Six Weeks of Loving You

by Karli Perrin

  “Let go, Cora. Let yourself fall.”

  His words are loaded, but I’m way too busy to analyze the double meaning right now. I close my eyes and do as he says. I call out his name as I come around his fingers.

  “That’s it,” he says, working every last drop of pleasure out of me. He gently pulls out his fingers and I almost come again when he sucks them clean. “You taste just as good as I imagined.” Just when I think he’s about to stand up, he wraps one of my legs around his neck, giving him better access. “Wha…what are you doing?” I ask.

  He holds onto my hips, trying to steady me from squirming around so much. “Isn’t it obvious?”

  “But I…you’ve already made me…”

  He leans forward and laughs against my sensitive skin which makes me squirm even more. “I know, I felt it. I want to feel it again.”

  Just when I thought he couldn’t get any more perfect.

  “I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it again.” Before the accident, my ex-boyfriends always seemed to think that their job was done once I came. If I came.

  He looks up at me and smirks. “Oh, you’ll be able to.”

  His skilled tongue and fingers work together and I’m so sensitive that I can’t tell if what I’m feeling is pleasure or pain. Probably both. At some point, he replaces his fingers with his tongue, pushing into me as far as he can. He was right. Watching his head move back and forth is enough to make me come for a second time. My ears ring and my legs turn to jelly. I slide down the wall, unable to stand any longer, but Spencer catches me and carries me straight to my bedroom.

  “I told you,” he says with a smirk, as he places me down on the bed.

  I didn’t think it was possible to want him anymore than I already do, but I was wrong. I’m like a horny teenager. No, worse. I’m like a crazed fucking animal. Now I know what he’s capable of, I want more. I need more.

  He slowly unzips his jeans, and I feel like I’m about to burst with anticipation of what’s underneath. He pulls them down, along with his Calvin Klein’s. I shake my head without even realizing that I’m doing it, because he’s the most perfect thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Every single inch of him. Turns out the XXL condoms weren’t a joke after all.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, looking worried. “Do you want to stop?”

  “No!” I pretty much shout at him.

  “Good.” He says, as he walks over to me.

  “You’re just so perfect.”

  “So are you. You’re also overdressed.” I laugh as he takes off my panties and throws them over his shoulder, not caring where they end up.

  “Do you have any condoms?”

  “No.” At least, I don’t think so. “There’s a store around the corner if you want to go and get some.”

  “I don’t want to go anywhere right now. The only thing I want is you. I’m clean. Are you on birth control?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then it’s your call.” I answer by pulling him to me and then gasp when he pushes into me. “I’m sorry, I can’t wait any longer.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for,” I reply.

  He starts off slow then gradually increases the pace, responding to every moan and twist of my body. He must be experienced with women because he knows exactly what I like. I should close my eyes and concentrate on how good this feels, but the way he’s looking at me right now is giving me all the feels.

  He begins to kiss me on every inch of my exposed skin, until he finally presses his face into my neck and comes hard.

  “Yep, just physical,” I lie.

  He laughs and leans up on his elbows. “Did you just friendzone me while my dick is still inside you?”

  I laugh. “I guess we really are friends with benefits.”

  “Does that mean we can do this again sometime?”

  “I don’t know what it means. I’m trying not to think too far ahead. It’s difficult, but I’m trying.”

  “Good idea.”

  He rolls onto his side before pulling me close to him. I lean my head against his chest and let out a contented sigh as I listen to his heartbeat. “It’s beating so fast,” I say, placing my hand over his heart.

  His hand finds mine. “That’s what you do to me.”

  We don’t move for a long time after, except for when he grabs a blanket and covers us. And then I do something totally unexpected and out of my comfort zone.

  I take his advice.

  I let myself fall…

  Fall asleep.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I wake up to the sound of somebody moving around in my apartment. Armed with my sharpest stiletto, I walk out of the bedroom and frown when I see Spencer cooking breakfast. “What are you doing?” I ask, surprised to see him.

  He turns around and smiles. “Good morning. I’m making eggs.”

  “Spencer…”

  “You don’t have any bread though so I can’t make you toast.”

  “Spencer…”

  “In fact, you haven’t got much of anything. I can run to the store if you want.” He turns the stove off.

  “I want you to leave,” I blurt out.

  His face falls. “Oh.”

  “I didn’t know you were still here. I thought you left in the night.”

  “I’m sorry. I woke up around two ish, but I didn’t want to disturb you. I thought it was okay to stay.”

  I shuffle my feet. “I understand. You had a long drive back from L.A. We were both tired. But then making breakfast is just…one step too far.”

  “That’s fine.” He doesn’t look fine, which makes me feel like shit. “Thanks for last night.”

  “Spencer, wait…”

  “No, no, you don’t need to explain.”

  “Well, clearly I do. I don’t want you to be pissed at me.”

  “I’m not. I’m pissed at myself. You warned me last night. You warned me that it was just sex, and here I am, upset because it obviously meant way more to me than it did to you.”

  “Spencer, please don’t leave.”

