by Karli Perrin
“I like you, Spencer,” I say with a sigh.
He chuckles. “I hope that’s not why you’re upset…”
“I want to be honest with you but I’m not ready to push you away yet.”
“I like you too, and I don’t think you could ever push me away.”
“You keep saying nice things to me but…”
“But nothing,” he interrupts.
“Why me?”
“Why not?”
Because I won’t remember you five weeks from now. “My sister is pregnant,” I tell him.
“Okay. And how do you feel about it?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Complicated doesn’t scare me.”
“I feel like a self-centered asshole for crying. It’s not about me. It’s about Connie and Adam. It’s a wonderful thing.”
“Cora, you’re allowed to feel things. You’re only human.”
“I’m happy for her, I really am, but I just miss a lot of things. Family news, special occasions, milestones, and it’s only going to get worse. I’m going to miss my niece or nephew growing up.” I place my head in my hands. “Fuck.”
“No you won’t.” I sit up straight when he places a hand on my shoulder. “Your sister won’t let that happen. You might not be there for every milestone, but your family and friends will always be there. They’ll always love you, and that’s the most important thing.”
I look out of the window as another tear rolls down my cheek. “You’re right. I just feel so distant.”
“I get it.”
I wipe away my tear and then turn to him. “You do?”
“Yes. Been there, done that, bought the crappy t-shirt. But when it comes to the people you love, you’ll find a way to make it work because there’s no other option. They’ll always be worth it.”
“That’s true. I’ll find a way to make it work.”
He smiles. “I can help. I’ll drive you down here whenever I’m off work.”
“No. You’ve already done more than enough.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Oh, Cora, I’m only just getting started. I want to help. Besides, I suck at long-distance.”
“What are you talking about?”
“If you don’t let me drive you, how else will I get to see Adam?”
I giggle. “FaceTime?”
“It’s not the same,” he says with a sigh.
“There’s nothing stopping you from driving down to see him without me.”
“But I don’t drink coffee, remember? I’ll be so tired. I need you to keep me awake.”
“But you said that it doesn’t affect…”
He places a finger against my lips, silencing my thoughts as well as my tongue. I could get used to the feel of his hands on me. One fingertip will never be enough. “Good girl,” he whispers and fuck, the things running through my head right now make me want to be a bad girl. My heart is pumping pure passion through my veins and in this moment, I feel like I’m not only alive, but living. He slowly trails his finger down my chin and onto my chest before drawing an invisible line to my heart. He stops and places his palm over it.
“What…what are you doing?” I stutter, my voice breathy.
“Making sure this isn’t one-sided. Checking to see whether you feel what I feel.”
“And? Do I?”
He smiles, takes hold of my hand, and holds it against his chest. As if my heart wasn’t already beating fast enough, it’s now trying to break free from my ribcage. And Spencer’s is just the same. “Now we both know the answer to that.”
We sit in complete silence for a long moment, until it feels as though our hearts are beating as one. I pull my hand away when it all gets too much. Too real.
He lets his hand fall to his side, sensing a shift in my mood. “Either that, or we both have tachycardia...”
“Tachy-what-ia?”
“A high resting heartrate.”
I laugh softly. “Tell me something annoying about you, Spencer.”
“Now why would I do that?”
For once, I answer honestly, without overthinking. “Because if you don’t, there’s a good chance I’m going to kiss you.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “There’s absolutely nothing annoying about me. Nothing at all.”
“A bad habit, a guilty pleasure, anything.” I’m practically begging him by this point. “Help me out here.”
“No.”
I close my eyes, but they shoot open again when his lips meet mine. I didn’t think it was possible, but the kiss is even better than our first. It’s still slow and sensual, but this time it’s deeper, with a hint of desperation. It’s as though he’s writing a love letter with his lips; one where he’s urging me to trust my gut and let go of any reservations.
He pulls away but looks me straight in the eye. “I refuse to feel guilty about anything which brings me pleasure, Cora.” He gets out of the car and I watch as he slowly walks around to my side. He opens the door and holds out a hand. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“To bring you some pleasure.”
He takes the crutches off me and keeps them under his arm while he helps me out. “Care to be a little more specific?”
“I could probably think of a dozen different ways to pleasure you. This would be one of them.”
What about the other eleven?!
I hobble around the corner and raise an eyebrow when I see a used bookstore. “You’re a bad influence.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, feigning innocence.
“You’re fueling my addiction.”
“Well it’s only fair, since you’re fueling mine.” I get goosebumps when he places his hand at the small of my back.
“Why did you bring me here?”
“Because I wanted to make you smile, and it worked. I don’t like seeing you upset.”
“Well, thank you.”
“You know…there’s a baby store just around the corner from here. I don’t want to push you if you’re not ready, but if you wanted to drop by after we’re done here…”
“Yes, I’d like that. I want to get Connie a gift.”
