by Meg MacRose
She padded across the brown carpeted floor of the bedroom. Elly cursed herself as she realised that she hadn’t packed any night clothes. Only another set of cotton trousers and a jumper. That will have to do for sleeping, she decided. After donning on the clean clothes, she left her own wet and dirty clothes in the bath to soak.
###
The light that streamed through unfamiliar curtains that didn’t quite fit the large wooden window frame roused Elly from a fitful sleep. She had no concept of time. Elly scanned the room for a clock. There was an old cuckoo clock hanging on the other wall from her bed, but it had long since died and was of no help whatsoever.
She reached over to tug open the ill-fitting, gingham curtains.
“So, what next?” Elly whispered to herself as she let the sun into the room.
Elly headed through to the small kitchen and boiled the kettle. Her day didn’t start without a hot cup of coffee. She couldn’t help but screw up her nose as she tasted the instant coffee. Not her normal brew, that’s for sure. But hey, who was she to complain?
She retrieved her pen and notepad from her backpack, ambling out to the little courtyard where she had eaten a most delicious pie the previous evening. Elly sat down with her coffee.
“So, what is next?” That was the question of the day.
Now that she was rested, her ever-so logical mind had kicked back into gear, but there was still a dull ache in her heart. With her notepad opened, she jotted down:
Elly and Alex – to stay or not to stay?
After mulling over her first question, she then continued to write.
Option #1
End relationship with Alex.
No regrets.
Be thankful for some great times and AMAZING sex. Move on.
My future … work + maybe have kids with a guy who wants commitment.
Elly looked at what she’d written. Funny that she’d never really verbalised that she wanted a family of her own. She’d always known that with scientific advances she didn’t need a man to do so. But as she wrote down a goal for her future, she realised that this is what she craved. She wanted kids and a partner; she wanted to be part of a family unit.
The logical side in her demanded that she write-up all the options as she saw them. Though before continuing, she circled around the word kids as large slow tears slid down her face and plopped down onto her notepad. She wiped the tears away and moved on to her next option.
Option #2
Continue a casual relationship with Alex knowing it can end at any time.
Benefits = spend time with the man I love.
Cons = Alex doesn’t reciprocate my love. Can’t/won’t commit.
My future … have a great time now, but what next?
Elly drew a heart around the word love. She did love him. With all her heart. No other person had the capacity to make her feel cherished, gorgeous and like the most important person ever. However, the reality was that not only could Alex not reciprocate her feelings, he didn’t even want to acknowledge any feelings that he may have for her. He wasn’t going to commit to a relationship with her. With anyone. She didn’t blame him. No, she appreciated his honesty. Better to clear the air now.
She couldn’t think of any other options. This was it. Stay or cut free. Writing her options down had removed the arduous need for dwelling over the question she had repeated to herself so many times over the last couple of days. What next? Now she could frame her next steps as either option 1 or option 2. Her logical mind thrived on having an either/or approach.
Hearing a bell twinkle, she looked up. Mrs. Morris stepped into the courtyard carrying a large silver tray, delivering a huge cooked breakfast with all the trimmings.
“Ah good, you’re awake. And dressed too.” Mrs Morris nodded in approval at Elly’s attire. Elly had no desire to correct her and inform Mrs Morris that she’d actually slept in these same clothes.
“I hope you slept well, dear. The priest called by earlier wanting to check that you’re okay. He’s not been here long, but he’s okay – nice enough.” As she chatted, Mrs Morris busied herself with wiping down the table, glancing down with interest at Elly’s notepad. Elly, none the wiser, was sipping her coffee and watching some friendly sparrows play in the jasmine laden walls.
“You know, I remember you when you were small.”
Elly jerked her head back to Mrs Morris’s direction, not sure quite how to respond. This wasn’t a conversation that she’d expected, although it made sense that coming back to her childhood hometown, someone would remember her.
Mrs Morris continued with her monologue. “You’re Mary’s daughter. You’re Elizabeth. You went to school with our Gavin. And a year younger was my Stacey.”
