Then Jared speaks again, and my brain all but explodes.
“So, I heard you and Harvey have been playing hide the sausage for a while. How is that going?”
“Jared Alexis Breevort!” His mother scolds him.
The rest of them laugh, and me? I'm trying to pick up my brain from the floor, put it back in my head, and make sense of it all. Or maybe I can stop the brain jokes since I had mine open not that long ago. But, shit! What the hell is going on?
I look at Harvey, waiting for him to flip and insult everyone. To defend his macho status, but he doesn't. He just calls his brother a jerk and looks back at me.
“I think I fucked my brain pretty bad. I don't understand. What is going on, Harvey?”
“It's ok, I told them.” It’s all he says.
“You told them? You told them what?”
“You and me. That we're together, you know.”
Is this man crazy? He can't just tell them. They'll kick him out.
“Mr. Breevort,” I speak to Harvey’s father, “he is just playing around. Don't listen to him.”
They are going to disown him, kick him out. Something must have shown on my face because Mariam Breevort walks to my side, grabs my hand, and speaks.
“It’s ok, Tobias, we know.”
“No!” I repeat, “Harvey, tell them is not true. They will… and my parents! You need to tell them… I… fuck!”
Apparently, overthinking after brain surgery will fuck you up pretty bad because that is precisely what happens to me. I hear a loud pitch that rings in my left ear. Next, I know, my doctor is all over me and they inject something, in my IV that has me passing out within seconds.
∞∞∞
-Harvey.
“I have to go back in there!”
“Ok, Superman, calm down! The doctor went to school for this. You don’t even know how to do CPR, so let him do his job!”
I can't listen to my brother. I can't because, fuck! I shouldn’t have blurted it out right away. I should’ve waited; but I thought he would be happy to hear that I told my parents.
I didn’t know he was going to freak out.
“Harvey, honey, what was that about?”
I’m sitting in the waiting room, bent down, with my elbows holding me up as they dig right above my knees, my fingers going through my air as if that will make me understand or calm down. I feel my mother’s hand on my arm, and I look up.
“What happened there, honey? Did he not want anyone to know about the two of you?”
“I thought he’d be happy to hear it, mom, especially after his parents.”
“What about his parents, sweetheart? He didn’t look mad; he looked scared. He looked like you did when you told us about him.” I don’t say anything, and that just helped her understand it all. “That’s what they did, wasn’t it? They kicked him out. They disowned him. That’s why you thought we would do the same?”
“Yes, they did. But that’s all I’ll say, mom.” She scans my eyes to see if I’m hiding anything, so I clarify the reason why I don’t want to say anything else. “It isn’t my story to tell.”
“Have I told you how proud I am of you?”
“Yes, mom. Both you and dad have.”
She smiles, and just knowing she can still show me the same love after learning that I have a relationship with a man, just makes me love them even more.
“I think maybe he got scared thinking we would do the same to you. Could that be it?” But before I got to respond, the doctor came to us.
“Mr. Breevort.” I hear and jump up my chair.
“Devos, how is he?”
“Mr. Spencer is doing better. It was mostly panic what set him off. He calmed down, did the breathing exercise we practiced, and everything is looking good.”
“Can we go back to see him?”
While I wait for the doctor’s response, I see Shane arrive with his boyfriend and introducing him to my family. Behind him are a few of the players along with Mr. Montgomery, To
bias' boss.
“Yes,” Devos says, “but Harvey, can we talk first? Some things are not going to be the same for a while.” I nod, and he goes on.
“I need to talk to his family; the people that will be around him for the next few months. You must know what to expect because his behavior will be different during his recovery. This can include panic attacks like he just had, so it would be good for him if his family learned how to deal with these things and help him.”
“Ok, yes doctor, absolutely. We are his family. My brother, parents and I, and the group that just arrived are all his friends and co-workers so he will be around us.”
I ask everyone to get closer, so I explain what the doctor just asked, and they are happy to help. The doctor goes over everything we need to know. The possible changes Tobias will experience can be mood swings, memory loss, difficulty speaking, and other things. After he makes sure we understand it all, he lets us go see him but no more than two of us at a time, so Shane and I go in; he speaks first.
“Hey, sugar! Do you know who I am?”
“I don’t know your name, but I know you are annoying!” Says Tobias, and I have to laugh. Even after a panic attack, after freaking brain surgery, he still manages to joke around and light up any room. Even a hospital one.
“Smartass!” Shane says, and after they bicker some more, I sit on the edge of the bed and ask, “what happened earlier?”
∞∞∞
-Tobias.
“What happened earlier?” Harvey asks looking at me with those beautiful honest eyes. I’m such a fool, and I’m lovestruck with this man.
Harvey looks at me like that when he speaks, and I melt like a damn fool. “I’m sorry, I freaked out. Did you tell your parents you were joking? I can convince them if you want me to.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Shane, who for the past three minutes I forgot was in the room, ask.
“He is talking nonsense Shane, that’s what he is doing,” Harvey tells him, “I told the truth, Tobias. They know, and they don’t care. I mean, they do care, but because they care about me and turns out they care about you too.” He can’t mean what I think he means. Life is not that easy for me. It never is! But he keeps talking and, I guess it can be.