He nods. “If it’s too much for you to handle when we get in there, we can go on a different day.”
I look around as we walk inside the store. “It’s huge.”
“When it comes to pleasure, I’ve heard that bigger is better.”
“That’s not true.”
“No?”
“Nope.”
“Well thank fuck for that.”
I throw my head back and laugh. “What do you mean? You have no problem in that area. XXL, remember?”
He chuckles. “How could I forget? Adam hasn’t shut up about it all afternoon. I think he has an inferiority complex.”
“Poor Adam.”
“So, what are you in the mood for?” I have to stop myself from blurting out ‘you’. “Fantasy? Thriller? Romance? All three? Don’t hold back, we’re rescuing books today.”
I laugh. “Rescuing them?”
“Yes. We’re doing a good deed by taking them home. They’re abandoned. Unwanted. Some may even be damaged.”
“Damaged?”
“I don’t like to think about it but it’s the truth. Coffee stains, annotations, dog-ears...”
I gasp. “Blasphemy! Not in my place of worship!”
“They just want to be loved, Cora.” Don’t we all? “So don’t limit yourself to just one.”
I shrug. “Okay. I mean, if it’s for the good of the books…” I look around, trying to find the romance section.
“It’s at the back of the store.”
“What is?”
“The romance section.”
“How did you know that’s what I was looking for?”
“Weren’t you?”
“Well, yeah, but you didn’t know that.”
He chuckles. “I obviously did…”
“You’ve been here before?”
“O
nly a couple of times.”
“Hmmm, so you really do have a friend who lives in L.A…”
“Yes, I really do.”
“I thought it was all a ploy to get me alone in your car.”
“Not this time.”
As we approach the back of the store, I immediately spot one of my favorite books on display. I pick it up, even though I already own both the US and UK versions. A lightbulb goes off in my head. “Oh my god, that’s who you remind me of! I couldn’t put my finger on it until just now.”
“Who?”
“A character out of this book. He’s called Josh.”
“Is he handsome and charming too?”
I giggle. “He’s a bit of a nerd, actually.”
“Thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You should. Some of my best friends are fictional characters. If that’s not the definition of a nerd, then I don’t know what is.”
I place it back on the stand, but Spencer picks it up a second later. “I’m going to be highly offended if this Josh guy turns out to be a douchebag.”
“You’re actually going to read it?” I ask, unable to hide the shock in my voice.
“Yep.”
“I’ll need updates from you.”
“Try and stop me. I’m a slow reader though, so you may be hearing from me for quite some time. Maybe I’ll read a page a day.”
And there it is. The comment to bring me straight back down to earth with a huge thud. I won’t be hearing from him for quite some time, because I don’t have time. Time isn’t on my side. I sigh and decide to drown my sorrows. Who needs alcohol when you can buy books instead?
Chapter Thirteen
Over an hour later, Spencer carries a huge stack of books back to the car. I look down at The A-Z of baby names under my arm and smile. “I hope she likes it.”
“I’m sure she will love it. She might even let you pick a name. What are some of your favorites?”
“I doubt it. I like unusual names like Sawyer and Axel.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, she probably won’t name her child after a character from Lost.”
I almost get whiplash from spinning around so fast. “You’ve seen Lost?”
“Yep.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I didn’t know I needed to…”
“Of course you needed to! It makes me like you more. Lost is my favorite TV show of all time.”
A huge grin takes over his entire face. “It makes you like me more. Interesting.”
I roll my eyes. “Yes. I liked you a tiny bit and now I like you a little bit.”
“I like you too, Cora. I’m glad we’ve finally admitted that we have feelings for each other.”
I look away from him so he can’t see the smile on my face. Something which I find myself doing a lot these days. I look at my reflection in a store window and like what I see.
Happiness.
“The only reason I’m not walking in the opposite direction right now is because you have my book babies in your car,” I tell him.
He chuckles. “And because the baby store is this way…”
“Shush.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds before adding, “And also because you can’t really walk right now. It’s more of a limp.”
***
“Oh my god, it’s so tiny.”
“Please don’t make a habit of saying that around me, Sunshine.”
I fold the romper and place it back onto the shelf. “Dirty boy. Are you going to get an inferiority complex too?”
“I will if you keep saying that kind of thing.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll never comment on the size of your romper.”
“Because you’ll be speechless when you see it?”
“Because I won’t be going anywhere near it.”
“Cora Fisher - killing dreams since 1990.” He leans closer to me. “Could you at least call me a dirty boy again? Maybe whisper it this time and try some heavy breathing…”
I ignore him and continue to browse the rails of baby clothes. “Seriously though, how can a person be this small?”
“They have to fit through a vagina so it’s a good thing they’re small.”
“Good point. Let’s buy the smallest thing in here to make Connie feel better about pushing a bowling ball out of her vagina.”
“Would you like to have children one day?” he asks.