“Yes.” Elly nodded as childhood memories from primary school returned. “I remember Gavin. He was very good at football, I think.”
“Yes, that’s our Gav. Though you wouldn’t think so now. Not with the size of his belly!” Mrs Morris snorted in laughter.
“Our Gav likes his Sunday dinners, he does. But he’s happy. He married a local lass, a few years younger than yourself. And they have three kids; little blighters really. Oh, but I love them.”
She sat down next to Elly.
“Now, eat up dear. Where was I? Oh yes, Mary and I were in the gardening club together. And the book club. She was a good woman, your Ma, you know? Real clever like. But not in a prissy way. She had time for everyone. Used to help out at the local high school, she did. She knew all about science and technology and things. We all mourned her passing. And then we all missed you too when your Dad sold up the big house that Summer and you all moved away.”
Elly enjoyed hearing about her mum. Her Dad had never really talked about her, and since her grandparents passed away, she’d had no-one to talk about her to.
“That’s a good girl, eat up. I’ll go and get you a nice pot of tea. It’s just brewing.
No sooner had Mrs Morris slipped though the side gate, and she was back with another silver tray. This time loaded with a teapot, a small milk jug, a sugar pot and two cups.
She sat back down and poured the tea into two cups. Mrs. Morris leaned back clasping her black tea. Elly added milk to her own.
“Your Ma wouldn’t want you not happy. She was someone who would do what was right. And that’s what she would tell you, you know? If those tears are over a man, then she’d say to you to not compromise your heart. Don’t settle for less than the love you deserve.”
Ely wiped a couple more tears from her plate. “Thank-you, Mrs. Morris. I needed to hear that.” Her voice quieted as she held back a sob.
Mrs Morris busied herself by clearing away the breakfast plates.
“You look good lass. You’re a stunner, just like your Ma. Our Gav tells me that you’re someone successful in London doing all kinds of clever stuff. I don’t pretend to understand what you do. But your Ma would be proud. Just you follow your heart.”
With that Mrs Morris bustled out of the courtyard, as she balanced breakfast plates, trays and her own cup of tea.
Nursing her own teacup, Elly looked down at her notepad. The words she’d written sounded so easy. But would life ever be so easy?
The bell over the side gate tinkled again. “I hope you don’t mind, but I picked these for you from my garden. Thought you might want to put them on your Ma’s grave.”
Elly picked up the small bouquet of fresh flowers that Mrs Morris left on the table and inhaled deeply. The scent of petunias, roses and jasmine was sweet.
“You stay as long as you need dear.” And with that, Mrs Morris disappeared once more through the side gate.
She picked up her notepad, pen and the flowers and exited through the side gate, though Mrs Morris was not to be seen.
Elly bent down and cleared away a space in the vase fixed to her Mum’s grave and the placed the posy of flowers in. She hadn’t noticed yesterday but there was already a beautiful bouquet of apricot coloured roses. Someone had attende
d to her Mum’s grave. A warmth of gratitude flooded through her to the village community.
She sat down next to her Mum’s headstone.
“So, Mum. I’m thinking about what next. Do I continue loving Alex while he doesn’t or won’t admit to feeling the same way about me? Or do I walk away? I probably won’t meet anyone like him again. But at least I’m not wondering every day if it’s our last day together.”
The only sound were the two fantails who were hopping around, twittering as they skittered by.
“Mum, I will be back. I think I know what I need to do now.”
With gentle fingers, she traced her mother’s name on the headstone. Elly turned around; it was time to start a new chapter in her life. This time it was her who would call the shots. Not that it would make it any easier. But at least she would be in control. This time, she wouldn’t be left as an emotional wreck full of self-doubt.
###
Alex let out a slow hiss. Part in frustration and part in concern. He threw his phone across the desk of his home office.
“Hmph.”
He’d left a multitude of voice messages, texts and tried instant messages. Elly hadn’t responded to any of them. Nina didn’t know where she was but had promised to call him when she did. Simon had no idea either. He was worried about her, all kinds of scenarios involving Elly in a variety of accidents had been going through his head.