  He throws his hands up in the air. “But you’ve just told me to! Can you see why I’m getting confused? I’m trying to be patient, Cora, I really am, but you need to help me out here.”

  And there it is. He’s trying to be patient. He thinks I’m going to change my mind. He thinks we can progress our relationship. But we can’t, and I need to tell him why.

  “I’m sorry. Let me explain.”

  He shakes his head. “I don’t need to hear why you don’t want to be with me.”

  “No, I…”

  “Enjoy your breakfast, Cora,” he says, interrupting me, and I stand there and watch as he walks down the hallway and straight out of the door.

  “Fuck!” I shout as the front door slams shut behind him. I throw the stiletto across the room and then fall back onto the sofa. Why did I have to go and fuck it up like that?

  This right here is why I should stop seeing him, because I already care way more than I should. And it’s only going to get worse.

  ***

  I walk into Sanctum around an hour later and look around for Spencer. My heart sinks when I can’t see him anywhere.

  Roxy finishes serving a customer and then comes rushing over to me. “Hey,” she says, before taking a step back and gasping. “Oh my god! You’ve had sex!”

  “What the fuck?” What kind of voodoo mindreading bullshit is this?! I shush her when she gasps again, even louder this time.

  “With Spencer?”

  “Keep your voice down,” I tell her.

  “When?”

  “Last night.”

  “Where?”

  “My house.”

  “How?”

  I’d laugh if it wasn’t so tragic. “How what?”

  “Duh! How was it?” She takes my laptop bag from me and then points to a chair. I roll my eyes as I sit down. “I can’t believe you didn’t call me immediately after he left.” She pulls the chair out opposite me and sits
down before jumping straight back up again. “He didn’t leave?!”

  “No. He stayed the night.” She gasps. “Will you stop with the gasping?”

  “I’m sorry. I’m just excited.” She quickly picks up on my mood. “Oh. Am I not supposed to be excited? Is that why Spencer called in sick today?”

  My stomach churns. “What? He’s called in sick?”

  “Yes.”

  “Fuck.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I fucked up this morning. He was being nice, making me breakfast and I told him to leave.”

  She grimaces. “Oh.”

  I sigh. “You have customers,” I tell her, nodding at the counter.

  “I’ll be there in a minute,” she shouts, not even bothering to look at them. “So what did he say when you kicked him out? Was he upset?”

  “I’m late for work,” an older man shouts over to us.

  “Go and serve your customers,” I tell her. “I’ll still be here when you’re done.”

  ***

  I lied.

  I won’t be there when she’s done, because I’m already halfway to Spencer’s house.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Five minutes later, I stop outside number forty-four and wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Maybe he needs more time. Maybe I need more time. I don’t want to mess this up any more than I already have.

  I feel a pang of jealousy when a young couple walk by, holding hands and looking like they’re madly in love. I sigh and sit down on his porch steps. I wish my life was that easy. I wish I could love so freely. My eyes fill with tears when I think about how unfair it is that I’ve met someone who will make forgetting so hard. Why couldn’t I have met him before the accident?

  The couple cross the street and turn the corner just as my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and frown when I see that it’s a text message from an unknown number.

  How long are you going to sit there for?

  I turn around and see Spencer watching me from his front door. I stand up and climb the rest of the steps. His hair is wet, and he’s changed into shorts and a t-shirt. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” he replies.

  “How did you know I was here?”

  “I didn’t. I mean, I guess I must have sensed you or something because I had the urge to look out of the window and there you were.”

  “I’ve only been here for a few minutes.” I gesture to my phone. “Who gave you my number?”

  “You did.”

  “Wait…you remembered? From the road trip?”

  “I told you I was good with numbers.”

  “I’m not going to remember any of this,” I blurt out.

  “What?”

  “There’s something I need to tell you. I should have told you before I let it go too far last night.”

  He opens his door wider. “Do you want to come in?”

  I nod and step into his hallway. He closes the door and then leads me into his living room. “I’m sorry about earlier,” I say.

  “Don’t be. It was my fault.”

  “No, it wasn’t. You were just trying to do something nice. I’m hoping that what I’m about to tell you might explain a few things.” He sits down and pats the couch next to him. “I’m not telling you this for sympathy and I will totally understand if you don’t want to carry on our…friendship.”

  “Just tell me, Cora.”

  “Around eighteen months ago, I was in an accident. I was on a train which derailed. I damaged a part of my brain and now I have something called anterograde amnesia. It basically means that I can’t form any new memories. Day-to-day I can, but then every six weeks, it’s like a switch is flipped, and it wipes everything. I wake up thinking that it’s the morning of the crash. I don’t have any memories of the actual day, but I still wake up believing it’s twenty seventeen.” He takes hold of my hand and squeezes it reassuringly. “That’s why I can’t start a relationship,” I tell him. “And why I panicked when I saw you cooking me breakfast. Sex is one thing, but staying the night is one step too far. It spooked me. I won’t know who you are next month.”

  “But what about this month?”

  I frown. “What about it?”