I feel my whole body stiffen. “Yes. But I don’t think I’ll end up having any.”
His eyebrows pull together. “Why not?”
“I just can’t picture it. I don’t think a baby would fit with my… lifestyle. I’m fine with being the cool aunt.”
“I can picture you as a mom.”
“You can?”
“Of course I can. I think you would make a great mom.”
“Thank you. I hope you’re not thinking about me pushing a bowling ball out of my vagina,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
“I wasn’t but now I am.”
A woman walks by with three toddlers. “Don’t worry, by your third, they practically fall right out.”
“Oh, um, that’s good to know…I think…”
“Look after your pelvic floor and you’ll be fine.” She waves at us before running off.
“Wow,” I say, a little taken aback by the woman’s honesty. “I guess nothing is TMI between two women in a baby store.”
“She’s right about the pelvic floor exercises. I could help you out with that.” His eyes turn dark and my muscles clench involuntarily. Apparently, my training starts right now. “You know, what with me coming from a medical background,” he adds.
“Ah yeah, that’s exactly what you meant. I’m sure they spent hours teaching you all about pelvic floor exercises.”
He laughs. “Not quite, but I have helped deliver two babies...”
“That’s amazing.” Each little thing I’m learning about him makes me like him even more. “What was it like?”
“I’m not going to lie; it was a little scary and…weird. Especially the first time when it looked like the woman was giving birth to a conehead. But I was honored to have been a part of it. It’s such a life-changing moment.”
I can’t help but smile at the way he talks so fondly about it. “So you’ll be useful to have around closer to Connie’s due date.”
“Yes. Extremely useful. You should probably have me around from now right up until she has the baby, just in case she goes into labor early. And I can help afterwards too.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Are you going to offer to help with her pelvic floor too?”
He chuckles. “Um, no.”
I pause when I spot a blanket covered with hundreds of tiny little sunshine’s on. “This is perfect,” I say, tearing up.
“You’re right,” Spencer replies. “Now you’ll always be close by, Sunshine.”
I take it to the cashier to pay and frown when I spot an identical one in Spencer’s hand. “I only need one…unless she ends up having twins.”
“This one’s for me.”
“Why?”
“Because now you’ll always be close to me, too.”
My ovaries hurt just looking at all of the tiny clothes, but I’m pretty sure they just exploded.
Chapter Fourteen
“I love it so much,” Connie says between sobs. “Thank you.”
I wrap my arms around her. “You’re welcome.”
“You didn’t need to buy me anything. My hormones are all over the place.”
“I’m sorry.”
She strokes the blanket then begins to cry again. “It’s so freaking soft.”
I can’t help but laugh as I take it away from her. “Maybe we should put that to the side for now.” I stroke the back of her hair and look over at Spencer who gives me a double thumbs up. He turns around when the front door opens behind him and Adam walks in carrying groceries. He looks worried at the sight of Connie’s tear-streaked ch
eeks until he spots the baby blanket and gift bag. “Don’t look too happy to see me,” he jokes.
“Congratulations, Daddy,” I say as I stand up and hobble over to him.
He puts the bags down and pulls me into a hug. “Thanks, Cor.”
“You’re going to make a brilliant father.”
“I fucking hope so. I’m terrified.”
“Don’t be,” I say, as he does the secret handshake thing with Spencer. “Just wing it like you do with everything else.”
He chuckles. “You need to move closer.”
My heart sinks once more. “I’ll visit as much as I can, I promise.”
“Good.” He winks. “We need a babysitter for date nights. At least once a week.”
“Surely all your movie star friends will be willing to change a few diapers.”
“But you’ve dealt with so much shit in your life, I figured you’d be the best at it.”
I laugh. “It’s funny because it’s true. And on that note, I’m going to grab a drink. Do you guys want anything?”
“I’ll help you,” Spencer says.
“Wait,” Adam says, picking up the blanket. “Do you have a gift for me too?”
“Oh, we do actually. Spence?” I turn to Spencer and don’t even realize what I just called him until a weird silence fills the room.
Adam grins. “What have you got for me, Spence?”
Spencer pulls the box of XXL condoms out of his pocket and throws it at Adam’s head. “We didn’t want to leave you out.”
“It’s a little too late for these, don’t you think?”
I laugh. “They’re for your ego.”
“My ego? Is that what you’re calling a dick these days?”
Connie sighs and Spencer mutters something about a romper. “No, I call an ego an ego. I wouldn’t want you to feel inferior.”
“I have nothing to feel inferior over. Your sister can confirm that.”
“Adam!” Connie huffs as she pulls the blanket off him. “And get the condoms away from the goddamn blanket.”
“No cussing around the baby,” he jokes.
“You’re the one talking about d-i-c-k-s.”
Adam puts his finger in the air and pretends to be working out what she just spelled. “Ducks? I wasn’t talking about ducks.”