He’d never heard her raise her voice like she had the other night. But really, why she was so angry was a mystery. He’d been open with her right from the start that he didn’t do commitment. And she’d agreed at the café that Bradley’s partner worked at, that there were no strings attached.
“So, what more does she want?” he asked himself out loud. He was disappointed that Elly was just like all the other women he’d dated, wanting them to walk down the aisle. He didn’t believe in ever-after romance. Never had. Never will. It just didn’t happen. Well almost, he corrected himself. Nick and Lacey were still besotted with each other. To be honest, he’d been surprised at the sacrifices that Nick had made for Lacey. His engagement to Diana, his London lifestyle, and even stepping back from some of his corporate duties in the family business. But that was Nick, not him.
Alex thrived on his social status. And the success of Hudson Pty Ltd. He’d shown his father he deserved to be taken seriously, and he wasn’t finished yet. Hudson Pty Ltd had many more expansion plans heading its way.
He glanced back at his phone.
“What was it she wanted? Is she playing hard to get?”
He had no patience for clingy temperamental women. But no; he shook his head. Elly wasn’t like that. She didn’t put on demonstrations like Zoe had, nor did Elly sulk like most of the women he’d dated. She was the most rational person he’d ever met. That’s why she was such a natural working with computer code. No, Elly wasn’t a prima donna who needed coddling. So, where on earth was she? And why wasn’t she answering her phone?
He was perplexed. Was she really that angry with him? What were her last words before walking away? Alex paused for a moment as he remembered the words. “If you think that, well I guess that’s it.”
What had she even meant by that? Maybe she just needed time to calm down. She’d see reason, he was sure of that. She’d recognize the stupidity in forfeiting what they had together for some fairy tale concept of being in love. Besides, the way their bodies connected when they made love was incredible. Sparks flew every time. His own orgasms had never been so intense. Not even twelve years ago when he’d been with Elly the first time around. He couldn’t describe it, but wow. And that night when she had surprised him by dressing up in a superhero outfit? His manhood hardened just at the mere thought of Elly dressed as Wonder Woman.
His memory of that night was so vivid, that he needed to dispense with his trousers and sink into his office settee. What was it about this girl that even in her absence he could taste her and feel her body on his?
There was something rather satisfying that she had waited for him all dressed up. He’d only pursued vanilla sex with his many girlfriends. Maybe a scarf here or there, but no dress ups that’s for sure. He wondered if he could schedule in some more costume sex in the future.
In his twenties, giddy with his popularity with the available gorgeous European and British rich girls who had flung themselves at him, he might have tried sex marathons. But he’d never been someone who could have sex, roll over and do it all again. But Elly sent him over the edge.
Wearing that costume, Elly had become the dominator. They’d always enjoyed mutual control, but on that afternoon, she had taken the reins of power. And boy, had he enjoyed it. It had been better than good. It had been mind-blowing. There was something so sexy thinking of his Elly as leading their trysts. His reserved and quiet Elizabeth had morphed into a superhero about to conquer him!
With that thought in mind, his body rocked and jerked, exulting in the euphoria of his memories. The wet patch across his current arousal was proof of the extent of how good they’d been together. Enough to make him orgasm here and now as he reminisced about her.
A dull ache set in his chest. Where on earth was she? Was she okay?
Chapter 12
An urgent rap on his door roused Alex back into reality. He wasn’t sure how long he’d stared at his computer screen, or even what task he was planning to complete.
“Yes?” He barked to whoever it was outside his door. He’d told Helen last week in quite explicit terms that he didn’t want to be disturbed.
“Well? Come in if you’re coming in.”
The impatience in his voice reflected his own inner turmoil. He hadn’t slept well for weeks. Work didn’t stimulate him like it used to. Luckily, he had a good, no, an excellent leadership team in place so Hudson’s wasn’t suffering while he wasn’t at the top of his game.