  “You know who I am now. Why can’t we just live in the present? You said yourself that you don’t want to look too far into the future.”

  “Because I care about you and don’t want to hurt you.”

  “And what about what I want?”

  “I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to tell you…”

  “I understand just fine,” he interrupts. “You’re going to forget about me.”

  “So then why would you want to keep seeing me?”

  “Because I’m not going to forget you. It’s already too late for me, Cora.”

  My heart starts to beat faster. This wasn’t the response I was expecting. “What do you mean?”

  “It won’t make any difference if I stop seeing you now or in a month.”

  I sigh because the romance writer in me could so easily fall in love with him. And that’s why I need to get out of here, because he’s making it too easy. “I should go,” I say as I stand up.

  “Please don’t. Let’s talk about this.”

  “There’s nothing else to talk about.”

  “There’s so much to talk about.”

  “I have work to do.”

  He eyes my laptop bag. “Work from here. I won’t interrupt you, but maybe when you’re ready to take a break, we could talk some more.”

  “I won’t be able to concentrate properly. Plus, I need coffee.”

  “I have coffee here.”

  “Why? You don’t drink it.”

  “For guests.”

  “Well thanks for the offer, but I’m going to head back to Sanctum. I just wanted to be honest about my amnesia and apologize for being so rude this morning.”

  “There’s no need to apologize.”

  I begin to walk towards the front door before I can change my mind. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”

  “I hope so. Please think about what I said.” He opens the door and I nod before making my way down the steps. When I reach the bottom, I look back up and wave awkwardly. I can see the sad look in his eyes all the way from down here, which in turn makes me feel sad.

  I’ve only taken a couple of steps when something soft rubs up against my leg. I look down and see the world’s fluffiest cat. “Come here, Baxter,” Spencer shouts, but the cat ignores him and continues to walk next to me.

  I crouch down and stroke him but when I tell him to go back home, he ignores me too.

  “Don’t worry,” Spencer shouts down to me. “He’s frightened of pretty much everything. He will turn around in a minute.”

  But he doesn’t.

  He’s still walking next to me a few minutes later. “I like you, Baxter, but I think you should go back home to your dad.” He meows in response. “Sorry, I don’t speak cat.”

  The closer I get to Sanctum, the more worried I become. I don’t want him getting lost or hurt on his way back to Spencer’s house. I stop walking and look down at him. “Please go home. I’m going to be worrying about you all afternoon. I won’t be able to concentrate on my work. I don’t even know how many lives you’ve got left.” He meows three times. “Three? I guess that’s not bad but still…” I sigh. “Why do you have to be so cute? Has anybody ever told you that you have puppy dog eyes?” He hisses. “Jeez, Baxter, it was just a joke.” A stranger walks by and looks at me as though I’m crazy for talking to a cat. If only he knew that my job centers around making the voices in my head talk to each another.

  I lean down, pick him up and walk back to Spencer’s. At least my step count will like me today.

  When I get there, I stay crouched down so that Spencer won’t see me through the window. I place Baxter on the bottom step and tell him to go inside but he stays statue still, staring at me. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I whisper. “I can’t de
cide if you’re doing this because you like me or because you don’t.” He meows in response. “Yeah, that didn’t really help.”

  I turn around, still crouched down, and look over my shoulder. “I’m leaving now. Bye.” When I reach next door, I stand up straight and walk like a normal person. But when I turn around to check where he is, he’s following me again. “No, Baxter!” I say, getting frustrated. I walk back to Spencer’s steps. “Are you doing this on purpose?” I ask, not bothering to keep my voice down anymore. “Has your dad trained you to be some kind of wingman? Wingcat?”

  I look up when I hear Spencer laugh. “No, but that’s a good idea,” he says.

  I blush. “I got over halfway to Sanctum and he just wouldn’t stop following me.”

  “He likes you.”

  “I like him.”

  “Please don’t make me jealous of my own cat.”

  I look down at my feet, shuffling them awkwardly. “Well, now that he’s back safely, I guess I should go again.”

  “Cora, please come back inside.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “We don’t have to talk about…us. We don’t have to talk at all if you don’t want to. I promise I won’t try and convince you why you should keep me around.” I can’t help but smile. “I’ll make you a coffee and then drive you back to Sanctum.”

  “Um…I…” Can’t come up with an excuse quickly enough?

  “Your ankle must be sore.”

  I shrug. “The pain meds should kick in soon.”

  He points at the cat. “Stay for Baxter. It’s just one coffee.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Are you really going to use your cat like that?”

  “I think I just did. Did it work?”

  I sigh and begin to walk back up the steps. “Yes.”

  ***

  One coffee leads to two, and before I know it, my laptop is open, and the words are flowing. I don’t even know why I was so worried. We’re both adults. We can have a coffee without ripping each other’s clothes off. Working at Spencer’s house is no different than working at Sanctum, right?

  Wrong.

  It’s different because we’re all alone here, and because Spencer is always fully clothed at work. My eyes go wide when he walks into the kitchen with no shirt on. “What…um…” I clear my throat. “Why are you so sweaty?”