Together, Julia and Simon stepped into his office with careful steps. Had he really been that bad over the past few weeks that his own brother and sister weren’t sure about approaching him? Her forced a smile to his face.
“What can I do for you both? Is there anything wrong?”
Julia and Simon sat down on his sofas. Simon slouched like he always did with the elegance of someone born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Where Simon sprawled his body, Julia sat upright, her back rigid and her knees bent.
“We’re worried about you, Alex. Since you and Elly split up, you’ve not been the same.”
The worry was plain in Julia’s tone, as well as her expression. Alex didn’t need them to worry about him. It wasn’t what he employed them to do. Besides, there was nothing wrong with him.
He waved his hand and shook his head.
“I’m fine. I have a cold or something.”
He noticed Simon shaking his head.
“Look, people split up all the time. I managed to come down with something at the same time. I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
Alex wasn’t sure if it was his colleagues who he was trying to convince, or himself. Even to his foggy mind, his words sounded empty, maybe even a bit desperate.
“No. it’s not nothing. We don’t need to know why you guys split up. It’s none of our business. But we can see the effect it had on you; we had to step in. You can’t let the woman you love just disappear from your life. And you can’t go on like this,” Simon’s pleaded, his eyes on Alex.
Not enjoying the dressing down, Alex glowered back.
“Huh. Love? It doesn’t exist. What we had was a casual liaison. We enjoyed each other. Now we want different things. She wanted a family. I wanted a lover. I wanted fun.”
Julia and Simon exchanged some kind of a look, like a mutual understanding, but Alex couldn’t quite work out what it was.
“Yes, I would have willed it to continue for a bit longer. Until it ran its course. I enjoyed Elly’s company. We’re a good unit together and if it was up to me, yeah, I would have continued as we were. But Elly wanted to move on. I have no regrets. We had a great
time.”
“Alex, have you ever thought about why you refuse to make any kind of commitment to a woman?” Simon asked in a gentle tone. Julia looked away as if she didn’t want to be part of such a personal conversation. Or maybe she just didn’t want to hear the answer? Simon looked at him with that look of determination in his eyes.
“What? Who are you trying to be? A counsellor? Look, I’m fine. Really. I’ve just come down with a bug and I can’t sleep.”
“Alex, you and Elly have a special connection. But you’ll not get anywhere with her unless you understand why you can’t give her what she wants. Elly wanted her own family? Sounds like she wanted the forever after that you so despise.”
“Look, Simon—”
Simon stood up, his hand held up, and silenced Alex before he could say another word. Alex had never seen Simon be so assertive and determined to speak.
“No, Alex. We’ve left you alone the past few weeks to let you wallow in your grief, hoping that you could muddle your way through. We hoped that you’d make a plan to come through. But you haven’t. Besides, you’ve been like a bear with a sore head. Before we start losing good staff because the head of our company has gone off course, you need to address this once and for all. So please Alex, hear me out.”
Alex bowed his head and sat back down in his office chair. He had been like a bear with a sore head. At work he was bad enough, but then at home, the silence and emptiness would wash through him and drain all his energy. Simon was right. This couldn’t continue. But what could he do? Elly had made it quite clear that she was moving on. Besides, he didn’t know how he was supposed to feel about Elly.
“Look, I get why you have issues on the whole love thing,” Julia said. “Look where we come from. It’s not that I share your sentiment, I don’t. I’ve seen enough of my friends and their parents to know that homes can be happy places for couples and families. Our own father is not the ideal role model for relationships, commitment or love. He is despicable to women, and yet they still hang on to him. Look at our mother.” She motioned to herself and Simon. “Look at your mother. With Elly, you made the right choice in person, just the wrong choice in direction. You need to talk to someone, Alex. Sort things out. Figure out what your options are. If you don’t, and you continue here as you’ve been, you’ll fade away. It could cost you, and the company. Look at the bad choices I’ve made in love, too. I made the wrong choice in person. I was lucky I had you two to help pick me up. But you, Alex, you found someone special. What are running away from?” Alex listened to Julia’s soft resolute voice.